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Sexuality - 5/13/2006 6:24:48 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		While reading the thread on Public Consent, I came across a quote that read:

quote:

For many, D/s is not about sexuality.


So, I decided to look up the encyclopedia definition of human sexuality. Some people, I believe, consider the term "sexuality" or "human sexuality" to mean, simply, sex. Therefore, some people are taken aback when they assume that other people are trying to imply that D/s is about sex.

However, human sexuality, according to the Wikipedia encyclopedia, is more than just physical sex. It covers the following:


  • The physiology (or actual biology) of human sexuality, and sexually related aspects of how the body works.
  • Who and what others, people interact or are attracted to, sexually. (Sexual orientation)
  • How we see ourselves, which may differ from the physical form we have, ie, personal identity. (Intersex, transsexual)
  • How we come to choose the sexual choices we make. (Environment, choice, and sexual orientation)
  • How humans act in seeking sexual activity, and with sexual partners, and the scope of sexually oriented behaviours. (Human sexual behavior)
  • The psychological significance of sex, which may be related to its emotional effects, its physiological effects, or tied up with other psychological aspects, such as power, control, or the need for security.
  • Sex and its relationship to social structure, thus sex within marriage, religion, morality and the law.
  • Arts and media depiction of sexuality.
  • Sex education
  • Social norms, traditions and rituals related to sexuality
  • Understanding of sexual activity outside those norms. (see Paraphilia)
  • How society judges where lines are to be drawn, what constitutes unacceptable conduct, who is vulnerable to its abuse, and how they are protected or violators dealt with.
  • Research into human sexuality. (such as the Kinsey Reports)
  • Positions

    It seems to me that most people come to D/s in search of one or more of the above descriptions. We may be looking for other things as well, but one of them is certainly an expression of our sexuality. Thus, while D/s may not entirely revolve around our sexuality, it may be a big part of it. Other parts may include personal identity and personal expression.

    So, explain to me this: When you say that D/s isn't about sex-what do you mean? Do you mean that your relationship on a D/s level involves none of the above mentioned definitions of human sexuality? Do you mean that none of the above definitions are major factors in your lifestyle choice? Enlighten me. Enlighten others.

    _____________________________

    "Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable
    • Profile   Post #: 1
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 6:32:30 PM   
    juliaoceania


    Posts: 21383
    Joined: 4/19/2006
    From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
    Status: offline     		I think of it in this way, and perhaps some will agree or disagree, but it is just what I have thought on this subject.

    Our sexuality is so tied to who we are as people that it is a part of the core of who we are. I will use being homosexual as an example, if you ask someone who is gay if it is about sex they will say it is much deeper than sex. If you asked a hetrosexual if their attraction to their mate is all about sex, they would most likely say "no". It is a part of who we are at a basic level, our gender and our sexual preferences. It is not about sex, but how and who we form our relationships with another. I think of D/s as a lovestyle. It is not that for everyone, but it is to me. My submissiveness is like a sexual orientation, my identity, and it is how I love. It predicts whom I will attach myself to, and how I will interact with whomever I end up attached to.

    In essense it is at the core of my being. This is just my view on it, I am sure there are many others that feel differently than I do.

    _____________________________

    Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

    Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

    Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

    (in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
    Profile   Post #: 2
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 6:35:37 PM   
    CrappyDom


    Posts: 1883
    Joined: 4/11/2006
    From: Sacramento
    Status: offline     		To me, I can have "sexual relations" in a very hot conversation and even a little D/s too..  I can have my cock burried in someone's ass and have it far less "sexual" than a flirtation with a barrista at my favorite cafe.  To define "sex" as intercourse is a very very narrow definition but it does serve the label needs of certain people but certainly not mine. 

    The day my play isn't "sexual" is the day I am room temperature.

    (in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
    Profile   Post #: 3
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 6:41:14 PM   
    KittenWithaTwist


    Posts: 490
    Joined: 8/3/2005
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

    I think of it in this way, and perhaps some will agree or disagree, but it is just what I have thought on this subject.

    Our sexuality is so tied to who we are as people that it is a part of the core of who we are. I will use being homosexual as an example, if you ask someone who is gay if it is about sex they will say it is much deeper than sex. If you asked a hetrosexual if their attraction to their mate is all about sex, they would most likely say "no". It is a part of who we are at a basic level, our gender and our sexual preferences. It is not about sex, but how and who we form our relationships with another. I think of D/s as a lovestyle. It is not that for everyone, but it is to me. My submissiveness is like a sexual orientation, my identity, and it is how I love. It predicts whom I will attach myself to, and how I will interact with whomever I end up attached to.

    In essense it is at the core of my being. This is just my view on it, I am sure there are many others that feel differently than I do.


    So, according to the definitions of human sexuality (and not physical sex), it is part of your sexuality or sexual orientation. Thus, D/s is about sexuality.

