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Suleiman -> RE: love *sighs* (10/12/2004 2:14:52 AM)
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Thornblood-
I find it helpful to borrow terms from other languages, simply because "love" in English is one of the grandaddy work horses. Unfortunately, there is a very good chance, since I have been doing this for a long time, that my use had turned into "psychobabble", my own interpretations of these words bearing little or no resemblance to the actual meaning or interpretation of them.
Thus, we have, from the Suleinomicon:
Romantic (or Chivalric, or Courtly) love: an idealised form of love, in which the active participant courts the passive in order to win some token of affection. Also, service or devotion as a form of courtship. Note that, while it may occur in an erotic context, romantic love has no serious connotation of eros, but is often found as a stand-alone aspect of a relationship.
Eros - sexual attraction. Pure chemistry
Aphros - I've never actually experienced this one personally, so I'm not entirely sure how to describe it, or how to differentiate it from Eros. This seems to represent the almost stalker level of love, the romeo & juliette suicide pact level of love. More than mere chemistry, Aphros also implies a deep sense of emotional and personal intimacy. "Love at first sight" might be a good description.
Agape - impersonal or fillial devotion that can be applied in a general sense to a group or community; in a higher sense, selfless love that may be applied to any thing or being without expectation or commitment. The drunk who suddenly initiates a group hug while slurring the words "I love you guys" is probably expressing agape.
Hedonic Love - a combination of physical and emotional pleasure derived from being with and/or pleasing a lover, typically intensified by acts or expressions of romantic or erotic love
Filial Love: not the "hair pulling and jumping about" evidenced by other sorts of love, but a deeper kind of loyalty and devotion, as one might have for a spouse, family member, or good friend
Platonic love: I like this one. When Plato first wrote about the idea of men and women just being friends, he was actually espousing the idea of love and romance being restricted to homosexual liasons, with inter-gender sex only occurring as a means of procreation. Every time I see two guys living as roommates, saying they have a platonic relationship, I smirk knowingly. I often get things thrown at me.
Okay, it's a little clumsy to say "I'm in Eros with you, come to me you vixen!" (or it is with my crappy level of greek), but being able to break down the english-language concept of "love" as it applies to a relationship helps (me at least) to have some framework for what I'm experiencing, what I might be missing, and possibly even how to go about getting it. It's very masculine thinking, I realise, having to compartmentalise and box up every experience, but it is how I cope.
Oh yeah - just to stay on topic, I don't believe that submission is limited to aphros, eros, hedonic, or romantic love, but I do believe there must be a strong sense of fillial love or at least agape involved or the submissive isn't actually submitting - they're just doing a job. That being said, I personally can not do it without a powerful level of romantic and even hedonic love. It can be chaste, it can have no sex of any kind, but for me there is an element of courtship, and it is something I do because it gives me pleasure to do it.
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