When your Master is sick...

When your Master is sick... (Full Version)

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BigdawgsPSP -> When your Master is sick... (6/10/2011 1:07:22 PM)
With only 25% heart function, my husband/Master is a very sick man. The doctors have been very clear with us that things will not get better.. the exact words were "Every day you are here it is a miracle." He wasn't always this sick - and we are still young. I don't view Him as any less of a Master (or Man) than He ever was before - even this sick He is everything I could ever want. We have modified the way we practice our lifestyle (including sex) as He's gotten sicker. We've had to stick to the rituals that have gotten us by this far for any sense of normalcy in our life. And that includes my total submission when I walk in the door from work. My question to other Masters - especially those married to their subs or slaves - is to ask for help in knowing how to balance the needs of my Master and the health of my Husband. It is not about sex. He can satisfy me with one touch if He choose in a matter of seconds. Its that I don't know how to behave when He's not feeling well and I can tell He is having issues. I literally don't know what to do sometimes because I am so torn between being scared He isn't okay and being the obedient sub. And I never ever want to do anything to make Him feel any worse mentally or physically. Any thoughts or guidance is appreciated. He collared me over 20 years ago so this is a very long-term relationship and our lifestyle has always been a big part of it.

SorceressJ -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/10/2011 1:10:34 PM)
I am not a Master, but the OP needs this: (((HUGS))). I have never met or spoken to you, but my inbox is open. Blessed Be )O(

analyticalmaster -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/10/2011 1:35:54 PM)
Hi, first of all its sounds like you are doing what you should be doing, not that you need me to tell you that. What makes any of us a Master is not that we call ourselves that, it that the people in our lives that we care the most about see us that way. I have always felt that even if I were seriously hurt, I would still be Master to mine. Being a Master is not about swinging flogger, it is not about having godlike sexual ability, it is the knowledge that what is yours is yours, simply because they are. I just lost one of my slave's a couple of weeks ago, to a heart attack, I cant begin to tell you how much my other slave and I miss her. Cherish your Master as I know you are doing and if you simply need someone to vent to, please do feel free to write. Be with friends, be with family, most of all be one with your Master who I am sure knows you love him.

leadership527 -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/10/2011 1:56:44 PM)
Honestly, aside from a bit of spinning in your chair, it sounds to me like you're probably doing just fine. One point though. You said, "I never ever want to do anything to make Him feel any worse mentally or physically." Bad news for you on that point. At least in my experience, loving someone doesn't allow for that thinking. Inevitably there seems to be those "tough love" moments. You probably know that though, I'm just reminding you of it so you don't go too far down hyperbolic paths. I guess I'm confused why simply obeying isn't good enough any more? Why don't you know how to behave when he's "having issues"? Don't you normally "know how to behave" because he tells you? So is there something going on which makes you suspect he's not leading well in this area?

BigdawgsPSP -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/10/2011 2:08:20 PM)
I meant to cast no doubts on His leadership. My problem is that He is one tough SOB... and there are times I can see that He is physically having problems - but there is no way He will own up to it. That's where I am conflicted. I fully realize it's not up to me to tell Him He's not well enough to continue - but I also know Him well enough to know that there are times He would rather drop right there than admit it. That's the very very scary part for me.. You bring up a good point though and the lesson is appreciated. I never looked at it as a lack of trust that He would know when enough is enough. And that is a failing I will try to set right. I struggled with posting this but I'm glad that I did. Thank you for the support and for making me think.

IceDemeter -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/10/2011 2:49:00 PM)
I lost my husband of 20 years when I was 37. We did not have a D/s dynamic, so I didn't have your hesitation in speaking up, but I still can appreciate how it feels to watch your husband do something that terrifies you on his behalf. When I did speak up, my husband told me that he was "living, not dying" and that he wasn't planning on sitting around wasting what time he had left when he could be doing things that brought him joy. It is possible that he died sooner than he would have if he'd just sat around being "safe", but he would have missed out on the months that he had of being HIM and doing what brought him joy. It took me a while to wrap my head around that concept, but eventually I realized that it was exactly right for him, and so, for me. I can tell you that I can look back with no regrets, but with a lot of love and pride in his strength and his joy in living. I don't know if your Master is looking at it the same way my husband did, but you might want to just talk to him about it and see if you can find the same acceptance and peace in his approach to this as I did by talking with my husband. Hugs to you, and please remember to find the little joys in every day --- they are still there, and will be just so long as you remember to look for them...

