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samboct -> RE: High school rape leads to $35,000 fee.. to be paid by the victim (6/7/2011 12:29:52 PM)
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Hi Tazzy
I didn't see the story about the 16 y.o. HS student come up, but what I heard showed enough of the problem.
Here are my thoughts-
1) The definition of rape is now so broad as to be counterproductive. While the claim of 1 in 5 college women are raped makes great scare headlines, it is not accurate. I suspect that this lack of clarity is leading to a loophole in sexual attackers minds. If they consider rape to be an attack on a stranger- then "date rape" isn't rape at all. Thus by conflating statistics and coming up with a claim that's absurd, the organizations have perhaps unwittingly come across as minimizing the whole of rape.
2) As an example, in college I knew one woman that was raped- and she was an officer in the Israeli army (and a student.) So much for being able to defend yourself- surprise is a powerful weapon even on a trained individual.
3) Did I know women that had unwelcome sexual experiences? Yes- a friend reported that she had spent some time with a man and then woke up in her own room with a raw vagina- no memory of consent in sex.
4) Have I ever been close to being a "date rapist"? Yes- and this is what worries me. A woman who was a casual friend had come over for dinner and we began kissing. I progressed to kissing her breasts and undressing her at which point we entered my bedroom. I was excitedly taking off her jeans when I noticed she was crying- silently. It dawned on me that something was wrong, and I took a couple of deep breaths and asked her what was going on. She told me she felt uncomfortable at which point we both got dressed and called it a night. We're still friends over two dozen years later- and we did engage in some sexual play in later years.
Here's the problem. Sex is an act of passion. Careful reasoned judgement doesn't necessarily enter into it. You're not thinking, gee- will she like it if I kiss her nipple- it's more a thought process of wow- I wanna kiss that! Or stroke it, or smack it or stick my dick in it.... Add some alcohol and there's even less judgement involved.
I got lucky- or maybe I'm just a bit more patient than some of these other boys/men were. But had I persisted with my friend and not noticed or paid much attention to her tears- it would have been an honest misunderstanding. I didn't want to hurt her- I thought she wanted to have sex. Clearly at some point she had changed her mind. I have a lot of trouble when that's called rape.
In terms of the institutional issues where men are using drugs to rape women- clearly one of root causes is the pernicious effect of dollars in athletics on campus. The need to keep these dollars flowing leads to campus officials and employees turning a blind eye to athletes transgressions both academically and socially. This benefits neither the athletes nor the school.
5) More accurate reporting would lead people to take the rape statistics more seriously. If at a party, a male can ask 10 women and none of them say they've been raped- well, the rape statistics begin to sound like the arguments against marijuana use. In contrast- if the statistics would report say one in 20 women are raped on campus- I suspect that would be far more believable and actionable. And toss out the term "date rape" it's inaccurate.
6) Cops and courts don't like scientists. They're not eager to utilize DNA evidence more fully because it reduces their power as well as their ability to put people in jail for crimes they didn't commit. As far as I can tell, courts would be happier with trials involving witchcraft rather than science. It doesn't matter whether it's a speeding ticket, a vehicular homicide, or rape.
Sam
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