RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (Full Version)

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LadyConstanze -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/1/2011 1:49:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
So. When are you moving here?


Tomorrow, with a big bunch of redcoats. ;-)


Does he have to be in one piece? I think the shipping costs might be a bit lower if we can send him in several small parcels, you know anything over 2 kilos the Royal Mail charges a fortune for ;)



Tantriqu -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/1/2011 2:18:53 PM)

Dibs on the bits with the voice box!



PeonForHer -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/1/2011 4:24:09 PM)

You only love me for what's in my throat. [;)]

You know, I do find something about this thread to be quite sad. I've been using this forum for a couple of years, now, yet still, in Akasha's post, I've learned something new. That shouldn't have happened. I'm not stupid and I'm not insensitive - so why did it take me this long?

It's kind of a pisspoor situation, I think, when people won't talk about the sheer strength of their feelings, for whatever reason. Why don't Dommes do this? Some of us submales do have at least a little bit of sensitivity. A bit more frequently I'd say you need to grab our faces, as it were, and say, "Look, matey, this is how I feel. It's a *strong* feeling. You will fuck me up if you toy with that feeling. If you care for me, don't do that."

Or are you all so cynical about men in general, and submales in particular, that you won't bother to try that?



LadyConstanze -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/1/2011 4:51:10 PM)

Ya know, if you gotta spell it out to a guy, he's possibly not the right guy?

I can't speak for Aakasha, whatever turns her on turns her on, it doesn't mean it's the same for every female D type, I possibly could sit down and wonder why it's fun for me to play with a sub, what is there that is more than fun, but why would I want to? It's obvious that I like being in control and that I'm comfy with it, I don't need to put it under the microscope and analyze it, there's nothing wrong with peeps who do, whatever works for them, just not for me. The whole BDSM thing is part of my makeup, heaven knows that it was a struggle to accept it, I accepted it, it's there, it doesn't rule my life, it's just well, that bit that makes it better.

And I don't have to have strong feelings for somebody to top somebody, to a certain degree I can play casually, that doesn't mean I fuck casually, it just means that I can whip you and top you and not want to wake up next to you, if I fuck you, you can be sure that I won't do that unless I want to wake up next to you. It's really that simple!



Tantriqu -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/1/2011 5:01:13 PM)

No, I'll cleverly leave the abs for the other maenads to squabble over, while I run away with the important part north of the clavicles ;-)

quote:
ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
You only love me for what's in my throat.


Actually, once I have a good man, it's easy to talk about the intense feelings. They've been through Domme Boot Camp, a mixture of Athens schooling, Spartan training, Amazonia serving, and butler school before we touch, and practice in communication is well on its way.
The timing of telling a good man differs: I had to talk to one particularly stoical one before I did things to him, otherwise the emotions were too intense for him, rendering him inarticulate, but otherwise, most guys were fine right [or rather, shortly ;-)] afterwards.
So when I told the stoical one what I felt and needed, he didn't say anything. I would have been hurt had I not come to know how he digested information. And the next time we met before going out for something vanilla, he wrapped me in his arms and told me what he thought and felt: needless to say, we didn't make it to the play ;-)

For me, the hard part is finding them, and sorting the chaff and the chavs from the good men on here. I found one excellent one and one good one, which is why I come back. But the number of do-thems, liars, cheaters, and psychos sadly overwhelms the reaaally nice ones; kinda like 'The Walking Dead' (US miniseries, like 'Shaun of the Dead' without the humour.

Some are easy to dismiss, the ones who whine, 'You said you need ABC, but I have XYZ, so put on your high heels and let's hook up'.
It's hard when you've spent some time and are ready to meet when they say, 'It's too overwhelming, I'm not ready': I choose to believe what they say, rather than they have wives that found their account. But I think those ones would make the best men; they might just need a little push.
But, who knows what the next msg will bring.
Next!





strangedesire -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/1/2011 7:26:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

You know, I do find something about this thread to be quite sad. I've been using this forum for a couple of years, now, yet still, in Akasha's post, I've learned something new. That shouldn't have happened. I'm not stupid and I'm not insensitive - so why did it take me this long?


Because when we stop learning we die. Because everyone is different - even femdoms - and to understand even one of them completely would take two lifetimes. Because the dominant and the sadist and the woman and the human are too intimately interconnected to be easily mapped into categories.



LadyPact -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/1/2011 7:45:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

You only love me for what's in my throat. [;)]

You know, I do find something about this thread to be quite sad. I've been using this forum for a couple of years, now, yet still, in Akasha's post, I've learned something new. That shouldn't have happened. I'm not stupid and I'm not insensitive - so why did it take me this long?

