RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (Full Version)

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tiggerspoohbear -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/12/2011 6:37:05 PM)

That's OK Kiarsia, I'm the same way.  I can give great advice to friends and see things they don't, but when it comes to my own life, O lord love the rubber duckies, I should be put in a padded cell at times. [8D]



tj444 -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/12/2011 6:45:27 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: playfulotter
I have had fun watching that show in the past but mostly I wouldn't follow any advice she gives....but I did love this line of hers as it has been my experience in the past.... "Coffee is Cheap, Drinks are an Audition, Lunch is an Interview, but Dinner means Business-- The Business of Romance". I have never met a man I wanted to see again on a coffee date...I think it has to do with how much time the man is willing to give you in his timetable that makes the difference on a first meeting...I will say I met one relationship on a lunch date though but he drove over 100 miles to meet me and we spent the afternoon together but it was like an interview at first....ha ha!

I dont watch the show very often but she said this line on her show today. What you say is interesting, about the coffee date... it wasnt something i thought about before (which goes to show why none of my coffee dates ever worked out!)

Note to self: no more coffee dates! [:D]



littlewonder -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/12/2011 7:10:46 PM)

I have to say I like her show. I think she's spot on on most of what she does and says and I think she may have a point about the coffee date. Almost every guy I have ever gone out with started out with a coffee date and not a single one was worth my time or effort and they put very little effort into dating me.

Now when I met Master it started OUT as a coffee date but he took me out to dinner after about 5 minutes of coffee because we had an immediate spark. He wined and dined me and showed that he was interested in more than just coffee.

It was one of the things I found different about him than all the rest....he romanced me that night.




tj444 -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/12/2011 8:52:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I have to say I like her show. I think she's spot on on most of what she does and says and I think she may have a point about the coffee date. Almost every guy I have ever gone out with started out with a coffee date and not a single one was worth my time or effort and they put very little effort into dating me.

Now when I met Master it started OUT as a coffee date but he took me out to dinner after about 5 minutes of coffee because we had an immediate spark. He wined and dined me and showed that he was interested in more than just coffee.

It was one of the things I found different about him than all the rest....he romanced me that night.

And your Master got the girl when all the others went home empty handed. [:)]

Some of the millionaire guys are so clueless tho, today there was a millionaire junk pick-up guy that for a first date took the girl on a junk pick up call and had her help him load a whole garage of junk into the truck.... needless to say, even tho the girl was a good sport, he didnt get far. [:D]



littlewonder -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/12/2011 9:24:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I have to say I like her show. I think she's spot on on most of what she does and says and I think she may have a point about the coffee date. Almost every guy I have ever gone out with started out with a coffee date and not a single one was worth my time or effort and they put very little effort into dating me.

Now when I met Master it started OUT as a coffee date but he took me out to dinner after about 5 minutes of coffee because we had an immediate spark. He wined and dined me and showed that he was interested in more than just coffee.

It was one of the things I found different about him than all the rest....he romanced me that night.

And your Master got the girl when all the others went home empty handed. [:)]

Some of the millionaire guys are so clueless tho, today there was a millionaire junk pick-up guy that for a first date took the girl on a junk pick up call and had her help him load a whole garage of junk into the truck.... needless to say, even tho the girl was a good sport, he didnt get far. [:D]


I saw that one. Why he thought any woman would want to pick up junk, get all dirty and actually work on a date is beyond me. He was not a very smart man.

I've watched a lot of the episodes and I'm always amazed that it takes someone else to tell these men how to seduce a woman. Then again I've never understood how so many men don't understand the whole concept. I always wonder how they came to be the way they are.

We see the same thing every single day on here though as well..men who seem to be completely clueless on social graces, seduction of women, how to talk to a woman or get noticed, etc...




LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/12/2011 9:38:42 PM)

Perhaps the man who did that is looking for a particular kind of girl & that sort of date could be sort of finding out if this is the girl he might want to spend more time with.

I enjoy each person I date for just who they are. Some of them I don't like & some of them I end up loving. I do enjoy being romanced & courted. My beloved ex-husband took me to a very upscale Japanese place in Seattle for our first date. He was a country boy, but he really wanted to impress me. And he certainly did!! We've been in some sort of relationship or another for 37 years. And the thing was, I'd already decided that I wanted him, so the date was just icing on the cake.

