RE: Got Philosophy? (Full Version)

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FirmhandKY -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/20/2011 4:41:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

3rd: Do NOT do unto others what you would NOT have them do to you.  Once upon a time, I saw Golden Rule translated from like 15 or 20 other languages / religions.  ONLY the one Christian on said : Do unto others what you had have done unto yourself.

I was struck by the fact of Christian missionaries are "out there" trying to convert others becasue they want to be Christians, therefore (obviously) others want to be Christian.

That's not how I read it.

The "Golden Rule" has been attributed to Jesus of Nazareth: "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them" (Matthew 7:12, see also Luke 6:31). The common English phrasing is "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you".

Firm



TreasureKY -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/20/2011 4:52:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

quote:

I don't really see that as such an odd question.
 
I probably wouldn't have found it odd if I'd had some type of contact with the person prior to that message.  It was one of those lovely one-liners from out of the blue without any introduction or context provided.


Well... you've got to admit that it's a bit better than just "how r u?".  [:D]



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/20/2011 6:06:30 AM)

My BDSM philosophy and my personal philosophy are one and the same:

Know yourself. Be true to yourself. Treat others as you would have them treat you.





Muttling -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/20/2011 7:38:53 AM)

I think it's a reasonable question, but it would be a thesis for me to answer.    I'm not a black n white thinker and there are a great many shades of gray to BDSM for me.  Some of it is simple pleasure, some emotional connection, some release/ relief, and some comfort in structure.

It would be the same as asking a vanilla who's been in an LTR for 20 years what his/her philosophy of their relationship is.  Such questions aren't answered in short sentences.



DesFIP -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/20/2011 9:00:14 AM)

We don't have some expansive philosophy into which we have to pigeonhole ourselves. It's very pragmatic here. If I'm handling things well, he sees no reason to take control. If I'm not, he'll take over.

I see this as a weird question because it comes across as if the person asking it has 128 slave rules without ever having been in a power relationship.

People in a relationship don't work on a philosophy, they work on the relationship, tinkering with it so it works better. Not fixing what isn't broken.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/21/2011 8:16:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

In my "philosophy," gender is inconsequential; i don't believe in anything like "men are supposed to lead, women are supposed to be submissive," because those are very outdated, limiting ideas based on other outdated, limiting ideas.


Agreed.  I've always thought that dominance is a personality trait.  Some have a lot of it, others have very little, and most people fall somewhere in the middle.  Also, just because someone has the trait, doesn't mean they should be the leader in a power-exchange dynamic. 

quote:

i also don't believe in "submission is a gift." i believe power exchange relationships are about people being honest with each other, being honest about who they are, and working together towards some common goal. for me,


I know, right?  Every time I hear that "submission is a gift" cliche, I always want to ask if I can exchange it for something I like better or return it and get my money back.

quote:

i'm also more compatible with people who can, for lack of a better word, be "normal" sometimes. i view it as a way to build up a relationship, but with a more holistic view of mixing the "vanilla" and "kink" into "just what we do."


I completely agree.  My life looks pretty darn vanilla most of the time, but I'm just as dominant in my pajamas as I am in a corset and spike heels.  Life does not imitate porn, and thank goodness for that. 



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/21/2011 8:39:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

One of my "hardest-to-follow" ethical principles is "Do not make others decisions for them."  Try doing that for a day - WILL knock you for a loop.  Jim- I'd like to go to lunch at XYZ cafe.  What do you think?  As opposed to Jim, let's go to XYZ cafe for lunch.


OMG, if I did that nothing would get done around here.  (Inertia, we has it.)  I have mad respect for you for having the ability to do this on a consistent basis.  How does it translate to power-exchange relationships?  I'm guessing the preliminary negotiations you mentioned take care of this.  Is that an accurate assessment?
 
quote:

And this is a fairly new philosophy (thanks to posts by Leadership), when something is asked of me that is difficult or I am 'not on the mood' I remind myself that the dominant is 'the Boss of me' and I am able to find satisfaction in doing his will.

