RE: Can't go vanilla again!

RE: Can't go vanilla again! (Full Version)

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Awareness -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (5/28/2011 5:01:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4 Ironic, we are just had a conversation that we should have had 17 years ago. That's one of the more painful secrets which life teaches us. We all have a capacity for stupidity which stuns our future selves.

ranja -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (5/28/2011 5:17:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thishereboi Yes, it came up over 3 years ago and it was started by you... http://www.collarchat.com/m_1610052/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1610052 But you never came back to discuss it. Now 3 years later you are still having the same problems? Three years is nothing same old problems often rear their ugly head over and over

angelikaJ -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (5/28/2011 5:22:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: elizabethVI I know this subject has come up before on the message boards. I just haven't found it yet. After 6 years in what I thought was a bdsm D/s relationship *(which of course gradually depleted through the years)*, it has turned vanilla. I can't survive in a vanilla lifestyle. I just can't. He's asked me to marry him....The thought of living vanilla just horrifies me. I do love him and he's an incredible man. How do I get us back on track or find out if that is truly who he is...vanilla? <cringe> I constantly give control wrapped up in a pretty package but he just doesn't want it maybe or doesn't have time for it or more likely feel secure in himself to take it......I'm just so sick about it. Why do you assume that it would deplete? That isn't the usual state for relationships if communication is good and the necessary relationship work is done. And you are in basically the same state you were in 3 years ago. If nothing changes... then nothing changes. Why has this gone on for this long and you haven't addressed it? Isn't it kind of crowded to have an elephant in the room? And most importantly: what did he say when you told him you miss his dominance?

juliaoceania -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (5/28/2011 8:18:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thishereboi Yes, it came up over 3 years ago and it was started by you... http://www.collarchat.com/m_1610052/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1610052 But you never came back to discuss it. Now 3 years later you are still having the same problems? I light of her past postings... I doubt she is ever coming back.

thishereboi -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (5/28/2011 10:20:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: thishereboi Yes, it came up over 3 years ago and it was started by you... http://www.collarchat.com/m_1610052/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#1610052 But you never came back to discuss it. Now 3 years later you are still having the same problems? I light of her past postings... I doubt she is ever coming back. Sure she will. Of course that won't be for another 3 years and we will have a new president, people will still be pissing and moaning over in the politic forum and she will still be clueless. Ain't life grand[8D]

juliaoceania -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (5/28/2011 11:14:29 AM)
quote: Of course that won't be for another 3 years and we will have a new president If you said in 5 yrs, I would buy this, but not in three... incumbents are very hard to get rid of.

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (5/28/2011 12:08:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: elizabethVI ...it has turned vanilla. Can you define exactly how "it has turned vanilla"???

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (5/28/2011 12:44:24 PM)
She would if she came back again, but last time it took 3 yrs. [;)]

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (5/28/2011 6:14:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tiggerspoohbear She would if she came back again, but last time it took 3 yrs. [;)] PFHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUHHHH... (just stopped holding my breath for an answer) [;)]

slaveluna -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (6/1/2011 7:25:23 AM)
I don't understand people who are into BDSM but will get together or marry a vanilla person, never have....If he switched to vanilla he obviously did it for fun and can live without it. If you truly cannot live without it, then why marry him or continue to be with him. I have many people tell me it's because they love them and that is ridiculous. I could never be with a vanilla person and if they suddenly changed who they were, I would have no problem discussing it with my partner.

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (6/1/2011 7:39:42 AM)
Luna, welcome to the boards. And I think you're right. Glad to see you posting chica. [:)]

xssve -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (6/1/2011 7:47:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Madame4a Talk to him about it, we don't know a thing about him and very little about you... talk to him... openly and be clear... This.

CelticPrince -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (6/1/2011 8:20:51 AM)
quote: I know this subject has come up before on the message boards. I just haven't found it yet. After 6 years in what I thought was a bdsm D/s relationship (which of course gradually depleted through the years), it has turned vanilla. I can't survive in a vanilla lifestyle. I just can't. He's asked me to marry him....The thought of living vanilla just horrifies me. I do love him and he's an incredible man. How do I get us back on track or find out if that is truly who he is...vanilla? <cringe> I constantly give control wrapped up in a pretty package but he just doesn't want it maybe or doesn't have time for it or more likely feel secure in himself to take it......I'm just so sick about it. elizabeth, I do understand the problem..I call it dynamic decay. Generally caused by jointly facing the problems of the vanilla world. the concise answer is either he accepts your need for his Dom character or you move on. I believe a honest frank discussion preceeded with your getting back to the indices of submission may help. CP

slaveluna -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (6/1/2011 8:52:04 AM)
I'm giving it a try :) But I do not like having my name then the word vanilla below it LOL How many posts do I have to do in order to get the paddles LOL

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (6/1/2011 9:19:23 AM)
Once you reach 26 posts then it changes. I promise, and I know you're not vanilla ya silly goose!

slaveluna -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (6/1/2011 9:27:01 AM)
Ok I am working on it...but it seems like if you post your opinion you get slammed if you don't agree with the majority of what people say...too much!

tiggerspoohbear -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (6/1/2011 9:50:22 AM)
It's not like that most of the time. The posters are usually more polite, it's the internet, you have to have a thick skin. Ignore the posters who disagree with you and are rude about it. Use the hide feature just below they're name and you won't have to see their answer anymore. Don't get discouraged, you get to know the good people from the goblins pretty fast. And your opinion is yours, don't let anyone deter you. I've learned to do that. Good luck sweetie pie.

slaveluna -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (6/1/2011 9:57:56 AM)
Hey I didn't know about the hide feature...discouraged? I may be new to the forums but certainly not new to everything else..:)

servilecat -> Can't go vanilla again! (6/5/2011 5:10:29 PM)
I understand....

elizabethVI -> RE: Can't go vanilla again! (6/5/2011 5:21:25 PM)
I really need to stop borrowing other people's accounts.... There was no way I ever wanted him to find this post from my ID. I couldnt bear to hurt Him like that..I've been on collarme for several years and the lifestyle 15. I wasn't terribly concerned with the name/ID/profile, just the issue. Liz is a young drama queen...and just a meany but i luv her. An update to the situation which by the way I have discussed several times with Him....We began couples/premarriage counseling last week. I don't really care to call it pre marriage since there are obviously so many other issues to deal with long before He puts a gold band on my hand. The counselor has asked to see him regularly to deal with aspects of depression, memory loss, headaches, and paranoia among other things. Therefore I think the lifestyle right now is the least of our issues. The counselor is a coworker, friend, as well as a criminal pathologist and we are comfortable with him...and his collection of autopsy photos. Not sure just yet how comfortable we will be discussing the lifestyle just yet. However the course runs, I will support him and be by his side. As I said, He is a good man with a high level of integrity. He just has some emotional issues to deal with. You are correct though, vanilla doesn't work..I gave Him ample opportunity to 'take his frustrations out on me' I was eventually told that due to His being in Love with me, He didn't feel He could do so any longer. I mean really, women deal with and stand by men with cancer, lost limbs, ptsd, in-laws from hell, etc etc. Surely I can deal with this. THANK YOU for all the wonderful incite, knowledge and .....a few laughs.

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