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Different genders treated differently. - 6/9/2011 9:37:52 PM

Hillwilliam

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Background here. I'm not shy in a crowd but I'm "straight as a Kansas interstate".

I began officially with this wonderful group of activities known as WIITWD a couple of decades ago. With the women in My life, I am NOT sadistic.

Several months ago at a small event, I was asked (I guess because I have heavily built shoulders and arms) if I wanted to flog a male sub. I started to decline but thought "During a dozen or so years of My athletic and coaching career, I was many times called a 'sadist' even when I was still in HS. Why not?"

DAYUMMMM it was fun.

I was later asked if I wished to flog a female sub and declined pleading a sore shoulder but the truth is that I honestly can't find it in Myself to flog a woman hard (I'm not talking about 'funishment' with a cat or crop, I can DO that) but if a man is there and I'm in a mood, that fucker will BLEED.

Has anyone else had similar experiences or am I just a sick bastard?

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/9/2011 10:06:34 PM

BendingGender

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I haven't had the same experience exactly, but I understand what you mean. For me it's not gender specific, perhaps simply because I'm bisexual. But I do find that certain people will bring out my drive to step up to the plate and swing until we're sweaty and our limbs feel like jelly. And some people more often draw out a protective "cuddly" streak. I will say this though... thus far I haven't met someone I was into and couldn't see myself flogging. But the frequency of that particular urge may come and go depending on who they are... what I feel about them... how casual or serious the relationship is between us, etc.

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(in reply to Hillwilliam)

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/9/2011 10:16:53 PM

HeatherMcLeather

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Well obviously I can't answer this one no matter how much philosophizing I do..

But I'm very interested in what others have to say.

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/9/2011 10:40:07 PM

LadyPact

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I'm the exact opposite, Hill. I'm an equal opportunity sadist when it comes to the gender issue.

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/9/2011 10:47:31 PM

Hillwilliam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm the exact opposite, Hill. I'm an equal opportunity sadist when it comes to the gender issue.

I guess it just proves that everyone is different eh?

_____________________________

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Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/9/2011 10:49:10 PM

myotherself

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Oddly enough I have encountered the opposite. As a masochist I am happy to be beaten/flogged/whatever by anyone I choose (when I was single). At a fet club I had done a little play with a very good male Dom friend of mine, and we had got chatting to a Domme that I knew slightly and he knew rather better.

She said she wanted to play, but her usual (male) play partner hadn't turned up that night. Being in a very maso mood that night, I told her she could play with me if she liked - maybe double-team with my male friend. She was totally horrified! Said she could beat a man for as long as she wanted, but couldn't bring herself to hit another woman.

The use of language intrigued me too - she specifically said 'beat' a man, and 'hit' a woman. She couldn't explain why she felt like that, but I thought it rather interesting.

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/9/2011 11:48:02 PM

Palliata

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I feel the same way to some extent. I am definitely capable of being extremely sadistic with both genders, but I will reach a threshold with females that I start to get uncomfortable and don't want to push harder. It's damned rare to find a sub with the tolerance to get there, but that limit exists. With males I'm not sure that limit is there. If it does it's way past the point where my SSC blinker goes off and says it's time to quit before things get ugly, and so I've never experienced it. I realized at some point that the reason I enjoyed barfighting so much was vaguely sexual - I was getting off on hurting other guys. As for 'as straight as a Kansas interstate' that's something I probably never was. I don't list myself as bi because I don't seek out those sorts of encounters, but under the right circumstances it sometimes falls into place.

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/9/2011 11:53:03 PM

Hillwilliam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Palliata

I feel the same way to some extent. I am definitely capable of being extremely sadistic with both genders, but I will reach a threshold with females that I start to get uncomfortable and don't want to push harder. It's damned rare to find a sub with the tolerance to get there, but that limit exists. With males I'm not sure that limit is there. If it does it's way past the point where my SSC blinker goes off and says it's time to quit before things get ugly, and so I've never experienced it. I realized at some point that the reason I enjoyed barfighting so much was vaguely sexual - I was getting off on hurting other guys. As for 'as straight as a Kansas interstate' that's something I probably never was. I don't list myself as bi because I don't seek out those sorts of encounters, but under the right circumstances it sometimes falls into place.

Thanks for the info and inside exp folks.

I was a wrestler and/or coach for 13 years. At times I was nationally ranked.
That's where I mentioned I had been called a 'sadist' as early as HS. I just found out that it is a lot easier to defeat an opponent if you make him 'willing' to be defeated. In other words make him HURT.

