Competing for attention... (Full Version)

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slavejali -> Competing for attention... (5/15/2006 9:33:57 PM)

hi there

This will probably seem a comical topic once I explain it...but hey...

Do any of you have things in your Masters life that you feel you have to compete with? My situation is Masters dog. She is an aussie cattldog, they are one owner dogs, get an attachment to one person and...tolerate...anyone else. The anyone else is me.

She is so jealous and possessive, all I have to do is look at Master and she will jump on his lap and try to take his attention away from me.... and after she does that she just looks at me with Masters arms around her as if to say "look where I am". If we are laying watching a movie she will make sure she is right between us. She sleeps on our bed, if I get into bed after Master she growls at me and even bit me once. If Master is asleep he has to wake up to stop her growling so I can get into bed. If we are standing up cuddling she will squeeze her way between us. If we are playing, thankgod Master locks her away cause she used to go on like a maniac.

Master and I are both dog people..I just love dogs...i lost my dog ( a lab) last year, he got shot by a farmer..but lets not go there...but anyways....I've never had an experience with a one person dog before, especially when I'm the one who isnt the one they have attached themselves to....I feel kinda upset too as I no longer have my dog who used to love me so much.

Anyways, I feel really stupid but I find myself gettng jealous of the attention she demands and gets....i can only imagine what it would be like in a poly household with other slaves present...mygod I so wouldnt cope.

I'm really not sure..but sometimes I think Master thinks I'm being mean to her because I want her to go outside and be a dog and not have to have her around us all the time..which I know that sounds bad...but I'm not meaning it in a bad way...i do love her....its just really hard when she is so obsessed with Master and not me.

Addition: Ive had a pretty vulnerable and topsy turvy headspace week, so apologies for any weird posts I have made, including this one. Most of the week Ive felt on the brink of crying, for a couple of days I was so incredibly triggered into my masochistic personality, others days I havent been able to get my thoughts together, other times Ive been getting melancholy, other times .....I dont think the masochism thing has gone..cuase even mentioning it..I can feel it rumbling...i keep slipping in and out of space...anyways apologies for whatever. (Please dont advse me to communicate with Master.... we communicate amazingly *grin*) I'm just rambling because...god knows.

What was the topic question again?



Sensualips -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/15/2006 9:44:17 PM)

Nah, a dog is worse than another woman because you can't have a rationale discussion with it.  It pretends like it doesn't understand you and it is hard to prove it really DOES.  (I have tried.) I think you are right on in realizing it makes you miss your own dog as well. It is not silly if it is upsetting to you. 

Do you ever watch Dog Whisperer? It is a guy that comes in and helps people get control over their animals, "reassert their dominance" he always says.

One of my partners tends to get super focused on whatever he is doing, whether it is leatherwork or suddenly needing to clean the garage or whatever. Once he starts it must be done to completion and he is on his own timetable. Once in a while I get the sudden urge to scream, "Stop!  Pay attention to me! You can always do that later, but I am here now. "



slavejali -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/15/2006 9:50:49 PM)

I havent seen the dog whisperer..I'm sitting here crying all my insides are shaking..and I know whats going to happen..Master is going tog et home and tell me im PMSing...which possibly thats the reason for all of this...thats been one hard aspect of having a partial hysterectomy, I still cycle but dont get the bleed so lose track of where I'm at in all of that.



redpetals -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/15/2006 10:02:18 PM)

well it is your good fortune that all dogs are "poly"
their very nature as a pack animal can work to your advantage.
show the bitch which side of  the bread the butters on,
seriously..show her you are her superior,,she will be happy to have a place..even if its behind you...you will need your Masters help..but it can be done..for gosh sakes..if shes bitten you i think the problem is with your Master not the dog..just sayin..i could be wrong..



truesub4u -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/15/2006 10:02:44 PM)

Hi Jali... I can slightly understand your thinking here... but on a reverse level. I've heard this before... one reason why SOME doms won't take on a female submissive with kids. Because of the attention problems. So I can see where submissives... like myself... have problems with such things. Either it's work... hanging with buddies.... kids from previous relationships and or marriages. Got to admit..... the dog story tickles me.... i've seen this before. Got the bite marks to prove it as well. The one who bit me was a full blooded old english sheep dog. Ripped out my tear glad on left side of nose ...blinded me for a few weeks... .. have a  plastic tube in there now. Plastic surgeon did great job.. little scaring.  

