RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience???

RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? (Full Version)

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mummyman321 -> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? (5/31/2011 9:37:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SexyBossyBBW My experience is limited, so I wouldn't be at all, turned off by someone who is more experienced. What is potentially problematic, is anyone dating me, in the hopes that I will eventually come around to learning about, and experimenting with something he desires/needs. I am about having it my way. I'm not into having it my way, with someone who wants something different, and isn't happy for simply being with me, and my way of doing thing. M Sexy, I would hope if I am dating someone that we are already on a close wave length and have similar interests. In teaching, I will simply suggest a couple of different approaches to the subject being explored and let the Domme choose what feels right. In teaching there are 2 things I want to do. One is I want the Domme to enjoy herself and thats what it is really about. Two is I want her to be knowledgeable enough about the subject to be able to make informed decisions. I often find that after after some key things are learned the lightbulb goes off and her imangination runs with it.

HeatherMcLeather -> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? (5/31/2011 10:05:36 PM)
quote: First, I just love your name! Awsome. NocturnalStalker gave it to me. I thought it was wonderful as well, so I adopted it. I'm not really a hyper person, I'm usually pretty quiet and introspective, but I do have a lot of energy to burn. And I'm almost always silly

SexyBossyBBW -> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? (5/31/2011 11:21:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mummyman321 I would hope if I am dating someone that we are already on a close wave length and have similar interests. That is usually where most of the consideration comes in, isn't it? The measure of being on similar wavelength, is hardly precise, huh?!. quote: In teaching, I will simply suggest a couple of different approaches to the subject being explored and let the Domme choose what feels right. Teaching a domme (and usually her ego), you have to thread carefully. I don't know a great number of things, when it comes to kinks, and don't care about that. My only "married to kink," is someone is going to rule/dominate, and someone is going to work hard to impress/obey, while being happy/greatful, for being in his position. quote: In teaching there are 2 things I want to do. One is I want the Domme to enjoy herself and thats what it is really about. Two is I want her to be knowledgeable enough about the subject to be able to make informed decisions. I can agree with this; needing to know what I'm doing, in order to do no harm to him, while having fun, is important to me. If, said idea, is something I don't find "a gross turn off," than it's only a matter of time, before I try to practice said activity, and get a feel for how I feel about it, and how he receives it. M

LadyConstanze -> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? (6/1/2011 3:58:02 AM)
You know, this whole thing of "how many years of experience" can be really overrated, some people get into it and then maybe play once a year, so technically they might have decades of experience, others play only in a certain way, so they might not have experience with other toys, some people are quick learners and have a lot of fantasy... Nobody can be an expert in everything, as long as all the safety measures are in place and people know what they're doing, it's all about fun... The only thing I won't compromise on is hygiene...

DarkWaterDreams -> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? (6/1/2011 9:34:06 AM)
I'm not hesitant about sharing my actual years of experience (7years on and off) nor am I adverse to dealing with a sub who has more years in the lifestyle than me. I've had a wonderful experience with a sub who actually introduced me to a fetish that is now a part of my sexuality. If a sub approaches me with a fetish that is beyond my experience, I don't hesistate to tell him of my inexperience with it and politely decline. I'd rather turn down a sub who is looking for more than I can offer than to place myself in a situation where we would both be quite disappointed.

LadyPact -> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? (6/1/2011 11:35:04 AM)
No, I don't shy away from subs who have more years of experience than Me. Being a later in life Domme and even later in life sadist, ** I figure there's a decent chance that anybody My age may have been doing this longer. I only got started in 1999 and the sadism didn't kick in until after that. There's always going to be someone out there with more experience. As others have said, it's really about how you handle it. If the sub is constantly telling the less experienced Domme that she's not doing it right or how the former tops did the play when she's doing just fine doing it her way, that's nothing but a killjoy. ** Translation - wasn't always kinky and doing this from the age of eighteen.

onlyfreelycaged -> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? (6/1/2011 12:16:01 PM)
considering that I've barley explored being a top.... I think I'd prefer someone who's experienced. Especially because they can jump in when I flounder with some idea that I never would of had in a million years. (well, likely would, But I'm not waiting that long.)

mummyman321 -> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? (6/1/2011 1:03:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze You know, this whole thing of "how many years of experience" can be really overrated, some people get into it and then maybe play once a year, so technically they might have decades of experience, others play only in a certain way, so they might not have experience with other toys, some people are quick learners and have a lot of fantasy... Nobody can be an expert in everything, as long as all the safety measures are in place and people know what they're doing, it's all about fun... The only thing I won't compromise on is hygiene... Good point, So I can now down grade my actual YOE to 12? :) My father would disagree on the expert thing thought, he always said I was an expert at goofing off!

mummyman321 -> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? (6/1/2011 1:12:50 PM)
Lady P, I think the approach is very critical. I like to approach it the same way I mentor people at work. I will let a co-worker actually do it his way the first time around. Then afterwards if I see things I think he/she could do better I simply would say you might consider this approach and then state what the advatages of that approach is. I will also encourage multiple approaches to be tried to hopefully spark their thought process. No one likes to be constantly told they are doing it wrong. Why am I getting this mental picture of my 4th grade teacher (a Nun( screaming at me for writing with my left hand? (Catholic thing) So if I ever do that simple smack me upside the head and hard. And I do not mean writing with my left hand LOL

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? (6/1/2011 2:17:10 PM)
Back when I was looking for a dom, I found many intimidated by my years of experience. This despite me explaining that as a sub, I really do not have a great deal of breadth of experience, b/c I've had so few dom partners. I do have depth of experience, b/c I was with my ex for 20 years. On the dom side, the male sub I play with is in his early 60s. He has both kink experience and life experience commensurate with my own. This means sometimes he knows things I don't, and vice versa. That's called a relationship to me. Anyone who gets testy b/c their sub knows more than them I would suspect of having a self esteem issue. Poor self esteem does not make for good dominance. Amended to add: poor self esteem does not make for good relationships, no matter what side of the kneel you are on.

BitaTruble -> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? (6/1/2011 5:32:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mummyman321 Subs: Are you ever hesitant to share your true years of experience when meeting a new Domme who has many year less experience than you? I wouldn't hesitate but neither of us would have any experience of each other so we are both "noobs" in that respect and the rest, like play, that's just tricks which I am happy to learn or happy to share.

mummyman321 -> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? (6/1/2011 7:02:29 PM)
ChatteParfaitt, Luckily I never ran into a Domme who got testy with me. What I have run into ....I do not want to really call it shyness but more that she felt she had nothing to offer me. And if you know me, you would know I wouldn't even attempt to push the Domme any further. I simply leave it as give me a call or send me an email if you ever have any questions on the subject. The other thing I want to state is while I do have many years of experience there are many areas I have not played in. So I hppe the thread does not come off as me tring to be a know it all. I would like to learn it all, but this darn thing of work keeps getting in my way. LOL!

Arpig -> RE: Hesitant on sharing your actual years of experience??? (6/1/2011 10:39:29 PM)
quote: Do you shy away from subs who are much more experienced that you are? I'm glad you worded it "shy away from" rather than avoid. My answer has to be yes, not because I am intimidated, or have no desire to learn, or only want virgin territory, but because I'm concerned they will be unsatisfied. It's not like I will refuse to be with a more experienced sub, but I will take a while longer in the communication/negotiation phase to insure she knows exactly what my level of experience is and which of her stated desires I don't feel qualified to engage in.

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