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RE: should i go to a munch - 6/27/2011 4:41:09 PM

Madame4a

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I would suggest that you deal with the anxiety and social issues first as they have a bearing on all parts of your life, not just getting a date or going to a munch. My guess is, if you getthat at least some what under control-- it will help in many parts of your life.

therapy or medication.. or both...

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RE: should i go to a munch - 6/27/2011 7:54:02 PM

strangedesire

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One of the Boston-area munches routinely gets 90+ people. I stick to the smaller ones - I wouldn't socialize in a group that big if you paid me.

Do you have a Fetlife account? If so, you might try joining a local group and asking them to recommend a low-key munch for someone shy. TNG Pittsburgh might be a good place to start.

Stop worrying about getting dates. Seriously, I know you're young and horny and fear dying alone, but stop. Put it down. Right now, focus on meeting cool people. Focus on being a cool person. Take a few risks and learn to tell good stories when you fail. Try out a half-dozen unusual hobbies. If you're going to be awkward, rock out with your awkward self. Listen to people, including women. Especially women. People respond extraordinarily well to being treated like people.

On the anxiety: therapy may help, if you have access to it. For me, I learned a lot from getting a retail job and being forced to deal with strangers. It may help to start small - thank your bus driver when you get off the bus, say "good morning" to your coworkers. It will be suck. It will be agonizing, sometimes. Pain is the price we pay to recreate ourselves. It's worth it, though. This isn't just about getting a girlfriend - if you can overcome fear, it will change your life.

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RE: should i go to a munch - 6/28/2011 2:24:01 AM

Awareness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather

well fuck my face why don't ya? i agree with absolutely everything in awareness' post. i think i'm feeling faint.

It only feels filthy the first time.

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RE: should i go to a munch - 6/28/2011 7:42:10 AM

Rochsub2009

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quote:

ORIGINAL: strangedesire

Stop worrying about getting dates. Seriously, I know you're young and horny and fear dying alone, but stop. Put it down. Right now, focus on meeting cool people. Focus on being a cool person. Take a few risks and learn to tell good stories when you fail. Try out a half-dozen unusual hobbies. If you're going to be awkward, rock out with your awkward self. Listen to people, including women. Especially women. People respond extraordinarily well to being treated like people.

.......For me, I learned a lot from getting a retail job and being forced to deal with strangers. It may help to start small - thank your bus driver when you get off the bus, say "good morning" to your coworkers. It will be suck. It will be agonizing, sometimes. Pain is the price we pay to recreate ourselves. It's worth it, though. This isn't just about getting a girlfriend - if you can overcome fear, it will change your life.

I agree. He needs to simply practice interacting with people. Once he gets comfortable with that, everything else will work itself out.

I own a retail store, and I see this happen fairly regularly. I'll hire someone who is a bit shy. But after a few weeks, I can see a visible change in their personality and demeanor. Interacting with the public every day has a way of making people more assertive. The shy learn to be outgoing. The quiet learn to be more vocal. The scared learn to have courage.

Retail teaches you that everyone who walks through the door is just a person. There is no reason to be afraid of them. They all have hopes, dreams, fears, and insecurities, just like we do. So why be afraid of someone who is just like you? Hopefully, the OP will come to grasp this important lesson.

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RE: should i go to a munch - 6/29/2011 2:33:44 PM

peppermint

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Most munch groups have a yahoo group or fetlife group. Write to the owner of the group. Explain that you are shy. In normal cases either the owner will meet with you or will have someone meet with you at a local restaurant, bar, coffee shop, or public park. You'll sit around and chat and get to know one another a bit. That way when you do go to munch you have someone to sit with and talk to that first very scary time. I know all about being shy as I am shy also. I also remember how scared I was to go to my first munch. I did meet with a couple people before the munch and sat with them at my first munch.

The munches I have gone to vary from 2 (it was a first very rocky year of getting it started) and 100 (very rare for munches). In the smaller towns where we winter and summer attendance is about 6-12 on average. Don't go there expecting to find a date. Go there to meet with people who have similar interests and who might share some information with you. Also, go back the next month. We see a lot of people who are one munchers. They expect to find a partner, are disappointed, and so never return. Coming back shows that you want to make friends. When you show that you are not a one time goer people will open up to you more.

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RE: should i go to a munch - 6/29/2011 4:19:33 PM

Julez

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Just go, Hon. What have you go to lose?

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RE: should i go to a munch - 6/29/2011 5:36:14 PM

ThundersCry

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What do you have to lose?
Do you expect someone to fall outta the sky?
They are very tame and people will try and make you feel welcomed as well as comfortable...
DON`T let your fears<anxiety> rule you...
Just get in the car and by the time your inside you will be fine and NOT regret it!