On the other hand, I've been dating a man here for the last couple of months & while I enjoy his company, it's never going to go further than that for me. He's told me he'd like it to & I really have tried to see him in that light, but I just can't. So here's the conundrum: if I tell him flat out that this is all I want, the dates will most likely stop & I won't have someone who I enjoy in my life. If I continue to go out with him, I'm giving him encouragement that this will go further. I so hate doing "The Dance"!!!!



tj444 -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/13/2011 10:35:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis

Perhaps the man who did that is looking for a particular kind of girl & that sort of date could be sort of finding out if this is the girl he might want to spend more time with.

I enjoy each person I date for just who they are. Some of them I don't like & some of them I end up loving. I do enjoy being romanced & courted. My beloved ex-husband took me to a very upscale Japanese place in Seattle for our first date. He was a country boy, but he really wanted to impress me. And he certainly did!! We've been in some sort of relationship or another for 37 years. And the thing was, I'd already decided that I wanted him, so the date was just icing on the cake.

On the other hand, I've been dating a man here for the last couple of months & while I enjoy his company, it's never going to go further than that for me. He's told me he'd like it to & I really have tried to see him in that light, but I just can't. So here's the conundrum: if I tell him flat out that this is all I want, the dates will most likely stop & I won't have someone who I enjoy in my life. If I continue to go out with him, I'm giving him encouragement that this will go further. I so hate doing "The Dance"!!!!

Certainly that guy was looking for a girl that wasnt a gold digger (he even said so) but when a guy uses millionaire matchmaker well, gee, she already is gonna know he has bucks. Hard for anyone to pretend otherwise. That whole junk pick up thing was a test but the guy forgets that the female also has her variety of tests too, in that case the guy failed and his $$$ didnt make a difference (or not enough at any rate).

Yeah, that whole "dance" sucks, I used to try to be friends with a few coffee date guys that i thought was interesting but one or the other of us didnt see a love match. That never worked for me tho, the guys were so focused on finding the one and they had enough friends, i guess, so i gave up on the lets just be friends concept.



LafayetteLady -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/13/2011 4:10:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: blacksword404


quote:

ORIGINAL: tj444

So, I happened to watch Millionaire Matchmaker ( [8|] ) and she said that a girl should only give a guy a year before she gets a commitment from him (marriage or in my case living together). And she said the guy should know if he wants to buy her a ring/commit by 6 to 8 months...

So, the question is,.. when you first start "dating or seeing each other when you are looking for a relationship, how long do you give the guy? and if you are a guy, how long should it take for you to commit?




I'm not a great fan of Pattie Stanger (Millionaire Matchmaker), however, I think if you are looking for a committed relationship, the timeline is pretty accurate.

It isn't getting married within a year that she is advocating. It is being willing to make the committment within a year. I think that talking about the future (for people looking for a committment) within a year is a good thing. I also think that talking about it and actually doing it are different.

For those of us *older* folks, I don't think anything she says applies at all.

I've heard her show on xm before. A lot of the women on there have been engaged 7 or 8 times. I guess it could have been worse. Divorced 7 times. I don't see why the big rush. After 6 or 8 months you both still have your mask on. Pretending to be perfect instead of you true self. Wait two years and see if you want to get married then. If you're going to last forever, two years is nothing.

Infatuation is fast and regret is forever.




Edwynn -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/14/2011 3:16:07 AM)



One of the good things about forums is that avatars used by some eliminate me wasting even two seconds on the question, much less a year.





Kana -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/14/2011 6:56:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
He wined and dined me and showed that he was interested in more than just coffee.


Ahhhh, so he wanted the pooty too? :-)



littlewonder -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/14/2011 9:02:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
He wined and dined me and showed that he was interested in more than just coffee.


Ahhhh, so he wanted the pooty too? :-)



not that night. [8D]





juliaoceania -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/14/2011 9:53:34 AM)

In my limited experience this person is right, men who do not pop the question within 9 months will have to be pushed and prodded into doing so, and if you want to get married, waiting around for some guy to get serious about you is a big mistake. Why waste your youth and childbearing years on a commitment phobe?

