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When you say "No." - 6/4/2011 10:24:08 AM   
TimrehIX


Posts: 75
Joined: 6/29/2009
Status: offline 		I have been playing with a Dom for a little while now. He is sexy as hell and a little mean, (which I like) but he has this punishment in mind for me that I am unwilling to submit too. I haven’t earned it yet but who can stay perfect forever? 

He wants to sound me with a qtip. Through my own research (google) and the health forum it has become clear that it’s not really a safe thing to do and could lead to a UTI. He knows one of my hard limits is nothing that could get me sick. I worry that when I say no to this he will lose interest in me as a sub/slave/pup. It’s very disappointing but I am not willing to risk it.

So what I am looking for are some stories where other sub types have had to say “No.” and what came of it. Kind of moral support.
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RE: When you say "No." - 6/4/2011 10:29:59 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		How will other's stories help you? It is your relationship. You just say no if something is that much of a hard limit.

I said no to things that I ended up not liking or will not do. If your partner drops you, then they were not much of a partner were they?

Just because you are a sub and you like this dude does not mean you have to do everything he says. Be a strong person.

(in reply to TimrehIX)
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RE: When you say "No." - 6/4/2011 10:41:07 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It depends on your relationship really.

In my current relationship "no" is not an option. It's either "yes" or "go". But I didn't just jump into a relationship with him and I know he's not stupid and he thinks out everything he does so I'm rarely concerned with anything he does to me. We're also not casual players nor do I do casual play.

I would say if this is a new guy and/or it's casual then you say "no" when you feel uncomfortable and it's just not something you want to do.

If it's a new guy and you're trying to build a relationship with him and you find yourself saying "no" often enough then it's time to rethink just how compatible you both are because in the end you may find yourself saying no so often that there is no play and one of you becomes resentful to the other.


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RE: When you say "No." - 6/4/2011 10:56:17 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Don't say No just yet.  Tell him the truth, that you've done some research and have some concerns.  See how he handles that.  In my case, I have suggested things that had more serious ramifications than I was aware of, and I thanked my sub for mentioning them.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: When you say "No." - 6/4/2011 11:24:21 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TimrehIX
So what I am looking for are some stories where other sub types have had to say “No.” and what came of it. Kind of moral support.

Carol doesn't say "no"... but our relationship is vastly different than your on pretty much every count. My point here is that you can't really look to other people's stories because they will always occur in other people's relationships. I'm going to go with something like:

Don't wait. Tell him right now and quite firmly the answer to that is "no". If he "loses interest" then he and you have incompatible priorities. Best to find that out now. If he asks "Why not?" and you two explore the various ins and outs together and he actually listens then that opens the door to lots of possible resolutions to the conflict.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to TimrehIX)
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RE: When you say "No." - 6/4/2011 11:27:14 AM   
DeviantMan


Posts: 131
Joined: 5/27/2011
From: Greece
Status: offline 		Ideally, anyone on the Dom side, should do their own research on the potential problems a certain idea might cause to their sub(s)... however, we're all just humans... (OK, YOU are all just humans, and I'm a crazy deity... did I mention I'm modest too?), and as humans we can, and will, skip things from our mind, or neglect complications, or problems..
So, basically, what many already said... talk to your Dom, explain your concerns, and try to find a golden point of communication... if he really wants to do that, and you're not willing to take any risks, there might be an alternative, or two, to it, something that will get both him happy, and you safe.

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RE: When you say "No." - 6/4/2011 11:31:28 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I would suggest explaining why you can't do this. But if he's more concerned with expanding his kink list than making sure you're safe, he isn't much of a friend and you will be better off without him.

Beyond that, it's a slippery slope doing things for punishment that the person won't submit to in play. Because then he'll go looking for excuses to punish you in order to do it. And that's just wrong.


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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: When you say "No." - 6/4/2011 11:36:03 AM   
risktaker9


Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline 		I'd say offer something like what DarkSteven said. Tell him you're concerned with his idea and tell him why, see how the conversation goes. It's a poor leader that thinks they know everything and have all the answers.

(in reply to TimrehIX)
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RE: When you say "No." - 6/4/2011 5:48:49 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I am in a relationship of over 2 years that has evolved to M/s.

His very first rule that did not change during the conversion is I never give up my right to say "no".

Unusual for that to be a part of an M/s relationship?
Yes.

I trust him not to harm me and if he wanted to do something and I had information as to why doing it that way was a bad idea, he would expect me to tell him.
However, my Master is aware of basic health precautions.
It sounds like you are as well.

Your dom might be simply ignorant, but I find it disturbing that he would want to do something that could have dire consequensences without having researched it.

As my Master says: "If you break your toys, you can't play with them."

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(in reply to TimrehIX)
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RE: When you say "No." - 6/5/2011 2:00:24 AM   
OwnedFemaleFlesh


Posts: 182
Joined: 4/9/2011
Status: offline 		This seems a little back to front to me, you haven't done anything wrong yet he's already got a punishment in mind for you? He obviously wants to do it anyway, and is just looking for an 'excuse' to carry it out. Ordinarily I would say he should stop waiting for a justification and just do it anyway, but considering what it is, obviously that is not an option in this case.

