RE: Informing and Asking

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myotherself -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/20/2011 11:55:22 PM)
maybe you should think about setting some ground rules here. Such as - if you need plain water, then you may purchase it if you are thirsty. But you must ask permission for non-essential drinks, such as soda or coffee. It seems from your post that there was a lack of communication and understanding in both directions, and perhaps a lack of prioritising. You say you reply to texts if you want to, which is fair enough. But when it comes to her health, and you are fully aware of the boundaries you have set for her, then surely this sort of text should be the one you ensure you DO reply to? Just my 2 Euros...

Punkt -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/20/2011 11:59:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble Hi Punkt.. First, welcome to collarme. I don't know how much experience you have with submissives, but sometimes it is very hard for those of us with a submissive mindset to ask for things. If she were fairly new in her discovery of submission, she might feel too unsure of her status with you to actually ask for what she needs and it's common that we, as new submissives, spend some time in one dimensional mode before re-embracing our complex and complete selves. It's something in the past though, so I wouldn't spend too much time on it. You are not a mind reader, you will never be a mind reader.. but what you can do if confronted with that sort of situation in the future.. is not wait for someone to ask.. but, instead, ask them. Would it have been so hard to write her back, ask if she would like to buy a water.. and if she said yes, then send her back a command to ask for what she wants? No wrong or right way, here.. just pointing out what her thinking might have been at that time. If she was unrealistic in her expectation of you, then she may indeed put you into some sort of All Knowing God mode to know her thoughts and needs better than she, herself knew them. It happens. Thanks for the welcome! I have been living D/s relationships around 8 years now. I have been with both submissives and slaves. I always ask about her needs and wants and actually provide them even before she asks or mentions it. And she already knowed that I wouldn't reply to text or e-mails. She knowed that when she texts or e-mails me, she shouldn't expect a reply. She used to send texrs or e-mails just to inform me about what she is doing, and even that was by her choice. I didn't feel like replying her back, bcause, as I mentioned, she knowed not to expect replies to text or e-mails. And on that day, she had "money that she could spend freely" which was enough to buy a drink. She just had to ask permission for "other money which kept by her just in case she needs it". My question basicly was "I forgot my water" is informative and "I need a drink" is asking. (And asking for drinks is coming from her drinking around 3 liters of soda every day, I wanted her to drink less). Thanks for the welcome again!

tazzygirl -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/20/2011 11:59:34 PM)
quote: Maybe I didn't get the message. Wait... did you get the message or not? You answered that. So you got the message that your slave, on a hot day per your description, informed you she had nothing to drink. You knew she had money, but could only spend it with your approval. You decided not to respond, thereby not giving approval. You really dont want to know what I am thinking right now.

Punkt -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 12:02:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan ~FR~ The way my household rules are set up, a slave wouldn't need to ask permission to spend money for water. They are written so that slaves have blanket permission to acquire necessary items such as food/drink, gasoline, and toiletry items. I don't have the time or desire to micromanage on that level. Only large ticket items or those that are not necessities, such as new clothes or leisure activities, require my permission. That being said, if I received such text, I would ask if there was a convenience store or some other place to get water and if s/he had money on hand to buy it. This would be the only logical response to a statement such as that one. If I can't trust the slave to protect my property, including maintaining good health and nutrition without running to me for every little thing, then the slave isn't sufficiently intelligent and/or is too needy and we aren't going to be a good fit. In our case; Drinking liters of soda every day was not a need, it was an unhealthy habit!

Punkt -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 12:07:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida Your communication on this thread is a bit unclear. As someone on the submission side of a relationship equation, that would lead to problems for me. To be clear, your post said, "How come you think you have the right to think that I am not responsive to your needs?" which made me think you were speaking of me in that sentence. You also asked why I'd think I had the right to think something, but when I said I had the right to think anything, and then we'd talk about it, you said you talked about it, too. Did she have the right to think? Or not...? I'm confused just in our short exchange. I don't mean this to be critical, but unclear communication is going to create problems going forward. Except my introduction topic, this is my first topic; so sorry about the unclearness. And I believe another reason is my sentence structure. Even though I have been speaking English since 14, I guess my sentence structure goes back to German. So, even though I can speak and write fluently, because of the sentence structure I am using, there can be confusions. Yes, we always talked about her thoughts, about everything. She could think of course, and we would talk about it.

