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Trying to find out my true nature - 5/12/2006 8:42:06 PM   
SweetEscravo


Posts: 193
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		If the recent break up with my dom has taught me anything it is that I am not perfect.  This was not something I ever broadcasted to those around me, but in my own naive way, I think I felt I was pretty damn good at everything I was doing.  In recent light, however, I've changed my mind. My submissive was not always true or done in the right way.  I would act out, I would seek any attention, even if it was negitive, just for the sake of attention.  I would ask so much from him without giving enough back.  Who knows if and when he and I will ever be together again, but I know that either way this experience has made me grow a great deal.  I've been forced to see myself in a new light, to reevaluate my submissive and devotions. 

I was too busy pouting and being immature to serve my dom.  I did not know enough about myself, and did not know enough about the scene.  I could not put his needs or wants above mine.  Was I even submissive?

I have found that the the surface of my submission has barely been scratched, and the fault is my own.  I was too busy playing games to go any deeper, but right here, right now, I'm taking a deep breath and plunging in.

Whether it will be with the same dom or another, I hope I can prove to be more than a bratty young girl..I hope to become truly submissive.

< Message edited by SweetEscravo -- 5/12/2006 8:44:29 PM >
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RE: Trying to find out my true nature - 5/12/2006 9:20:57 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		awareness - acceptance - actualization

a cycle of growth. 

You have come aware from the actualization of your recent experiences.  To your credit you learned to accept what you have become aware of.  Once again you will begin to actualize what you have become aware of and accepted.  I wish you well on your continued growth.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
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RE: Trying to find out my true nature - 5/12/2006 9:25:56 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Your post really made me smile SweetEscravo. I'm really happy for you in your realisation.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Trying to find out my true nature - 5/12/2006 9:30:36 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Submission grows in the right environment.  Consider the fact that a power exchange is a dynamic between TWO people.  A lot of it is meeting and forming a relationship with the Dom who can exert the level of control that you require.  One who possibly won't put up with bratty behavior.  It's a journey and being self-aware (as you are now learning to do) will help you immensely.  Good luck.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to slavejali)
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RE: Trying to find out my true nature - 5/12/2006 9:30:47 PM   
MistressLove999


Posts: 201
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Daytona Beach, Florida
Status: offline 		Good luck to you. at least your big enough to see yourself within, you admit where the fault was, and your willing to work on changing it.
No ONE was born knowing IT all, (well maybe a few) LOL, but, when we learn from our mistakes, isn't that the best lesson of all? AKA school of hard knocks.
With age comes wisdom, hell if I knew then what I know now, wow so many changes, choices would be different in my life.
I do wish you well.

_____________________________

Play nice & Be Well,

Mistress Love

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
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RE: Trying to find out my true nature - 5/12/2006 9:37:18 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		I think admitting and recognizing our shortcomings and flaws leads us to personal growth, being compassionate and empathy for others.

I have always believed that if we learn from a situation it is not a mistake it is simply a life lesson.

Blessed Be,
Phoenix's Nika

< Message edited by Phoenixandnika -- 5/12/2006 9:39:09 PM >

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to SweetEscravo)
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RE: Trying to find out my true nature - 5/13/2006 12:22:45 AM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I have always believed that if we learn from a situation it is not a mistake it is simply a life lesson.


...and it seems that those life lessons; areas of growth, recognition of what we need to learn usually come from circumstances that are painful. Perhaps we just don't reflect when we are comfortable and that it takes pain or loss for us to stop and actually access what we are doing, experiencing.
Damn cosmic laws anyway...

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
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RE: Trying to find out my true nature - 5/13/2006 3:08:36 AM   
irishbynature


Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		I admire your honesty and courage to admit these things to yourself and others. Many times, to avoid growth and the lessons they bring; we point fingers and blame everyone else, instead of becoming self-aware.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
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RE: Trying to find out my true nature - 5/13/2006 4:17:23 AM   
HCWT1


Posts: 161
Joined: 7/7/2005
Status: offline 		SweetEscravo,i take my hat of to you.In a short time youv'e probably learnt more about yourself,than alot would in half a lifetime.
Wish you well in your journey.

(in reply to irishbynature)
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RE: Trying to find out my true nature - 5/13/2006 4:32:10 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I hear you.  I was pretty much in the same situation you are now and came to the same conclusion about myself...although I think I was a bit easier on myself than you are.  The timing and certain circumstances were all wrong for both of us and that helped contribute to our breakup also.  Things are much better now.  They will be for you also.  God bless.

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
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RE: Trying to find out my true nature - 5/13/2006 8:32:46 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Sweet you got into things too fast, your relationship barely had time to catch its breath, let alone train you well.  You're a brand new person into this world and that means a lot of work and patience to come.

It won't come overnight.

Will you eventually decide this is who you are?  I don't know and you don't either.  Time will tell.

But don't rush it and don't wallow in yourself and do the typical female "What could I have done to make him stay?" pity party.  You both were in that relationship and had responsibility to it.  It's over and now you can move on, be on your own for a few months and then decide what you want to do.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
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RE: Trying to find out my true nature - 5/13/2006 4:39:20 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Just remember to love yourself while you explore.  Sometimes people tend to stumble upon things in themselves the despise or dislike.  Sometimes they try and hide and pretend they arent true.  Embrace yourself.. its the only way to ever grow

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
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RE: Trying to find out my true nature - 5/13/2006 5:19:47 PM   
piscess


Posts: 101
Joined: 5/10/2006
Status: offline 		Sweet,
 
Congratulations, a lesson well learned.  Take your time it is well worth it.
 
piscess

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
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RE: Trying to find out my true nature - 5/13/2006 5:39:09 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Most people spend their entire lives looking for their niche-the place where they fit. Sometimes we switch or squirm or adjust to fit better. Sometimes we look back on where we thought we fit and think "What on earth was I thinking?"

As people often say: It isn't about getting there, it's about the journey along the way.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to SweetEscravo)
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RE: Trying to find out my true nature - 5/13/2006 7:04:15 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature

I admire your honesty and courage to admit these things to yourself and others. Many times, to avoid growth and the lessons they bring; we point fingers and blame everyone else, instead of becoming self-aware.


I think in a nutshell this is the biggest pill to swallow. Some lessons in life are easy and others sometimes the most valuble ones come the hard way. Learning who you are is probably the most important thing that you could ever learn. If you feel the need to be a brat I think it sayd a lot about what you feel submission is. Bad behavior, that which is not a good model of what you've been taught says a lot about your education and devition to this person...or any dom for that matter.
Bad behavior loud and clearly says you don't want to be there. Only you can answer the question of why. Do you need a firmer hand that you can't manipulate or were you sitting there thinking I could top him or do x,y,z better? These answers will help you find your way.

(in reply to irishbynature)
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