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ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

So in other words, your prediction is based on knowing practically nothing about Tammy and Artie. Yeah that's well-founded.

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ORIGINAL: Arturas

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ORIGINAL: tammystarm

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
I have severe fibromyalgia, I go to school full time, and I live in a house that we now have 6 living in. When I wasn't in school I was able to manage the rest, but now it is overwhelming. I need a neat, tidy and organized home, but I cannot do it alone, it is causing major stress along with severe flare ups with the fibro. I am a student at heart and cannot imagine not being there, in fact I get rather depressed when not in classes. But coming home with the house a mess, homework to do and pain from the roots of my hair to the bottom of my feet, well it is overwhelming. Master feels the same way about the house, when he comes home he expects it to be emaculant, I dont blame him, it is his home, he has worked hard for. Before I started back to school i asked everyone if they would help out, they all agreed but now, well not so much. MAJOR STRESS! Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

Peace Love And Harmony
Tammystar

Greetings star,

Much as been made about your thread but the truth is you started a great thread. The truth is you started it with a concise problem and asked for suggestions. To support this I'm quoting the key phrases lifted from your OP:

1) "I need a neat, tidy and organized home, but I cannot do it alone, it is causing major stress along with severe flare ups with the fibro."

2) "Before I started back to school i asked everyone if they would help out, they all agreed but now, well not so much. MAJOR STRESS! Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

It's a common and understandable problem because certainly you cannot school full time and keep up a 2500 square foot house and one horse, four cats, two dogs and two kids and me and my daughter and her boyfriend occasionally here during the summer. You asked for suggestions and got some but this thread was side railed by the usual players, those who can be identified readily by having posted at least once an hour each day except when they are in bed and we all know who they are. I'm glad you did not get flustered with them as was the case when you were one of them well over a year ago. But that was then and now it is certainly different with you offline and real time with roots in the local community and friends you see face to face each day. You changed for the better and have real roots here and real friends but you cannot change everything in a year especially when you have a low expectations to begin with.

Knowing you as well as the kids very well I do know the issue boils down to the children living up to your expectations because for the longest time you allowed them to act this way and in fact, for a winter several years ago, they actually ran your home while you were very, very sick and it was not pretty. So, now when you challenge them to act differently than the norm they naturally resist and they test your resolve while expecting little punishment or consistency. Unfortunately they were correct because before changing them you had to change yourself, your expectations in yourself, how you discipline them and how well you communicate and enforce your expectation of them.

Over the last week or so I've seen serious efforts on your part to discipline them but changes like this cannot occur overnight especially with such intelligent and strong willed children. So, clear consistency in your communications and high expectation levels in yourself and them are required over a long period of weeks and maybe even months. In business this is called "elevation" and we are indeed elevating expectations, changing thinking and methods and thus behaviors to achieve success. This will not be so hard if you remember it's harder and more stressfull on you and them to spare the rod rather than use it or to avoid the problem rather than deal with the problem and for the longest time you were all about problem avoidance.

I do love you tam.

Be well,
Arturas

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Arturas,
I pretty much believe that you have asked Tammy to leave.

I also know that you had unreasonable expectations. Someone was here on the forums and told you you were going to lose her. You told them they were wrong.
Instead you told us how wonderful and amazing Tammy was, bravely soldiering on.

People made various suggestions to you regarding hired help and automatic dishwashers. You could have actually looked into that...instead you told her that for punishment she would have to get rid of the cats.

I am not sorry she is leaving. I think you meant well and tried to do okay by her. The problem is you are kind of deluded about what it means to own someone else.
You don't just own them just when you want to put on a great scene at your local club or when it is time to suck your cock.
Ownership denotes responsibility. Maturity is part of being responsible, Arturas.
Problem-solving skills is part of maturity and too much of what you (not Tammy) presented was that this was not your mutual problem but her problem... and you expected her to solve it without your help.
It was not her issue; it should have been a "we" issue.

When Tammy leaves you are going to have other problems, because no matter where you go, there you are... and you will not be able to blame her.

So, standard answer applies: go seek out a kink aware therapist before you toss your unreasonable expectations onto someone else. (Hint: expecting a clean house was not unreasonable, Art. Expecting her to be able to deliver that with her limitations was, especially if you did not develop a strategy to help her.)

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Judge Judy has a saying that goes something like this......if it doesn't make sense. it isn't the truth.

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Who wants to make a bet that Art and Tammy are about to, very publicly of course, announce that they can't live without each other and they are back together?

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I predict they'll drown the kids,

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ORIGINAL: tammystarm

Holly, yes i did get the bachlors in psychology while in studying nursing. I just kept adding classes

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ORIGINAL: poise

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ORIGINAL: Arturas

Greetings star,
It's a common and understandable problem because certainly you cannot school full time and keep up a 2500 square foot house and one horse, four cats, two dogs and two kids.




Be well,
Arturas

I find it rather telling that you place your home and your animals before her children.
Oh wait, maybe this is Tammy after all.

I Found it Even more telling that He mentioned that T Cant keep up with His Own daughter and her Bf i mean WTF??? There is nothing to keep up with in a normal household with an adultdaughter and her partner cause Most adult Kids get their shit together by then and don't Need a nanny anymore

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to poise)