Life is a lot easier when you listen to people's words and watch their actions. Men that are serious about marriage and kids, and want to have them with you will not need to be dragged kicking and screaming to the altar.



juliaoceania -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/14/2011 9:58:54 AM)

quote:

I don't think moving in or marrying really should be the goal, happiness should be.


While for me I agree, and I am not looking to get married necessarily, for younger people in the frame of mind of starting a family, they could miss their window for it by being with someone that never wanted to commit.

It all depends on where you are at in this life. I know more than a few women who lost their opportunity for having a child because they wasted a decade on a commitment phobe.... and by the time they realized it, they had trouble meeting someone who was single and wanted kids with them. Some things ARE on a timetable.... kids are one of those things.



LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/14/2011 10:07:36 AM)

My nephew's girlfriend took me out for dinner one night to pick my brain about how she could get my nephew to marry her. I was somewhat appalled & told her that I wouldn't feel comfortable condoning such a thing, because in my experience, those types of marriages can be very short-lived. Not long after that, they announced that they were engaged, they got married & she got pregnant even though Michael had always said that he didn't want children. He has some pretty severe medical issues that the Dr's believe are genetic & he didn't want to possibly pass that on to his child. They have a little girl now who is the highlight of their lives. She wants more children but he refuses, due to his fear of passing on genetic anomalies to a child.

I still wouldn't condone getting a guy to marry me, if that wasn't his desire. And if I was with someone like that & I wanted marriage & children, I'd have to take my chances elsewhere & leave the poor guy alone. Oh wait!! Maybe that's how she got him to marry her. The old marry me or I walk ploy. LOL Whatever, they are mostly happy & I would never presume to judge anyone else's path in life. I just want the people who I care about to be happy, whatever form that takes.



impishlilhellcat -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/14/2011 10:12:15 AM)

When I met my SO I was definitely not looking for a relationship much less marriage. He noticed me from the day I walked into the place we met. I was completely overwhelmed and didn't even remember meeting him. He said he was instantly attracted to me from the beginning. I thought he was kind of .... well a dick to be honest. I was interested in someone much older and who wasn't a very good fit for me at all. However, once we started spending time together and talking within a month I knew that I was going to marry him I was just waiting for him to broach the subject of us taking our relationship to the next level. Five months in he designed this gorgeous beautiful sapphire ring and asked me to marry him in front of his family at Christmas. Three months after that we were married.... Now had he waited to ask me a year or two down the road would I have still married him? The answer to that is yes. Yes, because it wasn't the idea of marriage or the paper that came with it that mattered. I knew how he felt about me and I had an explicit trust in him. I knew that he was made for me essentially my other half. He complimented me and I complimented him. We are a team and when we work together to diminish a problem we are highly effective. I'm high strung and easily agitated to his calm slow moving influence. I love everything about him even the things that drive me crazy or piss me off. Our relationship isn't perfect we argue, we fight, we disagree, and sometimes we even walk out the door. At the end of the day we always come home to each other and when it really matters and counts we are always by each others sides. In the end this is what mattered most to me... I think it depends on how you feel. How that person fits into your life and what you want from yours. Most importantly what kind of relationship do you want?



juliaoceania -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/14/2011 10:20:50 AM)

quote:

I still wouldn't condone getting a guy to marry me, if that wasn't his desire. And if I was with someone like that & I wanted marriage & children, I'd have to take my chances elsewhere & leave the poor guy alone. Oh wait!! Maybe that's how she got him to marry her. The old marry me or I walk ploy. LOL Whatever, they are mostly happy & I would never presume to judge anyone else's path in life. I just want the people who I care about to be happy, whatever form that takes.


If a guy is going to be dumb enough to fall for that ploy, he deserves it in my opinion. I am for honesty... if a woman wants to get married and have kids she should discuss this sooner rather than later. In other words, after dating for a few months she should let a man know her goal is marriage and kids. If a man knows this and sucks up her time knowing she wants marriage and kids and he doesn't, that is completely unfair... let the person go if you do not share the same life goals.

I do not see leaving as a "threat", I see it as pursuing life goals and knowing what you want.



LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/14/2011 11:10:15 AM)

Yeah, it's nothing that I would ever do in my own life. If I can't deal with the relationship the way it is, I will move on. I don't do ultimatums in my life. And who knows?? Maybe the thought of losing her actually got my nephew to realize how badly he didn't want to lose her. Whatever the case is, they seem to be pretty happy & I adore my great-niece, Princess Gigglepuss!!



