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Honest Disclosure - 10/12/2004 9:50:24 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		We have been enjoying the opportunity of meeting people we've come in contact with at the CollarMe site. At this point, although beth still peruses the yahoo groups, I have abandoned all but one of those and now get my daily fix of the lifestyle here.

Based on our experiences there is a much larger percentage of real life practitioners at CollarMe, then any other site we've visited. It's great to be able to trust the information posted in the profiles. That said, while we were perusing the new member posts and our messages yesterday, beth and I debated this quesiton...

How many people who are exclusively on-line and for whatever have no intention or desire to meet someone in real life, disclose this fact either in their profile or when they first chat with an interesting party.

This comes up because three different people I've been chatting have vented that after many days/weeks of correspondence they've been 'stood up' when it came time to meet. I've given them my answer regarding the 'why' of this, and generally speaking, I think it's just a part of the process in finding someone. But the underlying reason of lying was something I couldn't answer.

Like most surveys the results of this will be skewered. Everyone who does disclose it in their profile will say - ABSOLUTELY! Those that keep it a secret will obviously say it's there heart felt intention to 'someday' meet. But maybe some insight will come of it.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Honest Disclosure - 10/12/2004 10:18:03 AM   
lilninotchka


Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
Status: offline 		Some of those who are 'stood up' may not have been stood up because the person did not want to meet them...perhaps, in some of those cases, it just happened.

A little story to illustrate - i had set up a meeting with someone i had been chatting with online. The day we were supposed to have met, someone ran a red light and hit my car. Totalled the car and i ended up in the ER for a few hours. When i got home, i discovered that my home had been broken into and those responsible ran out the back when i pulled up in front. By the time the police report had been filed, it was only a few minutes before i was supposed to have been at the restaurant, which was an hour away. i called him immediately and attempted to explain, but this story sounds so far fetched, he didn't believe me. i understand his view...i'm not even sure i believe me and i was there!

Point being - things aren't always what they may seem. It really looks like i was 'making excuses' but it honestly happened that way.

btw-i never heard from him again...his loss, right?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Honest Disclosure - 10/12/2004 10:30:07 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		lil nino,
Yes in this case definitely his loss. If it was me, you would have received flowers and scheduled another meeting. Sounds like you needed a hug as much as a Dom after that day.

But I will say, that insurance for subs must be very high. Car accidents are given as a reason for failing to show up in an inordinately large percentage of cases. beth & I have been 'stood up' 3 times in the last 6 months - all 3 had car accidents, and all 3 must have had their palm pilots, phones, or other email providers destroyed because after the accident we never heard from them again.

(in reply to lilninotchka)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Honest Disclosure - 10/12/2004 10:38:31 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I'm no longer into online anything (except for conversation) however this was how I started.

at that time I was both underage and new new new to this, thus unwilling to meet anyone. I -always- told an interested party that at the begining of contact. I was polite about it, however very very clear that I was not ready nor interested in moving from online to actual life interaction.

So this is a pet peeve of mine. I don't care what level of interest you want or have, but be honest about it. Now that I"m looking for real life play partners for my partner and I, I'm being frustrated by people who talk and talk but block me as soon as we set up an actual meeting. ~sigh~

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Honest Disclosure - 10/12/2004 10:40:16 AM   
lilninotchka


Posts: 121
Joined: 8/27/2004
Status: offline 		Thank you for the thought...i had a very good friend pick me and my children up from the hospital that day and i did get that great big hug after all the police left.

i know that the excuse is used alot, i've heard it myself a few times from self-professed Dom types - i sent that man an email that evening offering a copy of the papers from the accident and the burglery to prove i wasn't making it all up...

i do not understand why anyone should go so far as to set up a meeting and intentionally not show. i can understand not putting that info in a profile, but i can't understand why anyone would be misleading or outright lie about what they would be willing to do.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Honest Disclosure - 10/12/2004 11:19:40 AM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline 		On another thread I have posted about a male who sent me a rose bush. Earlier this year he was visiting his daughter in Knoxville and we set up a meeting for lunch since it was on his way back to Virginia. He called from Knoxville to confirm, it was all go. Within minutes after his confirmation call I had a stroke. Bummer! And of course, my first thought wasn't to call him and tell him I wasn't going to make it. He didn't find out about it for a couple of months. Our conversations have been open and honest from the beginning, so he knew that it wasn't just an excuse. Although I can't imagin someone making something like that up to avoid a meeting with someone. It is amazing hearing some of the things that they actually do, including death of family members. It reminds me of the time a friend asked me to call his job for him because he was at the emergency room. His boss asked me if the friend's grandmother had passed away again.

