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ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Zippy I am so sorry for your loss...
 
You say she has lost her focus on work and on her family....these are big things....she could not have lost them with out wanting to loose them, and now she wants to put that responsibility on you, which in all fairness you do own some of, but not all....but this is not about blame this is about healing....and to me the way she can facilitate healing the fastest is for her to take personal inventory and personal responsibility as to why she allowed and chose to discard these two very important aspects of her self identity.

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ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

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ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

I am confused too, I thought him calling her HIS little one, what you were referring too....can you explain?

Pet names are pet names & I would never be so pretentious as to suggest that a pet name someone uses for their loved one would be wrong... I refer to my submissive as my girl or as Becca, either one is proper for 'us'... many might argue that my using a capital for her name is wrong, to each their own. Capitals or lack thereof do not define a person.

In fact I think little one is rather cute... it is up to her as to what feeling it evokes. That is something Zippy & his little one will have to talk about.

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ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist

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ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Zippy I am so sorry for your loss...
 
You say she has lost her focus on work and on her family....these are big things....she could not have lost them with out wanting to loose them, and now she wants to put that responsibility on you, which in all fairness you do own some of, but not all....but this is not about blame this is about healing....and to me the way she can facilitate healing the fastest is for her to take personal inventory and personal responsibility as to why she allowed and chose to discard these two very important aspects of her self identity.

I don't get this. You say in your post that it isn't about blame, but you're throwing blame around. Why? I don't understand how his wife lost her focus, but it isn't anyone's fault. It's disturbing, perhaps, that she allowed herself to get so focused on one thing, but it's equally disturbing that he focused so completely on the one aspect of their relationship.

These observations, however, are not cause for blame. Things happen. It's great that they're both taking the time to realign with the rest of their lives.

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ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

Zippy I am so sorry for your loss...
 
You say she has lost her focus on work and on her family....these are big things....she could not have lost them with out wanting to loose them, and now she wants to put that responsibility on you, which in all fairness you do own some of, but not all....but this is not about blame this is about healing....and to me the way she can facilitate healing the fastest is for her to take personal inventory and personal responsibility as to why she allowed and chose to discard these two very important aspects of her self identity.

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Seriously, she lost the ability to act or react to anything without seeking my advice, council, or permission in any way. While she still craves being submissive to me, she knows that she has to find herself again and try to be "whole." 

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Another that is of (sopmewhat) my own making is the following: Warning signs of a potentially unsafe master .....

1)Extreme obsessiveness regarding the master resulting in the exclusion of almost every practical consideration.

2)Individual identity and master as distinct and separate categories of existence become increasingly blurred. Instead, in the slaves mind these identities become substantially and increasingly fused--as that person's involvement with the master continues and deepens.

3)Whenever the master is criticized or questioned it is characterized as "persecution".

4)Uncharacteristically stilted and seemingly programmed conversation and mannerisms, cloning of the master in personal behavior.

5)Dependency upon the master for problem solving, solutions, and definitions without meaningful reflective thought. A seeming inability to think independently or analyze situations without masters involvement.

6)Hyperactivity centered on the masters agenda, which seems to supercede any personal goals or individual interests.

7)A dramatic loss of spontaneity and sense of humor.

8)Increasing isolation from family and old friends unless they demonstrate an interest in the master.

9)Anything the master does can be justified no matter how harsh or harmful.

10)Former slaves are at best-considered negative or worse evil and under bad influences. They can not be trusted and personal contact is avoided.

The reason I say somewhat of my making is that I took a list that was warning signs of being in a religious cult and just replaced the word "cult leader" with "master". 

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ORIGINAL: TopZippy

Just recently I and my little one broke up. She was my wife/slave in a 24/7 releationship, but now she has moved out and our D/s relationship is ended/suspended.
She was dedicated to me to such an extreme that she lost focus on who she was as a person. In some ways, her complete devotion is exactly what I thought a slave should have for her Master. The fact is, however, that she focused on me so totally that she began to loose focus on her R/W obligations, such as her job and her family.
Seriously, she lost the ability to act or react to anything without seeking my advice, council, or permission in any way. While she still craves being submissive to me, she knows that she has to find herself again and try to be "whole."
Now, my perspective on this is that she had all the right "moves," but I failed to see that she was loosing her identity.
The question: Does her assertion that she needs to be away from me in order to find herself have any merit? I feel that it does, but my judgement is clouded as she was not only my slave, but my wife and life-partner as well.
This is a difficult time, in some ways, for me right now. Your advice is appreciated!

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ORIGINAL: TopZippy

Quivver, you are right is saying that the drift of focus went unnoticed by me. I believe I understand my fault in this situation. I should have seen it, but in all fairness, she hid it from me very well, and then dropped the bomb on me. I berate myself for missing what should have been obvious to an attentive Master. In this I learned a lesson: Just because a slave says that she is happy, does not mean that it is so. When the word "Nothing" is used, be sure to look futher. <grin> A Master must look beyond what is presented and see the core of his slave. In that, I admit failure. To my eyes, she appeared to me, a perfect, attentive slave. The main cause of failure is communication difficulties.

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ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

TopZippy, you could have led her out of it gently. That is the way it should be done. From what you said, you worked to make your wife/slave so slavelike, yet, now you want to take a break to help her, while saying in your profile that you want another submissive. So your way of "helping"  her over this major emotional problem she has is to leave her alone and find someone else to play with. Just maybe, you need to check your motives.

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ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

wow I have to say I am really surprised by the blame here on this topic. It is almost as though folks feel that once you become a slave you give up your personal responsibility. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image]

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ORIGINAL: petwolf22
Can't the slave's personality and behavior tendencies contribute to these behaviors as well?  A master isn't fully to blame if the slave came into the relationship with severe codependency issues....the M/s relationship may have given her an outlet to fully realize these dependency needs which may have been latent before.