ginawithaB
Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood
I may get some flack for this BUT...
If you're new to this...calling yourself "slave" is a bit premature. You're going to need some time actively (meaning real time) exploring and getting to know what about the lifestyle speaks to you and what works for you and your life. Wanting to be on the bottom doesn't automatically make one a slave no matter how much that term turns you on. "Slave" tends to be very generically used by those new to this....I think those who've been around a while have a higher expectation of someone who calls themselves "slave" than "hey I have this fantasy about being spanked" or the like. Wanting to be spanked doesn't make one a slave, or even a submissive - just means you want to get spanked.
Through your learning and exploration, chances are you will find out that "slave" is not an adept description of what you want and who you are. And really...looking to be collared right out of the gate may be making too deep a commitment to someone too quickly.
When I hear someone refer to themselves as "slave", I generally think it's one of two things. Either the person is very experienced and knows where they fit in the grand scheme of things in the lifestyle (in other words - they know they can go that deep); or they are a complete novice who is going to very slavishly tell me exactly how they want to be dominated, and then can't figure out why I pass on such an opportunity.
It's kinda like those with no real time experience whatsoever often shout the loudest about knowing that they are a "REAL TRUE submissive" or a "REAL TRUE Dominant" or knowing who is. It's rather ridiculous, you know? "Real true" only means "closest to one's own personal fantasies".
My suggestion? Read everything non-fiction that you can. Get involved in your local scene by going to munches and educational functions. Make friends with everyone. Extend courtesy to everyone. Explore. Spend a LOT of time soul searching and considering how and if this is something you can integrate into your life. And wear a crash helmet; it'll be a bumpy ride.
Well, whether you get flack about this or not, it's actually very true and useful information you write here.
I am relatively new to this to and can attest that, though it has been a challenge getting to know myself (and I do so hate it when everybody says, "know yourself, know yourself," still it's true), it is a process well worth it. And the everyday realization that I still have a lot to learn. Nothing wrong with taking it slow, pacing oneself. Trying things out in a safe way, and by safe I mean being aware of risks and doing what you, the individual, need to do to be safe...and that is different for everybody.
OP, you've taken a good first step. You've started to ask questions. That will lead you to answers, but not necessarily right away. So, try to be a little patient and try to make real life, face-to-face friends with people in the lifestyle. PPl you can call up and go out with, who will guide you and watch your back. This is invaluable support. And please, please don't go for the first collar offered...go slowly. Try to learn something from other people's experiences and take things with a grain of salt. Most of all, be true to you and take care of you.
Peace
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new tto this lifestyle and i am asking for some guidene... - 
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