    _____________________________

    "Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

    (in reply to juliaoceania)
    Profile   Post #: 4
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 6:45:39 PM   
    Kedikat


    Posts: 680
    Joined: 4/20/2006
    Status: offline     		I tend to go along with a combination of Freud and Darwin.
    We are a part of nature. Not separate from it. We evolved from the basic concept of the fittest in that environment, reproduced.
    We reproduced successfully to the point of creating a Freud and a Darwin.
    Darwin looked at nature and saw how we came to be. Freud looked into the mind and saw what we have come to be.
    The two seem obviously entwined to me. We are a product of the war that is evolution. But we have evolved to a level of complexity that makes our motives very complex as well.
    Sexuality at our level of complexity can take very odd twists. But in general ( note: I mean general, not everything and everybody! ) so many of our myriad actions can in some way be traced to the urge to be " fittest " to reproduce. Please consider the layers that may be piled on to the concept of " fittest ". The advertisers message of what is " fit " etc... The complexity in the human mind and the subtle crossing of wires that can occur. Fittest can now be a very strange definition, that can now fit ever more specialised groups.
    Human beings have burst out of the merely physical and nature bound concept of survival of the fittest to reproduce. We exist in both nature and the complex construct of our varied societies. A species with an ever expanding and splintering realm of the nature we exist in to survive as the fittest. Our sexuality follows this ever changing and broadening realm. Our complex brains insert various revelations and short circuits into it.
    Human sexuality can be a world of only two people of like mind. Or some overall and ungraspable concept of the success of a species that is on the doorstep of the universe or extinction. And all in between.

    IMHO

    < Message edited by Kedikat -- 5/13/2006 6:50:53 PM >

    (in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
    Profile   Post #: 5
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 6:49:20 PM   
    KittenWithaTwist


    Posts: 490
    Joined: 8/3/2005
    Status: offline     		That was beautifully put. Thank you. :)

    _____________________________

    "Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

    (in reply to Kedikat)
    Profile   Post #: 6
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 6:54:13 PM   
    juliaoceania


    Posts: 21383
    Joined: 4/19/2006
    From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
    Status: offline     		How can we separate ourselves from our sexuality?

    I am an anthropologist, and in our studies of different peoples it usually comes down to gender and reproduction of the species. It is at the very core of who we are isn't it? Our sexuality goes very deep into our psyches. There are some people that are asexual, but they are rare. Even their lives are determined by how they view themselves. I am not saying that some people do not serve others in a nonsexual way, of course there are people that do, but in D/s there is a strong current of sexuality in most people. Of course as a submissive when I rub the back of my dom, get him a drink, or anything else I do to serve him it is not sexual all the time, but married people are not sexual all the time either are they?

    There are some that will think it is  nonsexual to them, but I have not personally talked to anyone that had an interest in D/s that did not have a sexual thought about it. But I am sure there are people who would disagree with me, and I am sure there are many people that might post something about wanting to serve nonsexually. Even those "training" under someone do so because they want experience to serve in a sexual relationship one day, so their motivation is still sexual.... As always, I could be wrong, this is just my opinion, and I may have not understood the OP...LOL



    _____________________________

    Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

    Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

    Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

    (in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
    Profile   Post #: 7
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 6:55:58 PM   
    Kedikat


    Posts: 680
    Joined: 4/20/2006
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist

    That was beautifully put. Thank you. :)

    If you like concepts of time travel. Try and find a book called " The man who folded himself" I read it at age 13. It opened some parts of my mind. It is out of print I fear. But it was full of great concepts of people, in the context of time travelling.

    (in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
    Profile   Post #: 8
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 7:01:56 PM   
    Kedikat


    Posts: 680
    Joined: 4/20/2006
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

    How can we separate ourselves from our sexuality?

    I am an anthropologist, and in our studies of different peoples it usually comes down to gender and reproduction of the species. It is at the very core of who we are isn't it? Our sexuality goes very deep into our psyches. There are some people that are asexual, but they are rare. Even their lives are determined by how they view themselves. I am not saying that some people do not serve others in a nonsexual way, of course there are people that do, but in D/s there is a strong current of sexuality in most people. Of course as a submissive when I rub the back of my dom, get him a drink, or anything else I do to serve him it is not sexual all the time, but married people are not sexual all the time either are they?

    There are some that will think it is  nonsexual to them, but I have not personally talked to anyone that had an interest in D/s that did not have a sexual thought about it. But I am sure there are people who would disagree with me, and I am sure there are many people that might post something about wanting to serve nonsexually. Even those "training" under someone do so because they want experience to serve in a sexual relationship one day, so their motivation is still sexual.... As always, I could be wrong, this is just my opinion, and I may have not understood the OP...LOL




    I find many of the ones who rant about what D/s and BDSM is or is not. Seem to be putting themselves out as Alpha. Is this in some way their Darwinian method of spreading their peacock tails as the top dog to mate with? Even if in some convoluted way, they will not mate. But they will dominate just the same. There is the concept of not only mating, but denial of others opportunity to mate as well. Both have roots in survival of the gene packet.

