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Do You Show? - 7/11/2011 2:32:06 PM   
NiceGuyNihilist


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Based on the way other people respond to you in everyday life, do you think your submissive nature shines through--maybe even when you'd rather it didn't?

I think mine does. Four years ago, my uncle's friend's girlfriend offhandedly mentioned that she considered herself to be sexually dominant. I don't remember the context of the remark, but it didn't seem out of place for her to make it. I resolved to keep my own submissive streak under wraps as much as possible, mainly because I already felt quite attracted to her and didn't want to do anything that could be remotely perceived as flirting. Yet somehow, I continually found myself being gently teased by her, blushing at little smirks which seemed to hint at more insight than I would have liked. I told myself not to be delusional; of course I couldn't really be that transparent. But toward the end of the night, while a small group of close family and friends were browsing some frivolous book on "sexual astrology" which happened to reside on my uncle's coffee table, the woman briefly locked eyes with me and said with utter seriousness, "I know what kind of relationship you need." When I pressed her to tell me what she was talking about, she said, "I won't go into it now because this is a family situation, but I think you already know. Just know that I know." And with that, she turned her attention to another member of the group and pointedly changed the subject.

That's the most illustrative example I can recall of my inability to keep my submissive light under a bushel, but I believe there have been others. A woman who once worked at a grocery store I frequented would ask me in a sweetly patronizing tone every time I approached her to buy a protein bar, “Is it snacky-snack time?” Or, “Is it time for a snacky-snack?” If you’d only heard her, you might have thought I was a kindergartener jonesing for his post-recess peanut butter and crackers. (I would die if she ever read this thread, but I suppose that possibility gives me a thrill, too.) Does anybody else run into the same thing? Do others seem to sense your submissiveness, even if only on some subconscious level?

< Message edited by NiceGuyNihilist -- 7/11/2011 2:33:34 PM >
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RE: Do You Show? - 7/11/2011 2:43:32 PM   
Charnegui


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It just happened to me fridaynight, when I was out with one of my friends.
Nice guy, talked a lot... 'We'd tease eachother and then he asks, could you really surrender and submit??

I had to look around me......... Who told him????? Coz it was the first time ever I laid eyes on him and vice versa.

edited for spelling

< Message edited by Charnegui -- 7/11/2011 2:44:12 PM >


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RE: I Admit It I........ - 7/11/2011 3:57:17 PM   
SimplyMichael


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I think many project aspects of their personality they think are well hidden. I get hit on by dominant women from time to time and its always pretty clear to me if the email is peer to peer or if there is more to it.

I meet kinky people in the professional world and i figure it out often within minutes.

Of course, i am sure i meet many i never do guess right about.

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RE: Do You Show? - 7/11/2011 3:58:36 PM   
lthrpup


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I enjoyed reading about your experience. Unfortunately, nothing like it happens to me. The closest I get is when someone comments about how quiet I am. It takes a while for me to get comfortable in a conversation (sadly a lot of conversations are too short for me to reach that point), but once I get my conversational feet and start contributing I never get any reaction that would indicate other people are pegging me as submissive. Alas!

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RE: Do You Show? - 7/11/2011 6:07:24 PM   
HisPet21


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Actually, most people who don't know much about my relationship perceive me as having an extremely dominant personality. And outside of my relationship, I am a very dominant women. I am only submissive with respect to my dominant partner.

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RE: Do You Show? - 7/11/2011 6:16:07 PM   
LillyBoPeep


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i meet people who are positively dominant and negatively "domineering." =p either they respond positively to me, or they think they can run over me and i'll go along with it. i actively started hiding bits of my personality and hardened up my shell for a while to prevent the negative from happening.
people give away a heck of a lot more information than they think they do.


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RE: Do You Show? - 7/11/2011 6:45:18 PM   
littlewonder


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my submissive nature shows through CONSTANTLY! Try as  I might I just can't hide it. It is who I am. I hate conflict. I hate approaching people, I hate having to ask for things. I'd much rather have someone else doing all those things for me.

So while I might have to buck it up and do things that I abhore and step forth sometimes, people can tell I'm uncomfortable with it. It's extremely obvious I think.


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RE: Do You Show? - 7/11/2011 6:52:22 PM   
catize


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quote:

Based on the way other people respond to you in everyday life, do you think your submissive nature shines through--maybe even when you'd rather it didn't?


I don't know---I guess it would depend a great deal on one's definition of what submission is all about; it would also depend on one's personal perspective.
~~My ~~example would be my work place. Let's say I wake up tomorrow and don't feel very well. But I am aware that several others in my department are on vacation, and my supervisor will be out of the building most of the day. The workload is already pretty overwhelming, so I decide to go in anyway because
a) I don't want my co workers who are there to be burdened more than they already are
b) I care about the quality of work we do.

