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ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Assisted death (7/8/2011 7:49:30 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
LadyC pointed me towards this programme from BBC (gotta get on Youtube now, though..)
Sir Terry Pratchett, diagnosed with alzheimers in 2008, exploring assisted death: Here is part one
the whole programme is well worth watching.. it is difficult at times.. but as Terry says: it may not be easy but it is important.
If you had to be the person watching someone making this decision, how would you feel?
could you respect the decision?
I did watch my father make a similar decision, in somewhat different circumstances, a few years ago. He was dying, and wrestling with the decision to keep fighting or to end it. I told him that he he should make his decision based on what he wanted to do, not what he felt he ought to do for me, and that no matter what decision he made I'd back him 110%, no questions asked, and do whatever he needed me to do to help him.
He decided to keep fighting, but a few days later, things took a sharp left turn, and I had to be the one to tell him that things had changed and it was probably time to revisit the question of where he wanted to go from here. He was ready; and I told him I'd be right there with him all the way. This was about 4 AM. When his doctor came to the hospital at around 7, I pulled him aside and told him where it was at. He went in and spoke with my dad, and the process moved quickly from there. Morphine and atavan, administered IV in a drip. By 10 AM he was unconscious, and by 4 PM he was dead.
How did I feel? It was the worst day of my life, times 1,000. I remember it at least a dozen times a day, and it almost fucking kills me every time I think about it. But it was the only thing to do, the absolutely right thing to do, and I never even considered not doing it. If there was one single day of my life that I would give anything to forget, or to never have lived in the first place, that would be the day, but if I had to do it all over again I'd do exactly the same thing 100 times out of 99. I wish to god I hadn't had to do it, but at the same time, I thank god that I was there for him when he needed me to be. He'd never needed anything more badly in his entire life than he needed that, and I was the only person in the world who could do it for him.
Did i respect the decision? Fuck, yeah. I've never respected him or admired him more in my entire life than I did those last few hours, never been more proud of him. It was the bravest thing I've ever seen anyone do. If he'd been dying of Alzheimer's I'd have felt the same way, and would have done whatever he needed me to do to help him.
When that moment comes for me, i won't be asking anyone else for help. I won't put anyone in that position, and even if I would, I don't have anyone in my life close enough to me to ask. I know how I'm going to do it, and have a couple of ideas on where, depending on the situation. I plan on leaving everyone else completely out of it, and in fact if all goes to plan, they won't even know for sure what happened. Best that way, I think. When it's time to go, it's just time to go, ya know?
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