FTM in SF. BD/SM is not my entire life.

FTM in SF. BD/SM is not my entire life. (Full Version)

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asherboy -> FTM in SF. BD/SM is not my entire life. (5/14/2006 9:27:09 AM)
I suspect that means I don't get to call myself "serious". It seems to me that the following happened, at some point in the history of the kinky community. First we noticed that standard relationship models weren't working for us. Then, facing much opposition and marginalization, we broke free of those models. Next, we made our own models— top and bottom, bear and cub, daddy/boy and daddy/girl, femdomme, Gor, master and slave. These worked well for many of us. Finally, we have made those relationship models virtually mandatory in the kink community, and kinky people for whom they don't work well feel marginalized. Full circle. Using labels: I'm a switch who's comfortable with the title, and who leans more towards submission. I'm a trans man who is attracted to masculinity and to androgyny. I identify as gay and bi and queer. I'm a serious student of many things. I enjoy having an equal relationship outside the bedroom and a switchy one in the bedroom. Kinky sex is important to me— I love being taken, and I love giving my all; I love surrendering myself to someone who's shown me that my surrender isn't necessary, and I love fighting for the top only to be put down. I love being in charge of someone else's sensation and pleasure, but in that moment when I am most dominant it is all about them. I can only do this with whole people, and I'm confused by the number of characters I see in the scene. I don't want to have to play a character to find what I want. You should contact me if you have some, many, or all of the following traits: +are a real person +are male-identified +are toppy or switchy +know what a trans man is, or are teachable +have a life outside the scene +want a friend/playpal/relationship partner who is giving, caring, strong, gentle, ferocious, creative, and joyful +fantasize about having/being a brother-in-arms +love receiving massages +love wrestling +want to tie me up and make me helpless +want to top me from the bottom +are trustworthy +want to fuck a boy who has an extra hole for your pleasure +are pagan or spiritual and consider kink a part of your spiritual life, while still keeping your feet on the ground or want to discuss any of these things. Thanks for reading. Regards, asher

ElectraGlide -> RE: FTM in SF. BD/SM is not my entire life. (5/14/2006 7:46:29 PM)
Welcome to CM. Be sure to get involved in the forums.

Najakcharmer -> RE: FTM in SF. BD/SM is not my entire life. (5/14/2006 8:46:35 PM)
Welcome, brother. I almost walked that particular road, once upon a time, and still feel drawn to it. The end of my own path was to find self-acceptance in both gender identities while remaining in the body I was born in, but for most seriously gender-questioning people, that just isn't enough. It's a hard road to walk and I wish you every success on it.

asherboy -> RE: FTM in SF. BD/SM is not my entire life. (5/15/2006 8:58:18 AM)
Thanks for your welcome, both of you. I tried hard to go the androgyne route. For one thing it just seemed cooler. But I couldn't do it. I felt like I was trying to stay in a constant liminal state, and one important thing— one holy thing— about liminality is that it's bounded by time. If liminality becomes permanent, it translates into marginality. Er. Sorry. This was in my thesis. embarassed asher

Najakcharmer -> RE: FTM in SF. BD/SM is not my entire life. (5/15/2006 10:08:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: asherboy I tried hard to go the androgyne route. For one thing it just seemed cooler. But I couldn't do it. I felt like I was trying to stay in a constant liminal state, and one important thing— one holy thing— about liminality is that it's bounded by time. If liminality becomes permanent, it translates into marginality. A fairly popular theme in religious practices classified as ecstatic or shamanic is the "world between worlds" that marks the boundaries of sacred space. Passing through this liminal state may also be a theme of initiation or a rite of life passage. A boy becoming a man would be one classic example of a rite of life passage. My own experience of gender is that it is a pendulum. For nearly two years, it was stuck so far in the direction of "male" that I felt deeply uncomfortable in my own body and took steps to change and reshape it through weight lifting and body recomposion. I thought hard about chemical means also, but promised myself that I would research this well and thoroughly for at least a year while living on my own away from any partners' expectations first. Celibacy sucked, but at least I got to throw away all my girly underwear and replace them with boxer shorts. And the body re-shaping via weight bench went pretty well too. Small successes like that made me feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin. The research I did on the surgical options made me fairly unhappy; I don't think there are many really good choices right now for FTM's. What I learned about myself personally (though it certainly may not apply to other people with gender questioning issues) was that away from EVERYONE else's expectations, my gender pendulum could get unstuck and I could have periods of feeling more female as well as more male. At this point I'm okay in a female body and even okay being overtly feminine at times, which is not something I've ever been comfortable with in my life before. It's also okay for me to strap up, pack on and let Daddy all the way out to express himself. I have learned that I am me. I am not bounded or defined by gender. Gender is just a game I play, and this is just the body I live in. Works for me. I hope you find your own answers that work for you.

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