It's kind of a pisspoor situation, I think, when people won't talk about the sheer strength of their feelings, for whatever reason. Why don't Dommes do this? Some of us submales do have at least a little bit of sensitivity. A bit more frequently I'd say you need to grab our faces, as it were, and say, "Look, matey, this is how I feel. It's a *strong* feeling. You will fuck me up if you toy with that feeling. If you care for me, don't do that."

Or are you all so cynical about men in general, and submales in particular, that you won't bother to try that?

The difference is that some of us are going for the wide audience and others of us keep such things private.  There are some folks, like Me, who aren't out to plaster the depths of what is inside of us for general consumption.  It's worth more to Me than it seems to be to others, and I'm actually totally cool with that.

I would rather share the inner parts of Me with one than cheapen it by selling it to a thousand. It's just how I am.



AAkasha -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/1/2011 9:04:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

You only love me for what's in my throat. [;)]

You know, I do find something about this thread to be quite sad. I've been using this forum for a couple of years, now, yet still, in Akasha's post, I've learned something new. That shouldn't have happened. I'm not stupid and I'm not insensitive - so why did it take me this long?

It's kind of a pisspoor situation, I think, when people won't talk about the sheer strength of their feelings, for whatever reason. Why don't Dommes do this? Some of us submales do have at least a little bit of sensitivity. A bit more frequently I'd say you need to grab our faces, as it were, and say, "Look, matey, this is how I feel. It's a *strong* feeling. You will fuck me up if you toy with that feeling. If you care for me, don't do that."

Or are you all so cynical about men in general, and submales in particular, that you won't bother to try that?


I think on a personal level, most of the women who have these kinds of kinky lusts (hungers vs. "it's just fun") do talk about it with partners. I do, and always have, but a lot of subs aren't that interested in it. It depends on the man.

I've been writing about "hunger" and the drive to dominate men for a long time, sharing on the net since way before it became like it is today. Some subs enjoy reading about the psychological side of it and the emotional side of it, the how and why, the wiring. Mostly it's helpful to other femdoms, I have found. There are other femdoms though that for whatever reason feel threatened when these kinds of motivations are shared. (lol)

Akasha



LadyPact -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/2/2011 2:25:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I think on a personal level, most of the women who have these kinds of kinky lusts (hungers vs. "it's just fun") do talk about it with partners. I do, and always have, but a lot of subs aren't that interested in it. It depends on the man.

I've been writing about "hunger" and the drive to dominate men for a long time, sharing on the net since way before it became like it is today. Some subs enjoy reading about the psychological side of it and the emotional side of it, the how and why, the wiring. Mostly it's helpful to other femdoms, I have found. There are other femdoms though that for whatever reason feel threatened when these kinds of motivations are shared. (lol)

Akasha


I think you're touching on something that I've been doing a lot of thinking about on a personal level.  For some folks, all of this stuff really is a take it or leave it proposition.  For others, it is hard wired.  You often use the word "hunger" in your writing, which comes across as something that must be fed.  Me?  It's more like desert.  I could go My entire life without another piece of chocolate cake.  When I have one, it's delicious, but it's just not all that important.  I have no problem walking away from the desert cart, but I relish it when I choose to partake.



sunshinemiss -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/2/2011 5:31:17 AM)

Is anybody else needing a lil nosh here?

Peon, darling, you do realize that these women are talking about you and losing the in the Wisdom of Solomon game...



LadyHibiscus -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/2/2011 8:26:52 AM)

Darling, I don't put my personal Self out on the internet. I will offer opinions and experiences, but the real deep suges? Those are for the person they're directed at. In private conversations with those I trust, certainly, but out here where my words are afloat--only the glossy version.

Oh, and I have no issue with the whole package, I can use UPS and write it off to the company!



LadyConstanze -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/2/2011 11:28:15 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact



I think you're touching on something that I've been doing a lot of thinking about on a personal level.  For some folks, all of this stuff really is a take it or leave it proposition.  For others, it is hard wired.  You often use the word "hunger" in your writing, which comes across as something that must be fed.  Me?  It's more like desert.  I could go My entire life without another piece of chocolate cake.  When I have one, it's delicious, but it's just not all that important.  I have no problem walking away from the desert cart, but I relish it when I choose to partake.



This!

It's cool, it's great, it's fun but I don't really "need" it, I feel better if I have it but I could also live without having it. Other things are just more important.

Of course I can only speak for myself, but when I read about that "hunger", I'm feeling deliriously happy that I don't have it, I might have the munchies, munchies is a desire I can control, hunger is a very basic feeling that's a primal drive, almost impossible to control, for me it would make me a slave to my desires and I'd hate that. I rather see them as something I indulge in because I want to, not because I have to.



