RE: Celebrating the men in our lives.

RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (Full Version)

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dcnovice -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/18/2011 9:22:39 AM)
Warmest sympathies, Arpig!

Arpig -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/18/2011 10:36:41 AM)
Thank you all for the kind remarks and for the emails.

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/18/2011 12:01:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Not necessarily our fathers, but men that we admire, look up too. Men that have been an almost overwhelming positive in our lives. One, two, or all. Let's talk about them. Let's talk about why they are so awesome, what influences they've had on your lives and/or others. In childhood, we moved almost every year of my life. During the first time my dad went crazy, my sister was sent to one relative and I was sent to another. An old retired couple. I was only around three something, and my life hadn't been normal. Somehow they saw this and helped to heal my soul. They were calm and peaceful people, nothing loud or scary or hurtful about them...and I had amazing freedom to just run around and be a kid. We were in Florida and I spent my days at the beach, swimming in the water with a floatable and building sand castles. I don't remember many things about Aunt Flo and Uncle Syd, mostly just how they made me feel. He was diabetic and I used to watch him give himself shots, and I felt keenly sorry for him, thinking they hurt as bad as rubella shots I had to have that felt like liquid Draino being shot into my skin, but he would laugh while he gave himself insulin, telling me that compared with an ant bite, he couldn't even feel this. I should mention an uncle who is married to my aunt, because he is a good man, but during the time I spent with them...I didn't get to know him well. I watched in disbelief as his kids plowed into him and squealed with joy and all that when he came home from work, and I wondered if they were nuts to greet a daddy that way. I stood way back and observed him, like watching a bug under a microscope, waiting for the mask to drop. By the time I started to figure out that he had no evil side it was time to go again. (I would not have wanted to continue living with them because my aunt and I didn't get along. When I thoughtlessly came in from the horses' stalls with my boots on, taking half a dozen steps into her living room before she came screaming and ripping me around like some rag doll by my hair, I was only about six. Another time, I couldn't control the pony and it got into some shed it wasn't supposed to and was munching away at the oats while I tugged mightily on the reigns, she came at the pony with a switch and I had to hang on for dear life while it went on a bucking bronco type spree.) My ex-husband and I met each other at the lowest times in our lives. We were both feeling so overwhelmed by the badness of life that we were feeling suicidal. We were best friends, so instead of dying we got married. It was very peaceful and both of us needed some years of peace, but there was no spark and eventually he wanted babies (at a time in our lives when it would have been insane to have kids) and when push came to shove, he didn't show me the loyalty I needed to deepen my trust and I didn't see us as a family unit anymore. He would obey the psychotic brother he detested instead of choosing to hear my pleading. We separated and divorced, but we are still friends, talking over the phone several times per week. He is a hard worker, never raised his voice to me and never hit me, but I couldn't trust him to stop endangering my declawed house cat and this made it difficult to trust he would be mindful of the needs of babies and little children. He used to leave our apartment door wide open while he went to the apartment building's laundry room for twenty minutes to half an hour at a time, and no amount of reasoning with him nor pleading would get him to change. Even when my cat needed veterinary visits because of him. To him it was a small thing and he saw no reason to change. Guys in my life have been very limited after that. I stopped dating after I had my son, until he was around 14 or 15. I met nobody who was appropriate to let him get to know and form an emotional attachment to, and saw no need for him to experience a long stream of "uncles". If/when I fall in love and believe the relationship can be long term... My son's innocence and goodness help to remind me that there are good men out there. Two men that I know from online and phone conversations are helping me through a very rough time right now. kittygirlmina is a good listener, and phones me daily just to let me hear myself talk, and is something of a cheerleader in a quiet, peaceful way. I wished he lived close by because we would both enjoy some mother/daughter type time together. The other male helping me through this is Termyn8or. His help is entirely different and something I need right now. I have never been drunk in my life but wanted to go on a week long binge...and he gave a lecture about not using "medication" to hide away from ugly shiite. Getting drunk is for happy times with friends, or to party, not a form of self medication. I have never been helped before by people telling me that the past is the past...because with me, time has not always moved in a linear fashion. Nightmares and flashbacks have made me keep reliving the past, and I had no choice about forgetting and putting it behind me. The more I tried to put the past in the past the bigger it bit me in the arse. I've never had a choice about this, and it has always offended me when family or two past boyfriends talked at me like I could turn all of the nightmares, night terrors, flashbacks off but...wouldn't. The other day when Jeff (Termyn8or) phoned me, he gave me a mental adjustment, several actually, that helped me to get a grip. Without offending me, lol. Part of what he said will always be the voice in my head, and does for me what no shrink has been able to do. I cannot explain how hearing that gruff voice saying, "Is anyone hurting you RIGHT NOW?" gives my present teeth to bite my past memories back with. I have had a week pass by without any of the expected nightmares and flashbacks that should have been triggered by...something, and I owe this to my dear friends, mina, Jeff, and angelicaJ (not a guy, but I have to give credit where credit is due). Some things only guy friends can think of, and I needed Termyn8or's...well...Terminator attitude. Jeff, I hope you don't mind my saying this but a brief flash of hero worship hit when you said that if you are ever in Hell, you are going to look my dad up and kick his ass for me. [sm=flowers.gif] Thank you. (I am not flirting with him, youze guys. He is a friend and this is my way of showing appreciation.) LaTigresse, while it is true that I have hardly any good memories of men in my life, and yes, I have major trust issues AND men have to prove themselves to me to earn my trust, I am just floored, in a good way, to read all these happy memories from other people. It is almost painful to read and I can only handle one page at this time, but will come back later to catch up on what I missed. (Yes, that was meant both ways.)