I must admit, it sounds like a ridiculous idea. Urethral play is tricky enough as it is, even with the right equipment, why on earth would he want to be shoving cotton buds down there?! Does he have a plan b for when he withdraws it and the cotton tip gets left behind inside you? Not to mention the damage caused by the scratchy edges of the plastic rod.

There are two different ways this could go. He could, quite reasonably, accept that this is a silly idea and that your no is final. Or he might not. But you have a responsibility to your own health to be firm with him about this. It is no good pushing all the blame off onto him just because he's the Dom - this is your choice whether to submit or not, and you've already decided you won't so you have to be firm about it.

I've said no to Doms a fair few times, sometimes they get really stupid ideas and you just have to give them a reality check. I know this is not exactly what you asked for, but good luck anyway.

owned xxx

(in reply to TimrehIX)
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RE: When you say "No." - 6/5/2011 2:14:42 AM   
fadedshadow


Posts: 751
Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
Status: offline 		my opinion is if he's wanting to do something to you, knowing it's a hard limit of yours, then i say he's not worth your time. a decent master, not to mention a decent person, will respect the limits of his/her partner(s)

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RE: When you say "No." - 6/5/2011 2:16:37 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		Not everyone does research or understands...

Case and point I had a partner when i was 18 who i was with ... He loved pierced nipples, talked about it all the time....every time he touched my nipples... i wish these were pierced...

He did no research on how long, he just wanted it done...

So I researched it I asked him if he was sure and I did it for his birthday...I went through the pain of the piercings....to show them too him...

His first reaction was to try to tug on them... the second to add 5 pound weights to each...

When i told him no it wasnt allowed they had to heal he got even more upset..

..The moral of this story is some people just want to try or do something regardless of wither or not its a smart idea or that it needs a lot of research....and honest careful consideration...


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(in reply to OwnedFemaleFlesh)
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RE: When you say "No." - 6/5/2011 7:53:29 PM   
couldbemage


Posts: 112
Joined: 7/16/2008
Status: offline 		Qtip sounding ain't that dangerous. Done it. Had it done to me.

Bunch of times.

...and can healed piercings hold appreciably more weight? I've hung from fresh holes, that's how it's usually done ...

(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
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RE: When you say "No." - 6/6/2011 2:38:50 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		i cant say no either however he knows my limits and my hard limits and would not push them with out dicussion and getnly exploration first. soft limits he will and does push he may ask me if i want to and he knows by how i react (he reads me and my body so well) if he can carry on or has t stop. hardlimits never without full agreement but as they are simialr to his its not reallly an issue

(in reply to couldbemage)
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RE: When you say "No." - 6/6/2011 3:32:16 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		No ain't allowed in her vocabulary. She can however, offer to show me new info, relevant facts etc... that may have bearing on my actions as long as she understands and accepts that the final decision is mine.

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RE: When you say "No." - 6/6/2011 4:04:11 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

No ain't allowed in her vocabulary. She can however, offer to show me new info, relevant facts etc... that may have bearing on my actions as long as she understands and accepts that the final decision is mine.


This.

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RE: When you say "No." - 6/6/2011 4:19:06 AM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		The first time I said no to him..... Was one weekend when I had a migraine so bad I was already throwing up and he kept pushing me more and more and more and more..... He and his slave would soon be back to the "make up" stage of things and I need somewhere to sleep so I decided I was going to a hotel. He asked me to stay and I said NO.   That was the beginning of the end for me there!!!   I guess that's what some "dom's" mean by obey or go... because then they called to tell me I couldn't come back home. In the end I was fortunate enough to get two weeks to be able to come back and find a place to live and what not...
So, for me saying no is the best damn thing I ever did... Your experience may be vastly different though.
Kali


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~~Sweedish Proverb


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RE: When you say "No." - 6/6/2011 4:37:05 AM   
0ldhen


Posts: 2221
Joined: 12/27/2010
From: Henhouse in Trolltopia, Harleyville USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: couldbemage

Qtip sounding ain't that dangerous. Done it. Had it done to me.

Bunch of times.
...and can healed piercings hold appreciably more weight? I've hung from fresh holes, that's how it's usually done ...



Hmm.....the above quited is NEVER EVER a good reason to do anything!

Next, the first rule in any relationship I would ever participate in is this;

Protect The Property



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Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't.

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(in reply to couldbemage)
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RE: When you say "No." - 6/6/2011 5:26:18 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

The first time I said no to him..... Was one weekend when I had a migraine so bad I was already throwing up and he kept pushing me more and more and more and more..... He and his slave would soon be back to the "make up" stage of things and I need somewhere to sleep so I decided I was going to a hotel. He asked me to stay and I said NO.   That was the beginning of the end for me there!!!   I guess that's what some "dom's" mean by obey or go... because then they called to tell me I couldn't come back home. In the end I was fortunate enough to get two weeks to be able to come back and find a place to live and what not...
So, for me saying no is the best damn thing I ever did... Your experience may be vastly different though.
Kali




Can I just say... and people wonder why..... 

You're a smart girl, Kali.


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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: When you say "No." - 6/6/2011 5:43:41 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: couldbemage

Qtip sounding ain't that dangerous. Done it. Had it done to me.

Bunch of times.



Duh, yeah I'm sure Michael Hutchence had experimented with autoerotic asphyxiation before and it didn't kill him - until it all went wrong...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

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(in reply to couldbemage)
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