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Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 8:28:13 AM   
LillyBoPeep


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Status: offline 		What are some tips or things you've tried to help yourself think more positively? Care to share? I imagine there are a lot of us who could use a new bit in our arsenal, or people feeling down or low who could use some advice.

So feel free to add anything that's worked for you if you've had to deal with something dark and wanted to get a little sunshine.

----

one thing that was helpful for me was rather than give into a feeling that someone was a threat, i would analyze the feeling and see if it was something i was really perceiving from them, or if it was something being generated by me. if it was coming from me, i developed a couple of little mantras to tell myself to chill out. mantras that work tend to be personal, so i won't elaborate on those.

another thing that helped -- journals! negative, suspicious feelings or anything else i didn't want to carry around would go into them, or i could use them as a soundboard for literally anything i wanted to say because i had no reason to be embarrassed by a journal.

a third thing i found helpful; taking a tiny step out of a box. whatever the box is, you don't have to smash it down to bits in 5 seconds, a tiny step out, even if you run right back, is better than nothing at all. so when my tendency was to respond to people negatively and/or violently, i would instead tell myself "just say hi."
some days that took more work than others, but after saying something neutral like "hi," i felt better.

when i'm really down in the dumps and mopey, sometimes it helps to look at pictures of more ideal places, like sunny beaches or those deep, lush, green old growth forests (there should totally be faeries there, too =p); pictures like that remind me that somewhere out there is a place that isn't ugly.

lately i've gotten pretty down on the future because there's been so much death going on around me, but i try to think of one little thing i can do in a day to change things up; even if it's something really small like moving a houseplant or making paper snowflakes in the middle of summer.


those are a few to start with, hopefully other people will add on.


< Message edited by LillyBoPeep -- 6/17/2011 8:41:21 AM >

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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 8:59:30 AM   
LillyBoPeep


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Status: offline 		nobody has any?

here's another one -- cooking my favorite foods
this one can be tricky if you're trying to battle off emotional eating, though =p just make sure to pick out something that's good for you and that you really enjoy. even if you have to make a couple of trips to the store, sometimes the process of getting the stuff together is a small way to feel excitement about something, and to keep you from over-focusing on negative things.

another one for those who like to cook -- cooking something new
once when i was really feeling down, i decided to make bouillabaisse. i'd always wanted to try it, even back in high school when i was taking my first french classes. trying something new can help break up the doldrums, and the sense of accomplishment at fixing something i never tried before was really nice. plus, it helped that it was ridiculously tasty.






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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 9:02:45 AM   
sexyred1


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Status: offline 		I read. I find whenever I am down, if I read something it transports me away from myself into another place and moving the concentration from me to something else, puts me in a more positive mind.

I also find humor to make me more positive. Seeing the humor in a bad situation, always lightens it up.

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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 9:09:48 AM   
juliaoceania


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One thought at a time. At least that is how I have done it, and I am not always successful, but I am much more positive than I was


I paid attention to how my thoughts made me feel. If I noticed I was feeling angry or sad or bitter or anxious, I paid attention to the thoughts that had generated those feelings. It was not as simple as thinking the opposite thing, sometimes that is impossible. I challenged the negative thoughts. If I had a thought like "You're worthless, Julia", I would turn that around to "There are many people who love me because they say I am kind, generous, intelligent, etc etc etc". If I got depressed thinking about my past, I would remind myself that my past did not define me in the future. I would constantly reach for a better feeling thought.

I think sometimes people think positive thinking is bullshit because no one taught them how to do it, and it is a skill. One problem with going from negative thinking patterns to more positive ones is that people expect that they can force positive thoughts, they can't. It is a process. If you tell yourself the opposite of what you are used to thinking, it will feel like a lie, or impossible. I did this in steps. I found that depression was the worst feeling place, and anger was better than depression, and annoyance felt better than anger, and I was constantly reaching for the better feeling and the thoughts I associated with those feelings. I think anger feels better to you than depression... , and then you can have good feelings like enthusiasm and joy and passion become your default setting....


< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 6/17/2011 9:10:45 AM >

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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 1:15:20 PM   
Phoenixpower


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Status: offline 		Sometimes when work frustrated me abroad, I reminded myself that it won't be forever and focused on whatever else was coming up in the near future (such as the fact of moving or the fact of working with colleagues you enjoy to work with or the upcoming meeting of a friend).