AAkasha -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/2/2011 11:44:05 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Darling, I don't put my personal Self out on the internet. I will offer opinions and experiences, but the real deep suges? Those are for the person they're directed at. In private conversations with those I trust, certainly, but out here where my words are afloat--only the glossy version.

Oh, and I have no issue with the whole package, I can use UPS and write it off to the company!



I think most femdoms can agree one of the biggest challenges is that submissive men have warped views of what dominant women want/need/think/feel, because all they have to learn from is porn. I think it's a great thing if a femdom is willing to share what her motivations are on an emotional, sensual, mental level because it balances out the fantasy vs. the reality. I think there are plenty of things that are too personal to share - hell, I don't even write about my darkest fantasies and why I have them - but there's a lot of ground to cover when talking about things like "motivation."

Akasha



AAkasha -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/2/2011 11:47:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact



I think you're touching on something that I've been doing a lot of thinking about on a personal level.  For some folks, all of this stuff really is a take it or leave it proposition.  For others, it is hard wired.  You often use the word "hunger" in your writing, which comes across as something that must be fed.  Me?  It's more like desert.  I could go My entire life without another piece of chocolate cake.  When I have one, it's delicious, but it's just not all that important.  I have no problem walking away from the desert cart, but I relish it when I choose to partake.

quote:



This!

It's cool, it's great, it's fun but I don't really "need" it, I feel better if I have it but I could also live without having it. Other things are just more important.

Of course I can only speak for myself, but when I read about that "hunger", I'm feeling deliriously happy that I don't have it, I might have the munchies, munchies is a desire I can control, hunger is a very basic feeling that's a primal drive, almost impossible to control, for me it would make me a slave to my desires and I'd hate that. I rather see them as something I indulge in because I want to, not because I have to.



There is nothing more gratifying, for me, than having an animal lust that requires another willing human being to fulfill. BDSM isn't something I just do for amusement and could arbitrarily quit one day out of boredom. It's wired into my sensuality. I think sub men relate to that because most have kinky desires that aren't just "fun," but something they need. On a deep level, I think they idealize that a woman can share that kind of hunger. In some ways, when it comes to getting my kink on, I guess I'm wired more like a man. Fortunately, those hungers aren't 24.7 but rather cyclical - like a man's - but I purposely find myself not indulging right away simply because it's much better and mind blowing when the craving/desire is at a fever pitch. I wouldn't trade that for the world. Better than drugs, as I said in an earlier post. Not that I have much to compare it too, drug-wise.

Akasha



LadyPact -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/2/2011 2:31:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
This!

It's cool, it's great, it's fun but I don't really "need" it, I feel better if I have it but I could also live without having it. Other things are just more important.

Of course I can only speak for myself, but when I read about that "hunger", I'm feeling deliriously happy that I don't have it, I might have the munchies, munchies is a desire I can control, hunger is a very basic feeling that's a primal drive, almost impossible to control, for me it would make me a slave to my desires and I'd hate that. I rather see them as something I indulge in because I want to, not because I have to.


This is something that's been coming up in a few places for some of us.  It's some version of optional.  It really just isn't a necessity.  Great when we do it, but somewhat apathetic about the whole thing when we don't.  This might be why I'm less than sympathetic when folks come here and whine about how they *neeeeeeed* to play.  It's just not something that controls Me.



LadyConstanze -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/2/2011 2:58:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

There is nothing more gratifying, for me, than having an animal lust that requires another willing human being to fulfill. BDSM isn't something I just do for amusement and could arbitrarily quit one day out of boredom. It's wired into my sensuality. I think sub men relate to that because most have kinky desires that aren't just "fun," but something they need. On a deep level, I think they idealize that a woman can share that kind of hunger. In some ways, when it comes to getting my kink on, I guess I'm wired more like a man. Fortunately, those hungers aren't 24.7 but rather cyclical - like a man's - but I purposely find myself not indulging right away simply because it's much better and mind blowing when the craving/desire is at a fever pitch. I wouldn't trade that for the world. Better than drugs, as I said in an earlier post. Not that I have much to compare it too, drug-wise.

Akasha



It's also pretty hardwired into my sensuality, otherwise I wouldn't enjoy it, but I am glad I am not a slave to my BDSM desires, I would consider it a weakness somebody could exploit, a lack of control which I would abhor, that's me and my take, your mileage may vary, I'm not saying I would willingly give it up, but I am in control of my desires, my desires don't control me, that's how I like it.

As for your comment that it's better than drugs but you don't have much to compare it to drugwise, that's a bit of a moot point anyway, a bit like a virgin saying that riding a bicycle is better than sex - how would they know if they never had sex?

I have no problem if somebody says they "need it" and it rules them, fine, just doesn't work this way for me, too much a control freak, too much enjoying to be in control of my desires. I wouldn't be as happy not having BDSM in my life, but I wouldn't be an unhappy and broken person without it. I like to think that it's balanced, others might disagree and for some I might be vanilla, that's cool with me, they don't have to live my life and I don't have to live theirs.

