BitaTruble
Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
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Not to throw cold water on you, but I think you are in need of a big dose of reality here.
First, the easy part. I would not recommend going to a 'former' to learn how to be a Dominant to your girlfriend. First of all, that didn't work out.. so what can he really teach you except for how 'not' to make things work out with her? Trust your gut on this one. Obviously, if he was 'right' for her, he'd still be with her. That should tell you a lot right there. If she's eager to get back into the same sort of relationship that she can't take the time for you to learn of her, then you don't stand a chance anyway.
Second, as a man of 19, unless you've inherited some money, you probably don't have a lot of disposable income to spend on reading material, so be picky in your selections. If I could only buy one or two books on the subject they would be "The Topping Book" and "Screw the Roses, Send me the thorns." They are good primers, easy to read but your best experience is going to be real life practice and a healthy attitude. You are just as entitled to 'get' something out of this as your girlfriend, so don't make all the sacrifices here.
You 'will' make mistakes and that's ok. The most seasoned dominants make them, so don't dwell on it. Acknowledge errors, then move with a lesson learned. Don't beat yourself up for not being perfect.
Unfortunately, at your age, you won't be able to get together with a lot of BDSM folks because many places have an age limit of 21 and above, but if it's possible, getting involved with your local community will help you network to find sources to go to for advice, to help with technical play and the like.. so do a google search for your local area and see what you find. Many places hold classes on a variety of subjects.. and the 'homework' usually involves things which are fun. ;)
Next.. ask yourself.. Why do you want to be a Dominant? Is it something which is in your blood.. or are you just trying to please your girlfriend? Do you want to be in control of her or do you want her to really take the reins, tell you what to do and not have any real authority. These are important questions to ask yourself before you begin a journey you don't really want to take. If you answer 'yes' .. you really want the control and you are honest with it, then proceed with caution. I think the biggest misconception about BDSM is that it all comes at the end of a flogger.. and that's simply not true.. it starts in the mind. Fantasy's are just that.. fantasy's.. reality is often a vastly different animal, so keep that in mind.
One of the most important things you can ever remember is that any sort of life you choose to live is going to have ups and downs, BDSM included.. but if you get more laughter than tears, it's a success.. so make sure you are planning on having fun! If you don't think you're going to be enjoying yourself, don't even think about getting started on it. It's ok to be a bit timid.. at first.. that's pretty normal for anything new in life, but if the excitement at discovering new things isn't built in, you are going to be in for some pretty big disappointments.
You've been given a fairly large number of on-line websites to review.. review them with a hefty skepticism and a large dose of salt and remember that everything you read is simply the 'opinions' of one person.. the person who wrote it. Some if it may speak to you and you'll embrace it.. but a lot of it won't.. and you don't have to take anything that doesn't jive with your own style of how you wish to pursue your life.
You have to crawl before you walk and walk before you run, so take care that you don't try to go to fast all at once. Ask a lot of questions of a diverse group of people.. and realize that there is really very little of which 100% of the people will ever agree.. but the more you ask, the more you will see a pattern which fits in with YOUR ideas on what things should be all about and the more you can come to know the inner you. You don't need to be the Marquis De Sade to be a dominant.. in fact, you don't 'need' to be anything other than you are.. and being yourself is the easiest way to ensure that you can live BDSM as a reality rather than a fantasy.
Good luck to you..
Celeste
_____________________________
"Oh, so it's just like Rock, paper, scissors." He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."
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RE: need advice - 
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