Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

A Question for those who start online....


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> A Question for those who start online.... Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
A Question for those who start online.... - 10/12/2004 12:35:51 AM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		I don't know,, maybe I'm feeling cynical. I do accept there are those that are online only and seek nothing more. This is more for those who *did* hope for more. Do you know many people that started *learning* online, seeking nothing more than *cyber* dominants or submissives that found cyber relationship that they were able to move to rl that has lasted 2 years or more? In other words, how often does the fantasy of cyber live up to the reality of everyday when dealing with something that *last* for any *real* length of time?

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/12/2004 5:14:35 AM   
velvettears


Posts: 60
Joined: 9/18/2004
Status: offline 		Well i am not sure i can answer this question the way it should be but will tell of my story and maybe give some insight. I met my husband online. He was dominant i was not submissive. At least i didn't think i was until we talked about the lifestyle. I started to become aware of my desires through our talks and he taught me a lot about the lifestyle. When he collared me it was online and we did "cyber" and even did on the phone as well. But the desire to serve him in r/l, and i am guessing his desire to control, became so intense that we had to meet r/l. So after 9 months of online servitude we finally met. After our first meeting we kept away from the "cyber" and did everything r/l lol. We eventually got married and had been married for 10 years til he passed away in an accident. I don't know how different things would have been if we had first met r/l. I may have been afraid to get in touch with my desires and shy away from it, or i may have jumped him right away and started serving immediately i don't know. But for that time, online helped me ease into real life scenes and eventual marriage. Make sense? Hope so.

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/12/2004 8:05:13 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I began online and moved into realtime. Two of my three relationships lasted 2 years and the second of them is still continuing.

I started online for 2 reasons- I was underage and I was shy.

I think I learned a lot, as I was able to find out what I thought I wanted. That thinking took some refining, once I moved to realtime, but I definatly had a place to start from.

Also, as a legally underage person who was aware of her sexuality, the anonimity of the net allowed me to explore without endangering myself or others. I knew I didnt' plan on meeting, untill I was legal, so I never gave that indication to the partners whom I told I was 18.

So, yes, I think the net can be a useful start to see what you want, what you don't want, to learn and to explore.

I prefer -not- to meet my partners through the net, however, as there are far too many variables for me. I'd rather meet in a face to face setting, and see how it goes.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to velvettears)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/12/2004 9:09:58 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Well, I had plenty of real time experience before I even had a computer.
So, I cannot answer that part of the question.

When I was released from my situation I did go online...searching. After a couple of years I gave up. Those who proclaim themselves something just usually are'nt as most of us already know.
I was in a regular so cal chat room when I ran into Doug. Neither one of us knew each other's affiliations at the time. Yet, we started talking and found out soon enough.

Going on 6 years. New people at the munch were thinking we were already married.

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/12/2004 9:31:21 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Sandy -
I hope you don't mind if I may add one question to your post. I was thinking about it as a separate question as part of my campaign to facilitate having more on-liners make the transition to a real time experience, but I think the question is more important as a corollary of your question.

How many who began their relationships on-line, transitioned to real time, had bad experience or the relationship terminated for any reason and then reverted back exclusively to on-line? Is so - Why? Was it by choice or because you couldn't get to the point of trust again to meet another partner?

Merc

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/12/2004 1:07:50 PM   
cariad


Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline 		well some of Y/you may be cynical, this slave can and will tell Y/you she stated off in an online relationship with Master SirTigerman and after having spoken on the phone, emails, and messenger several times, W/we finally met in August of this year after having known each O/other for thirteen months. it was more than this slave expected, in that she didn't go there expecting anything out of the ordinary for her.

this slave was treated with more respect both as a person and a slave, she didn't expect Him to hold her hand in public or kiss her, tell her that He loves her but He did all these things and so much more.

there is or was a thread going around about how some of those who do the online thing are too damned scared to move forward to real life and how some lack experience, time and whatever else was in the thread.

as a slave nothing angers this one more than to hear that because while there are those who do strictly online, there are those of U/us who take and move into the R/L world with our Masters/Mistresses, or vise versa.

this slave will close in saying: Master and herself are both very happy with the way O/our relatinship is going. it was only to be an online relationship but has turned into her being collared R/L, and even 3000miles is a long way to go to see Him it's worth every penny and the calls to each O/other are great.

_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/12/2004 2:19:09 PM   
BigBadVoodooDadd


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/23/2004
Status: offline 		I never thought much of on-line relationships. Like everyone out there, I think, I gave it a shot but there is nothing that was worth it. We hear about the people that succeed in those and we think that it is possible for us to find love over the net but in the end we are left all alone.

I think it is a great thing to find people over the interned in your area, meaning people within say 200 mile radius where you are able to meet after a few weeks and actually see the person. Not just that but they can't bee too far away because that makes meetings on a regular basis completely impossible. We all know that long distance relationships don't work, and we actually know the person and have touched them and felt them and kissed them. Why would one assume that a relationship would succeed when you have not seen the person, have not touched them, do not know how truthful and honest they are and we have no way of actually having them fulfill our needs?

The on line relationships are really hard to work and in the end are a waste of our time. Whatever the lesson was of that relationship we would have learned in a 10th of a time in a R/L relationship.

I hate being a pessimist but that is life.

I hope this helps!