Punkt -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 12:12:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl Did you want her to beg? Im really confused here. You didnt get the text message. That I can understand. Sometimes they dont work right. So, lets say the towers were out and she couldnt ask. Did you have a contingency plan for that? I always left her enough spending money to be spent without questions. She also had a safety money. She also did know that I don't reply to her texts and e-mails usually. So, there was no need for her to expect me to give her permission on that occasion. I told her that when we talked. "You needed a drink, and you had enough money on you." So, what I was telling her that she didn't have the right to think I am unresponsive to her needs. She had enough money on her to buy what she "needs" and also a safety money that she could spend in addition to the spending money.

tazzygirl -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 12:13:23 AM)
Then im more confused. She had the money, I am assuming she got something to drink? How did this become an issue?

Punkt -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 12:23:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself maybe you should think about setting some ground rules here. Such as - if you need plain water, then you may purchase it if you are thirsty. But you must ask permission for non-essential drinks, such as soda or coffee. It seems from your post that there was a lack of communication and understanding in both directions, and perhaps a lack of prioritising. You say you reply to texts if you want to, which is fair enough. But when it comes to her health, and you are fully aware of the boundaries you have set for her, then surely this sort of text should be the one you ensure you DO reply to? Just my 2 Euros... Ground Rules: 1) Spend your "Spending money as you wish" 2) Do not touch the "Safety Money" unless you need it. She already had spent her spending money. And she still can use the safety money for food and drinks cause they are needs. She was just worried that I don't like her drinking too much soda, and she couldn't ask for it I guess because I already left her enough for more than soda or food, but she spent it before for unnecessary things. About the texts, I told her; do not expect a reply to your texts because where I am, my phone can be off. So, she already knew that she cannot ask something urgent by phone. She can leave a text or e-mail for non-urgent things. If she has something urgent she has money and she has cards. She didn't want to get the soda before asking me because she knew that I don't like her drinking too much soda. In that worry, she didn't buy a drink, or called me to ask, but just informed me that she forgot her water. If she has listened to me, and bought less chocolate, snack, and soda, and chips before she left; there wouldn't be any need for all of these. She would have enough for he rall "needs". I guess she was just worried because of spending the money before she left the house.

Punkt -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 12:36:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl Then im more confused. She had the money, I am assuming she got something to drink? How did this become an issue? She spent her daily money on soda, chips, snacks, chocolate before she left the home so she got worried about asking me to buy some soda. That is why she just sent me an informative message. By the way, she had her "safety money" to spend too.

tazzygirl -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 1:42:11 AM)
My current would have simply said... "yep, sure is hot. You should go back home and get your water". Leaving it to me to either do just that or ask to purchase some. Btw, I dont think either of you were well prepared for the dynamic you entered into. She was not handling money well. Perhaps a daily allowance instead of a weekly would have been more beneficial.

Punkt -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 2:06:05 AM)
She was not handling money well as I mentioned in my previous posts. It was a daily allowance, sometimes for a few days if I was out of town. All this money thing started with her not handling money well. Before she became my slave, Iwas just advicing her how to spend her money. She was not handling money in any way, so I was even afraid to give her much safety money too because she was losing it. She lost thousands of dollars in few occasions. I tried to stop it, but it didn't happen. MAybe that is why she is not my slave anymore.

tazzygirl -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 2:09:33 AM)
She needed to fix herself, and her spending habits. Nothing you could have done were going to change those.

Punkt -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 2:11:00 AM)
Right.

BeautyDebased -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 4:08:47 AM)
So.... Basically your a poor man who thinks he can have a slave? wrong, slaves have needs, and one of their primary needs is that YOU provide for them, yes, financially too, a slave should never have to feel pressured to save in such a way, that's your job, your job when you took her on. If your not able to do such then I suggest you find another lifestyle, one that doesn't include looking after the wellbeing of another since you are so very clearly incapable of even looking after yourself, you appear uncertain, unsure and certainly not confidant enough that anyone would wish to put their life in your hands, look inward for it wasn't the sub at fault here but you. A slaves duty is many things yes, but a Master has many more, things which you have failed to see, for if you hadn't, you wouldn't be here now, complaining and without a sub...sort your shit out first, works wonders. B.