aromanholiday -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/10/2011 5:00:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BigdawgsPSP With only 25% heart function, my husband/Master is a very sick man. The doctors have been very clear with us that things will not get better.. the exact words were "Every day you are here it is a miracle." He wasn't always this sick - and we are still young. I don't view Him as any less of a Master (or Man) than He ever was before - even this sick He is everything I could ever want. We have modified the way we practice our lifestyle (including sex) as He's gotten sicker. We've had to stick to the rituals that have gotten us by this far for any sense of normalcy in our life. And that includes my total submission when I walk in the door from work. My question to other Masters - especially those married to their subs or slaves - is to ask for help in knowing how to balance the needs of my Master and the health of my Husband. It is not about sex. He can satisfy me with one touch if He choose in a matter of seconds. Its that I don't know how to behave when He's not feeling well and I can tell He is having issues. I literally don't know what to do sometimes because I am so torn between being scared He isn't okay and being the obedient sub. And I never ever want to do anything to make Him feel any worse mentally or physically. Any thoughts or guidance is appreciated. He collared me over 20 years ago so this is a very long-term relationship and our lifestyle has always been a big part of it. 20 years. (low whistle) Congratulations. :) I'm not a master but I have been in your shoes, so I'd like to tell you about a couple of things I would have done differently if I had known better. Like you, I was blindsided and baffled by the events. First, try hard to imagine what he is feeling/experiencing. Try to imagine the limitations he has (whether it be confined to a bed or very little movement/travel) and try to imagine the pain he is in, if he feels pain. If you try to really be there, experiencing the same things he is, then imagine how you'd like to be treated, and give him some of that (with concessions for him being the master, of course). Secondly, spend time with him, LOTS and LOTS of time. It's easy to want to run away in these situations, to lose yourself in something engrossing that allows you not to think about the horror that is or may soon be facing you. That is a mistake. Don't go away to escape even if he understands and permits that. You will regret not spending that time with him later. Deeply. It's especially good to spend time with him if his life is very limited and boring (for example, if he becomes bed-ridden). Your reading to him or playing games with him or watching TV with him, whatever you guys like to do, every day for long hours could mean a great deal to him. It's so boring and so terrible when you cannot move around much or do things for yourself. Hopefully, he's not at that stage, but nevertheless, spending time with him now is very important, as you can't know, when someone is that sick, how much time you have left together. You'll have lots of good memories of that time, rich memories of him, and for a few years they may not mean anything to you, but later, they really will. :) And you will also feel good about yourself. "We've had to stick to the rituals that have gotten us by this far for any sense of normalcy in our life. And that includes my total submission when I walk in the door from work. " Of course. There is no reason to give those up. These are your life-preservers in crazy bad times. I would suggest further that if he enters the hospital, always treat his orders as sacred, even if they go against what the doctors and nurses tell you to do. It's his life and you are his slave, and it's his decision about how the remainder of it should be spent. Doctors and Nurses will advise you never to take even the tiniest risks, including things like giving him a tiny sip of water, something that may bring him great comfort when he is very bad off...and even give him the inner strength to hang on. What use is prolonging his life a few days, though, if it's spent in torment. If you reach the hospital stage, obey him there. Again, you will be very happy later that you did.

LafayetteLady -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/11/2011 8:00:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BigdawgsPSP I meant to cast no doubts on His leadership. My problem is that He is one tough SOB... and there are times I can see that He is physically having problems - but there is no way He will own up to it. That's where I am conflicted. I fully realize it's not up to me to tell Him He's not well enough to continue - but I also know Him well enough to know that there are times He would rather drop right there than admit it. That's the very very scary part for me.. You bring up a good point though and the lesson is appreciated. I never looked at it as a lack of trust that He would know when enough is enough. And that is a failing I will try to set right. I struggled with posting this but I'm glad that I did. Thank you for the support and for making me think. First, my praryers are with you. I never went through this with a partner, but I did with my father when he was sick and dying. He was a tough SOB as well, but went the opposite way when he got sick. Decided he was dying and that he just didn't need to try anymore to live. God, how I fought with him over that. Pissed off a lot of family members, but I don't regret standing up to him and demanding that he fight for one minute. Didn't do me a damn bit of good, and doubtful it added a minute to his life, but I say this because I want you to understand that while the situation was different, I do understand your frustration. My suggestion? If you really know that he is pushing himself too far or too hard, a "little white lie" of telling him that YOU are too tired wouldn't be a huge sin. In my view, while he is your master, he is your husband (and I assume the love of your life) first. Sometimes, even though he is in charge, that tough love others spoke of is going to need to come from you. Follow your heart and your gut and continue to let that be your guide. I wish you all the best and hope that the time you have left lasts as long as possible.

