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Begging Question - 5/12/2006 4:21:54 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

"In our home, begging is not allowed"

That was one of the biggest changes for me when I came under the control of Master. He simply doesnt like begging. My previous experience was one where begging was encouraged, even enjoyed by previous owner. It became a tool for me to communicate within Master/slave relationship. Because of this, I had come to associate begging with submission and slavery. I think partly because realisically I'm a very proud person, to *stoop* to being in a position to have to beg, really connected me with my feelings of being actually controlled and owned by someone else. I thnk also, it has to do with my psychic make-up. Pretty much everything in life I want, I get. If I can't get it, I hadnt desired it enough in the first place and so makes little to no difference in my perspective or happiness or sadness. So to actually be put into a mental position of actually desiring something so much I need to beg for it, well, it really brings about quite a response in me.

When Master said, "stop begging, I dont like it." it really put me in a predicament, I had lost a tool of communication within slavery and I really didnt know how to handle it, or what to replace it with.
Then suddenly one day it dawned on me. Submitting to "how he wanted me" in the "way he wanted me" was connecting me to my slavery, all I had to do was relax and submit to it. When I realised that, I felt a sense of calmness in my slavery that I dont think I had ever experienced before.
Master is a very disciplined man, a lot of my feminine powers of manipulation arent allowed, are repressed even, they cant find a target...this threw me into all kinds of confusion..I think on some level begging was involved in that...and to be not allowed that avenue of submissive expression....it was really quite difficult.
Since all that, I have settled into my submission to Master, my slavery to Master, in the way that he wants it...although sometimes..when I'm feeling very raw....I still slip into that need to beg and because its not allowed it causes me immense confusion still...I sometimes go from the need to beg, to a blank space where there is just nothing, I suppose cause I am not processing the situation correctly.

I dont know if this post made sense...I guess Im putting it out there for anyone else that has had experiences in this area...

Regards
slavejali

< Message edited by slavejali -- 5/12/2006 4:44:52 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

Post #: 1

RE: Begging Question - 5/12/2006 4:56:10 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Well, damnit I hope I get some responses here *grin*. I have to go do a massage..bb in a few hours.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 2

RE: Begging Question - 5/12/2006 4:59:14 PM

tade

Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline

I kind of like the begging, but it depends on what she is begging for. If she wants to have an orgasm, then it's fine. If she is begging for a new car, then not so much. Haven't really had a problem with it ourselves....

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 3

RE: Begging Question - 5/12/2006 5:13:08 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

Personaly I don't see it as any more manipulative than directly communicating a want, however it IS more enjoyable and when done well, definatly pushes my buttons *g*

All she is doing is letting me know her wants, it is still MY decision wether I respond positivly or not. Either way I can enjoy her best efforts

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to tade)

Post #: 4

RE: Begging Question - 5/12/2006 5:16:31 PM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Have you discussed with him alternative methods of voicing your needs? Here at home we usually just discuss what any of us want. If i want something i generally say so. About the only exception to that is during sex when i will beg for either to be told to come or to be pushed past my ability to control it. Although not capable of paying much attention at that moment i do recall vague evil chuckles so i'm guessing at that point it is acceptable.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 5

RE: Begging Question - 5/12/2006 5:46:57 PM

VvShadowspawnvV

Posts: 218
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline

hi jali =)

i pretty much responded to this issue in your previous thread, but here goes again:

Master wants me to beg for what i want. He encourages it. i know part of the reason He does this is because it is so hard for me to ask for things. The reason it is hard for me to ask is because i am afraid of asking for something counter to His own desires. As i said before, if it pleased Him to do something, He'd already be doing it, no? And so asking for something He's not doing is asking for something that does not please Him, right? He says i think too much, and that if i ask for something that it doesn't please Him to give, He'll just say "no", and i am expected to accept with good grace. Soooo... by not wanting to displease Him by asking for something displeasing, i am displeasing Him by not doing what He asks of me. This is my own bizarre form of slave guilt, and i kinda think that if i weren't even ALLOWED to ask for things, it might be easier.

