Former Flames

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Iamsemisweet -> Former Flames (6/19/2011 1:34:19 PM)
I have been contacted about reconnecting this week by three former flames. Men I dated but were not people who I wanted to know better. One of them, I ignored as I have the last ten times he has contacted me; one of them I sent a terse no thank you; and one of them I had a short conversation with before he disappeared into the wind again. In other words, once again, the relationships did not work out, just like every other time someone from the past has resurfaced. So why contact blasts from the past, instead of letting them stay dead? Do people want a chance to make amends, or just another chance to fuck up the other person's life?

Icarys -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 1:38:11 PM)
quote: So why contact blasts from the past, instead of letting them stay dead? Do people want a chance to make amends, or just another chance to fuck up the other person's life? Don't worry about it..move on. How would anyone know but them..ask them if you can..if not, follow my first words.

LadyPact -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 1:47:47 PM)
OP, I'm kind of curious why you start so many threads regarding contacts. It seems to be a real sticking point with you. That's not a personal attack. It's just that I wonder why you are so focused on it. Reasons that old play partners/subs that didn't work out have contacted Me. Relationship advice. Looking for guidelines on how to run a high protocol dinner. Good old friendly conversation. (i.e. I saw that you moved, have you talked to so and so lately, etc.) References. Events in certain areas/have I attended event X. Point is, not every email from a 'past' anything has to necessarily mean that the person is still interested in a dynamic or play partner situation.

littlewonder -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 2:05:37 PM)
They just want another chance to fuck...period. Why do you keep responding and getting back together with them? That's the question I would be concerned about.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 2:15:15 PM)
I don't have an answer for that, LadyPact I hope I am not coming across as obsessed or something. It might, I suppose, be because I am interested in etiquette and protocols. That's just me. I have had many of my exes contact me for professional advice, and I am more than happy to help, at my usual hourly rate. That isn't what I am talking about. I am talking about "let's reconnect." type emails. I honestly don't understand it, because it is not something I would ever, ever do.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 2:19:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder They just want another chance to fuck...period. Why do you keep responding and getting back together with them? That's the question I would be concerned about. I didn't say I did get back together with them, let alone fuck. That would be crazy. In fact, I said I didn't. So, I am not too concerned about that question. In general though, I think you are right. They are just horny. Figures.

Awareness -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 2:22:11 PM)
Christ. So "Ask A Master" has officially become the "whine about miscellaneous shit" forum. That explains a lot.

HannahLynHeather -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 4:37:32 PM)
or maybe just another chance at something that didn't work out for reasons beyond either's control. there's one old flame i'd like to reconnect with. jodie foster, she was the first girl i had sex with, and she had one sweeeeet little cunt on her.

juliaoceania -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 5:16:52 PM)
quote: So why contact blasts from the past, instead of letting them stay dead? Do people want a chance to make amends, or just another chance to fuck up the other person's life? There was never a serious relationship in which I was involved that the men did not come back, sometimes years later (20 years for my ex hubby) and ask for another chance with me. I think there are many reasons for this, but a big one is feeling melancholy about the past... over romanticizing a past relationship. I have tried to hook up again, it only worked out if the relationship hadn't been over a good long time... like a couple of months.

aromanholiday -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 5:47:37 PM)
I am occasionally contacted by the "ones that got away." Or the ones that I couldn't be involved with because I was owned but they liked me from afar, so maybe I was the one that got away. (shrug) They've contacted me when they've realized I'm single again. I think this sort of person is just curious about possibilities: what might have been, and whether it could be made to work now. Aside from a very strange fellow I knew in my 20s who sent me email out of the blue a few years ago, I've not been contacted by people from older relationships.

littlewonder -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 5:56:20 PM)
i only have one from my past who still contacts me. i think it's because he's hoping i've gone insane and will play with him. i have no other clue why he bothers. all the others are either dead or smart enough to know better.