SilverMark -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/18/2011 12:20:35 PM)
For all the crazy, it is good to know what I always suspected...Term is a good guy!

LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/18/2011 12:29:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SilverMark For all the crazy, it is good to know what I always suspected...Term is a good guy! Hear hear!~!

girlygurl -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/18/2011 9:20:20 PM)
I read this thread last night, and yep, some of your posts touched my heart. So, this morning I typed up a long ass post to contribute and I'll be a son of a beaver if I didn't delete the whole thing. It was very cathartic typing it up, so not all was lost. My Dad I lost him to Hep C 2 1/2 years ago. He was a loving and caring human being. Our relationship really blossomed when I was a young adult. This tall, strong, gorgeous man I called Dad was one of those kind of people that once he met you, he considered you a friend, and he would do anything for his friends. Babies would gravitate to him. His soul and heart was pure, filled with goodness and love. He was a very talented man with his drawings, paintings, and stained glass work. I have many of his pieces hanging in my home. Many years ago, when he knew he was really sick, he spent a week with me teaching me how to do stained glass. What I treasure most about my father, is he allowed me to live with him and care for him the last three months of his life. This giant of a man had become so very weak, yet when I looked at him I still saw that quiet giant. He shared stories that I had never heard. Most had to do with him and his feelings towards me as a little girl, as my parents divorced when I was very young. We both sat together and cried as he told me of times when he would try to come see me, but my mother wouldn't let him. We cried together when he said "looking at that little girls eyes as I walked out the door broke my heart, and I never fully recovered." Yea, those moments I shared with my Dad are forever etched into my mind and heart. I laid beside him with my hand on his chest, saying the Lords prayer over and over until he took his last breathe on November 28th 2008. He gave me a gift that no one will ever be able to give me.... he gave his oldest daughter the privilege to be by his side until the very end. I love him each and every day. He is never far from me, as I carry him in my heart. My Sir This December He and I will celebrate our 5 year anniversary. I don't know where to begin when I speak of Him. He began as a Dominant man in my life, who introduced me into WIITWD. He had patients, He gave me freedom to experience my sluttiness while keeping a close eye on me. He began helping me learn how to communicate my feelings. Actually, He began helping me identify my feelings and then helped me learn how to communicate them in a respectful and appropriate manner. He saw my weakness in areas of my life and devoted much of His time making sure that I worked through those areas and He continues to do this for me. He is a man that has many friends and a loving family. He is extremely intelligent, willing to help another without question. His confidence in Himself is ever present. He lives His life as a walking example of what God had intended Him to do. Love those that are near to Him, care for those who are less fortunate than He, and extend a hand to a stranger in need. The man I have fallen in love with has become so much more than any label I could give Him. He has chosen me to love with all of His heart, to me, that is the greatest gift He could ever give me.