BBVD

(in reply to cariad)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/14/2004 5:33:27 AM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		While i can not say that i 'started learning' online....i did infact believe that Thorns and i would only ever be an online interest. He lived in Germany...i was in Michigan. I was going through shit that i did not have the time of day for...let alone bring someone into my life that i wanted to be with r/t.
This changed of course *chucklez* we met after about 4 months online...we also realised that maybe it would only be once a year that we would get that opportunity...we both were ok with that. Time took a turn of events...He moved back to the States a few months later....after traveling back and forth...i moved down here to be with Him. It has now been about four years.
He is all i have ever wanted in a Man...He is the best part of me...He is my very next breath. I worship the very ground this Man walks on.
The transistion to r/t was not easy...there were circumstances going on...we weathered the storm....we grow together...learn together and communicate!

I will also add that because we started off online...i think there was even more communication at that time...the know what we want talk...the real stuff talk...the getting to know each other was more intense (at the time). Taking a 'cyber relationship' to r/t was awesome for us....we already knew each other...we know each others darkest secrets...fantasies...wants...needs.

Ok...i think i need more coffee...i can type/talk about The Man for hours *chucklez*

have a good day y'all...

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/14/2004 7:56:48 AM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		Cariad, honestly the question wasn't meant to insult those who meet online. I have said from day one I met my own master online. But, we started talking just as friends, and when we considered taking it more personal, things moved fast. To me, the internet is just a tool. I can't personally serve tools, I need a person in my life.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to cariad)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/15/2004 4:52:13 AM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline 		Estrict,
Lazloe and i also met online as friends. we were about 4 hours apart so were nothing more than friends for 3 years. He did come in town a couple times for work and we met for dinner. He had a slave and i was involved in an online relationship at the time. Infact the second time we met for dinner my online relationship had moved up from Houston to live with me. That realatioship failed and i set him back to Houston. In the mean time Laz had released His slave a couple months before i kicked my bum to Houston. As soon as Laz heard the news He decided it would be a good time to visit me. i was hesitant at first but He talked me into it. Am i ever glad He did!!! For 6 months we took turns making the 4 hour drive for weekend visits. Then i moved to be with Him. We've moved a few times since then but have been inseprable for over two years now.
Making the transition from online friends to D/s was not always easy, but i think starting as friends did a great deal to make us strong enough to bend in the winds.
lil_joy

(in reply to EStrict)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/15/2004 4:58:48 AM   
MaitresseEden


Posts: 477
Joined: 8/8/2004
From: Houston, Texas
Status: offline 		I meet people online all the time. I will chat with them online, very rarely I may have the demonstrate thier obiendance and willingness to serve via webcam, VERY RARELY.. and only to insure compliance.. then I meet them in person. I think online can be a great tool for meeting someone, but not for Service and D/s It is work for me, and deprives me of pleasure. So it is strictly an interview tool now. However it wasn't always so. Years ago it was a masturbatory tool that enabled me to satisfy my sadistic carnal cravings when it wasn't always physicall possible for me to do so.

Ms. Eden


_____________________________

"If I didnt define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other peoples fantasies for me and eaten alive. - Audre Lorde"

(in reply to liljoy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/16/2004 6:11:48 AM   
GentleMistress


Posts: 116
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline 		Being someone who is searching for online only, perhaps i should not even be posting here lol. Why online only is rather personal and will explain to anyone who really wants to know if they message me on this site. This being said i will admit that though i fulfill some of my own desires of dominating a sub/slave online....real life would probably be more enjoyable if done with the right one.

With my situation, if i have an online sub/slave who says "hey i found someone real life and want to explore it in real" then I am happy for them. sincerely, because my r/l situation can not provide them with real life D/s. They know that upfront....so if they are looking for r/l then they dont contact me, as simple as that.

Thanks for letting me vent my opinion.

(in reply to MaitresseEden)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/16/2004 1:59:46 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

With my situation, if i have an online sub/slave who says "hey i found someone real life and want to explore it in real" then I am happy for them. sincerely, because my r/l situation can not provide them with real life D/s.


That was my situation--online for 2 years then found a local Dom and took it to r/l. My online training prepared me well for real life.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to GentleMistress)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/16/2004 3:03:34 PM   
Zelda253


Posts: 3
Joined: 10/14/2004
Status: offline 		Online is very real to me. Fantasy is very real because it evokes very intense responses. It can change your chemistry. I would not even be exploring this release if I could not do it first online. I need to get in touch with how it feels without feeling threatened. Zelda

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/17/2004 6:05:32 PM   
afmvdp


Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline 		But that is where the line is drawn isn't it? Fantasy can be fine, but for those who are trying to make a fantasy into a reality are often left in the dust because the logical world doesn't relate well with the fanciful one and unless you aren't very creative in your fantasies or you're a bit schizophrenic...the two worlds don't exactly coexist too often.

Online can be a good place to perhaps meet someone, but it's no different in that respect to a club or a bar or a bookstore. It's just a tool in which you may happen to stumble across something interesting and if so you take it from there...but for those that sort of live in the psuedo cyberlife...bring them into the flesh world is often a task and a half. Which is why if a person is unwilling or unable to meet with me after x ammount of time from talking online, I normally ask them rather bluntly what their fears are or what they're trying to hide and from there it's a quick razor cut on my ties to them unless a rather sudden turn of action comes about.

(in reply to Zelda253)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/19/2004 9:18:34 AM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		I met somebody online playing an internet RPG who ended up flying to where I live and introduced me to the Lifestyle.

She met somebody (well, actually, she met quite a few) online who ended up being with me after the first one and I broke up.

My experiences searching on-line did not turn out very well.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to afmvdp)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A Question for those who start online.... - 10/19/2004 10:32:32 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		I did.

And we are now well into 7 years of living together.

It can happen. *smile*

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 17
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> A Question for those who start online.... Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078