Does this make me 'submissive' because I am concerned about my co workers and client's needs, or does it make me 'dominant' because I can ensure a better quality of care for our clients? OR, does it mean I am a secret 'drama llama' because I can feel superior knowing I am sick but dragged my sorry ass in anyway? OR, does it make me a control freak?

Submission, (in my perspective) is not a passive state. Much of my 'can do' attitude is to ensure a better day for others but that frequently gets interpreted as dominance. (no, I am not saying a dominant doesn't care about people)

My point, if I have one, is that people will see what they want to see. Sometimes they guess correctly, other times, not so much. If one thinks in terms of 'are you dominant or submissive', they have a 50/50 chance of being right....as well as wrong.

ETA another thought as well as to correct punctuation!

< Message edited by catize -- 7/11/2011 7:36:59 PM >


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RE: I Admit It I........ - 7/11/2011 8:59:28 PM   
SimplyMichael


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Catize, I met my partner through a Domme I was dating in LA so i didn't meet her in a professional setting. She does legal work for a fortune 20 firm and has to ramrod deals all over the world, she ain't meek. I like to think i could not only spot her but make her wet even if I had met at a cocktail party just with a glance, turn of phrase, or a tone in my voice. Could be wrong, but I doubt it.

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RE: I Admit It I........ - 7/11/2011 10:42:15 PM   
erieangel


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My submissiveness shines through all the time. Makes my job harder than it should be too. The young men I work tend to walk all over me. However, I am learning to harden up a bit. Today one of my clients issued a threat and I immediately called my supervisor. Needless to say, the young man is going to have to pay a stiff consequence because he's on probation and is going back to jail. Even if by some miracle his PO doesn't revoke him, he's out of my program. Even just a few months, I would have let such talk slide.

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Do You Show? - 7/12/2011 12:11:21 AM   
sunshinemiss


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Well, there was the Aussie in the elevator...

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RE: Do You Show? - 7/12/2011 12:28:31 AM   
HeatherMcLeather


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Maybe. I am very shy in person, or at least I was. Seems to me that I appear far less submissive now that I am one. It's as if surrendering has given me the self-confidence I lacked before.

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RE: Do You Show? - 7/12/2011 7:26:57 AM   
OsideGirl


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Nope, I'm pretty much an alpha. I behave submissively only to those that I view as more alpha than I am. That means that the opposite tends to happen to me.

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RE: Do You Show? - 7/12/2011 9:23:02 AM   
CalifChick


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I am not a shy or submissive person, I have a submissive sexual orientation. I am firm and in control when I deal with the outside world. People who are in positions of power over me, such as my boss, I automatically say "sir" to. One of the docs and I were talking yesterday and he said "you don't have to call me doctor, I didn't cut up dead bodies in school, I'm not a REAL doctor, you can use my first name." He is a PhD and a psychologist. I told him it comes out automatically most of the time, which I like in front of the patients. About a fourth of the time outside of hearing range of patients, I use his first name, but I have to make a conscious effort to do so. So when I was telling him that it's automatic, not something I force myself to do, I also told him not to be surprised that I "sir" him.

Cali


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RE: Do You Show? - 7/12/2011 10:37:01 AM   
littleone35


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Never happened to me.  I am only submissive to  my Master.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Do You Show? - 7/12/2011 10:51:44 AM   
Canaille


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To the OP:

When I'm around those rare Dominants that flip my subbie switch and send me reeling, then I shine through as a sub. It's glaringly obvious. The rest of the time, I'm getting hit on by subs that mistake me for a Domme. It gives me a good giggle. :)


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RE: Do You Show? - 7/12/2011 10:55:02 AM   
mnottertail


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Oh, I spot a little occasionally................

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RE: Do You Show? - 7/12/2011 11:02:45 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


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This:

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Nope, I'm pretty much an alpha. I behave submissively only to those that I view as more alpha than I am. That means that the opposite tends to happen to me.


I guard my sub tendencies like a lion with it's kill unless and until I have some trust going. And that doesn't happen for me overnight.




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RE: Do You Show? - 7/12/2011 11:04:54 AM   
Aynne88


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Never. I am authoritative and alpha in my day to day life and even with him it's a struggle. I don't think I have ever encountered a person that would guess that I am sexually submissive when in the right relationship. I get hit on by submissive males pretty frequently though. Sometimes I encourage it, it depends. I never used to entertain that idea, but as I get older...it seems more natural to me to consider that.

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RE: Do You Show? - 7/12/2011 11:14:24 AM   
hlen5


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Well, there was the Aussie in the elevator...


More, more!!! Do tell!

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