Arpig -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/18/2011 9:58:12 PM)
nm

Arpig -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/18/2011 10:03:04 PM)
nm again!!

GhitaAmati -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/18/2011 10:13:00 PM)
Ok, So its 1am and I have a sinus infection and have had a bit too much whiskey and honey trying to make the coughing stop, so Im not entirely sure I can give this post the attention it really deserves. But dammit Im going to try. My Grandfather: (along with his two brothers). I got to grow up following around at my grandfathers heels. He and his brothers had more patience than any men Ive ever met anywhere else. I dont know how they did it. He still does it now with my kids. Anytime he was ever doing anything, and a kid wandered by and said "can I help?", well dammit he'd let us help. And it didnt matter if I was a girl or not, if I wanted to help him rebuild a carburator when I was 4, I got to do it. We'd fix cars and drive tractors and build stuff and find projects just for the sake of finding a project. I try SOOOO hard to think of him when my kids ask to "help". There are days when all I want to do is say "not this time, let me do it" because Im in a hurry or worried that a 4 year old isnt quite going to build the table square. He's 91 now, and Ive never. Ever. seen him raise his voice or express anger in any way. He buried my grandmother a few years ago at the end of a 67 year marriage. He was everything for her. He still gets out and drives the tractor around, usually still with a little kid on his lap like always. He still tinkers around in the same woodshop I used to play in. He just doesnt stay out as long or finish a job as quickly. When WWII started he joined the coast guard because he thought it meant hed get to stay home. He ended up circling the globe 6 times escorting convoys. At the end of the war he came home and went to work and didnt retire until 2001. Whenever my mom or the rest of the family has decided there is something wrong with me and they needed to interfere, he's always stood in the background and shielded me from them. Once, only once, did he walk over to my house, sit down on my couch and ask, "are you doing drugs?". I laughed. Said no. He never questioned me again, and neither did anyone else. Apparently he told them the matter was settled. My Dad: My dad was always a wonderful man, and one of those cool dads who you never minded going along on the school field trips with you because all the other kids liked him too. My dad's never been too strong, emotionally, and he's put up with a lot from my overpowering, ubercontrolling, un-affectionate mother. He's never stood up to her, but somehow their relationship works. I decided long ago not to question it. I know I could never stay in a relationship without sex and affection. There is love, just no affection. I dont get it. I used to feel sorry for my dad, but I guess for them, its just the way things are. ive never seen my parents kiss. ive never even seen them hold hands. Ive rarely seen them hug or say "i love you" to each other, but I know they do. ive never really thought of myself as having a close relationship with my father. We dont chat much, but when we do its always easy and stress-free (unlike conversations with my mom). When its been necessary though, dads always been there for me. And he has stuck up to my mother on my behalf, I just wish he would do it on his own. My Husband: I dont think I can say enough here that could ever get my thoughts across right. He's gruff, he's tactless, he's even bitter and cynical. he very rarely comes across to anyone quite the way he plans. But I love him, and I see a good bit of him that the rest of the world never sees. He's a 24 year military veteran. I couldnt tell you what he's done or what he's gone through in those 24 years, but I do see how the men who served with him respect him and defend him and I know that he has a row of ribbons on his chest longer than most generals. Im proud of him for that. For all of it. Its left us with a lot of rough spots in our lives and in our relationship, but I still wouldnt have him any other way. He tries very hard to be a father to our kids, and not a commanding officer. Some days I think he forgets that they arent little adults, but he does everything he can to provide for us and make sure we all feel safe, and comforted, and loved, and well fed. Damn that man can COOK! its a good thing too because I sure cant.

peachgirl -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/19/2011 9:47:06 AM)
I am so sorry for your loss, Bob. I wish you peace and comfort during this time.