Anyone else obsess about this? =/

becca

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 6

RE: Begging Question - 5/12/2006 6:02:36 PM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

There are times when I think that having to beg for something weather it is someting physical or simply to speak openly and bluntly it makes me focus on what I am asking for and why.

I also personally think that begging reminds a submissive/ slave of the role she holds.

For me I have seen the issue come because some think simply because they beg for something that it will be granted.

Blessed Be,
Phoenix's Nika

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 7

RE: Begging Question - 5/12/2006 6:06:20 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I'm not good at the whole begging thing. I think he would like it however if I did it more. I do it to get my orgasms in bed or for him to stop beating on me when it hurts too much. For the most part I like to be straight forward and just say what it is I want and I want him to say yes or no. Begging to me is either akin to whining or it's weak. Both feelings I don't like to express.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to VvShadowspawnvV)

Post #: 8

RE: Begging Question - 5/12/2006 6:26:06 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Himself doesn't like begging. He sees it no different than whining and manipulation and gods, sometimes he's got me so ramped up and then just laughs at me though I may be near tears. Sadists.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to VvShadowspawnvV)

Post #: 9

RE: Begging Question - 5/12/2006 6:34:10 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Though I am not in a relationship..as littlepita stated,I find begging would be highly difficult for me,it would take much for me to succumb to the temptation of begging..more than likely I would just simply let go of what it was I wanted,rather than beg.....but who knows..never say never!..be well..Tempting

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 10

RE: Begging Question - 5/12/2006 7:25:12 PM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

for me He uses begging as humiliation. i would never do it on my own. He makes me beg for things i wouldnt ask for [ie- anal sex]

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 11

RE: Begging Question - 5/12/2006 8:50:48 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Hmmmmmm begging. it can not consciously "beg" When told to beg, she does a terrible job at it (desperately trying to do a good job), yet at times its not realised and it does a wonderful job. wierd eh? Been told one begs very well.. but when truely begging.. one does not recognize it as begging...

Its acceptable on Master's whim. At times, one might beg past the "no"? Or Master will sit there quietly while she begs for something? Er dunno? Personally in its mind, its considered just a persistant attitude.. LOL Sometimes it amuses Master, sometimes He ignores it, sometimes He tells her "thats enough"

quote:

Anyone else obsess about this? =/

LOL yes and many more! Plus many other odd complexes that she tries not to share as they're personal struggles.. or it just views them as. Like it frustrates Master when one is given an order and then asks a MILLION questions about it, as the complex is not doing it "precisely" or some how doing it wrong or some how not having the correct information or some how....

Of course the REAL complex is when Master says "what would you like" Arg! What a TERRIBLE thing to ask a slave!!!!! one would like for Master to be happy.. then one has to figure what would make Master happy.. and of course one doesnt really much care which choice is made.. Which of course "it doesnt matter" isnt allowed nor is "which ever you like Master" so then careful consideration of what Master would like.. and then one has to consider that Master would like what she would like.. so then it's got to figure out what she would like (which would be for Master to be happy with the decision) so then back to square one on what Master would like.. <sigh> furiously trying to figure out the best answer in the time allowed... Usually coming up with the answer being whatever she thinks Master would like.. as that is what she would like.. but then that really isnt the appropriate answer to the question...and the complex continues..

what really really sucks is (for example) Master wanted to go grab a quck bite, suggestion Checkers. One was having stomach troubles (wierd odd troubles) and notfied Master that eating a hamburger with all the grease might make her sick. Master goes to taco bell.. which she loves.. then she feels terribly guilty as its "not" what Master would like so she ends up begging to go to Checkers, swearing up and down it'll be okay that Checkers has got other things then hamburgers.. begging and begging.. Master never swaying form His destination to Taco bell... so then of course another complex starts..

He doesnt want her to be sick and He is going to taco bell.. which means it is what He wants.. yet its NOT what He wants as what He wants is Checkers.. yet He doesnt want her to be sick.. but what Master wants to eat is CHECKERS! Yet Master doesnt want her to feel worse!