NuevaVida -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 6:06:41 PM)
My ex owner, ex husband, and the two men I briefly went out with after those relationships, all contacted me again, sometimes numerous times. Ex husband couldn't let go, ex owner wanted to see if I'd still respond to him, and the two other guys wanted to fuck around again. The ex husband I threatened to get a restraining order on (he was actually stalking and harassing me) and the ex owner I just blocked from my world - blocked on email (both personal and CM) and just stopped answering any call that was either his number or a number I didn't recognize. I don't contact folks from past relationships. I have a girlfriend, though, who constantly goes back and contacts guys she's gone out with but who ended it with her. I've asked her why she'd want to reach out to someone who made it clear didn't want to be with her, and she's never really answered it. I think she remains hopeful that maybe they''ll suddenly want to give it another try with her. It's one thing if the relationship ends amicably and everyone remains friends. If not, goodness there is no point in hanging on to the past.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 7:07:44 PM)
I have an ex boyfriend who will contact me again every now and again -- a few years ago I realized that it always coincidentally happened when another girl had broken up with him, or he wasn't having good luck getting into a relationship, period. people generally have selfish reasons for reasserting themselves in your life. He does it to stroke his ego and feel good about himself, not necessarily caring what might happen to my feelings. this last time, i told him that we are on very different roads; there's no way we'd ever really work together. i've gotten a few small, casual messages from him, but nothing major in the last few weeks. i figure he got the point.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 7:18:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet I have been contacted about reconnecting this week by three former flames. Men I dated but were not people who I wanted to know better. One of them, I ignored as I have the last ten times he has contacted me; one of them I sent a terse no thank you; and one of them I had a short conversation with before he disappeared into the wind again. In other words, once again, the relationships did not work out, just like every other time someone from the past has resurfaced. So why contact blasts from the past, instead of letting them stay dead? Do people want a chance to make amends, or just another chance to fuck up the other person's life? 1. Are you the best they ever had? 2. Have the years been kind or unkind to their appearances? Serious questions.

Iamsemisweet -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 8:06:08 PM)
1. I don't ask their reasoning 2. I have only met with one former flame from many years before, who recontacted me, and he looked great! I never agree to see the others, so I don't know what they look like. The more recent contacts are not from a long time ago, they are from within the last year or even less. And when I was cleaning horse stalls today, I figured out the solution. I just need to be much more definite that I never want to talk again in my breakup note/speech. Problem solved. Anyway quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet I have been contacted about reconnecting this week by three former flames. Men I dated but were not people who I wanted to know better. One of them, I ignored as I have the last ten times he has contacted me; one of them I sent a terse no thank you; and one of them I had a short conversation with before he disappeared into the wind again. In other words, once again, the relationships did not work out, just like every other time someone from the past has resurfaced. So why contact blasts from the past, instead of letting them stay dead? Do people want a chance to make amends, or just another chance to fuck up the other person's life? 1. Are you the best they ever had? 2. Have the years been kind or unkind to their appearances? Serious questions.

sexyred1 -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 8:16:31 PM)
Every guy I had a serious thing with or even a short term thing with, has resurfaced at one time or another. In one case, the guy was asking to make amends and try again; I said no. In other cases they wanted to hook up because what we had was hot as hell and they of course, could not find anyone else who does what I do. Sometimes I said yes, if in the mood and other times no, if I was in a relationship. I am never surprised when old flames resurface. I chalk it off to having fond memories and reaching out to see if I feel the same or if I had a memory lapse. I, on the other hand, would never contact an old flame. I like to move forward.

catize -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 8:19:11 PM)
They are former for a reason; they are no longer 'hot' for me so I ignore them. I do not wonder why, I just smile and block.

peachgirl -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 10:23:06 PM)
Personally, I think they might be lonely or looking for someone who might understand them to talk to. Of course this is a very nice way of saying, someone to call and dump all their sh*t on.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Former Flames (6/19/2011 10:28:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: peachgirl Personally, I think they might be lonely or looking for someone who might understand them to talk to. Of course this is a very nice way of saying, someone to call and dump all their sh*t on. E-FUCKING-XACTLY. ^.~

Kana -> RE: Former Flames (6/20/2011 4:21:18 AM)
Kana's rule of thumb-Never make your Ex your next. I like making new mistakes, not remaking old ones.

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