sunshinemiss -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/11/2011 9:31:34 PM)
FR to the OP - What people need is their dignity. Please make sure that your fears and your worries and such are not robbing him of his. best, sunshine

ResidentSadist -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/11/2011 10:36:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BigdawgsPSP . . . My problem is that He is one tough SOB... and there are times I can see that He is physically having problems - but there is no way He will own up to it. That's where I am conflicted. I fully realize it's not up to me to tell Him He's not well enough to continue - but I also know Him well enough to know that there are times He would rather drop right there than admit it. . . . I am also a tough old dog . . . a stubborn Russian bastard at that. If I were a solider and blew off an arm, I would declare that I was fine and could still keep shooting with the other arm. We have something in my house called "permission to speak freely". On occasion, it has been invoked by my slaves to impart observations, perspectives or advice. In your case, if you had the ability to request that privilege, you could note his burden and offer to take it for him or suggest he slow down .

DesFIP -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/12/2011 5:17:00 AM)
Have you asked him how he wants you to handle this? Is part of your service taking care of him? Are you supposed to bring your fears and concerns to him?

littlewonder -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/12/2011 6:21:22 AM)
My ex Dom was the type that was so stubborn like this. I have a feeling it's also one more thing that destroyed our relationship. When he was ill he refused any help from anyone, refused hospitals, refused to see a dr or take anyone's advice. He'd suffer with whatever was wrong until someone would eventually have to rush him to the emergency room. Ask your husband if he still wants to be around next year to celebrate another year of marriage and life with you. If he does then stop being stubborn and get the help he needs. After having a husband who died when I was still young, life is a precious thing to me and anyone who is so stubborn that they risk that all in the name of being a "Dom" or a "man" is wasting that gift imo and not something I can stand by and watch. I've done that once, won't ever do it again. Yes he may be your Dom but he's also your husband and you are his wife. Remind him of that love you both share. Remind him that you want him to be around another day.

juliaoceania -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/12/2011 9:01:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist quote: ORIGINAL: BigdawgsPSP . . . My problem is that He is one tough SOB... and there are times I can see that He is physically having problems - but there is no way He will own up to it. That's where I am conflicted. I fully realize it's not up to me to tell Him He's not well enough to continue - but I also know Him well enough to know that there are times He would rather drop right there than admit it. . . . I am also a tough old dog . . . a stubborn Russian bastard at that. If I were a solider and blew off an arm, I would declare that I was fine and could still keep shooting with the other arm. We have something in my house called "permission to speak freely". On occasion, it has been invoked by my slaves to impart observations, perspectives or advice. In your case, if you had the ability to request that privilege, you could note his burden and offer to take it for him or suggest he slow down . This is good advice...

MstrDennynSlave -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/12/2011 10:59:35 AM)
My Master is also dying from heart problems. He has a defibrillator/pacemaker. He is also very stubborn and won't admit to me that he doesn't feel well. But I can see it on his face and in his eyes. He stubbornly refuses to let me do some things that I need to do. I also have heart problems, but nothing to the extent that he has. I also have severe arthritis in my spine that limits what I can do. Just running the sweeper in our small house literally sends my back into spasms that lasts for weeks. He finally decided that we should find someone to mow the grass and help out around the house. Things that he still thinks he can do, but knows he can't. I help him with anything I can, I give him all my love everyday, and all my submission everyday. I know I am his, and he also knows I will do anything he asks of me. I know where you are coming from and you are in my prayers. Everyday with Master is another treasured day. We cherish everyday we have together and hope that we have many more years together. But we are also realistic and know that our days together are nmbered. He has told me on more than one occasion, that I am the reason he is still living, still fighting to live. I wish you all the luck in the world, and many years of happiness together.