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RE: should i go to a munch - 6/30/2011 3:43:02 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: whitedragonX

basically what I want to know is how many (rough estimate) people attend a munch. Are they small medium or large groups of people?

(note the rest below is me whining about how my life sucks- if have any legitmate advice other "than grow some balls" please I'd love to hear it.)

First I have no social skills, have anxiety issues. (I prefer meeting ppl online) I do like this lifesyle I find it fun and dynamic, however I'm just bad with large groups of people. I have met a group of people in real life, through online before.
However large scale crowds scare me, I can't go to clubs or any large scale events such as a convention. With small groups of people I think I do better, I just started a new job a week ago and I THINK a couple people like me.

With regards to woman well I think that I would be very likeable if they got to know me, but I'm not outgoing, and can't even get a vanilla date (im21) I'll be able to beat the 40 year old virgin at this rate :(

When I ask a girl for a date this what I get, *giggles* "I have a boyfriend."

No Really you should stay just how you are hiding behind a puter screen and avoid life. Whatever you do, DO NOT leave the house cuz it's very scary out in the real world. Hell better yet... If you dont live there already move to the Yukon and make friends with your sled dogs.

BadOne

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RE: should i go to a munch - 6/30/2011 4:17:28 PM

sunshinemiss

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Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
strangedesire

for
rock out with your awkward self.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3741939/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#3747931

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RE: should i go to a munch - 6/30/2011 4:19:47 PM

JstAnotherSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

SR is right. What the average attendance of a munch will be will vary according to the group itself. Munches where I am now get 20-30 people. There have been a number of occasions where ARM (Atlanta Regional Munch) will get a hundred, depending on who is giving the demo that night. Bakersfield, CA would average forty to fifty, but we had over seventy when I organized the slave auction.

Please read the thread that is a couple of pages back that I started on why get out to the community. I know I already recommended it on another thread that you started, but I think it's got some information that might help to push you to get out from in front of the computer screen.

Yikes! And I had almost got the guts to go to the ARM munch-lolol.

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RE: should i go to a munch - 6/30/2011 5:47:38 PM

whitedragonX

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ThundersCry

What do you have to lose?
Do you expect someone to fall outta the sky?
They are very tame and people will try and make you feel welcomed as well as comfortable...
DON`T let your fears<anxiety> rule you...
Just get in the car and by the time your inside you will be fine and NOT regret it!

WellI got in contact with the people for the munch its on hituas until september, whats more its held at a gay nightclub which will make me feel uncomfortable being straight and all.

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RE: should i go to a munch - 6/30/2011 6:28:58 PM

erieangel

Posts: 2237
Joined: 6/19/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes

I'd say about 20 would be a "good" attendance. 30 might be a BIG 'un.

BUT depends heavily on size of city AND how many other munches are happening. One WAY north of Denver gets maybe 25 on a regular basis 'cause that's ALL that happens around there. LOL!

Here's a GREAT idea (sometimes I surprise even myself) - Since you find the munch online - there's almost ALWAYS somebody's e-mail address. As in "For further details, write to ...... " So, get to know THAT person on-line. Explain you're kinda shy and so on. They will (I'll bet) offer to be your guide - not the first time, but until you're comfy, just talk to them.

Maybe even ask them for somebody else, and then you'll know two peeps when you finally go!

DAMN! I'm good.

Damn, Lance, you are good. It is advice i am going to take as well.

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RE: should i go to a munch - 6/30/2011 11:16:03 PM

Acer49

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Joined: 8/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: whitedragonX

basically what I want to know is how many (rough estimate) people attend a munch. Are they small medium or large groups of people?

(note the rest below is me whining about how my life sucks- if have any legitmate advice other "than grow some balls" please I'd love to hear it.)

First I have no social skills, have anxiety issues. (I prefer meeting ppl online) I do like this lifesyle I find it fun and dynamic, however I'm just bad with large groups of people. I have met a group of people in real life, through online before.
However large scale crowds scare me, I can't go to clubs or any large scale events such as a convention. With small groups of people I think I do better, I just started a new job a week ago and I THINK a couple people like me.

With regards to woman well I think that I would be very likeable if they got to know me, but I'm not outgoing, and can't even get a vanilla date (im21) I'll be able to beat the 40 year old virgin at this rate :(

When I ask a girl for a date this what I get, *giggles* "I have a boyfriend."

You need to learn to like yourself
You need to realize that not every one clicks with everyone
Evey attempt meet is a learning experience.
Most people are not intentionally cruel

Try meeting people in vanilla activity related venues-
Simply relax and let things flow naturally

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RE: should i go to a munch - 7/1/2011 3:29:24 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub
Yikes! And I had almost got the guts to go to the ARM munch-lolol.

Couldn't ask for a better opportunity. If you were thinking about this month, attendance will be lower due to the holiday weekend.

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