Confused (Full Version)

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ArcaneDragon75 -> Confused (7/3/2011 8:59:12 PM)

I have been on here 4 or 5 month and have sent out a decent amount of messages (40 to 50)to different slaves and subs. I think I have had maybe 1 or 2 reply back. My messages are an open greeting. Im not rude or demanding. I send messages that someone outside this community would send to a friend or someone new. Is this wrong? Im I not approaching these woman correctly. Most of my messages arent even being opened. My brother, who is also on here, is a stright up ass to these woman but he gets replys all the time. I read all these profiles that talk about wanting a nice caring Dom but when I send them a message I get nothing, WTF. Is it just me? Am I doing something wrong?



DarkSteven -> RE: Confused (7/3/2011 9:05:13 PM)

No offense, Mike, but I'd advise getting some experience. Your profile indicates that you're new, and not many subs will go with that.  Houston has to have an active scene - go and meet people and learn.

And why do you specify that she must be bi?



bamabbwsub -> RE: Confused (7/3/2011 9:14:36 PM)

Hmmm...I perved your profile and it seems to have the basic information necessary to understand a little about you and what you're looking for. That's always good.

So, maybe it's your e-mail approach. Do you send initial e-mails saying, "Hi. Let's chat"? Do you actually read her profile in its entirety? (Some women won't open an e-mail unless they see your name on the "Who's Viewed Me?" list.) Do you send the same mass e-mail to every woman? (We can tell, you know.)

If you said "Yes" to any of the above, then it's likely your approach. If you don't already, read ALL of her profile. Try putting some effort into each e-mail that you send, so that the sub/slave can tell that you're interested in HER and not just what her photo shows. Read her journals and comment on them. Make sure that you pay attention to what SHE is looking for, and not just what YOU are looking for. She may be the perfect woman for you, but not vice versa. Do your e-mails typically only address her D/s or M/s interests? Remember, before we are subs or slaves, we are WOMEN first.

Bottom line is that you have to stand out from the masses. The woman that you're looking for is, well...what most men are looking for, so they are in high demand. What makes you so special? Your e-mail should show her your je ne sais quoi from the get-go. Be creative, be witty, be charismatic.

Oh, and before you say that your e-mails have been deleted without being read, don't forget about the preview feature. I can put my cursor on the sender's name and read the e-mail without clicking on it, so if I do delete an e-mail, it would show as "Deleted Unread," even though I did read it.

Hope this helps a little.

Best of luck to you!

(Edited to correct a spelling error.)



ArcaneDragon75 -> RE: Confused (7/3/2011 9:31:51 PM)

Thanks Steven. No Offence taken. You are right in that I do not have much experence. And as for the Bi, It is what Im looking for. Mainly for future endeavors.
Thank you bamabbwsub. Very helpful. I do do much of what you speak of but I could stand to be more creative with my emails.



juliaoceania -> RE: Confused (7/3/2011 9:50:37 PM)

I do not know if it has much to do with your experience level as far as BDSM goes. I would be willing to date a man that was a newbie if it seemed we would be compatible in other ways.

Here is a few of the things I would do followed by what I would not do if looking for a sub:

1. Read their profile.
2.comment on what they write in their profile or list in their interests section or journal.
3. Be respectful
4. Be lighthearted and share what you think you might have in common

Do not:
1. Write people who are looking for something that you do not offer
2. Do not assume anything about power exchange, and respect their boundaries while establishing communication.


Lastly:
People have filters that maybe intercepting your emails. Your friend might be better at figuring out which women won't filter him out. I would not assume that they deleted your emails unread, they may have hovered over them and read the first line or two, or never got them in the first place.

There are two different strategies, spamming as many women as you can and looking for the weak one to separate from the herd, or targeting your emails to a woman that really interests you...pick according to the type of woman you want to attract

Good luck.

BTW, you are cute in your photo, too young for me, but you are attractive, there is no reason you should lack for women



angelikaJ -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 3:32:31 AM)

Yup, I would change the line from "not a sub" to "not a pushover". Just mentioning sub in connection with a dominant man, they might wonder if you were a sub before or perhaps are too soft now. (A lot of submissive women have certain prejudices against men who may have subbed before.)