For me the goal is ultimately meeting. Online is fine for the boards and journals, etc, but I'm not an online chatter.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to lilninotchka)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Honest Disclosure - 10/12/2004 1:11:58 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I don't know the statistics but I'm sure they are way up there. When I was seeking I never had an issue. The people whom I wanted to meet showed up. Yet, again that list was very small.
I know it happens. I see it at munches all of the time. A lot of people back out before even agreeing to meet someone at a munch.
For me this is merely red flags. You merely brand them a flake in your head and go on with your life. No reason to sit and think about it when you can be doing something more productive with your time.

Perhaps an annonymous poll? Online vs real life sort of thing?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Honest Disclosure - 10/12/2004 7:28:48 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Here are three other threads on no shows:

no show subs

why don't subs show up...

no shows

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Honest Disclosure - 10/12/2004 7:52:15 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		I guess I am just *lucky* in that respect. I've met 100's of people from online for coffee, drinks, dinner, breakfast, whatever. I have never been stood up, and of all the times we exchanged pictures, only one was nothing like their picture. But I have known others that seem to be HNG magnets.

For that matter, I have met 2 people I first spoke to here, and plan on eventually meeting a few others, and I'm only here to talk :)

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Honest Disclosure - 10/12/2004 7:55:43 PM   
msjingles


Posts: 27
Joined: 10/9/2004
From: Idaho
Status: offline 		I've had this discussion with others before and a few are actually those who don't show.
Their reason? because it is just a diversion to them..a game, more like a hobby. One of them actually thinks that those they have stood up were "playing" the game too and never intended on meeting.

To him, it is like playing play station games or what have you... you play, you conquer, you save the game and turn it off and go about your real life. They don't comprehend that others are being real.

The other person I know who is a no show, does it because they portray themselves as completely different online than in real life. If they show, they are found out. But they play the game over and over just to have a "connection".

In these cases, I think it is some form of mental illness.

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Honest Disclosure - 10/12/2004 10:47:03 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		It could be possible that subs are just bad drivers.
I have never had anyone stand me up when we were to meet. I have been lucky I guess. I even flew to Brasil to meet a slave that I had met online. Imagine if she had stood me up. Lol. To be sure, I was completely confident that she would be there or else I wouldn't have gone.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Honest Disclosure - 10/13/2004 5:23:37 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		Based on my experience, I'd say 50-75% will show up and the rest are playing on-line games of one sort or another and not disclosing the truth.

It is interesting that so many folks mention no-shows, yet others have 100% success. I would sure like to know what the secret is to that.

Oh, and I have also met gals through vanilla matchmaking sites and had 100% success with that. I'll speculate the fantasies there are less titillating and so jerking someone else around isn't as much fun.

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Honest Disclosure - 10/13/2004 5:53:11 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert
Oh, and I have also met gals through vanilla matchmaking sites and had 100% success with that. I'll speculate the fantasies there are less titillating and so jerking someone else around isn't as much fun.


See and I've had 3 no-shows from vanilla sites and every single one from kinky sites showed. So that blows a whole in your theory ;)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Honest Disclosure - 10/13/2004 6:13:06 PM   
poolman9276


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I'm really glad to hear this discussion. I'm new to the site, the boards, and to the whole lifestyle in general, so I'm still flying a bit blind here.

But right away I connected with someone, and we exchanged lots of emails and intimate pictures and a lot of sex talk -- and then, as we approached the bottom line regarding getting together, the line went dead. Not exactly a real-time stand-up, but in the same general category, and it was certainly a letdown.

I was hurt, because I had already begun developing a caring and responsible dom attitude toward her. (and was mucho hot for her, no doubt about that part). So, I have no idea what happened. Maybe she got cold feet about going live, maybe she met someone else, maybe she just lost interest.

