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angelikaJ -> RE: Fibro, school, house of 6 (7/12/2011 10:01:56 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Arturas
Let me see if I got this straight.
- I tricked this helpless family into living in my house so I could pretend I was something I'm not.
- I made their lives miserable with my endless pet peeves like insisting the kitchen be kept clean.
- I took their money, more than all of it and I then took the children's lunch money.
- They choose to leave in two weeks on their own because...well it's plain for all to see, is it not...It's because I am such a worthless man and poor excuse of a Dom and naturally no one would call me a master.
- My house has bugs. I read that here so it must be true.
- I should give them some money and support as they wave bye bye or I'm not a decent man and Dom
- I forced them to leave on short notice in two weeks without anything, oh wait, they chose to leave, oh wait, I ...I'm so confused.
Let me be plain. None of you know under what circumstance tam came here and will soon leave. None can know the total depth and intensity of our relationship and the challenges we faced together while living the very good and not so good times during the last three years dating ending in the last year here together at our home. None of you know exactly why tam is leaving.
For those of you who offered well intentioned advice and stayed away from meaningless drama, conjecture and self serving platitudes, let me thank you.
I wish you all well.
Arturas
Arturas,
I pretty much believe that you have asked Tammy to leave.
I also know that you had unreasonable expectations. Someone was here on the forums and told you you were going to lose her. You told them they were wrong.
Instead you told us how wonderful and amazing Tammy was, bravely soldiering on.
People made various suggestions to you regarding hired help and automatic dishwashers. You could have actually looked into that...instead you told her that for punishment she would have to get rid of the cats.
I am not sorry she is leaving. I think you meant well and tried to do okay by her. The problem is you are kind of deluded about what it means to own someone else.
You don't just own them just when you want to put on a great scene at your local club or when it is time to suck your cock.
Ownership denotes responsibility. Maturity is part of being responsible, Arturas.
Problem-solving skills is part of maturity and too much of what you (not Tammy) presented was that this was not your mutual problem but her problem... and you expected her to solve it without your help.
It was not her issue; it should have been a "we" issue.
When Tammy leaves you are going to have other problems, because no matter where you go, there you are... and you will not be able to blame her.
So, standard answer applies: go seek out a kink aware therapist before you toss your unreasonable expectations onto someone else. (Hint: expecting a clean house was not unreasonable, Art. Expecting her to be able to deliver that with her limitations was, especially if you did not develop a strategy to help her.)
edit: missing r
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