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RE: Would you do it? - 7/3/2011 7:01:08 AM

catize

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A number of years ago, two unrelated, non-traumatic events triggered something n my psyche. I did go to a therapist, and by the 3rd session, she said she had the sense that I didn't really want to explore to find out what the trauma had been. She was correct, and I told her what I wanted was to learn how to get better today. So we worked on Cognitive Behavioral things so I could be healthier in my relationships and responses to people. I may never remember what happened in the past, but I am better!

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RE: Would you do it? - 7/3/2011 8:02:19 AM

CaHeaven

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Nope, and there is a gap in there, that I remember. It bothers me to this day "what the hell happened?"

I remember going into the bathroom to get something for my mother, and I remember her standing over me screaming, asking what was I doing. I did not know then, I do not know now. I remember that I was on the floor when she came in, and I was very groggy. I know that she was angry but she was often angry. I don't know what happened, nor could I explain it to her, because I was old enough to speak, but not old enough to explain, especially to my mother who had gone irrational, that I had simply "gone to sleep on the bath mat". It scared me then, because she was so angry.

I have often wondered through the years, how long was I "missing" when I had been sent to fetch an item? Why did I wake up on the floor? Did I perhaps has a seizure? Did I do what I do now occasionally, and flash back, flashing back badly enough to faint or more to the point, shut down into a catatonic like state for a few minutes?

All in all, knowing what it was would not change my "now". Parts of my childhood were horrible. Most parts of my childhood were happy. I survived, I believe there are a few quirks caused by the horrid parts, but my quirks are no different from another person's quirks. Hell, when I look back, my most traumatic memory of something my parents did to me, was take me on the Pirates ride at Disneyland. Those waterfalls were too much for my 3 year old brain. I hated that ride, and I would spend the entire time in the queue begging hysterically not to make me, as if I was going to be boiled alive. After the waterfalls, I would relax. I still tense up and grasp the hand of whichever victim is beside me when I ride as an adult, but I do ride now. That ride is the closest to a roller coaster you will ever get me on. I won't even ride the log rides.

I consider myself damn lucky that the memories that leave the biggest impressions were not seeing one of my pets dead in the street, having my father molest me at least twice a week, or even enduring my mother's angry beatings, it was knowing that Disneyland meant they were gonna force me to go on Pirates, and Knott's meant the Log Ride. The other stuff, well that was normal, the forcing to ride those rides was just wrong. *grin* Brains are a wonderful thing, aren't they?

< Message edited by CaHeaven -- 7/3/2011 8:03:27 AM >

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RE: Would you do it? - 7/3/2011 8:56:23 AM

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I wouldn't. I don't trust age regression. I've known some people to have good responses and others to come out with things that were not possible which they chose to believe and use to destroy their family.

I also don't think it's that easy to access pre-verbal memory. We know that memory before we acquire language is stored separately than memory after we gain language. Or that I would trust the interpretation we could put on the memory when it came out just as flashes of disconnected scenes. We could easily put those flashes together in many different ways, using language to make a coherent story. But not knowing if the story we made of it had any basis in reality.

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RE: Would you do it? - 7/3/2011 10:23:38 AM

LinnaeaBorealis

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The possible traumatic events happened after I became verbal. But I understand how a baby brain will confuse adult motives & behaviors. I was sent to live with my paternal grandparents when my mother had her "nervous breakdown". My sister stayed home. My baby brain decided that I was such a bad child that I had caused the breakdown & when I came home I determined to be the good child. And I was, ask anyone. I was a most well-behaved child who followed the rules. Oddly, I never checked with my parents to see if my reasoning was correct. After my mother died, I asked my father about it & he looked at me like I'd lost my mind completely. He told me that the reason I went & not my sister was because my sister was in school. DUH!!!

So the way that baby brains process things is way different & in my family discussing things was discouraged, so I never checked any of my thought processes out with the parents.

As to the OP, my sense is if something traumatic happened to me, so what?? It happened more than 60 years ago & the only reason I would like to know if or what happened is purely curiosity. I don't like not knowing. The reason I believe that something happened is due to some pictures taken of me at the time & the fact that people who were around at that time refused to discuss it. I don't believe that knowing the details will somehow make my life better now, because it probably won't. Dealing with me as I am now is what will make my life better. And really, I'm not so sure that my life can get better. I'm different in my relating to other humans, but oddly I think I'm pretty much ok with that.

I do want to thank everyone who has responded to this thread. I think that it's an interesting topic & it's a good discussion, in my book.

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RE: Would you do it? - 7/4/2011 7:25:11 PM

girlygurl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

I'm of a very mixed mind set regarding this question..... My experience is "be careful what you ask for....you just might get it". There is only so much (trauma or otherwise) that a person needs to know in my opinion about their past.

For example, I knew basic details and the gist of things a few weeks ago. Now, I suddenly know more intricate details. Do they change anything? Do they magically resolve anything? No. So, my recommendation would be for you to accept that whatever did or did not happen is in the past and you are who you are today because you are supposed to be.

There comes a point in life where we are no longer a victim and have become a volunteer....