In any case, it's good to know this has happened to others -- helps me not to keep thinking: What did I do wrong? Maybe nothing.

Oh, and by the way -- how do you put pictures in that box on the left?
Thanks.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Honest Disclosure - 10/13/2004 7:16:38 PM   
INSIDEYOURMIND


Posts: 483
Status: offline 		This is a sore point with me, I talked to someone online for over a month, no cybering or anything like that, I don't believe in it, after a month we progressed to the phone, and I questioned the sexuality of the sub immediately, but was told I was wrong, (Doms can be wrong?)
After a few more weeks of phone and online, I agreed to meet this person, I was in Rhode Island, and they were in Georgia, I had agreed upfront to pay for this trip, and the day before the trip, I called to confirm all the details, and was told that they had something to discuss with me, it wasn't a big issue, but something I needed to know.
It was a small detail, SHE WAS A HE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, it was all a complete waste of time, their explanation was that they were sure if they would meet me, I could get around that small detail. um, NO!

Then I spoke to someone that was in California, she was great, personable, into my twisted kink, and without a doubt biologically correct for me.

We chatted online, we even went to the phone rather quickly, and while I was curious to why she would only call me, I couldn't call her, but I chalked that up to her being cautious, my caller ID came through as a private number, After 2 months of this, I discussed meeting me, and she said she had something to tell me, again, just a small detail she felt she needed to withhold, she wasn't in California, she was in Israel!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and by the way, she had a 2 month old child from a 10 year relationship that she was considering ending.

I can tell all of you that this does have a happy ending, and I met a wonderful woman through CollarMe, and we met the day after we chatted, we were both so sure that this meeting was going to be a train wreck that we both wanted to get it over with! I was more than pleasantly surprised with this woman, and don't think I didn't check as soon as possible!

We are going to have some sort of collaring ceremony and we will invite people from CollarMe, I am curious to see how many will show up!

Timo, You and beth are first on the list!

_____________________________

If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

(in reply to poolman9276)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Honest Disclosure - 11/3/2004 4:11:11 PM   
Phantom666


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/22/2004
Status: offline 		I came to this site based on what I was told by someone I had met RT So I guess you could say I want to meet RT. That was the main reason she recomended this site.

I agree other sites seem to have a high percentage of people who say one thing and do another.

Phantom666

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Honest Disclosure - 11/4/2004 8:37:19 AM   
realophelia


Posts: 168
Status: offline
quote:

How many people who are exclusively on-line and for whatever have no intention or desire to meet someone in real life, disclose this fact either in their profile or when they first chat with an interesting party.


I can't speak for anyone else but I know that I do. I'm only interested in making online friends with other fem subs and I make that as clear as I can in my profile. I either ignore or decline any invitations from males and I refer the couples seeking friend’s posts to Master. In general, I try to be as straight forward with people as I can because that's how I like to be treated.

As for meeting people via the internet, I agreed to meet four Doms and one Dom/me couple over the last three years and I showed up for all (!!!) of the meets, even though I was pretty sure that a couple weren't going to go anywhere.

I don't know why other subs don't meet but I know that it is pretty scary to meet a new Dom real-time and when it's a couple it seems (for me) even harder. When I met Master and his wife, I was shaky, couldn't really participate in the conversation, didn't know what to do with myself, etc, etc.

It's not easy for some people to go after what they want. Not excusing dishonesty, just saying I can understand why some people chicken out last minute.

Take care :)
Ophelia


< Message edited by realophelia -- 11/4/2004 9:20:04 AM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Honest Disclosure - 11/5/2004 7:44:35 AM   
liljoy


Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline 		i think online it's easy to be whatever you want. i could say i'm 22 with long blong hair and measuments of 38-22-32 and who would be the wiser if i never really met anyone. Because my desire was r/t i never played that game. i've also met everyone i agreed to meet.
The girl Master was with before me backed out of meeting Him three times befre He finally said "Let me guess you weigh more than you told me?"
she weighed alot more than she had said. it didn't matter to Him at the time but in hindsight it should have because that was just one of many many lies she told Him while they were together.

(in reply to realophelia)
Profile   Post #: 18
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