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Things cats must try to remember - 5/14/2006 5:39:22 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
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I know this is an old one, but my mom just sent it to me again and it sent me rolling.

Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase
leaves.

If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay
there until I get hungry.

The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him
constantly.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and
growl at nothing right after my human has finished watching "The X-Files".

Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely
tail.

No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are
not cat toys.

If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in
groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.

My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.

The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by
swatting bits of it all over the floor.

I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.

I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall
and screaming at it will not bring it any closer.

It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it
all dissolves in the boiling coffee.

The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its
bowl.

If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a
piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.

The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will
not freak out every time I see it.

I am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail
fluffed up will not make my parts grow back.

If I must give a present to my humans's overnight guests, my toy mouse
is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't
as tasty.

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RE: Things cats must try to remember - 5/15/2006 1:29:58 AM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
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The mods got it right, deranged.

Cool.

My Mom is a cat people, I am considering printing this.

T

(in reply to siamsa24)

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RE: Things cats must try to remember - 5/15/2006 1:41:55 AM

Kitty74x9

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/5/2006
Status: offline

lol...

I love it...

:: purrs ::

~ Kitty

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RE: Things cats must try to remember - 5/15/2006 9:51:03 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
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Oh my god ... I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe ...

Holly liked that too - particularly the "I'm a carnivore. Potted plants aren't meat." (MIA likes to knock plants over and eat them) and the sandwich one (MIA licked her PBJ sandwich yesterday).

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RE: Things cats must try to remember - 5/15/2006 10:00:56 AM

MistressWolfen

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Joined: 6/20/2005
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ooo this was so funny ... thank you *big smiles*

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Quoth the raven

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RE: Things cats must try to remember - 5/15/2006 10:03:36 AM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
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My cat recently started the "dead cat on the stairs" trick and is driving everyone crazy with it, she is also currently trying to sit on my keyboard (I have a lap top) while I am typing because I am not giving her the attention that she deserves.

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RE: Things cats must try to remember - 5/15/2006 10:07:18 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

My cat recently started the "dead cat on the stairs" trick and is driving everyone crazy with it, she is also currently trying to sit on my keyboard (I have a lap top) while I am typing because I am not giving her the attention that she deserves.

Do you, by any chance, watch "Robot Chicken" on Cartoon Network?

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RE: Things cats must try to remember - 5/15/2006 4:38:19 PM

CatNmouse2002

Posts: 110
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: siamsa24

I know this is an old one, but my mom just sent it to me again and it sent me rolling.

Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

I am sorry I disagree it usualy brings most of the house hold into the kitchen to see how or why a simple can and can opener has brought me to screaming at it ... and how did you know about that ?

quote:

I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase
leaves.

I don't know where you get your information but I was going to rake them ...

quote:

If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay
there until I get hungry.

My mouse waits for Me where I place her ... unless she just has to go tinkle or something ... and then it better not damn well be in My food bowl ....

quote:

The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him
constantly.

W/we had two ... they are missing now

quote:

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

quite right .. and if you eat certain ones the floor opens up and hurls ribbons of color all over the place ... don't know what all that was all about though ...

quote:

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and
growl at nothing right after my human has finished watching "The X-Files".

It is not My fault you people don't see the same things I do .. maybe you should eat more cactus ...

quote:

Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely
tail.

You are completely oblivious to reality .. I don't mean to be rude .. but nothing else back lights my form quite like a monitor

quote:

No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are
not cat toys.

Dangly ear rings get caught in things like hair and my paws .. I trying to help you remove them

quote:

If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in
groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.

* bathes *

quote:

My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.

I beg to differ

quote:

The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by
swatting bits of it all over the floor.

That was tuna and I blame the Cactus

quote:

I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.

Potted Meat ? no thanks I am trying to cut back ...

quote:

I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall
and screaming at it will not bring it any closer.

it is that cactus I tell you ...

quote:

It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it
all dissolves in the boiling coffee.

no it must be stirred in and I prefere whole Milk or Half and Half in My coffee

quote:

The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its
bowl.

Fish have no rights

quote:

If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a
piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.

* shrugs * thats why I live with a mouse ...

quote:

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.

duh .. I know that I slipped trying to get a better look

quote:

The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will
not freak out every time I see it.

It's not my fault she is a bitch

quote:

I am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail
fluffed up will not make my parts grow back

your sources are way more than wrong on this one ... the mouse has taken picture to prove it .

quote:

If I must give a present to my humans's overnight guests, my toy mouse
is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't
as tasty.

Look if a house guest brings in roaches I am not letting him have the mouse ... I am gonna give him his roaches back and send him packing ...

Cat

< Message edited by CatNmouse2002 -- 5/15/2006 4:39:53 PM >

(in reply to siamsa24)

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RE: Things cats must try to remember - 5/18/2006 3:50:08 AM

LaMalinche

Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
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That was nice.

Best,

LaMalinche

Damn the cactus!

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RE: Things cats must try to remember - 5/18/2006 9:40:50 PM

lorddragonwolf

Posts: 32
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: tennessee
Status: offline

these where funny. mine will crawl into the potaoe chip bag and eat the chips.

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RE: Things cats must try to remember - 5/21/2006 6:02:34 AM

Dustyn

Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline

Other Cat Wisdoms:

Humans, despite what they might say to the contrary, actually DO enjoy being jumped on in the middle of the night.

If I am part of the human's family, then my sharing the half eaten mouse with them is only fair and polite.

Despite rumors to the contrary, humans enjoy the feeling of a fresh hairball squished between their toes.

Never, NEVER, admit to making a mistake. Always attempt to look like you planned the entire thing.

If we could could figure out how to clean the litter box ourselves or find some other way of getting petted, we could do away with humans completely.

If those things under the blankets didn't want to be attacked, they should NOT have moved.

It's common knowledge that the best way to get attention is by practicing figure eights when humans are walking. Expert figure eight'ers are able to manage this while the silly humans are attempting to carry multiple things at once.

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Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

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RE: Things cats must try to remember - 5/21/2006 12:17:13 PM

RubberWitch

Posts: 1368
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline

If hukmans are smarter than cats, why don't cats get up at 7 after a heavy night and fix ME breakfast?

And remember, real cats don't use dynamite. If your cat gets a monthly invoice from acme, have their legs dissapear into a wheel shaped blur when they're running, or resort to convolouted traps to get hold of the neighbours canary, they might be a cartoon.

J

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