Usually she ends up shutting up her mouth, answering Master's question on choice of food and feeling guilty.. yet it is the truth.. and one is supposed to let Master know whats going on.. yet if it hadnt.. Master would of had checkers.. which would of undoubtably displeased Him when the ordering came around.. yet isnt He not pleased about not going to checkers? Generally the complex will go on until Master directs the attention else where.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 12

RE: Begging Question - 5/12/2006 9:05:25 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

quote:

Original: RavenMuse
Personaly I don't see it as any more manipulative than directly communicating a want,

I can communicate my wants in almost clinical fashion, no attachment to the outcome at all. If I get to the state where I'm feeling like begging, its so much more intense, its like I've invested myself in the desire if that makes sense. My interpretation of manipulation is basically any action you do, whether through speech or whatever where you are desiring a certain outcome, not necessarily a negative thing.

quote:

Original twicehappy
Have you discussed with him alternative methods of voicing your needs? Here at home we usually just discuss what any of us want. If i want something i generally say so.

Yes that is usually how we operate...but when I get triggered its like I lose all sensibility. To describe it, it feels like I'm cave woman and have very limited capacity for communication techniques...I 'm just in "desire" and all I can do is beg, if begging isnt an option, I have no resource to communicate and just go blank.

quote:

Original: becca
is because it is so hard for me to ask for things.

It's not hard for me to ask for things usually. Its just this certain state I get into....ugh lol

quote:

Original: Nika
I also personally think that begging reminds a submissive/ slave of the role she holds.

Yes, thats how its been for me in the past....and still now when I get these feelings from time to time, it still holds that association for me...generally in day to day relationship with Master its not an issue at all...its just sometimes.

quote:

Original: LittlePita
Begging to me is either akin to whining or it's weak. Both feelings I don't like to express.

Begging is whining to Master...and I wonder if its partly due to his deafness...cuz when I would feel like that, my voice would probably change and it might become confusing to him and not know exactly what I'm meaning (just playing with that idea).

Begging to me unveils a vulnerability and exposes me...which is a really nice feeling. Its intense...i really love intensity.

quote:

Original: Bita
sometimes he's got me so ramped up and then just laughs at me though I may be near tears. Sadists.

ah, yeah I can relate to that one too

quote:

Original: TemptingNoviceSub
more than likely I would just simply let go of what it was I wanted,rather than beg

Yes, thats how I usually am... but that's the clinical together me......the passionate me wants, desires to be put in a position to beg....and once allowed to express it...I cant take it back...Ive done it....its real...my desire and vulnerability is exposed.

quote:

Original: mixielicious
for me He uses begging as humiliation

Humiliation is also another thing that really hooks into that same feeling of exposure.

< Message edited by slavejali -- 5/12/2006 9:07:56 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 13

RE: Begging Question - 5/12/2006 11:41:10 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

It depends what it is I am begging for. If he has me on the edge of an orgasm and makes me hold...hold....hold.....hold (you get the idea)...he loves when I beg and plead for release. Sometimes he will taunt and tease, sometimes he will give me a firm "No!" But he does enjoy the angst I am in.

Begging to be allowed to do stuff, or to receive something, or to get what I want - no way no how. No begging, no whining, no nagging. I am allowed to state my hope/desire/want - once. And then it is in his hands.

Jali you hit it right on, in my opinion, in your conclusion about submitting the way he wants. That was my resolution as well. I was so used to repeating requests because in the past they were ignored or forgotten. It was hard for me to discard that pattern. I realized I could still communicate exactly what I needed to, but I had to do it in the way he wanted me to.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 14

RE: Begging Question - 5/13/2006 1:17:15 AM

LdyS

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2006
Status: offline

Sometimes I ignore begging, sometimes I don't. It suits me that a submissive does not know if I will be amused or annoyed by his attempt to gain favor by begging. Of course if the begging is annoying or does not suit me for whatever reason... gags are very helpful. I think begging is one of those love it or don't tolerate it sort of behaviors... a lot like whine ....love it , disallow it or gag / prevent it. Best wishes. LdyS

_____________________________

Mistaking kindness for weakness is a serious mistake.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 15

RE: Begging Question - 5/13/2006 2:27:43 AM

irishbynature

Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

I like to beg...to me it seems as a way to "ask" for something, allowing me to stay in my submissive posture without being demanding. He always listens. Sure, maybe it's a bit manipulative...(shame on me).but unless He tells me he to stop begging ...I will continue