With all the talked we've seen in the forums over jealousy... we've always talked of dealing with our own... little do we discuss actions of others... or other things... (Dogs, family, kids, etc..) from your post.. I seen a jealous dog... not a jealous slave. It's even worse when we see  someone going out of their way to make it worse in some way... How did you put it... the dog looks at you and almost smiles or laugh at you... when we're lost in our own spaces.... we see things others do not... doesn't mean it's not there... I hate when someone tells me i'm imagining somthing.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/15/2006 10:11:22 PM)

That's

Purché porti la gonella,
Voi sapete QUEL che fa.

("As long as she's wearing a skirt, you know what he does," for those of you following at home.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: redpetals

Purch?porti la gonella.
Voi sapete quei che fa.



Wulfchyld -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/15/2006 10:20:22 PM)

Just get yourself a benji Jali.



slavejali -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/15/2006 10:29:24 PM)

Do you know what she did to me last week? I couldnt find her, so I'm looking around the house, find her in a bathroom curled up looking sick, she wouldnt move, i tried to coax her out with food, a toy, nothing... she stared blankly..I was so afraid she was poisoned her something...Master wasnt here...Im thinking ogod what can I do...I call a vet...he tells me to bring her straight in..i say..I have to wait for my husband*cough* to get home..he will be here in about ten minutes...Master pulls up...and after me spending like 30 minutes sitting on the bathroom floor with towels all around her thinking she is dying..to the ppoint i called the vet.....she hears Masters car and jumps up like nothing is wrong.

P.s. I'm going to go try isntalling the washing machine now



Wulfchyld -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/15/2006 10:31:08 PM)

LMAO!!! I think she is playing with your head.



yourMissTress -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/15/2006 10:37:51 PM)

My sister-in-law used to have this same kind of problem.  But it was HER dog.  When she and my brother married, her dog bonded so strongly with my brother that she felt she was competing with her for my brother's attention. 
 
When she would tell me all the things that this dog was doing, which are almost identical to what's happening with you, I thought she was nuts.  But when I saw it with my own eyes I was amazed.  The dog was seriously invading her space with her husband, deliberately and spitefully.  What finally put a stop to it was my brother.  He simply didn't allow it.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/15/2006 10:41:28 PM)

Joe's pitbull used to show agression to me hugging or kissing him. thankfully she stoped because it was her gonna be suffering if she couldn't behave not me.

At first she was locked up everytime I was over and was not made over or fussed over.



proudsub -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/15/2006 11:22:04 PM)

quote:

Do any of you have things in your Masters life that you feel you have to compete with?


About 10 years ago i was quickly becoming what is known as a "golf widow". Every spare minute He had was spent on the golf course. My solution was to take up golf. Now i am the addicted one.



CrappyDom -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/15/2006 11:40:20 PM)

I once had a girlfriend who's dog would pee on the bed after I spent the night.  She got rid of the dog.



redpetals -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/15/2006 11:43:29 PM)

ahhh..
yes..and i am "His fat one for the winter"



Mavis -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/16/2006 2:42:21 AM)

jali,

i could be waay off base here, but maybe your emotional bips and distractions could be related to not just what the dog is doing, but that Master hasn't noticed the dog has unseated you, and He hasn't put the dog back in her place?   

( Maybe bringing up her pack behavior will key Him into it, or He might just laugh, then what can you do?  Others might have suggestions on how to deal with that.)

The rank structure there should be Master---> jali---> dog.  If you arrived inhouse after the dog, to her, you are no more than a "late litter-mate", unless the Head Dog (Master) conveys otherwise.  You might have to do some subtle rank training to set things right, but it would be most helpful if Master made her go lay down Every time she snibbed in between you.

Even if Master doesn't take an active part in it, there are things you can do that you probably already know from your last dog, but have forgotten.  Don't sit on the floor with her!  Always keep your eyes at a higher level than hers, and your shoulders higher than hers.  This is a subtle signal of rank among dogs, which is why she likes to get on Master lap and get eyes nearly level.  She's saying "Here I am, your number two, a little bit higher than HER .."