When I did my 2nd apprenticeship we also used to reframe situations e. g. when the kids we worked with frustrated us at times...so for example instead of moaning "oh she just doesn't shut up today" we named it more positivel and named it e. g. "she enjoys to express herself today" instead. We actually quite enjoyed to reframe negative comments into positive ones...


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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 1:19:48 PM   
LaTigresse


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Status: offline 		Something I learned years ago.......watchfulness.

Rather than shoving any negative feelings down or ignoring them, I try to almost become another entity to a degree and just watch myself. No judgement, no anything other than observing the situation, my feelings, and reactions. It tends to defuse the negativity and have a long term effect of giving whatever the trigger was, less power the next time.


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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 1:32:19 PM   
hlen5


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Status: offline 		When I become aware my negativity is going at full volume and speed, I call it "rolling". Just saying "I'm rolling" to myself helps cancel some of what I'm feeling. Then I consciously remember that what you give out you recieve in return. I let go of whatever my mind is gnawing on.

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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 1:39:47 PM   
LillyBoPeep


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Something I learned years ago.......watchfulness.

Rather than shoving any negative feelings down or ignoring them, I try to almost become another entity to a degree and just watch myself. No judgement, no anything other than observing the situation, my feelings, and reactions. It tends to defuse the negativity and have a long term effect of giving whatever the trigger was, less power the next time.



that's something that i can totally relate to -- separating out and analyzing things just as they are. i think being able to distance yourself from things your thinking can really help you determine if they're worthwhile thoughts. =p

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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 1:44:18 PM   
LaTigresse


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Status: offline 		That mental distance really does it for me. I am all too good at over analyzing myself, and criticizing myself mercilessly. I push myself really hard in many ways. So when I get pissed or really negative, it is usually inwardly based, not externally. It is really very very rare I get totally livid at another person. If another person does upset me, I first blame myself for getting upset. It's nearly immediate. That gets really self defeating.......so I had to learn a better coping mechanism to turn the negatives into positives. 

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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 1:46:29 PM   
JstAnotherSub


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Status: offline 		If I start having a pity party for my self, I can always manage to think of someone I know who is worse off than I am.  Then I feel like a moron, and I get over it.

I have also been known to get in my own face, literally.  Talking to me in a mirror and commanding my self to get a grip.

And, music.  Some old blues, really loud, accompanied by a bit of porch time, well, that can cure anything.  In my world anyhow.

< Message edited by JstAnotherSub -- 6/17/2011 1:48:46 PM >

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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 2:02:31 PM   
LinnaeaBorealis


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Status: offline 		I discovered many years ago that every day is a clean slate. When I wake up, I have a choice about how I am going to feel that day. I pretty generally choose happy & cheerful. Which is really fucking hard for someone with lifelong chronic depression. LOL I am a nocturnal creature & waking up near dawn is very very difficult for me. But when I have to I do it & I put a smile on my face. I remember one time going into a truck stop a little after 5 am for my morning coffee before hitting the road. I walked up to the counter & gave the clerk a big smile & a hearty good morning. He so appreciated it because, as he said, most people didn't seem to be morning people. I explained that I wasn't a morning person either, but that I had made that choice that morning to be cheerful. As I left, he was smiling & in a better mood also.

Being cheerful & happy each morning tends to set the tone for my day. In AA, they used to tell me to "act as if." Another thing that I do is I put my head in the sand & try not to take negativity in. I don't read newspapers or watch very much TV, because the negativity tends to accumulate.

But having lifelong chronic depression, I can't help but have some really negative days. I used to try to push through no matter how thick the fog would get & I would try to deny the feelings of depression. And I found that by doing that it seemed that I would just put off the depressive episodes until they were so huge they would consume me. And it would take months sometimes to recover back to my old self. So what I learned *about me* is that if I have those feelings that just don't seem to want to vanish in the face of my cheerfulness, I put together The Depression Kit, turn off the phone, & wallow in the depression for 24 hours. And at the end of the 24 hours, I seem to be able to pull myself back up & I'm good for a long time. Not acknowledging the effects of the chemical imbalance at the time just tends to make it snowball.