    (in reply to juliaoceania)
    Profile   Post #: 9
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 7:12:01 PM   
    Kedikat


    Posts: 680
    Joined: 4/20/2006
    Status: offline     		Many people are choosing to not reproduce. Or to limit their reproduction.
    I have a feint hope that there is an echo in our genes that may save ourselves from our too many selves. An enough for now instinct, that might divert us from just mindless reproduction, to more interesting sexual diversions. Greed and instant gratification may play a role in it, as childrens support needs divert us from our pleasure seeking.
    Maybe this concept can lead us to indulge in more hedonistic pleasures and free our sexuality from species survival instincts. Wouldn't it be nice if Kinkiness could save the planet. A balanced population enjoying a sexuality that is not tied to mindless reproduction. Of course the market place prefers a mindless growth of consumers. But I'd rather consume one other completely.


    (in reply to Kedikat)
    Profile   Post #: 10
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 7:15:24 PM   
    juliaoceania


    Posts: 21383
    Joined: 4/19/2006
    From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
    Status: offline     		your post made me think of a  new concept for a super hero to save the world ... Kaptain Kinky...smiles

    < Message edited by juliaoceania -- 5/13/2006 7:16:25 PM >

    _____________________________

    Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

    Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

    Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

    (in reply to Kedikat)
    Profile   Post #: 11
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 7:16:12 PM   
    feastie


    Posts: 1793
    Joined: 6/4/2004
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Kedikat

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist

    That was beautifully put. Thank you. :)

    If you like concepts of time travel. Try and find a book called " The man who folded himself" I read it at age 13. It opened some parts of my mind. It is out of print I fear. But it was full of great concepts of people, in the context of time travelling.



    The Man Who Folded Himself is available on Amazon.

    _____________________________

    Snarky and loving it.

    Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

    (in reply to Kedikat)
    Profile   Post #: 12
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 7:22:26 PM   
    KittenWithaTwist


    Posts: 490
    Joined: 8/3/2005
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: Kedikat

    Many people are choosing to not reproduce. Or to limit their reproduction.
    I have a feint hope that there is an echo in our genes that may save ourselves from our too many selves. An enough for now instinct, that might divert us from just mindless reproduction, to more interesting sexual diversions. Greed and instant gratification may play a role in it, as childrens support needs divert us from our pleasure seeking.
    Maybe this concept can lead us to indulge in more hedonistic pleasures and free our sexuality from species survival instincts. Wouldn't it be nice if Kinkiness could save the planet. A balanced population enjoying a sexuality that is not tied to mindless reproduction. Of course the market place prefers a mindless growth of consumers. But I'd rather consume one other completely.


    Unfortunately, many kinky people are still parents, spreading their seeds or pushing their genes out into the world. I doubt that kinkiness will save the world as kinksters still feel the need to become mothers/fathers. Perhaps homosexuality is a more likely candidate for superheroism-they're attracted to members of the same sex and, on their own, cannot bear offspring. Certainly, homosexual persons still feel the need to be parents, but it seems that more of them take the option of adoption, rather than direct birth (I don't have any facts for this, though).

    _____________________________

    "Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

    (in reply to Kedikat)
    Profile   Post #: 13
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 7:29:03 PM   
    Kedikat


    Posts: 680
    Joined: 4/20/2006
    Status: offline     		Wow. Just noticed Alpha top dog/peacock tail mixed metaphor. That would be pretty cool though.

    (in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
    Profile   Post #: 14
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 7:47:11 PM   
    LuckyAlbatross


    Posts: 19224
    Joined: 10/25/2005
    Status: offline
    quote:

    ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist

    So, explain to me this: When you say that D/s isn't about sex-what do you mean?

    For me it means that it is a relationship based upon an authority dynamic. 

    quote:

     Do you mean that your relationship on a D/s level involves none of the above mentioned definitions of human sexuality?

    It can or not as decided by those involved.  Just like it may involve pain or not.  Just like it may involve bondage or not.  Just like it may involve television or not.

    quote:

    you mean that none of the above definitions are major factors in your lifestyle choice? Enlighten me. Enlighten others.

    Nope.  I choose the relationships I am in and how they are comprised based on what's right for me, no what any dictionary or person on earth would tell me.

    _____________________________

    Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

    "Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

    (in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
    Profile   Post #: 15
    RE: Sexuality - 5/13/2006 8:05:55 PM   
    HouseofBear


    Posts: 1280
    Joined: 2/9/2005
    Status: offline     		I guess what it means when it is non-sexual related, as to me anyway, is that I enjoy the power exchange, the energy exchange.  I can top someone without wanting to have sex with them, chuckles.  Does it always mean that the sexual aspect is not there with some, a resounding no.  It depends on the situation.

    Lady Ursa

    (in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
    Profile   Post #: 16
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