I don't "beg" to just "beg"...I beg because it's my way of communicating during intimate moments. It works for He/me as lovers. Besides, he has told me that He enjoys my pleadings and begging for Him.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 16

RE: Begging Question - 5/13/2006 2:29:58 AM

allspicey

Posts: 44
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Of course the REAL complex is when Master says "what would you like" Arg! What a TERRIBLE thing to ask a slave!!!!! one would like for Master to be happy.. then one has to figure what would make Master happy.. and of course one doesnt really much care which choice is made.. Which of course "it doesnt matter" isnt allowed nor is "which ever you like Master" so then careful consideration of what Master would like.. and then one has to consider that Master would like what she would like.. so then it's got to figure out what she would like (which would be for Master to be happy with the decision) so then back to square one on what Master would like.. <sigh> furiously trying to figure out the best answer in the time allowed... Usually coming up with the answer being whatever she thinks Master would like.. as that is what she would like.. but then that really isnt the appropriate answer to the question...and the complex continues..

Oh, I've tried to explain this one to Master. Instead of him getting my view on it, he's simply trained me out of it to meet his desires. He has in my rules:

Rule 2.5
spicey shall answer any question put to her immediately and as fully as possible. If an opinion or preference is asked for, the answer "Whatever pleases you, Master" shall not be given unless spicey truly has no opinion of her own.

Now, Master likes my mind and he likes to decide based on things we both like or want. He allows me to have desires and opinions. I can say "Sir, I think that colour of sheets would not go as well on the bed as this other colour" or "It's Margarita Tuesday at Taco Bill's tonight Sir, wouldn't mexican be nice?" He values my knowledge and my experience in life and uses my intellect and skills in addition to his own. He can't do that if all I ever say is..."Whatever pleases you Master." Sometimes I really don't care (choice of eating places is like that usually) and He has learned to trust that when I say I have no opinion or desire, I don't. But...he likes me to have opinions and desires. He likes to verbally spar sometimes (respectfully though, mind you). He knows it's always his decision but he likes it that sometimes I think of options that he hasn't. Intellectually we are very close to each other and we both enjoy that. He likes to have an option to fulfill or deny me my desires. He can't do that if I never express any. So while I rarely beg, I am allowed to fairly freely express desires, opinions and needs...as long as I am doing it respectfully and accept his decisions without fuss.

spicey

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 17

RE: Begging Question - 5/13/2006 2:34:13 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

Original: RavenMuse
Personaly I don't see it as any more manipulative than directly communicating a want,

I can communicate my wants in almost clinical fashion, no attachment to the outcome at all. If I get to the state where I'm feeling like begging, its so much more intense, its like I've invested myself in the desire if that makes sense. My interpretation of manipulation is basically any action you do, whether through speech or whatever where you are desiring a certain outcome, not necessarily a negative thing.

Ah we have a slightly diffrent view on what constitutes manipulation.

A girl who wants a spanking, asking or begging me to get a spanking is, to me simply communicating a want. Begging would simply be her way of being additionaly pleasing because she knows I like it, hopefully putting me in a more likely frame of mind to agree to her request. In either case she accepts that I may say no.

Manipulation would be the same girl in the same situation delibratly pushing the bounderys, being bratty and trying to provoke a responce where she is hoping to be 'punished' (Only a girl who didn't know me too well would even attempt that as the result would be very unlikely to get her what she was looking for).

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 18

RE: Begging Question - 5/13/2006 2:36:26 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allspicey
I am allowed to fairly freely express desires, opinions and needs...as long as I am doing it respectfully and accept his decisions without fuss.

Very much the same as my approach, including in regards to begging

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to allspicey)

Post #: 19

RE: Begging Question - 5/13/2006 8:27:40 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I've learned that every dominant in the world (and yes I know how that sounds) has some weird irrational "quirk" about them, about what they want, about how they view things.

Something that completely defies logic, something that will drive you crazy, something that just makes no sense whatsoever.

But it's what they want.

The only thing to do is recognize it, smile and do it. Accept it as part of your world just like suddenly you woke up one day and all the green arrows meant red lights.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 20

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