Focus50 -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 3:53:23 AM)

You're fishing instead of hunting.... lol

IE; hunt = specific target. Fish = whatever bites.

I write sincere msgs to the *rare* few who pique my interest and get a small but reasonable percentage of replies. And true, many don't even read the msg, no matter what malarky many a fem/sub puts in her profile to the contrary.

But 40 to 50 msgs???? Come on, there can't be that many so interesting as to equate your version of sincerity to their own. So hunt instead of fish and think quality, NOT quantity.

And still expect most to ignore you anyway. If you had any idea of the quantity of rude and filthy geek mail most women receive on kink sites, you'd understand that a point gets reached where many don't even open their mail.

So the next suggestion would be to make yourself known by contributing in these Forums (beyond personal gripes). Considerably more women seem to read the boards than actually post, so you make yourself publically visible.

Focus.



angelikaJ -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 4:06:00 AM)

Another problem may be your specified age range: many 18 year olds (who are serious) will not be interested in someone your age and many 29 year olds will pass on someone who is looking for someone who is 18.
I would leave it at younger.... besides, there may be someone who is perfectly wonderful out there who might come across your profile and not write to you because she is 31...?



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 4:43:29 AM)

I agree with the previous posters, not a bad profile, but there are a few things I would most definitely rethink or plain out change:

Change "not a sub" to "not a pushover" (great suggestion) !!

You initially describe yourself as fat. Stop that. This is like a resume, best foot forward. Either don't mention it or say something like: "built for comfort, not for speed."

You say you are recently divorced; how recently? I personally would not dream of getting involved with someone who had not healed from a previous relationship. It's bad juju.

You state you are new, but that is a very subjective term. Since subs tend to avoid new doms I would minimize that. I appreciate your honesty, but you are looking for a connection here.

The majority of your listed requirements have to do with looks. This makes you appear incredably shallow.

I agree with Focus, you are fishing, not hunting. A waste of time on the other side in my opinion. I also agree with rethinking your age parameters and your list of "wants" in general. You are new, your first sub will most likely not be a keeper. Instead of looking for your soul mate at this point, how about a compatible play partner so you can learn some skills and not be so new?

Houston has to have an active kink scene, and you are an attractive guy. As has been suggested, get out there and meet people.



Kalista07 -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 5:21:42 AM)

There was a time in the not so distant past when I would have respectfully responded to your email even if I was not the slightest bit interested in you. Those days are, for a variety of reasons, long gone.

If you were to send me an email I would likely not respond due to what I perceive as some negativity and slight arrogance that I'm detecting through your profile.  You have very little experience but want a slave. You are "okay" with an 'educated' one because it will make you look good. You refer to yourself as fat and yet want someone you can pick up and throw around. I just don't have time for all of this in my life today.

No offense intended with my response here. My recommendation would be for you to connect with your local community and get involved in some real life stuff before you try connecting with random people that you don't know.

Kali



DecadentDesire -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 5:24:12 AM)

My thoughts/suggestions as a dominant...

Approach your profile as simply expressing who and what you are and what you want to tell people about. I see a lot of people who seem obsessed with constructing the perfect profile that gets every submissive/slave out there wet between the legs. They are trying to conform themselves to some ideal of what a dominant is instead of being who they are. That is an act of insecurity and has a way of manifesting itself in the writing. You have to be comfortable and confident with who you are, what you really think, and what you really want and when you are, that confidence will be expressed. If your not sure of yourself, chances of a submissive/slave giving you the time of day are low.

One of the truths of Collarme.com is that female submissives and slaves, particularly one's with an attractive photo, get mail in quantities that competes with Santa Clause and Jesus. Chances of your message getting lost or not read in all that is high and not receiving a response should not be taken as a personal insult.

