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ownedbyPF -> RE: Stoic Subs (7/8/2011 12:03:14 AM)
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I was always really good at taking pain... then I met my Owner.
I got through labor when the epidual didn't work~ no problem.
I got through my appendix rupturing without a single yelp, just a few moans. I shoulda been more vocal on that one[;)]
Someone tossed me in a pool once, except they missed, and I landed half in the water, and half on concrete~ I walked around for three days with a broken rib because I figured it was better than telling my mom I had to go to the Dr. [8|] I was young!
I was paddled, and cropped and all the rest by different me when I started this exploration and never screamed or cried. I also have a decent pain tolerance, as an example, a flogger, unless made of rubber, doesn't feel at all painful to me. And I find the bite of a single tail to be absolutely delicously erotic.
It all goes back to being a kid and having a brother who was a lot older than me. I was a dare devil, he accomodated, I'd get hurt, we'd freak out that we'd get in trouble, so I learned how to breathe through it and make like it was fine! Actually, I'd hold my breath!
Pain, to me, was like a musical symphony that had a crescendo. I could get inside it, I could examine every little bit of it and I could find that split second when it begins to subside. All pain is that way~ it has a moment, a peak, and then it begins to slowly, steadily decline. I'd hold my breath and scrutinize it, searching for that moment, once discovered, I'd breathe again.
My Owner though knows how to make it so intense that I can't process. He knows how I react. He knows that he has to make it hurt so unbearably that it's a bomb going off, ricocheting through out my body with such intensity I can't search it... I have to scream and cry just to feel like I've given it breadth and room to grow and reach its crescendo. He doesn't allow the time to process, unless it is what appeals to him at that time. He plays me... sometimes he wants me to be an instantaneous wreck and it's delivered with such force that it erupts in me and I can't do anything but scream. Other times, he plays me slowly, enjoying his own build up of making it more intense, watching me struggle more and more to find the peak, until he's ready for the moment~ the moment he turns me into a screaming, writhing, begging wreck. The blows are delivered with amazing force and piled on top of one another with out any time to register anything in between. He is a sadist, and that's what he wants to see, he wants me screaming, and crying, with unbearable pain, that's what gets him off.
I haven't really ever done subspace. I don't enjoy pain. I simply learned how to process. I had a lot of people ask me how I could "take it." I tried to explain that it was something you got underneath, and examined, but most people don't seem to get that... or if they do, they also are able to do subspace etc... I was always stuck in the middle... procees, yes, enjoy, no.
The first time my Owner made the pain so intense it radiated through me with such force that I lost all control over it~ I thought, thank God, finally!
~s
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