MaxsBoy -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/19/2011 11:21:33 AM)
My ex-husband: I spent five years with this man, and he was better to me than anyone ever had been. We never fought, he never raised his voice in anger, and he pretty much spoiled me rotten. When the love had faded and I made the hard decision that we should go our separate ways, he listened to my position and accepted it with grace and dignity. He let me stay in his house for months after, and when I left he gave me endless support and even money to help me get on my feet. He's an amazing father, shouldering a large part of the burden of raising our son, but never denying me my rights as his mother to spend time with Pup or make decisions that are in effect even in my absense. He even completely accepts Max, and has made an effort to get to know him and be friends. He's a totally stand-up guy, and there's no woman in the world who is good enough for him. My ex-father-in-law: He could hate me, but instead he continues to treat me as a member of his family. He even sends me gifts sometimes, and his awesome homemade smoked pork. (drool) He's a lot like his son, and I love them both. Pup: What can I say about him? He's the sweetest, most innocent and kind little man ever. He's an angel on earth, even when he's being a little devil. Especially with the influence he gets from his father and grandfather, he's going to grow up to be the kind of guy women dream about ending up with. There's nothing like having him crawl up into my lap, snuggle against me, and say "I love you mama!" Max: Max fought for me for six months while I was dating an abusive asshole. He came over to the house at least once a week just to see me, put up with seeing how the ex treated me, and continually offered his shoulder to cry on, even though he expected to get nothing out of it. I have never been treated so kindly, and with such love and respect, and Max treats me. He has taken all of the hardships and shakeups and changes in stride, and loves me not despite my quirks, but for them. He's honest, hardworking, brilliant, kind, loving, and damn near perfect. He even took on the challenge of being a second father to my toddler, depite having no previous experience with kids, and no particular desire to have one. He proposed to me in a Walgreens parking lot, but I think I'll accept and keep him anyway. ;-)

LaTigresse -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/19/2011 11:40:46 AM)
Using fast reply... I really REALLY want to thank every single person that has contributed to this thread and please continue in as much as anyone wants to. I am sure that most know where the seed for it began germinating but it took on a completely new life of it's own in my mind as soon as I began thinking seriously about it. Men are often the butt of our (collective and media) jokes. My personal pet peeve is sitcoms. It is hugely unfortunate that our society has the history of gender issues that is has and that factually, more men commit violent crimes than women, often with women being the victims. Sometimes I think it must really suck to be a man, for a variety of reasons. Regardless of that, and maybe in spite of that........I believe that we all know some really amazing men that very likely do not get enough credit for being so fucking amazing, each in their own special way. And while I suppose that anyone that does not bother to know me well, or reads a lot of what I write through their own limited filters, might assume otherwise..... I do try to see most all people realistically. I cannot say that there is any one person I know that I can say is 100% bad.......or 100% good. Even my exhusband, whom I have admittedly wished would just finally take that last step and OD because he seems to be such a waste of skin, has or at least had, some amazingly fabulous qualities. His huge weaknesses may have covered, or even destroyed some of them, over the years......but I will always acknowledge they were there. Besides, without him I would not have two kids I love dearly and 4 fabulous grandkids I adore, and all the people having them in my life has brought into my life. So it's a win win for me. I believe in the good in people. It is why I am sometimes such a bitch with many ( a fault of mine ) but I see the good, I see the potential, yet I also see how some do such an amazing job of getting in their own way. Or worst, not seeing the wonderful qualities that I see. I may not wanna fuck over 99% of them, but I sure do appreciate the men I know, and love a few. They enrich my life in ways they cannot imagine.