To echo what Focus said, quality over quantity. It's rare when I send out a message to a submissive and slave and when I do, it's because something peeked my interest in their profile. When I contact them, I am focusing on what peeked my interest. This demonstrates that I am genuinely interested in them as a person and as such, the message usually gets a response. Simply sending out a generic, non personal message reeks of someone fishing for whatever will bite with a big net.



angelikaJ -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 5:38:13 AM)

FR
For people who see the OP as describing himself as fat, he doesn't.
It is an unfortunate linebreak from where the top of his profile merges with the rest.
He is a "recently divorced, fat-her of ... ."

As for the suggestions that he seek out his local community, I would like to point out that there you (the OP) will have the opportunity to meet actual real live women.

And also, have some patience, you haven't been here that long.

I was here for 18 months before I found my One.
(and how He caught me is in my sig-line [;)])



Kana -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 5:40:09 AM)

quote:

I have been on here (Here. Where is here? Timbuktu, TV land. Oz? When using a subject address by name. Gawd-using random pronouns used to slay my grammar teach.) 4 or 5 month(s) and have sent out a decent (number) amount of messages (40 to 50)to different slaves and subs. I think I have (received) had maybe 1 or 2 (replies) reply back(scratch the back). My messages are an open greeting. I(')m not rude or demanding. I send messages that someone outside this community would send to a friend or someone new. Is this wrong? I(')m I (Why 2 I's?)not approaching these woman correctly (Is this a question, comment, WTF is it?). Most of my messages arent even (Scratch the being-why use unneeded words?)being opened. My brother, who is also on here(phrasing), is a (straight) stright up ass to these woman but he gets (Replies) replys all the time. I read all these profiles that talk about wanting a nice caring Dom but when I send them a message I get nothing, WTF. Is it just me? Am I doing something wrong?



Not to be a dick, but if I got a message written in this form, (Which holds true for your profile too-don't start "going to explain". Start "I am going to explain"...and that overlooks the point of beginning with an explanation which just don't feel very Dom at all to me. I mean chicks dig guys who take charge, not men/boys/wannabe's full of excuses and explanations...and is making a defensive explanation right off the bat really the best way to make a good 1st impression... because if you think that, that explains a lot of your problems right there), with improper spelling and grammar I wouldn't reply. Matter of fact, from the way the English is used. I would almost assuredly assume it's a scammer and can it w/o opening.
Get a Browns Little, compact grammar book. (1 cent at Amazon. No chit.http://www.amazon.com/Little-Brown-Compact-Handbook-Fifth/dp/0321104951)
Read it. Follow it. Love it. Live it.
And don't use contractions when ya write-they reflect lazy thinking! :-)


Hey, you asked. Don't blame me if you don't like my response.



sunshinemiss -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 5:53:10 AM)

Sunny
Quote of the Day
goes to
HAL
the computer
[sm=pc.gif]
for

He is a "recently divorced, fat-











her of ... ."

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3752203/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3752385



GreedyTop -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 6:03:22 AM)

*SNORT*

(I love you , Sunny!)



sunshinemiss -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 6:34:41 AM)

... not me.  Angelika found it.  It tickled me...



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 6:36:57 AM)

Has a blonde moment and struggles awhile to "get it."

Not fat, father....ah (insert light bulb coming on here).

*winks at Sunny while smacking the bad Hal*






sunshinemiss -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 6:44:46 AM)

[sm=meh.gif]



poise -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 6:53:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Not to be a dick, but if I got a message with improper spelling and grammar I wouldn't reply.

So that explains it.

Amazon.com...here I come!



DesFIP -> RE: Confused (7/4/2011 7:09:27 AM)

When you say you send open greetings, what that translates to is "Hello, how are you?". And there isn't anything in that to open a conversation with. You need to read the profiles and respond to vanilla items that you have in common.

She does salsa dancing and you want to learn that? Ask questions about it.

Focusing on girls who aren't even out of high school at your age is creepy.

Fix the line break problem.

Look for a person, not a role.

And get involved in your local community. Take workshops, get some learning. Because right now you want to do stuff you don't want to do and you want somebody to trust you not to harm then when you don't know how not to.



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