Lockit -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/12/2011 11:45:48 AM)
(((((BiddawgsPSP)))) We all must deal with our end, however it is that we do that. The problem I see that comes into things is when people are trying to save us and are fearful of losing us, so they will try to get us to do things differently so that we are better or last longer. To do this, sometimes means that we aren't choosing our way to go out, which we know is coming. Do both of you a favor and talk to him about your fears of losing him and over seeing him suffer... but also... find a place where you can submit to his will and wish on how he does things... after all, it is his time and there is no fixing it. Could he last a day longer if he did this or that or admitted when he felt bad? Maybe... but what would it cost him to do these things that would bring that and would it cause him personal stress that could amount to losing the time that could be gained? Now is not the time to try and change a person... but to spend time loving... accepting... and dealing with the pain of it all. The problems I have with men is when they wish to fix me and they cannot. I cannot tell you how many relationships have been ruined because someone that didn't know many things loved me enough to want to keep me and tried to do the impossible. It resulted in my having to do things their way and their way, while motivated by love and fear... wasn't my way or sometimes even good medically. You trusted him to direct you and your life... trust him to direct his end... his way. Big hugs to you both.

Arturas -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/14/2011 9:11:31 AM)
FR I am a master. She is younger than I by seventeen years so at times early in our relationship I thought long and hard about what will happen when I can no longer express my will, when I can no longer function as I did and can no longer love her as I desire. Finally it occured to me that she will know my will even when it comes that time when I cannot express it and she will continue to do that which she has so well done for so many years. So, I am convinced there will be a time in such a girl's life when she best serves her master as she knows is best for Him.

BigdawgsPSP -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/16/2011 7:18:51 PM)
thank you all for your thought-provoking advice, kind words and PMs... what a wonderful community this is. People on the outside don't understand how the structure and familiarity of this lifestyle is the very thing that can help you through the bad times when you don't know what to do... because you DO know what to do. He has read through this - or rather i have read this to Him - and my Bigdawg wanted my to express His appreciation of your help.

ladyneedshelp -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/16/2011 8:08:07 PM)
Hi sweetie, I am so sorry ya'll are going thru this and My prayers go out to ya'll! My boy of 6 years died last year and I miss him greatly. We knew for a year that his chances of survival were questionable but he kept the faith for a long time. They told him a month before he died that he only had 6 months or so.....but I knew a couple weeks later that it would not be that long. I continued to treat him as I always did, with the exception that when he tired I let his rest. Sometimes I acted like I was too tired to go on and he was so tired that he would crash without noticing I was still up! Once he woke up after a couple hours and asked why I was up when I said I was tired...I lied and said I just woke up to go potty and get a drink! He was so tired he fell right back to sleep! The main thing was not treating him like he was sick! Had I said 'no ur too sick' he would have been upset, or try to prove he wasnt! As Lafayettlady said above .....a white lie is not a bad thing in this situation!! I do not in the least regret having told him a lie or treating him as if nothing changed!! A suggestion...check out a holistic (sp?) dr......there are some amazing herbs and minerals out there!! They may not cure him.but may make the quality of life better! Good luck, hugs and prayers to both of. Ya'll Lady Pamela

kiwisub12 -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/17/2011 7:52:48 AM)
I lost my first dom a year ago to cancer,and he stayed with me the whole time. And i adhered to his word, in sickness as in health. What he said went. The thing is, if he felt powerless over his health, he really needed to know that he was in charge in other areas, even if they were to his detriment. He may have died faster, but he died happier (if that is possible). Same with my father - he came home from the hospital after a major major heart attack and Mum wanted to know what i thought about him going into the garden right away. My thought was that he would rather be happy than die of boredom sitting in the lounge watching the idiot box. He was a mad keen gardner. OP, give to your dom your confidence that he is able to take care of himself, AND you. Stop worrying that there is something that you can do that will keep him alive - because there isn't! Let go and allow him to regulate your life together. Doesn't mean that you can't bring up a point, but if he denies it, let it go. It isn't your responsibility any more.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: When your Master is sick... (6/17/2011 12:07:37 PM)
BigdawgsPSP- Other posters have given great insight...I'm just here to extend a huge virtual hug and wish you both the very best. MDA

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