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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 10:58:34 AM

HeatherMcLeather

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Not at all, as long as you don't mind that it does the same to me.

<Well and it wouldn't hurt if you slip something up me when you're done your coffee.

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 11:09:16 AM

PeonForHer

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FR:

So there you have it, OP. Femdoms don't mind you getting turned on by being submissive. Sometimes they'll get turned on, too.

Excellent. I think we sorted this one out nicely, don't you, everyone?

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 11:14:03 AM

HeatherMcLeather

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quote:

So there you have it, OP. Femdoms don't mind you getting turned on by being submissive. Sometimes they'll get turned on, too.

Excellent. I think we sorted this one out nicely, don't you, everyone?

Let's celebrate!!!

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 11:24:00 AM

LadyHibiscus

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YAY!!

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 11:33:21 AM

LaTigresse

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Double yay!

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 11:38:29 AM

lthrpup

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Has the term 'subineering' (or some equivalent) been coined to describe the less sincere version of submitting? Analogous to dominating vs. domineering.

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 11:40:41 AM

VaguelyCurious

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I've heard it, although I assumed it was a contraction of 'submissive engineering' rather than analogous to domineering.

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 12:30:50 PM

Arpig

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quote:

Has the term 'subineering' (or some equivalent) been coined to describe the less sincere version of submitting? Analogous to dominating vs. domineering.

No, because domineering isn't a less sincere form of dominating. It's a totally separate concept. Granted some dominants are domineering, but that is about as relevant as the fact that some dominants are redheads. More to boot, being domineering in and of itself does not in any way reflect on the supposed sincerity of one's dominance.

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 12:53:51 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

I've heard it, although I assumed it was a contraction of 'submissive engineering' rather than analogous to domineering.

No, dear, that's about divers working on oil rigs. Femdoms and oil rigs are entirely different: one is completely unmoving and constantly brings up black stuff from below, while the other is used for drilling for oil.

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 1:00:31 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Bite him for me hard, mmmkay VC?

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 1:17:52 PM

LadyConstanze

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyang777

Dear lady:

I know I only listed 2 fetishes, there are a lot more, thank you!

My point is that those sexual elements are important in developing/defining dominant/submissive relationships, and certain acts are related to submissives, for example, taking hard spanking is certainly not an act for dominant partner.

Kai

They might be important for you, they will not be important for somebody else, what you are doing is telling us what turns you on and you want to hear how much we want to do it. Well, doesn't work like that, sorry.

Interesting that you say that a hard spanking is nothing a dominant partner would enjoy, how about a dominant masochist? Don't you think dominants can decide themselves what turns them on? I know that certain actions now lost a bit of their appeal for me (at least for the moment) and that a submissive who would tell me that I have to serve him by queening him and taking him with a strapon because he declared those activities dominant would just not have any appeal to me. I'd prefer the guy who tells me "Hell yeah, strapon does turn me on" and not try to dominate me and dictate what I have to do.

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 2:21:42 PM

LadyPact

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I don't see a certain sexual act as making Me more Dominant. Therefore, I do not see the receiving of a certain sexual act as making someone more submissive. I'm completely with Hib on her comments here.

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 2:25:38 PM

AAkasha

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For me, it depends on the man. My acts of sensual or sexual dominance are most rewarding/pleasurable to me when they pass a certain threshold -- when the man is surrendering, suffering, or honestly vulnerable and in a place of discomfort - willingly - because my pleasure is more important than his comfort. That's my 'femdom sweet spot.'

Kinky acts are a funny thing. There are some men that are so dripping in self indulgence with their kink that I can't find my way around the act to enjoy it - it's just me providing a service. I can usually figure that out long before the lube hits the strapon cock. There are other men (some people call them "bottoms" and they are like a second class citizen in kink) who understand the needs of a sensual sadist, and while they enjoy these acts, they understand, through empathy and intuition, how to create a dynamic in "playtime" that gets me off in a huge way. They essentially understand that they need to willingly take their surrender to a place that it becomes painful or humiliating so they can offer it up to me on a plate - because they want to see how excited that makes me, and they are rewarded by that.

So it comes down to the relationship the man has with the kink, and the man has with my dominance, and the way that dynamic works. Pound for pound, my favorite kinks are breath control and bondage. Queening is a funny thing; considering my extreme hot buttons for breath control, it's a natural. But many men are into queening in such self-focused, self indulgent way that I lose all interest in it and just wish they would shut up about it, because it's not happening. It's like the vanilla man's curse of "I'm so great at pussy worship" -- if it's all he thinks about - the pussy, not the whole woman - chances are, he sucks at it.