I just thought the dichotomy was unusual. I can be sadistic to men but I'm not at all attracted sexually to them. I'm VERY attracted sexually to women but I can't be sadistic to them.

Shrugs. It's all fun.

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Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to Palliata)

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/10/2011 3:04:51 AM

Arpig

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See now I'm sort of the opposite Hill, I have sadistic desires with women, but very little such inclination towards men, and I'm far more sexually attracted to women than men.

I don't really wonder why, its just the way things are.

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/10/2011 3:09:45 AM

OwnedFemaleFlesh

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam
I just thought the dichotomy was unusual. I can be sadistic to men but I'm not at all attracted sexually to them. I'm VERY attracted sexually to women but I can't be sadistic to them.

I'm not a sadist / Domme at all, but weirdly I enjoy persuading other female submissives to do things that I know hurt / suffer like a mofo, and I find it really fun and interesting. I have no interest in hurting men at all. I think it is something to do with my sexual attraction. I'm attracted to dominant men, so a submissive or masochistic man would turn me off, but because I'm not attracted to women at all, I have no problem entertaining myself with their submission / willingness to take pain and other uncomfortable things in a sort of friendly, co-conspirator way. Perhaps your mental map of what you are sexually attracted to does not involve s&m, but because you had no attraction for the man at all, it enabled the (non sexual) sadistic side of you to emerge.

owned xxx

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/10/2011 5:43:44 AM

Hillwilliam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnedFemaleFlesh

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam
I just thought the dichotomy was unusual. I can be sadistic to men but I'm not at all attracted sexually to them. I'm VERY attracted sexually to women but I can't be sadistic to them.

I'm not a sadist / Domme at all, but weirdly I enjoy persuading other female submissives to do things that I know hurt / suffer like a mofo, and I find it really fun and interesting. I have no interest in hurting men at all. I think it is something to do with my sexual attraction. I'm attracted to dominant men, so a submissive or masochistic man would turn me off, but because I'm not attracted to women at all, I have no problem entertaining myself with their submission / willingness to take pain and other uncomfortable things in a sort of friendly, co-conspirator way. Perhaps your mental map of what you are sexually attracted to does not involve s&m, but because you had no attraction for the man at all, it enabled the (non sexual) sadistic side of you to emerge.

owned xxx

There are many who equate WIITWD with sex.

They are incorrect. Sometimes (ok usually) it is an aspect but it isn't the end-all be-all.

ty for your input here.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to OwnedFemaleFlesh)

Post #: 11

RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/10/2011 5:50:09 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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I wouldn't go so far as to say there is no correlation between bdsm and sexuality. For you there may not be, but that's not the same for everyone else. And actually I do see a correlation for you sexually. People you see as sexually attractive bring out your dominant side including a healthy helping of protection, perhaps even some D/lg. People you don't view as possible partners don't bring that out in you, only your sadistic side.

And as far as MSLA's post, there's nothing wrong in him possessing a submissive side and wanting a domme to hurt him. There is everything wrong in him acting out to get that mod spank. Just ask for it next time is my advice.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 6/10/2011 5:58:34 AM >

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/10/2011 5:52:59 AM

Hillwilliam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I wouldn't go so far as to say there is no correlation between bdsm and sexuality. For you there may not be, but that's not the same for everyone else. And actually I do see a correlation for you sexually. People you see as sexually attractive bring out your dominant side including a healthy helping of protection, perhaps even some D/lg. People you don't view as possible partners don't bring that out in you, only your sadistic side.

Good point but I didnt say there was no correlation. I just said it isn't equated.

It definitely IS a percentage but let's face it, an outside linebacker trying to separate a running back from his head and make him NEVER want to come around that side of the field again isn't having sexual thoughts.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 13

RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/10/2011 11:22:03 AM

leadership527

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I'm also "not a sadist" Hill. I also can do the deed when I think it's useful. For me, it wouldn't come down to a gender thing so much as an expected result thing. I could beat anyone bloody that I thought would benefit from the experience. I know of at least one female slave who is WAY extreme in her masochism. If I was topping her, I'd be pretty sure that nothing I was going to do would even approach what her master regularly does so I wouldn't be holding back.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/10/2011 2:22:45 PM

