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Resources for a beginner - 5/27/2011 12:54:52 PM

chubbysubbyguy

Posts: 90
Joined: 1/30/2011
From: Chicago
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Good Afternoon Ladies.

Recently i informed a lover that i wished to submit to her. Our relationship prior to that had been about 95% vanilla, but she is interested in learning all that she can, as am i. Are there any resources that you Ladies can recommend we look at to get the most enjoyment and of course safety out of our experience? Any help would be gratefully appreciated.

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RE: Resources for a beginner - 5/27/2011 1:14:53 PM

Madame4a

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You live in Chicago... take her to some meetings, munches or workshops... not to mention I think Shibaricon is this weekend..

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RE: Resources for a beginner - 5/27/2011 1:28:06 PM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chubbysubbyguy
Recently i informed a lover that i wished to submit to her. Our relationship prior to that had been about 95% vanilla, but she is interested in learning all that she can, as am i.

Chubby,
Congratulations if what you described is accurate. However, I fear that it may not be.

Typically, when a male sub "informs" a woman that he wants to "submit to her", what it really means is that he has a laundry list of kinky ideas that he wants her to facilitate for him. This is very different from submission. I don't know you personally, so I hope that you don't fall into the category that I just described. If you do, then what you desire is the polar opposite of "submission". What you actually desire is a woman to submit to your desires.

As someone else mentioned, there is lots going on in Chicago. You should have no problem finding like-minded people to learn from. A quick Google search will let you know what the local BDSM group in your area is, and when they have their next munch. You may also want to join FetLife. There are several groups on Fet that are based in the Chicagoland area.

Good luck in your future D/s relationship.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 5/27/2011 1:33:39 PM >

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RE: Resources for a beginner - 5/27/2011 1:40:07 PM

chubbysubbyguy

Posts: 90
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I don't have a laundry list of kinks, it has been something we both flirted with for a long time, basically I just told her it is something if she was interested in, I would love to explore with her. Sometimes the right words to describe things escape me, but I am not one of the "serve me" subs that are often discussed, just a noob.

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RE: Resources for a beginner - 5/27/2011 1:50:56 PM

LadyConstanze

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Maybe it would help if you tell us what she is interested in and we can give you suggestions? Maybe it would even be good for her to join here...

As for reading lists, there are a lot of them and I have seen one floating around, maybe somebody has it at hand or it might be in the FAQ part of this forum?

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RE: Resources for a beginner - 5/27/2011 1:55:50 PM

chubbysubbyguy

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Well she likes the idea of bondage and spanking, keeping me around as her plaything, but we are both so new its just overwhelming to start. I of course have been hitting google, looking for all of the information I can so it is available to her when she gets home from work. I will search around for the reading list, I am not sure we are at the point we are ready to go to local events yet. Thanks for everyones help so far :)

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RE: Resources for a beginner - 5/27/2011 2:09:00 PM

LadyConstanze

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You might start with cuffs for hands and feet first, easier to get out and less risky, let her see if she likes that before she gets into more complicated rope bondage, there are a few videos, if you use the search function here for bondage and knotty boys, you will find the links.

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RE: Resources for a beginner - 5/27/2011 2:31:26 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chubbysubbyguy

Well she likes the idea of bondage and spanking, keeping me around as her plaything, but we are both so new its just overwhelming to start. I of course have been hitting google, looking for all of the information I can so it is available to her when she gets home from work. I will search around for the reading list, I am not sure we are at the point we are ready to go to local events yet. Thanks for everyones help so far :)

I also think it'd be good for your partner to join here, CSG. There's a strong chance she'll have questions that are quite fundamental.

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RE: Resources for a beginner - 5/27/2011 3:43:25 PM

VaguelyCurious

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This is an absolute must-read:

http://www.akashaweb.com/women/goodgirlpreview.html

Although, seriously, local events are no big deal. A munch is literally just a bunch of people in normal clothing chatting in a bar. I'm not sure it's some big dramatic step people need to be 'ready' for.

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RE: Resources for a beginner - 5/27/2011 3:51:28 PM

chubbysubbyguy

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Thank You to be honest, I have to "be ready" to go sit in a bar with normal clothes on a normal friday night. I don't do so well in crowds anymore. Yay for PTSD!

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RE: Resources for a beginner - 5/27/2011 3:56:44 PM

LadyConstanze

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http://www.lovingdominant.org/home.htm

This and the book of the same name would possibly be a good start for her

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RE: Resources for a beginner - 5/27/2011 8:49:16 PM

Tantriqu

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chubbysubbyguy
Thank You to be honest, I have to "be ready" to go sit in a bar with normal clothes on a normal friday night. I don't do so well in crowds anymore. Yay for PTSD!

To the OP:
Sorry to hear about your PTSD, but . . . with your anxiety, are you sure you both are gonna be OK with her, a newbie, immobilising, striking and doing all sorts of other things completely beyond your control, even if it's within your limits? If you have switch tendencies, that needs to be discussed, too; even just discussing what BDSM means to each of you.
As Peon said, t'would be better if she hopped into the CO pool herself.
Safety first, so you both really need to talk it out before either of you do something scary or scarring, and that you understand why you want to explore it: mutual gratification, green light: thinking it will fix things, red light.
Good luck!

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RE: Resources for a beginner - 5/28/2011 2:05:52 PM

chubbysubbyguy

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Thank You all for your input!

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RE: Resources for a beginner - 5/29/2011 1:40:07 AM

SexyBossyBBW

Posts: 1693
Joined: 2/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: chubbysubbyguy
Recently i informed a lover that i wished to submit to her. Our relationship prior to that had been about 95% vanilla, but she is interested in learning all that she can, as am i.

Chubby,
Congratulations if what you described is accurate. However, I fear that it may not be.

Typically, when a male sub "informs" a woman that he wants to "submit to her", what it really means is that he has a laundry list of kinky ideas that he wants her to facilitate for him. This is very different from submission. I don't know you personally, so I hope that you don't fall into the category that I just described. If you do, then what you desire is the polar opposite of "submission". What you actually desire is a woman to submit to your desires.

Thanks for putting that out there, as exactly as you did.

quote:

As someone else mentioned, there is lots going on in Chicago. You should have no problem finding like-minded people to learn from. A quick Google search will let you know what the local BDSM group in your area is, and when they have their next munch. You may also want to join FetLife. There are several groups on Fet that are based in the Chicagoland area.

Good luck in your future D/s relationship.

My sentiments exactly. Join the groups, find people with whom you can discuss this; read books regarding D/s relationships, and you (the OP) will be better off, knowing more of how to go about appraching a counterpart.
Good luck, M

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