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bowtiesarecool -> 'sub frenzy' how to cope (7/11/2011 3:45:10 AM)
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Hi. I’m a female submissive. I’ve had only one D/s relationship, which lasted three years and ended three months ago. It ended amicably, if abruptly, and at my instigation, because my feelings for him were unreciprocated. The relationship was a lot of fun, and my Dominant was very kind and attentive. There was no blame on either side.
For the last three months, I’ve felt ok about things ending, if a little sad that it was over.
But a couple of weeks ago, I started to feel the first stirrings of what might be called ‘sub frenzy’. I joined a sex site in a tentative search of mutual fulfilment, but left within 24 hours feeling overwhelmed – I feel that I am too eager to play and that it will lead me to be careless about my own safety, and the feelings of any genuine Dom I might meet.
So I decided to tuck away my desires and take a step back.
But last night I was overwhelmed with desire for something I’m not sure I can name – pain, submission, punishment – I’m not sure. I masturbated using potentially damaging and dangerous techniques. Though I stopped myself in time, I was quite worried afterwards. But this morning, I woke up feeling again overwhelmed with desires, and masturbated again with techniques that once over, I wasn’t quite comfortable with, and now, a few hours later, I am beginning to have those same desires again in my mind and I’m thinking up, without deliberately trying to, ways of ‘punishing’ myself.
I want to ask how other single subs cope with these feelings. My judgement and willpower seem to go out of the window when I’m in the grip of my desires, but afterwards I always feel bad and ashamed if I’ve done something potentially harmful, and I know I have to stop myself, but at its height I find it impossible to ignore.
Any advice or others’ experiences on how to overcome my urges would be gratefully received.
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