Am I crazy?

Am I crazy? (Full Version)

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BegForPermission -> Am I crazy? (5/29/2011 7:31:13 AM)
Am I wasting my time looking for a woman who is submissive during play but has a sense of individuality and self the rest of the time? During play time, I try to bring out the best in my partner. I challenge myself to do everything I can to satisfy my partner. I expect them to reciprocate. In my opinion D/s is more about the connection than the inherent sadism, masochism, violence, or pain. Outside of play time, I'm a pretty vanilla guy. I work, do my share of the housework, have hobbies, and friends I like to spend time with. I expect my partner to do the same. When I ask where you want to go for dinner tonight, I'd love an answer other than "well, where do you want to go?" Am I crazy in looking for a full-on D/s relationship "in the bedroom" while at the same time looking for a full-on 50/50 partner for everything else in our lives?

DarkSteven -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/29/2011 7:41:29 AM)
Welcome to collarme. On the surface, you want a bedroom submissive. That's someone who submits ONLY in the bedroom, but is an equal everywhere else. But in rereading your post, I suspect that you're a service Top. That's someone who is doing the standard stuff like spanking, tying a partner up, etc., but is doing it to meet the bottom's needs more than their own. I'd recommend you look for a switch woman and explore with her.

BegForPermission -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/29/2011 7:52:58 AM)
I guess that's the catch. I am doing what I'm doing to meet BOTH of our needs. There are things I'll do that are purely selfish and things I'll do that are completely for my partner but for the most part I want us both to walk away satisfied, however that needs to be achieved. I'm calling myself a Dom because I set the pace. I decide what happens and when. I decide what's good enough and what isn't. But at the same time, I pay attention to my partner to make sure they're getting what then need too. Maybe I'm wrong. Though I'm not new to the lifestyle, I am new to talking about it and the current language being used.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/29/2011 7:56:51 AM)
I think you are talking about what a lot of women actually want in real life. Unfortunately, CM is not really a terribly welcoming place for that kind of person ime. CM tends to be more 24/7 D/s or M/s than what I call "hanky spanky". (I love CM, but that doesn't mean I don't see reality) Best, sunshine

ranja -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/29/2011 8:16:49 AM)
No you are not crazy Edit... well actually i don't know you all that well... maybe you are

SubmitIt -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/29/2011 1:37:02 PM)
Probably easier to find someone like that offline, than online.

juliaoceania -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/29/2011 4:05:34 PM)
Many women would like what you seek....

juliaoceania -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/29/2011 4:08:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Welcome to collarme. On the surface, you want a bedroom submissive. That's someone who submits ONLY in the bedroom, but is an equal everywhere else. But in rereading your post, I suspect that you're a service Top. That's someone who is doing the standard stuff like spanking, tying a partner up, etc., but is doing it to meet the bottom's needs more than their own. I'd recommend you look for a switch woman and explore with her. Or he could seek out someone who wants to submit in the bedroom and forget the switch.... Switch means a variety of things, but I would not assume it meant "bottom" or "bedroom submissive". For example, I could be happy in the right relationship with bedroom submission... if I loved the guy. I would never switch.

highhopes4us -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/29/2011 4:51:17 PM)
I think it is possible to find that....It is normal to have a vanilla side w/ur partner {sub} as well as a D/s one....its all abt knowing when to come into the vanilla side....

sexyred1 -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/29/2011 5:04:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BegForPermission Am I wasting my time looking for a woman who is submissive during play but has a sense of individuality and self the rest of the time? During play time, I try to bring out the best in my partner. I challenge myself to do everything I can to satisfy my partner. I expect them to reciprocate. In my opinion D/s is more about the connection than the inherent sadism, masochism, violence, or pain. Outside of play time, I'm a pretty vanilla guy. I work, do my share of the housework, have hobbies, and friends I like to spend time with. I expect my partner to do the same. When I ask where you want to go for dinner tonight, I'd love an answer other than "well, where do you want to go?" Am I crazy in looking for a full-on D/s relationship "in the bedroom" while at the same time looking for a full-on 50/50 partner for everything else in our lives? No, you are not at all crazy for wanting that. Many people want that. I want that. Bag the suggestion about looking for a switch, that is not the answer. There is no answer on how to go about finding this because it is like looking for anything else in life, putting your needs and desires out there and hoping to find a like minded woman. I almost never read a profile that states what you want; including yours, which is blank. If you fill in the blank with what you wrote here, perhaps you may get some takers.

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/29/2011 7:30:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss CM tends to be more 24/7 D/s or M/s than what I call "hanky spanky". Actually, I've seen many profiles on CM where the s-type does not seek a "24/7", and is really only insterested in either play, or a bedroom only dynamic? (shrugs)

hematitan -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/30/2011 12:03:41 AM)
Not crazy at all, I don't think. Something like that would be my ideal relationship.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/30/2011 1:33:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: highhopes4us I think it is possible to find that....It is normal to have a vanilla side w/ur partner {sub} as well as a D/s one....its all abt knowing when to come into the vanilla side.... Considering his perspective, it seems to me it's all about knowing when to jump to the kinky side... Ms. LA - Collarchat (which is what I was meaning and was unclear about) really does have a 24/7 bent. Sorry for the misunderstanding. I won't go into the cluster fuck of a thread when I simply asked if there was room for Hanky Spankies here. RED - I actually thought of you when I saw the OP. HA! (And I thought of me too of course... and then I thought of you and me together... and then I went... SUPERNOVA!) BEST, SUNSHINE