 
I like this.  I think this must be one of the hardest things for someone who is submissive.  I know I don't like anyone else being "the boss of me."  That you can find satisfaction in it is admirable.
 
quote:

When you truly love someone, you make a promise to yourself that you will do everything in your power to make them happy and to help them achieve their goals. They become, above and beyond any of your own goals or desires, your number one priority. And, ultimately, that means giving your self to them, refusing to reject them, and doing whatever you can to make life work out. As a result of this mindset, I find I am naturally submissive. If a massage makes him happy, he gets it. If he wants sex, he gets that too, even if I am not in the mood. If he needs me to do something for him, it gets done. Love, for me, entails and requires service. Obedience comes from trust, that the one you love will never hurt you, will only ask you to do things that make you uncomfortable if he needs them done and knows you'll be safe, and that he has everyone's best interests at heart.

 
I don't really have any commentary on this, I just wanted to quote it because it's lovely. 
 
quote:

I need partners who can laugh when they're in pain. This is very much an expression of joy for me, and I need them to be able to share in that.

 
I love this.  [:D]  If you're not having fun, what's the point?
 
quote:

Well... you've got to admit that it's a bit better than just "how r u?".  [:D]
 
Well, I'll give him props for at least trying to be creative.  The execution left a lot to be desired, however.  But hey, the dude inspired a thread.  He should feel privileged.  [;)]



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/21/2011 8:51:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

i see my main purpose as ensuring the two of us are as fucking happy as i can arrange. sex-wise i do what i want most of the time, but outside of the fucking, if anything heather's well being is more important than mine. she's the focus of my life, so as her domme, i am focused on her as well, i can't see how the fuck it could be otherwise. and that's the way it should be in my mind. when i am faced with a decision, i go with what will be best for her. she's entrusted herself to me, and i take that responsibility very fucking seriously. it's my job to make sure she has the best fucking life i can give her.


I get this and I understand your reasons.  I'm curious, though; what would/will you do if you're ever faced with a decision where what's best for Heather, as an individual, would be detrimental to the relationship you have together.  Would you sacrifice your own happiness/fulfillment for her at the risk of resenting her down the road?  Or would you search for an option that, while not being the best thing for her, is still good and, ultimately, will be the best for your relationship overall? 
 
I guess what I'm asking is how you decide what qualifies as "best" and if you factor your relationship into the equation when making the decision.



HannahLynHeather -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/21/2011 10:27:42 AM)

at this point i'm having trouble thinking of such a case, but i'd like to say i'd do what's best for her, but fuck that, if i'm honest i'd look for that other option. i consider the relationship to be part of what's best for her. not just because it is for me, and it sure as fuck is, but because she considers it so as well.

if there comes a time when i cannot find that other option and it was a stark choice between the relationship and her best interest, then i'd let the relationship fucking hang and hope we could work through whatever problems that decision caused. if we couldn't, then i've done my best for the woman i love. in the end that's all a person can do.

of course, i might just be full of shit, i might just cling to her, lie to her, threaten her, do whatever the fuck i could to keep her. i may well do that, but if i did, i'd be abandoning the philosophy i put in place before i fucking started the relationship. and the basic tenets of the way i try to live my life. i hope to fuck i never ever have to find out.

should i let you go
for your own sake
should i hold you close
for mine
~ a. ray



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/21/2011 10:59:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

I know, right?  Every time I hear that "submission is a gift" cliche, I always want to ask if I can exchange it for something I like better or return it and get my money back.

i know. and the people who use it tend not to think dominance is much of a gift, only their precious, velvet pillow submission is. must like a dominant person may say "i dunno how you deal with that" to an s-type (as you do further down in this thread), a lot of s-types look at dominants and go "how on earth can they put up with making all the decisions and planning everything? that seems like too much stress!"
each person has a function with its own unique facets and challenges, but neither of them amounts to much without the other.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
I completely agree.  My life looks pretty darn vanilla most of the time, but I'm just as dominant in my pajamas as I am in a corset and spike heels.  Life does not imitate porn, and thank goodness for that. 

thank goodness, indeed. =p



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/21/2011 11:43:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Muttling

I think it's a reasonable question, but it would be a thesis for me to answer.    I'm not a black n white thinker and there are a great many shades of gray to BDSM for me.  Some of it is simple pleasure, some emotional connection, some release/ relief, and some comfort in structure.