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 4:22:22 AM)
While I am not a poor man by any means,those here either hold outside jobs or work at home.Their money is theirs,I insist that they have a saving account in their name only..Their every basic needs are met by me..They do contribute to the house hold ever so often,No property is going to sit on her ass while I am out in the world earning our living,Just the way it is..B

BonesFromAsh -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 4:43:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeautyDebased So.... Basically your a poor man who thinks he can have a slave? wrong, slaves have needs, and one of their primary needs is that YOU provide for them, yes, financially too, a slave should never have to feel pressured to save in such a way, that's your job, your job when you took her on. If your not able to do such then I suggest you find another lifestyle, one that doesn't include looking after the wellbeing of another since you are so very clearly incapable of even looking after yourself, you appear uncertain, unsure and certainly not confidant enough that anyone would wish to put their life in your hands, look inward for it wasn't the sub at fault here but you. A slaves duty is many things yes, but a Master has many more, things which you have failed to see, for if you hadn't, you wouldn't be here now, complaining and without a sub...sort your shit out first, works wonders. B. I'm curious...did you read all of the OP's posts on this thread or did you assume and jump to conclussions ? I wasn't aware that there was a blanket/general standard for the care/keeping of a slave. Punkt, First...welcome. It would seem, after reading this thread in its entirerty, that your problem was one of communication. Having things spelled out and clarified are helpful. Think of it as a lesson learned...for both of you...and move on. Personally, micro-managing isn't my favorite style mainly because I appreciate an intelligent s-type who understands his value, both as a person and as an s-type. If it was a hot day and he didn't have the wherewithall to stay hydrated...well, there are bigger issues there than micro-managing.

angelikaJ -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 4:47:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Punkt quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself maybe you should think about setting some ground rules here. Such as - if you need plain water, then you may purchase it if you are thirsty. But you must ask permission for non-essential drinks, such as soda or coffee. It seems from your post that there was a lack of communication and understanding in both directions, and perhaps a lack of prioritising. You say you reply to texts if you want to, which is fair enough. But when it comes to her health, and you are fully aware of the boundaries you have set for her, then surely this sort of text should be the one you ensure you DO reply to? Just my 2 Euros... Ground Rules: 1) Spend your "Spending money as you wish" 2) Do not touch the "Safety Money" unless you need it. She already had spent her spending money. And she still can use the safety money for food and drinks cause they are needs. She was just worried that I don't like her drinking too much soda, and she couldn't ask for it I guess because I already left her enough for more than soda or food, but she spent it before for unnecessary things. About the texts, I told her; do not expect a reply to your texts because where I am, my phone can be off. So, she already knew that she cannot ask something urgent by phone. She can leave a text or e-mail for non-urgent things. If she has something urgent she has money and she has cards. She didn't want to get the soda before asking me because she knew that I don't like her drinking too much soda. In that worry, she didn't buy a drink, or called me to ask, but just informed me that she forgot her water. If she has listened to me, and bought less chocolate, snack, and soda, and chips before she left; there wouldn't be any need for all of these. She would have enough for he rall "needs". I guess she was just worried because of spending the money before she left the house. I am not blaming you. I am not blaming her. This is not a blame thing okay? However, it seems that the 2 of you have a communication issue. 1) She does not understand that when you explained that texts will not be answered (and I am guessing you might answer them in the event of an emergency), that you meant that texts won't be answered. 2) She does not understand the policy for using monies. 3) Had my Master advised me of to buy less junk, I would have heard that as do not buy junk although I can understand the confusion: if the money is hers to spend then she should be allowed to spend it, but actions have consequences and in this case those consequences included not having money later when she needed something. Needs should always come before wants and she should learn to plan for that. 4) She was worried you would be upset that she was drinking too much soda and so did without. Surely she had other options available to her? She could have bought a water or some juice instead? When I say she does not understand things, that is on you to make certain that she does. Perhaps You should begin by having her tell you in her own words what she is hearing and what she is understanding those things to mean. Maybe she is someone who learns by writing things down. You need to find out how it is that she learns and then communicate in such a way that she is receiving what you are telling her.

Punkt -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 4:47:29 AM)
I wish I didn't have to micromanage. It just had to be because of her habits which were hurting her physically and financially. I already moved on. Not just from the situation, but from her too. She was freed about a month ago.

BonesFromAsh -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 4:51:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Punkt I already moved on. Not just from the situation, but from her too. She was freed about a month ago. Have you? Does this question still bother you in a general or specific sense? You don't have to answer that, just something to think about. Good luck

thishereboi -> RE: Informing and Asking (6/21/2011 4:54:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Punkt When you text "It is so hot and I forgot my water at home." to your Master, do you expect him to understand that you would like to buy some drink? After you texted that, what if he didn't reply you back, what would you think? Would you think that he is not concerned about your needs even though you didn't ask him to buy a drink? If it is hot and I need a drink, I buy one. No texting or mind reading necessary. One of the things my ex looked for in a sub was the intelligence to take care of my needs, such as water and food without her micromanaging me. If I didn't have enough sense to get water when I needed it, she would not have wanted me around. If for whatever reason, my mistress has told me to ask first, then I would text her and ask if I could get a drink.

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