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RE: Can you only submit to one stronger than yourself? - 5/13/2006 3:07:06 PM   
Level


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

I just LOVE the Gumby avatar, PlayfulOne!!! So domly!!




And let's not forget Pokey.............


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RE: Can you only submit to one stronger than yourself? - 5/13/2006 3:22:35 PM   
Sinergy


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Hello A/all,

I have never met anybody I felt I wanted to / trusted enough to submit to, and since my proclivities seem to lie with the other side of the flogger, Im not sure how much help I can be on this thread.

However, the problem I have with this question is the use of the word "stronger."

How does one define that word?  Physically, I have been a martial arts and self defense instructor since college.  The man who trained me once said that the best approach to doing this is using the "iron fist in a velvet glove" approach.  He was never discourteous or unkind to anybody, yet by his mannerisms and demeanor it was obvious that he was the one in charge in the room.  I have been told by many that I seem to have that trait as well.

Intellectually, I work a job I could train a monkey to do.  I read incessantly and tend to prefer to read things which expand my horizons or are outside my comfort zone.  My most recent book was a dissertation on chaos theory as it applies to natural selection.   I want to go back to graduate school to finish my PhD in a few years, and perhaps be a visiting professor at a university.  I have seldom met people I considered more intelligent than I am, and I treasure those I know who seem as intelligent as I am.

Financially, the last few years have been tough for me.  I had a good run in computers topping out over six figures a year, but then the industry died.  But being me, I always had a backup plan and now my backup plan is my primary job.  The only real limit to how much I make on the job I currently have is how much I am willing to work at it.  Since I enjoy working, I will probably make six figures this year.

I do not generally perceive submissives as being "weaker," per se, than I am.  I think the dynamic at work in the relationship is not really a question of strength: As in, I am more powerful than she is therefore she must be weaker and more frail.  I stand in awe of a person who can willingly allow themselves to be tied up, beaten, etc., by another person.  I personally think the dynamic is more about who has needs which demand that they be in control, and these needs being met by somebody whose needs demand that they not be in control.

I think there is a synchronicity at work in the D/s dynamic.

So to answer the question asked, I think what is required to submit to somebody is the desire and the willingness to submit to that person, and who is "stronger" has little to do with it.  I have met any number of submissives who were emotionally and intellectually stronger than those Dominating them.  Yet within their dynamic, a D/s relationship was in play.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

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RE: Can you only submit to one stronger than yourself? - 5/13/2006 3:26:04 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
Who do you submit to and why?

People I feel that connection with AND who I feel would be a good choice to do so.
quote:


Can you only submit to someone you perceive as being stronger than yourself? Physically? Mentally? Financially?

No, but it honestly helps.  And if they are substantially weaker in some areas, they won't really make a good partner for me no matter what.
quote:


Do you submit because of weakness in some areas of your life and you are looking for someone more competent than yourself in those areas?

No, though I readily admit I AM weak in some areas and ENJOY being able to submit and have anothers authority augment my weakness.  That's just not why I submit.
quote:


Do you perceive yourself as the "weaker" one of the relationship?

In some ways, absolutely.  In others, not at all.

I worry about people who submit ONLY after shows of strength that are not strength of character- because other strengths change over time.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Can you only submit to one stronger than yourself? - 5/13/2006 3:31:38 PM   
servilehouseboy


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Can only state personal viewpoint that Dominants superior physical strength is not an essential it is more mental for me.
It is attitude, belief, and above all a wish to submit to that Dominant and for the Dominant to wish you to submit to them.

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RE: Can you only submit to one stronger than yourself? - 5/13/2006 6:59:23 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful

I just LOVE the Gumby avatar, PlayfulOne!!! So domly!!




And let's not forget Pokey.............




 I always thought he was the dominant one in the relationship!

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

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RE: Can you only submit to one stronger than yourself? - 5/13/2006 7:38:22 PM   
Slipstreme


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Funny thing is, it is those people who are secure in who they are that I find myself wanting to dominate. I don't submit, at least I haven't yet. However the submissives I find myself attracted to are the ones who have a level head, people I respect for being somehow better than I am in different aspects. Simply, these are the people I find myself most admiring, and in some cases, most in love with. There is a small poly group who I may end up joining and may end up head of the family. Each of these three people have in them different strengths I am attracted to, their strengths the reason I am finding myself falling for my friends over and over again.

The way I see it. I see both partners having something to contribute to the relationship that they are better at than the other. There will always be different strengths and weaknesses in all people. One in my group is the gentleman, who will be able to level out the sadomasochim and would never let us go too far. Another is level headed and emotionally calm, the realist. He would be able to keep the group in good stead mentally. The other has the biggest heart I've ever seen in someone, she, the slave would give all she has to keep the family happy. And I, should it work out, seem to have insight into D/s that they don't have, mainly the acceptance and understanding of the responsibility of the Dominant. Each strength would combine to offset and complement the others. It all takes finding one's yin to their yang.  

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RE: Can you only submit to one stronger than yourself? - 5/13/2006 8:07:00 PM   
Sensualips


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Everyone has areas of strengths and weaknesses.  I choose relationships based on the overall person and how we fit.  Itis not really a comparison though.  It also depends on what need this person is meeting for me - I might have a partner that meets a specific set of needs but might not be a good choice for long term life compatibility.  As long as we both are aware of that and okay with it, it works.

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Can you only submit to one stronger than yourself? - 5/13/2006 8:36:07 PM   
Evanesce


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quote:

I concur.  I cannot submit to a man that I felt wasn't superior to me in certain important areas.  I'm a person where strength matters.  If he is superior to me physically and mentally I can submit.  I think it has something to do with my Aries nature.  I'm just plain stubborn.  LOL.  I do not percieve myself as "weaker" though.  Because I know he may be superior in some areas and I am superior in other areas.  That being said...I will not allow him to treat me as if I am inferior to him.  I prefer to be his equal. -If that makes any sense.


Makes perfect sense to me, because I'm the same way.  Might be that Aries thing. 
 
I'm extremely independent, and have a tendency to walk all over most men (including every man I've ever been involved with - until now), because I can!   In order for me to submit to someone, I need to be slightly awestruck and impressed by them.  They have to be more self-confident than I am, and have a more dominant nature than I have.  And I have to at least "perceive" that they are "better" than I am, even though I know intellectually that's really not the case.
 
In other words - they've got to be bigger, badder and bolder than I am (and a touch of arrogance helps, too - but only a touch!).

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


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RE: Can you only submit to one stronger than yourself? - 5/14/2006 12:15:58 AM   
Dollbecky


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I sub only to really gifted men ...I love brawn  but its not a bdsm trigger for me (just lust)  money doesnt speak to me at all.
My Beloved is a astro-phyicist (sp) one of my other lovers is a classical trained musian with a math degree and my other lover is a brillliant computer sciencist ....Powerful men with amazing minds //quiver//  Only my Beloved is a Dom but the others do lean that way (its the spinkles on their vanilla)  hmmmmm brainy geek boys ....
I need to be out brained not out brawned .....



< Message edited by Dollbecky -- 5/14/2006 12:19:00 AM >

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