It would be the same as asking a vanilla who's been in an LTR for 20 years what his/her philosophy of their relationship is.  Such questions aren't answered in short sentences.



Obviously, I'm one of those who thinks philosophy has to be short and sweet, otherwise it's not all that well thought out.

All anyone can ever do is cover the big chunks, b/c no one can think of all possibilities.

My own philosophy as stated above may seem quite simplistic. Try living it.



Muttling -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/21/2011 2:27:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
Try living it.




I respect and support your views, but I'm not a black and white thinker so I will stick to living my many shades of gray instead.



HeatherMcLeather -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/21/2011 4:36:10 PM)

quote:

if you factor your relationship into the equation when making the decision.
She had better!



HeatherMcLeather -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/21/2011 4:44:23 PM)

quote:

ANYWAY, i also don't believe in "submission is a gift."
I do. My submission is most definitely a gift. Not from me to Hanners, but the other way round.

I can't submit without somebody to submit to. So by dominating me, she gives me the gift of my submission. Conversely, she can't dominate without somebody to dominate, so by submitting to her I give her the gift of her dominance.





Tristan -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/21/2011 5:03:03 PM)

quote:

she was overly concerned that she always be fucking superior to me, so i decided that we'd be equals. i'm in charge, but we are fucking partners in this. we work together. she was fucking obsessed with appearances, so i decided that i wouldn't give a fuck about them. i felt like i wasn't appreciated, so i make fucking sure heather knows she is.


Well said...

I am in control, and therefore, I am responsible for my submissive.  Just because I am in control, doesn't mean we are not equals.  A submissive derives pleasure from serving, and I derive pleasure from her desire to serve.  I am always very appreciative of all anyone does for me.  I do my best not to let the little things go unnoticed.  That does not mean I am less dominant.



MaleficMaster -> RE: Got Philosophy? (6/21/2011 8:00:25 PM)

BDSM philosophy, mine.
Since most, if not all BDSM interests are inherent in humans, some from genetic mammalian politics, others are hardwired biologically as well, some develop due to environment, they need to be addressed, but only certain people respond.
The vast majority sublimate, repress, ignore, deny or in other ways gloss over these drives, desires, appetites only to have them become buried in their unconscious, springing out at unusual times and places...
Know thyself has already been said, and that simple phrase coming down to us from ancient times is pregnant with much meaning, self acceptance being a big part of it.
The philosophy of Bruce Lee's Jeet Kune Do is one with a twist that resonates strongly, I reduce a portion of it to:
"Using no limit as a limit." or "Question all limits as to their usefulness."
Here are some direct quotes from Bruce Lee on this subject:
“...using no way as a way, using no limitations as a limitation.”
“All fixed set patterns are incapable of adaptability or pliability. The truth is outside of all fixed patterns.”
“If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else.
It will spread into your work and into your life.
There are no limits.
There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.”
There are, of course limits, but by keeping the question open and challenging limits and limitations, we become so much freer, more innovative, and find alternatives and options in abundance, rather than being hemmed in.
Quite the unusual for a Dominant, as control is something extremely important to me.
By knowing and accepting ourselves and being able to communicate that to others, by remaining open to more of the possibilities by questioning limitations, we are able to more fully experience life, as well life's great pleasures like
BDSM.

Malefic Master

"Each opposite contains at its core, its opposite and we only know the measure of the difference."
Malefic Master's paraphrase of Lao Tsu



MrHCurious -> RE: Got Philosophy? (7/15/2011 4:09:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
quote:

In short, have fun and laugh a lot.
 
Is that a general life philosophy, or is it specific to BDSM?   I can see how it would apply to both.


Yes.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Got Philosophy? (7/15/2011 4:10:11 PM)

[:D]



Giermo -> RE: Got Philosophy? (7/15/2011 4:14:59 PM)

Love seeing these different and converging view points. [:)]



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Got Philosophy? (7/15/2011 5:11:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Giermo

Love seeing these different and converging view points. [:)]


Feel free to share your own.  The more the merrier.



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