What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (Full Version)

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Whiplashsmile4 -> What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 2:13:59 AM)

Do you believe in being straight up honest about something, regardless if you're in the right or wrong? Or do you subdue honestly out of fear of being Wrong? Do you only speak honestly what's on your mind if you know without doubt you're right? What's more important honest thoughts and feelings being communicated, or do you tend to only play it safe.

Does your D/s dynamics accomodate for this or not? I already know my perference in terms of this and how it applies to D/s or in general. Just kind of curious what the responses is for other people.

Also, does you label or what side of the coin effect things in this matter?




DeviantMan -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 2:35:45 AM)

Personally, I am into honesty. Or, as I once said... I am honest, all the way to the level of stupidity. That said, I will think twice sometimes, to make sure I am not headbanging on a wall. But, as a general rule, I'll come up and say what I believe... I'll fancy-dress my thoughts most of the time, which is something I do with everything, but it will still be my piece of mind.



DesFIP -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 5:09:32 AM)

It depends. If the person I am talking to has a history of shooting the messenger, I will play it safe. I'm not volunteering to be attacked. And it only takes one time for me to feel that it will happen again. I prefer men who have self control not the ones who blow up easily.

If you want honesty, then you better be able to accept criticism without getting defensive. Otherwise you're just talking a good game, not playing it.



LaTigresse -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 6:48:58 AM)

The only time I really give a shit about being right or wrong is if it is a right or wrong decision, especially if it affects others. And it usually does in one way or another.

A couple of weeks ago I was a part of a decision that ended up being wrong. It cost the company approximately $ 1,100.00. THAT pisses me off. It could have been avoided. But neither I, nor the boss/owner (the other person in the decision making process) took that extra step to ensure we were correct.

But in a debate or discussion about something that has no real repercussion......I am cool with being wrong.



littlewonder -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 7:47:39 AM)

I may always think honestly and I will speak honestly but I may not always communicate it. I will sometimes not say anything at all because sometimes some people just have to learn some things for themselves. I know there are some people around me who won't listen to anything no matter how much I tell them something. They don't want to hear it even if they say they do.

There are times when I may try to worm my way around something...not really an all out lie but more of an avoidance only because I'm trying to find a way to be polite without hurting the person and then there are some people where I just really don't care how hurt they get and I will just be outright and bold and tell them what I'm thinking. They're usually people I simply don't like.

So really it's not that simple of an answer. It depends on the circumstances. It's always honest...just in different contexts.




LaTigresse -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 7:55:20 AM)

I didn't even answer the aspect of honest or not. Primarily because I wasn't sure how it played into being right or wrong.

Honesty is fabulous...........if indeed the person hearing it, really wants to. most times they only want to hear it if they are going to agree or like it. I try to find out what they really want to hear before I say what I want to say. If I determine they likely do not really want me to be honest, then I will not answer. Or will just keep my mouth shut completely. hard to imagine I know......[:D]



HeatherMcLeather -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 12:36:10 PM)

One of the things Hanners taught me is not to be afraid to be wrong. That's how you learn. Hanners often tells me I'm one of a very small group of people, because I not only know what I do know, but more importantly I know what I don't know, and am not afraid of not knowing.

But I don't like being wrong, so before I say what I think, I try my best to make sure of two things.

1) That I know what I think (not always as easy as it sounds).
2) That what I think matches the facts as I can figure them out.

That's why on these boards I often say I have to think about something before answering. Many times I'll see a new thread, read the OP, and not reply for a long time. That's because  am thinking it over. I need to figure out exactly what I think about something, then I look stuff up, to see if what I think is valid. Sometimes it can take me a few days to come to a conclusion, because I'm constantly redefining my position and testing it. I try to find the flaws in my own ideas before I share them with others. If its a question of how I feel about something, even then I like to take the time to think about that as well, to really look at whatever the question is to see where I really stand on it, not just what my first reaction is. I guess I'm basically of an analytical bent, its just how I work. I like to look at things from every angle first, before I make up my mind.

So given all this, no, I'm not afraid to be honest about what I think and feel about things. When I do speak up, I'm usually pretty sure I'm right (at least given whatever information I have available).

If I'm right; great!! I figured it out.

If I'm wrong; great as well!! I get to learn something.

If I'm not honest about my ideas, I can never know if I'm wrong. If I never find out I'm wrong, then I will be cheating myself, both of a chance to learn, and of the benefits of having the right answer.

To me the whole point of a discussion is not to prove you are right, but to see if others can prove you are wrong. There's a big difference in my mind, I hope it makes sense to you guys.

A discussion where I was right all the time wouldn't be a discussion, it would be a lecture, and lectures are usually boring for everybody, including the lecturer.



NuevaVida -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 12:56:33 PM)

I don't give one whit about being right or wrong.  I do care a great deal about the truth.  If I'm wrong, all the better to see that so I can learn from it.



leadership527 -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 1:50:28 PM)

This question confuses me a bit.

