Why is it....

Why is it.... (Full Version)

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DarkSteven -> Why is it.... (6/30/2011 7:06:28 AM)
that the men being the most demanding about the degree of submission in their mates (whom they hope to meet) seem to be the ones least deserving of any submission at all? I just read the profile of a 27 year old TPE Master....

DecadentDesire -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 7:11:42 AM)
I think the "lifestyle" in general is a breeding ground for unrealistic expectations, even in people who are normally level headed and down to earth. I would guess it's because the things we want in our relationships often begin as nothing more than a fantasy in our heads and the process of making that fantasy a part of our lives is something that comes with experience and hard knocks. Very few people are raised in an enviroment where they get first hand experience as to what a D/S relationship really is in the same way we get first hand experience as to what constitutes a "marriage" or a "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship.

kalikshama -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 7:13:43 AM)
Too much porn

DesFIP -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 8:00:18 AM)
I find that most people have poor relationship skills. And there's a tendency for those with the worst to believe that a d/s relationship doesn't require any. They choose this in order not to need to acquire any. On fl, some girl said that if she has to talk to her partner to find out what he wants, then he isn't a real dominant. The stupidity of that blows me away.

mnottertail -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 8:01:36 AM)
Yes, many of us didnt come by getting into our 40s and 50s and 60s and alone by being good at relationships, one hopes we learn.

LillyBoPeep -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 8:09:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I find that most people have poor relationship skills. And there's a tendency for those with the worst to believe that a d/s relationship doesn't require any. They choose this in order not to need to acquire any. that's very true, i think that's the primary problem. for some reason, people get into this figuring that they'll just find a "true (insert orientation here)" who will put up with any amount of idiocy on their part. that way they don't have to own up to their own flaws and do any work on them. and anyone who doesn't go along with it just "isn't a 'real' (insert orientation here)."

DesFIP -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 8:12:29 AM)
God knows Lilly, we see enough of them here on the boards. The guys who've been looking for ten years and in all that time haven't been able to get a second date, and damn few first dates either. A couple of names spring first to mind but not wanting to get modspanked, I shan't mention them.

Isambard -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 8:43:23 AM)
"If there's anything going, and I put in for a bit of it, it's always the same story: ‘You're undeserving; so you can't have it.' But my needs is as great as the most deserving widow's that ever got money out of six different charities in one week at the death of the same husband. I don't need less than a deserving man: I need more. I don't eat less hearty than him; and I drink a lot more."--Alfred P. Doolittle, My Fair Lady

windchymes -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 8:48:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail Yes, many of us didnt come by getting into our 40s and 50s and 60s and alone by being good at relationships, one hopes we learn. Maybe it wasn't being good at relationships, but rather, sucking at who we picked to have them with.

mnottertail -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 8:49:11 AM)
6 of one half a dozen of another............. be seeing you........

windchymes -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 8:51:56 AM)
[:o] [:)]

Hillwilliam -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 9:27:47 AM)
Maybe its just horny net geeks that cant get laid.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 9:51:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam Maybe its just horny net geeks that cant get laid. But surely they are allowed to dream! [;)]

SeekingRMSlave -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 9:54:21 AM)
Because, the ones being the most demanding are not really dominant, in personality, but, dominant by actions. They have to be that demanding, on all levels, to convince themselves, or anyone else, that they have any sort of strength at all Really, I think someone should bend them over their desk and spank them, until they promise to stop that.

LadyPact -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 10:03:02 AM)
I think a lot of people who are trying to give this thing a shot are folks that believe that it's a relationship shortcut. From the outside looking in (translation - no experience in a long term dynamic) someone might think it doesn't really take relationship or communication skills with a partner. They just see the hype of 'I say, you do' and think it's easy to slip into that with someone they haven't even met.

Phoenixpower -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 10:17:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam Maybe its just horny net geeks that cant get laid. But surely they are allowed to dream! [;)] yeah, as long as they leave their dreams in dreamland [8\|]

LaTigresse -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 10:55:43 AM)
I can only echo what others have already said. The perception that they can ignore their own shit, take short cuts, be lazy.......etc.

MsKittyValentine -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 10:58:38 AM)
I think some newbies do get given a very odd picture of what bdsm and D/s in particular can be about because they read stupid stuff by people on websites purporting to be 'experts' telling them 'the rules' and what you can and can't do to be in the bdsm club and boy is a lot of it bullshit. If they actually take some of that stuff on board, use it in their relationships, they will seem tragic, conformist, sheep who have no idea how to be themselves and indeed have no idea what their own dominance actually is as a philosophy or motivating factor in their lives.

hlen5 -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 12:59:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven that the men being the most demanding about the degree of submission in their mates (whom they hope to meet) seem to be the ones least deserving of any submission at all? I just read the profile of a 27 year old TPE Master.... I just was perved by a 28 yo master with 13 years of experience!!!

sexyred1 -> RE: Why is it.... (6/30/2011 1:32:59 PM)
Of course you were. They start giving out Dom 101 classes in middle school. [;)]

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