Kalista07 -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/30/2011 8:06:39 AM)
I have to agree with the previous posters who said there are many women who want some combination of what you speak of... Personally, I don't know how realistic 24/7 is for a person like me due to my job issues, etc..... I desire a bit more than out of the bedroom, but truth be told I'm not sure how much more so perhaps in the bedroom would be enough. Lord knows the 24/7 I lived with before wouldn't work with me. I say change your profile, go to munches, meet people in real life, and be yourself. Kali

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/30/2011 10:10:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss Ms. LA - Collarchat (which is what I was meaning and was unclear about) really does have a 24/7 bent. Ah... yes... that would most certainly be true!!! I just assume if people are "looking", they're doing so on the personals side of CM, not the forums. [:)]

DesFIP -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/30/2011 2:00:27 PM)
About the what do you want for dinner question, in my experience this is something nobody ever wants to answer, kinky or vanilla. No matter how dominant you are, by the time you're thirty you've had to answer this over 3000 times, even if you're the only one home. So I wouldn't base an assessment on a person's personality on this question. The other thing is that there are a lot of people who do use this as a trick question. If your ex responded with "Mexican" and you then sat there sullenly and not eating, being passive aggressive as hell, you learn really early to never express a preference. Plus there are people who think that a dominant isn't dominant unless the sub is always being made unhappy. So if any time she answered in the past honestly, she never received it, she will be afraid to answer it honestly now. You need to be very clear when you're asking something like this. Say that you aren't in the mood for seafood or Chinese, but anything else is fair game. This teaches her that you do mean what you're asking and that there isn't a wrong answer. Because she doesn't know enough about you yet to know when it's safe to ask for what she wants.

leadership527 -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/30/2011 3:16:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BegForPermission I'm calling myself a Dom because I set the pace. I decide what happens and when. I decide what's good enough and what isn't. But at the same time, I pay attention to my partner to make sure they're getting what then need too. You will quickly learn that caring about one's partner is a submissive trait in BDSM-land. Doing nice things for one's partner is a submissive act. In general, sparing a thought for their welfare and happiness is "undomly". Real doms don't give a rats ass about the people around them. If that sounds as stupid to you as it does to me, then ignore it. One of my little "real dom" rules is "real doms don't let random strangers tell them how to run their relationships" Back to you looking for someone who can breath without a command outside the bedroom (and yes, I wrote it like that on purpose), my general assessment is that you'll find plenty of women interested in bedroom only. I also think you should keep your own thoughts on the topic flexible. You're drawing some pretty hard lines... as if Carol obeying my commands outside the bedroom meant that I can't cook, clean, or ask her opinions about things. Back when we were vanilla and I asked Carol, "Where do you want to go for dinner?" she's ALWAYS answer, "Where do you want to go?" Now that we are not vanilla, when I ask her that question I get a real answer.... the "real answer" may well be, "I don't have a strong preference tonight." but nowadays I'll only get that one if it really is the right answer. Anything else would be disobedience. My point here is that you seem to be putting an awful lot of some specific (and specifically bad for you) flavor on what it means to wield authority outside the bedroom. You might stop to ponder the fact that if you're in charge then it'll have whatever flavor you want. Carol and I would look very "vanilla 50/50" to even non-casual observers.

Sunnyfey -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/30/2011 3:28:09 PM)
Nope, sorry buddy. My man snatched me up pretty quickly =D Kidding aside, if you keep looking you'll find her. Took me almost 7 years. And that is QUICK in comparison to some people.

CalifChick -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/30/2011 5:23:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BegForPermission Am I wasting my time looking for a woman who is submissive during play but has a sense of individuality and self the rest of the time? I think what is probably holding you back (other than that darn blank profile) is that you are labelling what you want and others are misunderstanding that label. Do you want something like what leadership describes? Most of the people that I know are in the "less is more" style of power relationship. I know a very few who are in a micromanaging relationship, where the dominant dictates every, or almost every, moment of the submissive's day. The sub has to ask the dominant for permission to use the bathroom (which may or may not include calling to ask if they are not in the same place), to go anywhere, to buy anything, how to dress every day, etc. While some people really thrive in that sort of relationship, to me it seems like a whole lot of work on both sides and something that would not make me happy. On the other hand, far more of the people I know are in a relationship where the sub knows the dom is the final authority, but that does not mean she does not get to make any decisions. It means she makes decisions that she knows are the type he would approve of. If she is unsure, then she contacts him for guidance. I would definitely not characterize this as a "bedroom submissive" (which to me is really more of a "bedroom bottom" because I don't turn submission on and off like a lightswitch). Cali

mynxkat -> RE: Am I crazy? (5/31/2011 7:51:08 AM)
My .02 here. The relationship Master and I have sounds a lot like what you describe as your ideal. Except that it doesn't really end at the bedroom door. Like leadership and Cali and others who've responded, Master is the final authority all the time, but he doesn't see that as meaning that he can't help with the housework or that I have to ask permission for every damn little thing. He encourages me to think for myself, and anyone who didn't know what our relationship is would think we're vanilla and that I was a sparky little smartass. Well, they'd be right about the second part, but the point is, that's how Master likes things. He wants me, as I am, smartassery and all, not some timid little mouse. So keep your hopes up and don't give up searching. I'll chime in with fill out your profile and go to munches and meets in your area. Good luck to you!

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