Arpig -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/19/2011 12:50:05 PM)
quote: Sometimes I think it must really suck to be a man, Not really, most of the time it's pretty good. There's only one real problem with being a man Tits! You see, we men not only love tits we understand their true value. This is something most women don't understand, lesbians and bi women do, and that's why they are so popular with men. And the only problem with tits, is that tits are on women, and so we have to go through your (generic) filters to get our hands on the tits. this leads to many unsavoury things. Game playing, posing, pretending, and yes sometimes even outright lying (I mean really now, didn't you find it just a little strange that a guy who is an astronaut AND a brain surgeon would be drinking Bud Light at Bert's Bar & Beanery?) This is the reason why so many men, as they get older and wiser, grow tits of their own. So the next time you see some old fart with moobs, don't look down on him, he's part of the solution to the battle of the sexes. He can now take the time to actually get to know a woman for herself, because he has a set of tits of his own to play with, and doesn't need yours. He can now look to the rest of you to see what it has to offer.

LaTigresse -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/19/2011 1:08:48 PM)
Ohhhhhhhhhh now I am TWOFER!!!!! Ron just a moment ago and now you! Thank you for the smile and laugh!!![:D] Here is a link for those that......can't.. ( What ever your particular can't is...) http://www.special-trade.eu/silicone-breast-forms-breast-bras/index.php?gclid=CKfvxYnjwqkCFQvKKgod8C4J2Q

Termyn8or -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/21/2011 7:00:32 PM)
"The other day when Jeff (Termyn8or) phoned me, he gave me a mental adjustment, several actually, that helped me to get a grip." Don't praise me, I am not that good. OK, I am proficient at certain things, I can do things. I can influence people. This and that, but I am by no means good. I lament the fact that I gave up greed. I am sorry I am not mean. It was bound to happen though. The olman pulled his ass out the gutter and together we did a few things for the future. But he was bad as well. Fucking drunk that made me look like Mother Theresa. The Man who did all the good was my Grandfather, his Father. There was no end to his strength, which included patience. He taught me more than ALL OTHERS COMBINED about life, people and the workings of the world. He exuded strength. He once WALKED all the way across this country, living on odd jobs and shit. He was Polak, and married a German. Their families damnear disowned them, but they were in love I guess and stayed together for life. You see, the families were racist in ways you cannot even imagine. If either one of them would have married a Bulgarian, Ukrainian or certain other Europeans (!) their Parents would have probably shot them dead. Black and White means shit in comparison to that. They broke the mold. And all the praise you can bestow on Men, in many cases what they are or were at least partly what they are/were because of a Woman. We are partners. Maybe one is dominant, but that means shit because even in those archaic times, it was consentual. When the Man ruled the roost, the Woman let him rule the roost because she had CONFIDENCE in him. In his intelligence and judgement. In his foresight and lack of selfishness. To me the term Man does not mean a grown up male. It means a hell of alot more. T^T

LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: Celebrating the men in our lives. (6/22/2011 12:22:51 AM)
I wanted to talk about my "son-in-law". In reality, he & my daughter are engaged but will probably never get married. They met 7+ years ago on some dating website, like Match.com or Yahoo or something like that. They made a date, went out, talked, he came home with her & never really left. They've been through so much together & he's always there by her side. I don't really like him all that much, but I love him to death!! When we can have an intellectual discussion, we're good. When I agree with him, we get along great. But he's always there by my daughter's side, no matter what shit comes down. He's right there. He loves her & she loves him & they like each other & make each other laugh & make each other happier than anybody else has ever made either of them. She's had some really scary things happen in this last 7+ years, but he's never left her, he's always supported her no matter what. The latest thing this most wonderful man is doing is this: She's had a lot of physical problems & she has a job working for people she dislikes a lot. She's always been a hard worker & an extremely responsible person. And even though she hates going to work, she goes every day. And the stress has contributed to her physical problems. He just got a great job as a nurse working at the VA & he's making really good money & has great benefits. So he told her to quit her job & look for a less stressful part-time gig. She worked hard while he was going to school & I helped them financially so that he wouldn't have to work & try to go to nursing school. And now he's paying that back by taking good care of my baby. I can't say enough good about him. I respect him a lot. I wish that I could get along better with him & we both try and sometimes we're pretty good at it. Because we both love her, we want to have a good relationship with each other too. He calls me Mom & I call him my son-in-law & we tell each other we love each other. Because we really do. He's such a good man & I would be devastated if anything happened to him or to their relationship. I want them to stay together forever. Because he's always there by her side, he's always got her back.

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