NuevaVida -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/14/2011 7:58:09 PM)

~ Fast Reply ~

I'm not interested in a timeline.  I'm interested in slowly moving forward and being sure we're good for each other.  I didn't know enough about him in the first year to decide that.  I love him dearly, but love alone doesn't fix the issues that can arise between two people, and what if kids or elderly parents are involved, or a distance in proximity before a move takes place?

I'm not in a hurry.  My priority is thriving in a relationship and feeding it to be as healthy as possible - not "Let me see how soon I can get a ring and if it doesn't happen right away I'm gone."  I'm 45 years old, went through a horrible marriage and divorce, and I'm not about to dive in under someone's roof without my eyes wide open.  I fell in love with him fairly quickly (by my standards) and it's been growing ever since, but I'm the one that took awhile to even commit to the relationship.  Marriage?  No, not right now.  Moving in?  We've decided we're going to, but there are things to work through before I'll pack up my life to move out of town.

I just don't understand what the hurry is, or why a timeline is a priority, over laying down a solid foundation both can be completely confident in.



LafayetteLady -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/14/2011 8:36:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis

My nephew's girlfriend took me out for dinner one night to pick my brain about how she could get my nephew to marry her. I was somewhat appalled & told her that I wouldn't feel comfortable condoning such a thing, because in my experience, those types of marriages can be very short-lived. Not long after that, they announced that they were engaged, they got married & she got pregnant even though Michael had always said that he didn't want children. He has some pretty severe medical issues that the Dr's believe are genetic & he didn't want to possibly pass that on to his child. They have a little girl now who is the highlight of their lives. She wants more children but he refuses, due to his fear of passing on genetic anomalies to a child.

I still wouldn't condone getting a guy to marry me, if that wasn't his desire. And if I was with someone like that & I wanted marriage & children, I'd have to take my chances elsewhere & leave the poor guy alone. Oh wait!! Maybe that's how she got him to marry her. The old marry me or I walk ploy. LOL Whatever, they are mostly happy & I would never presume to judge anyone else's path in life. I just want the people who I care about to be happy, whatever form that takes.



I THINK that was supposed to be a happy story, right? Anyway, I understand your nephew's reluctance and worries, but adoption and fostering a child are a great way to have more children without the worry of him passing a genetic problem down to them. Just a thought. Glad it had a happen ending.



LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: A girl should only give a guy a year... (7/14/2011 9:13:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady


quote:

ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis

My nephew's girlfriend took me out for dinner one night to pick my brain about how she could get my nephew to marry her. I was somewhat appalled & told her that I wouldn't feel comfortable condoning such a thing, because in my experience, those types of marriages can be very short-lived. Not long after that, they announced that they were engaged, they got married & she got pregnant even though Michael had always said that he didn't want children. He has some pretty severe medical issues that the Dr's believe are genetic & he didn't want to possibly pass that on to his child. They have a little girl now who is the highlight of their lives. She wants more children but he refuses, due to his fear of passing on genetic anomalies to a child.

I still wouldn't condone getting a guy to marry me, if that wasn't his desire. And if I was with someone like that & I wanted marriage & children, I'd have to take my chances elsewhere & leave the poor guy alone. Oh wait!! Maybe that's how she got him to marry her. The old marry me or I walk ploy. LOL Whatever, they are mostly happy & I would never presume to judge anyone else's path in life. I just want the people who I care about to be happy, whatever form that takes.



I THINK that was supposed to be a happy story, right? Anyway, I understand your nephew's reluctance and worries, but adoption and fostering a child are a great way to have more children without the worry of him passing a genetic problem down to them. Just a thought. Glad it had a happen ending.


I have no idea whether they've thought about or talked about adoption or fostering; but they have pretty high IQ's so I'm sure they're aware of those options. I'm one of those silly aunts who just lets their nieces & nephews go willy nilly on their own paths in life. Should they choose to discuss something with me, I'm sure that they would do that. I don't see the big deal about making one's own babies, but I gave birth to 2 of them with no problems, so I haven't ever walked in those shoes. I'll let someone who wanted children & was unable to give birth to their own address that.



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