Kali

No, I don't see a benefit of knowing if there was some traumatic incident that occurred when I was a child (that I don't remember). I can remember plenty and it was traumatic, I've dealt with it and moved on.

My sister on the other hand....

she will blame anything and anyone from her past to account for how she lives her life today. Really? There comes a time when we take ownership of our lives and who we want to be in the world.

I realize that much of how a child is raised contributes to their inner self. Self esteem, self worth, ect.... all of which contributes to how they choose to live their life as an adult.

There are plenty of resources available to those who have "issues", "mental illness" and the like. As an adult we can access those resources if needed.

But ultimately, I don't feel knowing something from my past will benefit me in my present life. I feel the same way about "fortune tellers"

As the oh so wise Kali said, "be careful what you ask for....you just might get it."

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RE: Would you do it? - 7/4/2011 7:30:45 PM

LinnaeaBorealis

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I gotta agree, Miss Girly. I just thought it would be an interesting topic for discussion. Knowing what might have happened won't necessarily fix anything today, so I'm not really that interested. I was just thinking about it & wondered what others' thought might be.

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RE: Would you do it? - 7/4/2011 7:56:53 PM

tj444

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well, i think i pretty much know about tramatic events that happened to me before I can remember, my mother told me.
They were all animal attacks as I grew up on a farm. I was chased by geese, i was on the hay wagon and roosters were pecking at my eyes (small round very faint scars right around my eyes) and a cat scratched me right under one of my eyes (there is a visible scar still). I dont remember any of that tho but I was lucky that nothing more serious happened.
So no, I dont need to actually remember.

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RE: Would you do it? - 7/5/2011 8:21:27 PM

IrishThorns

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No, as a very wise man once said 'I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam'. I'm happy with me, and all my kinks and holdups.

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RE: Would you do it? - 7/16/2011 8:41:35 AM

Guilty1974

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis

If you had reason to believe that something traumatic happened to you when you were a toddler, but you don't know exactly what because you have no memory of it & all the people who could tell you what happened went to their graves with that knowledge, would you try to retrieve that memory?

What if you think that those memories might have some keys to issues you have today as an adult?

Just curious.

If you wish to use hypnosis for this purpose, please be careful. There is a shitload of scientific evidence that regression can result in grandiose confabulations. If something comes up under hypnosis, please don't treat it as literally true, but only as cues that could warrant further research into your past. And please, do this with a well trained hypnotherapist.

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RE: Would you do it? - 7/16/2011 10:12:44 AM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Charnegui

As they say;
When you have very early memories (before the age of 4) you've suffered a traumatic experience.

Seriously? Because I once fell down the stairs and I was about 2, I talked to my parents about it and if the stairs were differently in our house when I was a baby and all that, and that I recall falling down because I managed to move those high toddler chairs by shifting my weight and basically creeping towards the chairs and then tumbling down. They said this indeed happened and how scared they were and this was one reason why they changed the stairs, but said it is odd that I can recall it because I was only 2.

Now that fall doesn't seem to be that traumatic to me, but it's odd that I remembered it...

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RE: Would you do it? - 7/16/2011 10:51:31 AM

LinnaeaBorealis

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What is registered as traumatic in a baby brain can seem silly to an adult brain. Therefore, your baby brain probably processed this fall as traumatic.

I have a shower/steam phobia. If I am in a steamy room, I begin to believe that I cannot breathe, which of course isn't true. When I was staying with my sister & I would leave the door to the bathroom open while I showered, she remembered that when I was very young, I would get croup & our mother would put a vaporizer in the crib with me & then cover it all over. Apparently my baby brain associated the steam with not being able to breathe properly. I found that interesting, but I still leave the door open during my showers & don't go to steam rooms. You see, knowing the cause didn't stop the phobia.

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RE: Would you do it? - 7/16/2011 11:13:50 AM

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Nope, what I know from people who knew what happened to me as a toddler and told me about my abusive biological mother and what she did to my brother and I, is enough information. I don't need to remember the abuse and malnurishment, and other wounds she inflicted on us, first hand.

It does have a lot to do with my issues as an adult, but I work on behavior that is conductive to happiness now, and how to deal with my issues and my pains of an extremely abusive baby hood clear to 18 with out those specific memories being remembered more than just information those who knew about it and experienced me as a toddler told me when asked.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis

If you had reason to believe that something traumatic happened to you when you were a toddler, but you don't know exactly what because you have no memory of it & all the people who could tell you what happened went to their graves with that knowledge, would you try to retrieve that memory?

What if you think that those memories might have some keys to issues you have today as an adult?

Just curious.

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RE: Would you do it? - 7/16/2011 4:08:11 PM

Aylee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis

If you had reason to believe that something traumatic happened to you when you were a toddler, but you don't know exactly what because you have no memory of it & all the people who could tell you what happened went to their graves with that knowledge, would you try to retrieve that memory?

What if you think that those memories might have some keys to issues you have today as an adult?

Just curious.

Hell no. It would be WAY too easy to end up with an implanted memory.

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RE: Would you do it? - 7/17/2011 3:19:39 AM

EroticHypnotist

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True, knowing the cause does not automatically stop the response to it. Inner conflict resolution is the next step to help you feel differently about it.

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