If I'm not sure, then I honestly say something like, "Well, I'm speculating but what I think is...." and it's an entirely honest statement. Why would I need to be certain in order to be honest?

For Carol, she does not make this sort of decision. She speaks what's on her mind when I command it or when she thinks I would command it if I knew what was going on.




LafayetteLady -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 2:00:19 PM)

I see that as too much of a conditional question. There is honesty when talking about verifiable facts, such as legal issues, studies, history and the like, and then there is honesty which is more of an opinion based thing.

In factual situations, I won't argue a point I don't definitively know the answer to. I also have no problem admitting that it is a subject that goes beyond my knowledge. Some of those times, I may tell someone I will have to do a bit of research and get back to them, other times, depending on the subject matter (as in I really don't care what the answer is), I just stay out of it.

On the other hand, in the opinion based honesty, a person is never right or wrong, really. The quickest example that comes to mind is the "never right answer" of a female's "does this dress make me look fat?" Even the heaviest person in the world may look horrid to you, but good to someone else who likes that kind of thing. Is the right answer to say, "yea, you pretty much look like a beached whale who is bloated with gas?" You might be honestly stating your opinion, but it doesn't make it the right thing to say, does it? Saying, "I think another style would be more flattering" by the way is usually only going to work between girlfriends, so sorry guys, your best defense is to never put yourself in that situation, lol.

My point is that there are a lot of people here who will always post they will be honest at all costs. Perhaps, online behind their computers, that is true. After all, nothing to lose, right? Very few would take those same positions in real life.

So what's the answer? If I know I'm right about something factual, I will argue my point regardless of the people involved, the venue or the potential consequences. How I argue the point may change based on those things, but I rarely will walk away from someone trying to promote their ignorance about subjects that I am very knowledgable in.

For the opinion based honesty, I try to be honest at all times, however, tempering honesty with tact is a good characteristic to have. Something quite a few people here (even me sometimes) would do themselves a favor to learn.



DeviantlyD -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 2:19:13 PM)

To directly answer the subject title, generally speaking, I believe honesty is more important than being right or wrong. Would I lie just so I could say I was right? The likelihood of that is pretty low. But there is a saying "never say never". There will always be some unanticipated situation or circumstance, so who knows? But my inclination is to be truthful rather than boastful. A lot of times I think it may come down to pride. A prideful person may be more likely to lie in order to be right. But even with that in mind, I don't think it matters as to which side of the coin (or multifaceted token, as the case may be *L*) one is on as to the answer to that question.

However, if you're asking if I would admit to being wrong, I would say it depends on the circumstance. At work, if I am the source of a significant fubar, of course I will 'fess up. But if I make a small error, discover it before anyone else does and I know that error will not impact anyone or anything, why bring attention to it?

Edited to add: How is this a BDSM only type question? (Just noticed the category.) I predict a move to the General Discussion forum. ;)



TreasureKY -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 2:19:25 PM)

First things, first.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

Also, does you label or what side of the coin effect things in this matter?


No.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

Do you believe in being straight up honest about something, regardless if you're in the right or wrong?


Only if asked directly.  I also don't equate "straight up honest" to mean brutally honest.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

Or do you subdue honestly out of fear of being Wrong? Do you only speak honestly what's on your mind if you know without doubt you're right?


This doesn't really make sense to me.  Whether I'm right or wrong, that doesn't affect whether or not I'll be honest.  Being right about something doesn't necessarily give me the right to say anything.  If I'm wrong, why would I feel the need to say anything at all... and if I do, what's to lie about?  If I'm being "straight up honest" about something, I'm typically giving my viewpoint or opinion... being right or wrong is subjective.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

What's more important honest thoughts and feelings being communicated, or do you tend to only play it safe.


Just what is "playing it safe"? 

Simply having a thought or a feeling, doesn't mean it needs to be communicated.  When communicating, sharing beneficial thoughts and feelings is important.  Beneficial meaning good for you, good for your partner, or good for the relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

Does your D/s dynamics accomodate for this or not?


Not particularly.  Our relationship does.



BitaTruble -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 2:39:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

Do you believe in being straight up honest about something, regardless if you're in the right or wrong?


Well, if there is a possibility that I am wrong, then, at best, all I have is a (wrong) opinion. If, however, we're talking about a fact, then, by definition, I won't be wrong so I see no need not to be straight up honest about facts. Opinions, I may or may not keep to myself but would fully acknowledge that's all it was.

quote:

Do you only speak honestly what's on your mind if you know without doubt you're right?


I'll put it this way, I won't speak dishonestly about what's on my mind but that doesn't mean that I'll share what's on my mind either. I try to use "is it any of my damn business" as my barometer of when and when not to speak. Virtual forums are mostly about being asked for opinions or comments on specific issues so it's a bit of a different playing field than the work-a-day world.

quote:

What's more important honest thoughts and feelings being communicated, or do you tend to only play it safe.


Subjective. Sometimes it's more important that a thought be put forth, sometimes it's more important to STFU up and just listen or butt out.

quote:

Does your D/s dynamics accomodate for this or not?