For me something you NEED is something that controls you, in my own personal opinion - strictly for myself - anything that controls you is a weakness, something that takes away your power and your clear view, I like domming because I am in control, of myself and the sub, when I want it and how I want it, and that lets me enjoy it to the max. No sub has the power over me to take that away because I can walk away at any time, since I don't need it, I might want it, but I don't need it.

But as I said, your mileage may vary, whatever works, being a slave to anything - not even my desires - doesn't work for me, I consider it a weakness.



KiGirl -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/2/2011 4:57:19 PM)

Responding to OP...

I like the way that I can make a guy squirm or get hard just with a few well-chosen words or a critical gaze. Knowing that you have a tangible, sexual, violent, trusting hold over another person...I think it's about as close as we mortals get to having a superpower.



MaamJay -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/3/2011 1:27:18 AM)

To Peon,

As a Domme, I definitely enjoy the everyday control aspect, and when I Top I love the act of playing, wielding the paddle or flogger or whatever ... but for Me, the ultimate motivation, My point of joy, is the connection. That deep mind meld that comes from enacting the D/s, whether it's through play or service, it's that welding together of two halves into the whole. It's why I insist on having a sub who likes receiving aftercare, for that's when I get My ultimate jollies from a play session, in the closeness in that precious time when he has given his trust and I have taken it for My pleasure. And now I'm going all gooey so I'd better stop writing!

Ma'am Jay aka violet[A]



lthrpup -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/3/2011 9:53:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
... I think it's a great thing if a femdom is willing to share what her motivations are on an emotional, sensual, mental level because it balances out the fantasy vs. the reality. I think there are plenty of things that are too personal to share - hell, I don't even write about my darkest fantasies and why I have them - but there's a lot of ground to cover when talking about things like "motivation."

Thank you, AAkasha, for finding the words to describe why a submale's curiosity about femdom motivation is not always obtrusive. I seek abstractions rather than private details when I inquire in a forum like this, and it does help ground a guy's expectations in reality.



PeonForHer -> RE: What's Your Motivation # 2 (7/3/2011 1:55:58 PM)

FR

What a jumble of thoughts all these replies have created in my poor bonce!

Firstly, I shall congratulate myself on a little hypothesis to which I alluded in my OP. This is that there's something about brevity that brings an extra quality to a comment that you'd find elsewhere. The truth is, I've realised, Akasha didn't say something I'd not heard before, but she *did* say the thing in such a way that it hit home. Damnit, a lot of femdoms have alluded to those feelings on these boards and elsewhere. One, in particular (bless her - she knows who she is and she knows I won't reveal her nick), has written at length about them on the other side. Somehow, I wasn't able entirely to credit the feelings that she revealed to me. I have a certain sort of obtuseness on certain matters: a hangover from the days when I didn't believe that femdoms really existed.

But we know how this works. Sometimes conveying an idea to another is like the attack on the Death Star in Star Wars: you fire the missile at the right time, in the right way and at the right target, it'll set off a reaction that goes all the way to the core and explodes it. My brain is that, er, Death Star.

Second thought: yes, perhaps I should stop thinking and get out more. If I'd seen that 'hunger', of which Akasha and others have spoken here, on the face of some good woman, damned right I'd see it in a trice: 'Whoa. Right. So *that's* what it looks like'. When I'm with a partner I pretty much swallow what's on her face: a never-ending curiousity about what she's feeling. (In bed, I've been told to 'stop staring' before. Heh. 'Sorry, it's your fault for having that face', I said). I haven't seen the 'hungry-femdom' face, but I *have* seen the 'funster-femdom' face. Some kind of ultra-impishness - it was wonderful. (The lady in question will hopefully not embarrass me by repeating my exact words on this thread.)

Third thought: Looking at it entirely selfishly, I don't care right now if a woman's a hungry-femdom or funster-femdom. Maybe I should, but I don't. I have a feeling that what one loses on the swings, one gains on the roundabouts. It's thrilling to fantasise about being a slave, but it's fun to think of sitting in some cafe with a woman as my best friend as well as lover, watching the the world go by and arguing about sod all. I'm not remotely interested in the subject of 'trueness' regarding myself as a sub; I feel exactly the same regarding femdoms.

Thank you all for sharing things that most of you would really only want to share privately, with a special person. I understand that feeling. Most of us - myself very much included - can't go around revealing our deepest and innermost, because it's too easily dissipated, tarnished or outright stamped upon. You don't go around opening your box and showing your pearl to everyone that walks by (as I'd advise my nieces, though I'd probably pick a different metaphor).



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