Question regarding intuition and personal safety (Full Version)

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Anemone3 -> Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/17/2006 8:27:10 AM)

Hi, I am a domme with some experience.  I put an ad on here hoping to meet a submissive, and I started having conversations with this person.  I have had one face-to-face meeting with this person and several conversations.  I also ran a background check on him, and it appears to be clean.  My intuition about him is mixed--he seems very polished and has answers for everything I ask about.  He is vague about some questions I have asked him.  I have decided to back off and try to learn more about him, but I keep getting these little prickles of uneasiness about how he responds.  Any advise about this situation?  All comments will be appreciated.



LadyMorgynn -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/17/2006 8:30:19 AM)

Yeah.  Listen to the "little voice" that is urging caution.  I've never ignored it and not been very, very sorry.



NINASHARP -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/17/2006 8:35:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anemone3

Hi, I am a domme with some experience.  I put an ad on here hoping to meet a submissive, and I started having conversations with this person.  I have had one face-to-face meeting with this person and several conversations.  I also ran a background check on him, and it appears to be clean.  My intuition about him is mixed--he seems very polished and has answers for everything I ask about.  He is vague about some questions I have asked him.  I have decided to back off and try to learn more about him, but I keep getting these little prickles of uneasiness about how he responds.  Any advise about this situation?  All comments will be appreciated.



Without the specifics of what you feel uneasy about, you might ask him as if you already know a little more than he is telling you, and just point blank say, is there anything you aren't telling me, that you think I should know.

I want to say go with your gut instinct but if you do and you are wrong you might miss out on a blessed opportunity of his servitude to you . Take it slow. You could be wrong about your intutions, associating him with past problems and behaviors of others, but I like the saying if it is sounds too good to be true, than it probably is.



crouchingtigress -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/17/2006 8:37:08 AM)

Wow any chance you could be more specific about what you asked and how he responded?
 
If not, I can offer you my first reaction, trust your gut, but just back off a little dont throw the baby out with the bath water....yet.
 
Because you are the Mistress you dont have to take vagueness for an answer.
 
I think its is a good idea that you are backing down, esp if you are getting prickles, our body's are incredible barometers of energy I get goose bumps when hearing truth, tummy sick when hearing a lie, and prickles mean that there is something to pay attention to...

A line from shakespere..."I can tell by the prickling of my thumbs , something wicked this way comes"




MistressLorelei -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/17/2006 8:46:28 AM)

I believe that women are equipped with a sort of  sensory warning system.  I have ignored warnings in the past and regretted it.  If I am feeling it, I am feeling it for a reason.

Perhaps there is just something he is nervous, scared or shy about that is no big deal...and if you tell him your concerns, he may open up a bit more and relieve the uneasiness you are experiencing.  If you are backing off anyway... then what have you got to lose.



Anemone3 -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/17/2006 8:48:29 AM)

More information about this situation.  I am feeling nervous because I asked this person about where he works-and he indicated he has a security clearance and works for a military contractor.  He is also said that a former fiance wanted to have him killed, and that was why he has never been married. He also mentioned have money and wanting to provide gifts.  I advertised for a long-term relationship, and am looking for a one-on-one submissive who is more of a life partner.  I do not want to provide more detail as this person may be very sincere and simply overwhelmed with meeting a dominant female, and may be exaggerating to impress.  I have had previous relationships, and never met anyone quite like this.  My intuition just says slow down.  Thanks.



thetammyjo -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/17/2006 9:10:32 AM)

Listen to your intuition indeed but also I'd suggest getting a second or third opinion.

Are you out to some friends or do you have another partner? If so, have him meet all of you for some mundane fun -- restaurant, ballgame, something like that. They'll be able to help feel him out.

I know that lots of folks just want it to be SM or Ds but I think even 24/7 Ds involves the full person and that you might be able to get to via more vanilla interactions.



Lashra -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/17/2006 12:31:34 PM)

Ive found that little voice inside your head is usually always right. I'd take my time and get to know this fellow in fact you may wish to ask for references from his previous Mistress. You can never be too trusting when your dealing with your own safety.

~Lashra



skinnykitten -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/17/2006 8:22:16 PM)

Anemone3, apologies as I am not a Mistress, but I just had to respond to your post. 

I am not a scaremonger by any means, but I believe we have these intuitive warning systems for a reason.  However, as NINA said, you do need to work out if you are simply projecting past experiences and concerns onto him.  If you find that is the case, then others have given great advice re. backing off a bit and taking it slow etc. 

I think it's important, though, not to 'talk yourself out of' the impression you have of him.  Intuition works on a supra-conscious level; it's a mistake to try and rationalise it away on a conscious level, although this is easy to do and is often our first inclination (I'm just being over-cautious, It's probably nothing, I'm over-analysing etc). 

I know that the few times I have felt that niggling feeling and ignored it or rationalised my way out of it, I have been very sorry.  It took a few instances of second-guessing myself and ultimately paying for that, for me to start to completely trust both my instincts and my physical reactions to things...  I haven't regretted it  : )



LadyHugs -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/17/2006 8:41:14 PM)

Dear Anemone3, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Follow your instincts--if you are uneasy, that is your instincts to warn you off of an individual.  If they are vague--sure isn't up front honest.
 
Instincts have been with us since God created us.  It is flight or fight.  Right now you're wary and be ready to flee.
 