No. If Himself tells me to STFU I do even if I believe the thought is more important to be put forth. He's a reasonable fellow and, generally, that thought will be allowed when it's the right time and place.

quote:



Also, does you label or what side of the coin effect things in this matter?




In my case, yes.



juliaoceania -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 6:15:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

Do you believe in being straight up honest about something, regardless if you're in the right or wrong? Or do you subdue honestly out of fear of being Wrong? Do you only speak honestly what's on your mind if you know without doubt you're right? What's more important honest thoughts and feelings being communicated, or do you tend to only play it safe.

Does your D/s dynamics accomodate for this or not? I already know my perference in terms of this and how it applies to D/s or in general. Just kind of curious what the responses is for other people.

Also, does you label or what side of the coin effect things in this matter?




I do not know if this applies to D/s or not, but there is only one person I know that I have trouble being honest with and that is my sister. She is kinda a deluded person. She expects others to support her delusions. She is dishonest with herself, and she expects others to go along with that. If they do not she get hysterical over it, depending on how important it is for her to keep up the delusion. I love her, but being honest with her is really hard. It gets harder when she compares everything in her life with other people, and other people come up short... always.

My mom walks on eggshells around her. I do not. I avoid her. I love her, but I cannot go along with her delusions. If I were around someone that expected me to disregard reality I do not know if I could go there. I would avoid that person, too. I am fairly upfront. I question myself about what I believe to be true often. I need to be in a relationship where it is okay to be honest, at least with myself. Honesty is a pretty freeing thing.



TheShrew -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 6:25:38 PM)

I am one of those people that you either love or hate. This is because I am brutally honest. I never bother to sugarcoat and I dislike when people attempt to sugarcoat for me. I'm that person who will actually call you out and say "stop sugarcoating and just tell me." You may not like what I have to say and you may not like me.. but you'll always know where you stand with me. And, for my part, BDSM, {or any other optional situation/decision}, is irrelevant. Honesty is key.



slaveluci -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 7:34:07 PM)

~FR~
Questions about "honesty" are always difficult for me because most people don't really understand what "honesty" is, imho. Let's say your best friend walks into a room with a red dress on that you think looks hideously gaudy. It's not something you would wear and you don't possibly see how she could like it or why anyone would ever wear it. She asks if you like her dress and your "honest" answer is something like: "God, no! It's gaudy and hideous and no one should ever go outside wearing it." That's not an "honest" answer. That is simply your opinion. She could ask a random stranger on the street and they could love the dress and think it looks great. Are they being "dishonest" because they don't agree with your assessment of the dress? No way. Your feelings about the dress are that it's ugly. The facts are that it's red and flashy, NOT that it's "ugly" simply because it's not your taste. I am all about stating the true FACTS to another. I have never thought that stating my unabashed OPINION is the same as being "honest." I think that's where too many people can't differentiate "truth" from opinion........luci



ThundersCry -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/4/2011 7:55:18 PM)

Honetsy trumps everything else...

To serve with *fear* of screwing up etc is really a bummer...

To have someone under you and to lie for fear of the consequences ...shame on that one...



DeviantlyD -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/5/2011 3:06:46 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

~FR~
Questions about "honesty" are always difficult for me because most people don't really understand what "honesty" is, imho. Let's say your best friend walks into a room with a red dress on that you think looks hideously gaudy. It's not something you would wear and you don't possibly see how she could like it or why anyone would ever wear it. She asks if you like her dress and your "honest" answer is something like: "God, no! It's gaudy and hideous and no one should ever go outside wearing it." That's not an "honest" answer. That is simply your opinion. She could ask a random stranger on the street and they could love the dress and think it looks great. Are they being "dishonest" because they don't agree with your assessment of the dress? No way. Your feelings about the dress are that it's ugly. The facts are that it's red and flashy, NOT that it's "ugly" simply because it's not your taste. I am all about stating the true FACTS to another. I have never thought that stating my unabashed OPINION is the same as being "honest." I think that's where too many people can't differentiate "truth" from opinion........luci



Here, here. I completely agree with you.



ClassIsInSession -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/5/2011 3:23:08 AM)

All facts are subject to change with better data. The world was flat at one time right? They would certainly burn you if you disagreed.

No one is 100% honest, because 100% honesty is impossible. You can only be as honest as you are a) willing to be in expressing your opinions and b) willing to be in giving the answer you feel is true based on the facts you've acquired.

When it comes to being honest on those terms, I'm always honest, I speak exactly what I think or feel, and give answers based on the best of my knowledge, moreso, if I have no clue or doubt the sources of my knowledge on something I'll speak up and say so.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: What's more important, Honesty or being worried with being Right or Wrong? (6/5/2011 9:48:11 PM)

 
1.  More often than not, what's "right" or "wrong" is purely subjective.  As such, that which most "speak" is merely their opinion -- not what is necessarly right/wrong, but what is right/wrong for/to them.

2.  I have no reservations about honestly speaking what I feel is "right" or "wrong", or when others do the same -- it's political correctness that I detest.






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