CaHeaven
Posts: 101
Joined: 6/3/2011 Status: offline
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The longer you spend worrying about a decision being right or wrong, the more time you spend in a bad situation. Sometimes you just have to look at the options, and ask yourself if this choice will get you closer to the goal you have for yourself. Make sure the goal isn't illegal, and make your move. If you get it wrong, it's not the end of the world. Pick your ass back up, dust yourself off, and get moving again. I am grateful everyday for a girlfriend who yanked me aside and spoke to me when I needed to be told off. "Girl, you are dying. We are watching you die a little more everyday. No one can handle this. Do yourself a favor, do us a favor. Either decide you want to live, or please commit suicide. You are like a zombie and it's breaking our hearts to see you now." I was stunned, I was angry, I was hurt, but in my heart of hearts, knew she was right. I was dead inside because I had reached rock bottom, and was too sad, scared and stubborn to ask for help. I realized that day that I was going through the motions, waiting to die, but too cowardly to pull the trigger. That kick in the ass got me into therapy where they started working with me to get past the attack, move past the flashbacks so I could live in my house. Faith was the therapist reaching her hand out to me and saying, "You are going to get past this, you just have to allow yourself to heal, and learn to forgive yourself before you can learn to forgive the ones who hurt you. You are strong enough to do it, and I will help you if you want to be helped." Faith, for me, was believing that I could go on when I hurt so badly. As my Grandma would say, "Honey, you come from pioneer stock, pull yourself up off that floor and do what needs doing. Stop wallowing with the hogs feeling sorry for yourself."
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“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”
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