Akasha

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 2:35:43 PM

ElanSubdued

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kyang777,

--- for example, taking hard spanking is certainly
--- not an act for dominant partner.

You have much to learn, padawan. There are dominants who are also masochists. :-)

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 7/11/2011 2:37:58 PM >

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 2:43:36 PM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Is it so wrong to get turned on by someone hanging up my coat and bringing me a cup of coffee the way I like it??

You crazy mean perverse woman!

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 2:46:53 PM

MsMillgrove

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When will they Ever get it. I guess: Never.

Kinky acts can be a way of expressing one's submission. But the submission is to a human being--a real person. You come into her presence, you think about the person--you feel inside yourself
an urge, an ache--to give yourself to her--all of yourself: to let her do what she pleases with you.

If you need to be tied up, stripped of your clothes, a dildo shoved up your ass, or your face buried in a pussy--then you have fetishes--that will provoke what you wish to call submission. For most dommes--this triggering of feelings of helplessness by the use of a male's fetishes or kinks is NOT submission. You give your submission--you don't demand it be taken by force. Huge difference.

Everyone else has already said it and said it better, but I had to add my voice because I find this the most frustrating part of life as a domina: dealing with men who want to Play at being subs. What turns me on so fiercely is the look in the eyes of my subs when they turn their faces up to me. I'd rather see those eyes than have some idiot body worshipper's face in my crotch.

< Message edited by MsMillgrove -- 7/11/2011 2:49:36 PM >

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 3:39:16 PM

LadyHibiscus

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@Akasha. Bottoms are by no means second class citizens in kink. I would choose a bottom over a self indulgent fetishist any day.

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 3:43:12 PM

kyang777

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

They essentially understand that they need to willingly take their surrender to a place that it becomes painful or humiliating so they can offer it up to me on a plate - because they want to see how excited that makes me, and they are rewarded by that.

Akasha

Dear Lady AAkasha:

I got your point, as above! The devotion of submissive partner to give dominate partner excited, thrilled. A 'pleaser mentality' rather than getting his own festish accomplished, am I right?

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 3:46:05 PM

kyang777

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyang777

Dear lady:

I know I only listed 2 fetishes, there are a lot more, thank you!

My point is that those sexual elements are important in developing/defining dominant/submissive relationships, and certain acts are related to submissives, for example, taking hard spanking is certainly not an act for dominant partner.

Kai

They might be important for you, they will not be important for somebody else, what you are doing is telling us what turns you on and you want to hear how much we want to do it. Well, doesn't work like that, sorry.

Interesting that you say that a hard spanking is nothing a dominant partner would enjoy, how about a dominant masochist? Don't you think dominants can decide themselves what turns them on? I know that certain actions now lost a bit of their appeal for me (at least for the moment) and that a submissive who would tell me that I have to serve him by queening him and taking him with a strapon because he declared those activities dominant would just not have any appeal to me. I'd prefer the guy who tells me "Hell yeah, strapon does turn me on" and not try to dominate me and dictate what I have to do.

Points taken, submissive partner should be a 'pleaser', not the one demand to be pleased.

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RE: What type of submission that you will enjoy the most? - 7/11/2011 5:34:37 PM

DesFIP

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OP acts are not intrinsically either submissive or dominant. If I rub his feet when they hurt, does that mean I'm the dominant because I'm performing an act on him? Or am I submitting because he's said his feet hurt and I should please rub them? If just rubbing them doesn't work and I do a deep pressure massage using a wooden dowel, am I suddenly dominant because some people do this for fun and call it bastinado? Or am I just relieving his pain by using a strong sensation?

I knew a sub years ago who would take a flogger to her husband's back when it hurt. He said it eased the pain better than anything else. But she did this only when he told her to. He was still the dominant in the relationship because he told her when to do it, told her to concentrate on the left shoulder (or wherever).

All men have prostates and therefore it stands to reason that prostate stimulation will be pleasurable to many men. Dominant or submissive doesn't come into play here. It's sensation only. It becomes dominant or submissive only when there's an agreement of who gets to make the rules. So if the man is in charge, and he orders his partner to use a strap on to stimulate his prostate, then he's still the dominant in the relationship. If he decides he wants to be lazy and have her ride him, he's still dominant. And if it turns him on to make her come a dozen times through oral sex, and he prefers to lie on his back during this, he's still dominant.

In exactly the same way, the woman is still dominant if she's giving her partner a blow job because she enjoys it and tells him to get naked so she can enjoy herself. She's still dominant if she tells her partner she wants him to ride her doggy style so her G spot will be stimulated. She makes the decision, that's what makes her dominant. Not the act itself

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