If you feed her in the morning, always eat first.  Even if it's one slice of toast, make sure she waits until you eat.   (when we try to make friends with dog, we'll rip a piece off of bread and offer it, but doing that says we're peers, we share a food-source. Dogs hate peers!  You must be higher, or lower, or they can't function properly, so avoid peer behavior.)

When you enter the house from an outdoor walk, get in the doorway first if you can.  She probably wigs right past you, just behind Master.   If you can manage it without some silly jostling at the doorway, get in first and allow her to follow you.

Welp, you get the idea.  Even if i am off base about doggy causing your angst, working with her will give you something to do that will make a better pet for Master, so that's a win/win.  Good luck!

~mavis



twicehappy -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/16/2006 4:33:03 AM)

Yes i have though it was not a dog; it was in my previous collar and it was 1952 orange panhead  chopper called the "slut".

Don't get me wrong i loved that bike; it was over the bike we met. We were poly and i was never jealous of all the women in the house (at one point there were five). But there were days.......!

Do you know it had its own room on the first floor of the house? Its own Harley fuzzy blanket. He would come home from the HD shop using the side door to the panhead's room to turn on its TV or radio (so it was not lonely in the winter) before he came into the kitchen to see me sometimes.

And i swear much like your Master's dog it used to try and fake me out. When i would have to move it on the truck for shows it would wiggle on purpose give me a nervous breakdown every time even though i had eight, not the four he used, but eight tie downs on it. But he could trailer the damn thing with two and never so much as a squeak.

Being a biker's old lady i knew the order; bike then everything else, i even approved, but that one i swear........!



Sensualips -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/16/2006 6:08:06 AM)

While it is certainly possible you are overly emotional due to hormones or other things happening in your life, I don't see this as the issue.  From the your postings it doesn't seem your Master would put up with such bratty behavior from his slave/submissive -- and neither of you should tolerate it from a dog either.  She/he/it needs to be retrained. And typically when a pet needs to be retrained, it usually means the owners need to change the way they deal with him/her/it.

I would talk with your Master about the dog behavior that are an issue for you and together develop a plan for dealing with it.  It doesn't have to be about attention. Since you are often alone with the dog, you can not rely on him exclusively, but he needs to be involved. 

I have absolutely no expertise in training animals at all.  But I am sure there are some online resources and you could even check out the dog whisperer sites and training tips.  He has an interesting philosophy about assertive energy and submissive energy as well as lots of focus on nonverbal cueing of a dog.

http://www.dogchannel.com/dog/experts/cesar/default.aspx?WT.srch=1



Mercnbeth -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/16/2006 6:22:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

... If we are laying watching a movie she will make sure she is right between us. She sleeps on our bed, if I get into bed after Master she growls at me and even bit me once. ..


this slave grew up around herding dogs and they are very loyal, even if they only have one person in their "herd".  this slave does not allow the dogs in her care to bite ANYONE.  it is unacceptable behavior.  as long as you and Master allow her to behave in such a manner towards you, she will continue.  BOTH of you have to want to work with her to stop her behavior.  "The Dog Whisperer", Cesar Millan is a great source for tips, but it WILL NOT WORK unless Master and you work together to let her know her place.
http://www9.nationalgeographic.com/channel/dogwhisperer/
 
as to your question:  Do any of you have things in your Masters life that you feel you have to compete with?
No.



MistressDiane -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/16/2006 6:30:25 AM)

she's exerting her dominance over you and he's allowing it. I don't know if he's ever done any training with her but now would be a good time to go back to basics or start. Perhaps in your alone time together you can work with her on the simple commands like sit, stay, come (this will begin to establish your dominance over her in her mind) and he needs to come down on her when she displays this negative behavior instead of encouraging it by letting her in his lap and on his bed. It won't be easy and it will take time but you both need to be consistant and persistant in the things you ask of her.



mixielicous -> RE: Competing for attention... (5/16/2006 6:51:50 AM)

female dogs are always just more loyal to the male. if your dog is male, i can bet a million bucks, he would LOVE you.

for me, its a local band my Master loves. He records all their shows [and there are a lot]. He is a grad student and i would be hurt because the only breaks from writing His thesis/code/research, were for the band, and not so much me.

luckily, He has decided that i am better [;)] Hes still as obsessed but has stated i am more important/fun etc and so it doesnt bother me *as much*



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