I don't engage in discussions with negative-minded people who don't want to change that way of thinking. I don't spend time with people who only want to whine about what's going on in their world, but not actually do anything to change it. I don't spend time in conversations with people who only bitch no matter what happens. I've talked to people who will bitch because A hasn't happened & then when A happens, they will bitch because it didn't include X & B.

Moods are infectious & I've found that there are some people who, being so miserable themselves, can't stand it if I don't wallow in misery in my own life.

< Message edited by LinnaeaBorealis -- 6/17/2011 2:04:30 PM >

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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 2:05:40 PM   
RedMagic1


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Status: offline 		Physical exercise.

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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 2:16:29 PM   
LaTigresse


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Status: offline 		And sometimes, nothing beats a carton of favourite ice cream and a cheesy crying movie to cure what ails ya.

Or a bottle of dry red wine, some dark chocolate, and a cheesy rom com.




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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 2:18:41 PM   
LaTigresse


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Physical exercise.


Definitely! Hugely under rated in my opinion. I know when I made it more important to get some serious physical activity, on a daily basis, my over all mood improved dramatically. Especially during the winter months.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 2:20:03 PM   
LinnaeaBorealis


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

And sometimes, nothing beats a carton of favourite ice cream and a cheesy crying movie to cure what ails ya.

Or a bottle of dry red wine, some dark chocolate, and a cheesy rom com.





Some of these things are included in The Depression Kit. Although I tend to prefer stoopid comedies over the crying movies.

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Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 2:26:15 PM   
LaTigresse


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Status: offline 		I think for me, because I almost never cry at real life stuff, a crying movie is cathartic.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 2:28:43 PM   
LinnaeaBorealis


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Status: offline 		Yeah, I tend to cry too much. One time I messed up in assembling the depression kit & ended up with one of the crying movies. Hoo boy!! Was I sorry!!!

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Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
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That's how the light gets in
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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 2:42:10 PM   
gungadin09


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep
What are some tips or things you've tried to help yourself think more positively?


Seriously, NOT to try to think more positively.

Whenever i've been depressed or cynical, there's been a reason. Without addressing the underlying reason, it does no good to "try to think more positively". It's just like rubbing salt in a wound. You have to heal first, then move on. You can't skip to the moving on part.

TALK TO PEOPLE
When i first joined collarme i was pretty messed up. i wrote in my journal extensively. Then people would comment on the journal, and i would end up telling my stories to them. i got feedback and sympathy, instead of being told to suck it up and stop whining, or even worse, not being believed. i began to think that maybe i wasn't crazy after all.

Then i discovered the collarme forums. i posted all this shit that i had been holding inside. People told me to go to a psychiatrist, but i couldn't afford one. So i kept posting. i posted and posted and posted until i finally ran out of things to say. It was nice having people to listen and give advice, although i know that that's not what the forums are here for. i know it's not the way it should be done, but i'm shy and don't talk much in real life, so it was a real benefit having a place to talk where people would listen. Smart people. All this talking got a lot of things off my chest, and gradually, i started to leave some of it behind. Which was much more effective than trying to "think positively".

pam

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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 3:48:20 PM   
LadyConstanze


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Physical exercise.


This, realized I have a not to bad case of S.A.D., doc agreed and wanted to give me pills, got myself a lightbox and increase exercise whenever I notice I am starting to feel a bit low and tend to spiral towards a black hole, I get manically productive, even if I'm just cleaning the house top to bottom, build new shelves, reorganize drawers... Keeping in motion helps a lot, and cutting down on coffee and any type of booze, hard to be positive if you're waking up with a hangover

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RE: Tips for positive thinking - 6/17/2011 3:55:28 PM   
RapierFugue


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

What are some tips or things you've tried to help yourself think more positively? Care to share? I imagine there are a lot of us who could use a new bit in our arsenal, or people feeling down or low who could use some advice.

SNIP LOTS OF THINKING


Don't think too much ;)

Oh, and ...

1. No booze, or only a tiny amount.
2. Exercise.
3. Read something positive - for some reason reading seems to "take" more readily than moving pictures. I read a superb book a while back, by one of Obama's team, on how they got him elected; an amazing tale of winning against the odds.
4. Write something - not down thoughts, or a diary, but something you're experienced, or thought about experiencing - travel writing does it for me. If you haven't got travel experiences ...
5. Travel :)

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