|
MasterSlaveLA -> RE: ^^Thriving S... Thriving Relationship^^ (6/1/2011 10:11:02 PM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
If all of this is the case... why is there so much of an attitude from folks saying that doing what the s-type wants isn't domly?
Though not a perfect explanation, Sunshine, I feel the following writing helps explain much of this attitude...
quote:
Dominant vs. Bully
This is not the easiest thing to explain, or spot, as it takes some reasonable observation on the part of the sub/slave to determine which category a potential dominant falls under. As such, I will try to use examples to help you distinguish the difference between a dominant and a bully -- with the key difference being the impetus for one is confidence, where the other is insecurity. In my opinion, the vast majority of those that call themselves "Doms" or "Masters" on kink sites are little more than wimps who can't cut-it with a strong, independent vanilla woman, so they go online, learn a few buzz-words, pick up a pair of dark sunglasses, leather pants, check the "Dominant" button in their profile, and POOF... instant Master of the Universe. In short, they turn to the sub/slave girls thinking they won't challenge their already fragile/insecure egos, as this is what the bully seeks, and preys upon... one who will blindly worship and submit... i.e., one who presents no challenge or responsibility.
Now, while this may seem confusing to some, as they seek to "worship" and "submit", and yes... of course a dominant desires your submission and obedience, he certainly does not seek your worship, as he both understands, and expects, to have first earned your trust, respect, and even love... and in doing so, your submission and surrender. He neither seeks, or quite frankly, is comfortable with, your (or anyone else's) worship because he knows he too is fallible... just as you are. However, he is also confident in his ability to make the right/best decisions for himself (and you), more often than the wrong/worst decisions, and has a track record of having done so. Additionally, when he has erred, He admits it.
Contrast this with the bully, who feels he is NEVER wrong... who seeks you to worship him... who demands you never question him... and who will never admit to have made a mistake. Moreover, unlike the dominant, with the bully, his alleged dominance is little more than an act... one where he appears as an emotionless, unaffectionate, and unforgiving robot of sorts. The bully must act this way so as not to break his "dominant character". Read that again... he is merely playing the role of a dominant man. It's little more than an act... like an actor playing a role in a movie. He must keep this dominant facade, or risk showing you how absolutely insecure he is.
Reflect on the vast majority of emails in your Inbox... how many (in their introductory email) immediately demand you refer to them as "Sir" or "Master" or something similar? How many demand that "You are now owned by me"... "I am your new Master"... or other similar stupidity? Quite a few, and probably even most, because as I've stated, most on these sites are not Doms/Masters, but bullies.
To provide you with the greatest insight, I will use my own life to hopefully explain the difference between a dominant and a bully. In my life, my father was a very dominant man... not a "Dom", as we define it... but dominant. My mother, a very strong woman, but dually... submissive to my father; but only to my father, not to the world. Thus, her submission to my father was both earned, and by choice. Moreover, while very dominant, my father was still a very loving, affectionate, funny, and caring man. I'd seen him laugh, cry, care for us and others, show sympathy, empathy, strength, determination, and humility. This was my role-model for a dominant man. He was not an emotionless tyrant, but a loving, confident, strong and determined man.
Many, if not most, did not have such a role-model for a dominant man. So where do their perceptions of "dominance" come from, then? From the tough-kid on the playground, or the jerk who beat them up, or the asshole he may work for. In short, his role-model for a dominant is a bully, and that is who he is mimicing. He's mimicking the only reference he has to what he incorrectly thinks a "dominant man" is supposed to be. And so, as you sit there scratching your head reading email after email... thinking to yourself, "OMG... what a complete jerk?!!", now you know why... he's simply acting like a jerk, because that's what he thinks a dominant man is supposed to act like... a bully!
Now, you may also receive the otherwise "love-centric" type of emails, where the alleged Dom/Master is spouting off about how wonderful life with him will be... how he's going to "care for" and "protect" you, and "take all your worries away", and on, and on. While this may sound wonderfully sweet (and I'm not saying there aren't those that truly wish to care for you), I'm also saying, be careful... as this self-proclaimed "Knight on a white horse" is not really looking for a sub/slave, but a domestic servant. And by the time you've moved-in with him, it'll become abundantly clear that Dr. Jekyll has quickly become Mr. Hyde, and you will have become his kinky maid/kinky wifey-wife in exchange for all that "caring and protection". And have no doubt, your "Knight" will expect your worship, just as any insecure bully does.
Mind you, I'm certainly not stating that a sub/slave shouldn't be expected to perform domestic duties for her Dom/Master, just that her use/service should not be some sort of exchange for his caring for you, as that's not a D/s or M/s dynamic... that's little more than a "I've done this for you, so I expect you to do this for me" form of emotional manipulation. It's not based in a sub/slave's love, trust, or respect for her Dom/Master, or his for her... rather, it's based in obligation to the bully. So be careful, because I assure you, with such a person, nothing you do will ever be good enough for the bully... nothing!
|
|
|
|