Anybody who hedges my questions, I start making distance my cushion.
 
Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs



MissDiandSirHugh -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/17/2006 10:53:25 PM)

I ( Miss Diane ) say to folow your feelings and ease off.
When I read that you said his former wnated to have him killed whats to say she still doesnt or why did she wish this anyway and that alone would make me find reverse very fast for my own safty and protection.
I wish you well in what ever you decide Anemone3.



MsMacComb -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/17/2006 11:29:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anemone3

Hi, I am a domme with some experience.  I put an ad on here hoping to meet a submissive, and I started having conversations with this person.  I have had one face-to-face meeting with this person and several conversations.  I also ran a background check on him, and it appears to be clean.  My intuition about him is mixed--he seems very polished and has answers for everything I ask about.  He is vague about some questions I have asked him.  I have decided to back off and try to learn more about him, but I keep getting these little prickles of uneasiness about how he responds.  Any advise about this situation?  All comments will be appreciated.
 

Tell him its been real and disappear. Life is to short and subs are to be had everywhere to run any sort of risk or discomfort on your part. Honesty is of paramount importance and if he isn't doing so, there's a reason.



MichMasochist -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/18/2006 4:04:19 PM)

I say trust your instincts.  We all have them, guys too.  Just some of us are far more alert to this primal warning system than others.  So if you think there is something wrong, run girl, run.  It's far better to be alive and healthy and wondering if you made the right choice than to not be able to wonder at all.

The identity may not even be his.  When I was a teenager I bought myself a fake I.D. from a paper hanger, complete with birth certificate and social security number and instructions on how to get a state issued drivers license in the purchased I.D.  And all I wanted to do was buy beer.  Just think what someone with a brain and a computer could do now.




yourMissTress -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/18/2006 4:13:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anemone3

Hi, I am a domme with some experience.  I put an ad on here hoping to meet a submissive, and I started having conversations with this person.  I have had one face-to-face meeting with this person and several conversations.  I also ran a background check on him, and it appears to be clean.  My intuition about him is mixed--he seems very polished and has answers for everything I ask about.  He is vague about some questions I have asked him.  I have decided to back off and try to learn more about him, but I keep getting these little prickles of uneasiness about how he responds.  Any advise about this situation?  All comments will be appreciated.



I'm with the rest of the crowd on this one.  Trust your instincts.  If he's worth having he will be fine with taking it more slowly and waiting until you are comfortable.



MistressSassy66 -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/18/2006 7:13:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Anemone3

Hi, I am a domme with some experience.  I put an ad on here hoping to meet a submissive, and I started having conversations with this person.  I have had one face-to-face meeting with this person and several conversations.  I also ran a background check on him, and it appears to be clean.  My intuition about him is mixed--he seems very polished and has answers for everything I ask about.  He is vague about some questions I have asked him.  I have decided to back off and try to learn more about him, but I keep getting these little prickles of uneasiness about how he responds.  Any advise about this situation?  All comments will be appreciated.



My advice...Please,please,please...LISTEN to those prickles.
Your gut will not steer You wrong.
Way better to back off now than wait and find out later the prickles turned into a giant prick.



Anemone3 -> RE: Question regarding intuition and personal safety (5/29/2006 10:18:40 AM)

I want to thank all of the members of this website community who responded to my concerns regarding intuition and safety.   I was able to confirm identity about the person I have been meeting, and to talk with him at length.  I also have positive proof of identity, marital status, address, and other information from an extensive background check and information he voluntarily provided. We have spent some real time doing ordinary things, and he went with me to a local munch and met community members.   We also had dinner and did a limited scene with prior negotiation, use of safe words, and tried a few toys.  I also had a safe call in place.  I did not exhibit good self-control, however, because I was very attracted to him, and I required him to provide intimate services, which he seemed to enjoy and which I really enjoyed.

I have realized that I had really wanted to meet a wonderful submissive, but this was not exactly what I expected to happen.  I have not been in any relationship for the past 2 ½ years due to total commitment to finishing a difficult course of study in college.

I learned that this person also had a dominant profile on this site as well as a submissive one.  I am also confused as to what his role is, and whether he is really interested in submission.  He has limited experience, and maybe he is not sure of his own true interests.  What I finally decided to do was to try to introduce him to some local BDSM members in a group who might be able to provide a mentor for him or other role models/guidance.

When I started this effort a few weeks ago, I was just trying to meet a nice submissive man for a long-term relationship who is available in real time.  What I did not plan to have happen was for me to become infatuated very rapidly with this submissive, and for me to feel some confusion in my role with him as a dominant   Some group members at the munch discussed this, and the consensus was that people may have different feelings as different times with different partners, depending on the person, chemistry, and many other factors. I feel that I am allowing my feelings of lust and attraction get in the way of being an effective dominant with him. 

My question is now, and I am not sure this should be a new thread, but:


How does an effective Domme manage feelings of sexual attraction and infatuation with a submissive?


Can a Domme train or discipline a submissive who is not completely sure their own role and feelings?

I think I know the answer, which is to back off and allow my hormones to calm down. I have had this kind of intense effect only a few times in my life, and it was when I was a teenager.  I am a mature woman, and this is very confusing! 

Any feedback is appreciated!  Thank you.

Ms. Anemone



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