analyticalmaster

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H, nothing wrong with the way you feel, every one is different. But I would suggest this to you, have you ever looked to yourself and asked yourself, who you are and why you are the way you are. I know you said you didn't do BDSM with the women in your life, which of course is quite ok, in fact you are with the great majority of folk. However I would suggest to you that you haven't considered it because you were programmed very well. We all are to some degree, don't assume that most men don't have trouble in this area, every one of does even if we will not admit it to anyone else. Even us hard core type Doms, while I really enjoy a good pain slut, I am considered a hard player in my community, which means I really enjoy administering a very good whipping on occasion, but it wasn't always the case. Men are programmed from day one, we do not hit women! actually it is WE DO NOT HIT WOMEN!!!! for most men, this is in fact a good rule. But there are a lot of women out there who want to be hit, for many reasons, Men too of course, Being a Top is about being responsible, something most men do not have a clue about. Getting drunk and popping your wife in the mouth is not being a Top, a Dom or a Master, it simple means you are an overgrown bully who picks on people who cant fight back. Strapping a willing bottom to a cross and whipping her hard because you enjoy the sadistic pleasure of it, and because she enjoys it or feels the need of it is a good and proper thing. It is a powerful sharing. But it is only for men who have self control, who enjoy the moment, but don't let the moment enjoy them. A top has to be extremely aware, he has to know what is going on with his bottom at all times, he cant get lost in the moment. He has to know when to stop and when to go harder (this isnt always easy, especially if you are very well acquainted with the bottom).

For the record, you should not whip anyone male or female, if you lack this control, beating someone bloody simply because can is not acceptable behavior. Always know where your bottoms limits are, make sure you are checking on them, make sure you can stop if you think things are getting out of hand. If you have the whip, you also have the responsibility.

(in reply to leadership527)

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/10/2011 4:13:52 PM

MrHCurious

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OP: I get where you're coming from. Like the guy above put it, guys are brought up to believe that hitting women is intrinsically 'more wrong' than hitting men, and you're far from the first person I've seen expressing that opinion. For some reason, though, I've never encountered it myself. With my girlfriend, I play hard and violently - punching, kicking, choking and so on - and I think the reason I've never had a problem with it is because it's blindingly obvious that this is what gets us both off. She LIKES getting hit in the face; often enough, she asks for it.

I don't have any moral barriers against it because it's completely consensual and, although it's currently still in the realms of hypothesis, I doubt I'd be any different with a boy. Maybe a little more delicate with his delicates, but that's about it. Even before now, with previous partners, the same thing has applied - they've consented to let me hurt them and, because they've given me their consent, I have no moral objection to it.

< Message edited by MrHCurious -- 6/10/2011 4:49:31 PM >

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/10/2011 4:22:56 PM

VaguelyCurious

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See, I'm not sure if it is conditioning. Lord knows I've got no problems with hitting women, but there's something about that extra shoulder breadth, that extra muscle mass that just says 'game on' to my brain.

It's not that I'll hit men harder, it's that I'll keep going longer. Maybe because there's less of a perception of frailty - the line between damage and safety seems further away? Or something.

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/10/2011 4:30:33 PM

Aylee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Background here. I'm not shy in a crowd but I'm "straight as a Kansas interstate".

I began officially with this wonderful group of activities known as WIITWD a couple of decades ago. With the women in My life, I am NOT sadistic.

Several months ago at a small event, I was asked (I guess because I have heavily built shoulders and arms) if I wanted to flog a male sub. I started to decline but thought "During a dozen or so years of My athletic and coaching career, I was many times called a 'sadist' even when I was still in HS. Why not?"

DAYUMMMM it was fun.

I was later asked if I wished to flog a female sub and declined pleading a sore shoulder but the truth is that I honestly can't find it in Myself to flog a woman hard (I'm not talking about 'funishment' with a cat or crop, I can DO that) but if a man is there and I'm in a mood, that fucker will BLEED.

Has anyone else had similar experiences or am I just a sick bastard?

Really, what this reminded me of is how people treat their children of different genders.

A little boy and a little girl fall off of their bikes.

The little boy is told to 'shake it off' and to 'get back on the bike to try again.'

The little girl gets cuddled and checked over and kissed and asked if she is sure she wants to try again.

In many ways we are societally and culturally conditioned to think of and treat females as more delicate.

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/10/2011 4:44:51 PM

Twoshoes

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But wouldn't repeated blunt trauma gradually result in noticeable changes to the connective tissue of someone's face like you'd expect from boxing?

I've heard that even sleeping on your face is considered bad for purposes of long-term prettiness.

(in reply to MrHCurious)

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RE: Different genders treated differently. - 6/10/2011 4:45:03 PM

VaguelyCurious

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And when they're five that distinction's not particularly valid, but fact is that a well-built adult man has a lot more muscle mass than an adult woman. Physically women are more delicate in some ways.

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