even more "jaded" (Full Version)

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aliljaded1 -> even more "jaded" (10/14/2004 7:48:31 AM)

i'd like to start off saying that not all online meetings turn out this way . i've made some very good real friends in my time playing online. last friday trying to keep an open mind about meeting people i agreed to meet a "man" for dinner it went well we talked about politics , kids , work and our general opinion of meeting people we've met online. he went on to tell about the "phychos" he'd met and i told him aout some of the people ive had the pleasure to meet .dinner ended and he drove me home , but not before stopping by the inlet to kiss me goodnight. it was an alright kiss, it was nothing to write home about .
the next morning he im'd me to see if we could get together again , i was a little hesitant but agreed . we were going to dinner again. on the way he told me he need to "stop in to his grandmothers place to close some windows. i said ok and we went there . it was a nice place , but i was getting antsy so i said i was going to have a cig outside and wait for you . a few minutes later he asked me to come in ,i did. i sat on the sofa waiting for him to finish . i had my head in a book and when he walked back into the room i was looking down and didnt realize that he'd gotton naked and was standing in front of me nekked. i was speechless. i was embarassed for him. i was stunned. i said ' listen im not having sex w/you get youre clothes and and take me home. i think i said please too.
the thing was that although id been on dates and been w/ Dominant Men. although i'd been in compromising situations before .... this time i was scared. i told him that when i was outside my sister had called and told me my oldest son got hurt at football practice. i told him i needed to go now .he reluctanly agreed and went on to gather up his stuff while slamming his 4th full (plastic red keg ) cup of wine.
the plastics cups were a sign to me. a sign of what was to come if i persued this . it would never get any better then plastic cups. it took no thought . it told me that what he said he was about "romance and selfcontrol"( it was his header on match.com) was in fact a crock of shit. while i sat in the car waitng for him to take me home he open the drivers door and proceeded to pee in front of me for the 5th time that night .. never once closing the bathroom door even after i he saw me wince.
on the way home ( a ten minute ride) he began to cry and weep , telling me i didnt understand him and he had tried to hard to make it "perfect". i waited til he dropped me off at a friends house to say " if thats your best , your best sucks ". it felt goood to be honest. i since deleted him and put him on iggy.
the moral to this story is ... i looked for a "normal" guy and thought i met him , but Jekyl turned into Mr. Hyde damn quick and im gald for it .. i wouldnt have wanted to wait six months to meet Hyde.

[image]local://upfiles/34231/61CBC8B07F894C359E97210EC9434349.jpg[/image]



theroebabe -> RE: even more "jaded" (10/14/2004 9:19:55 AM)

I am sorry you went thru this but as you said better now than later.

Sigh it is hard to find someone and to find the right one is even harder. But try and not be too down about it, we have to go thru the ones that arent good to find and know what is good so we can hold onto it even tighter! Good luck!



LadyAngelika -> RE: even more "jaded" (10/14/2004 9:54:25 AM)

What you went through is awful. There is no doubt about that. Whether you are submissive or Dominant, we women brave enough to be out there meeting men via this medium are brave. Yes there are a few predator women out there too, so in essence, we are all at risk.

I’ve unfortunately let a nut job or two get past my radar and found myself in uncompromising situations. I’ve had more then one man try and turn the tables on me. I know that scared, almost panicky feeling you felt when he crossed your limits in the living room. Your reaction was fantastic though. You did what you had to in order to get out of the situation you were in. You have to be firm with them and let them know there are no negotiations to be had.

If anything good comes out of this, it is the lesson we learn from these experiences. The last thing I want to do is come off as preachy. I do however want to remind you that when you feel ready to analyse the situation, assess it to see what you will change for the next time. Would you have gotten back in the car with him and let him drive you home? You are lucky he didn’t try anything again there.

You can chose to be *aliljaded1* or you can chose to be *alilhopeful1*. If you project a jaded image, you will keep attracting predators. If you project a hopeful image, the sky is the limit!

Take care of yourself and heal well.

- LA



BigBadVoodooDadd -> RE: even more "jaded" (10/14/2004 11:14:32 AM)

That "man" is a sad and pathetic excuse of a lifeform.

The best way to actually meet people in your community. There munches all over the place in NYC. If you go to the East Coast Room on alt.com you will meet some cool people that will help you out with getting into the local community. At munches all people do is get together, talk about BS and eat food. It is like kinksters of the world unite type of a deal.

Anyways, sorry that you went through that experience but life is a series of learning curves, you just went over the hump on one of them.

Take care!

BBVD



Mercnbeth -> RE: even more "jaded" (10/14/2004 1:48:00 PM)

jaded,
Man O Man, after reading that story I think all these meet on-line sites should be banned, and we should go back to the good old pre-internet days where you met lifestyle people....ummm where is it that we DID meet people?

I've said to people that you meet the same percentage of assholes seeking a vanilla relationship as you do in seeking a D/s relationship, but stories like yours make me wonder. It seems that seeking D/s is perceived by some as a license to let your asshole personality blossom out there for all to see.

In all the definitions that I've seen Asshole is never one of the acceptable definitions for a Dom, Domme, and especially for Master. I am not going to apologize on behalf of other Doms or Masters because this person was NOT one of us. Most are and possess MORE 'gentlemanly' traits than vanillas. Most have as much self discipline as the discipline they want to impart on you. But I guess until you meet such a person I don't blame you for doubting.

But on another note, you have given me a few more 'tells' to give a submissive to watch for when meeting a person in real time. Up until you actually have started a relationship and established some level of trust, I suggest you...

...Leave after the FIRST red keg cup of wine - not the fourth.
...Leave when plastic red keg cups are offered.
...Leave the first time he pees in front of you - not the fifth.
...Tell him that if he has to go to his "grandmother's" maybe he doesn't actually have the time to be with you and re-schedule the meeting.

I hope someday you will try again. I hope someday this will be a story to tell your Dom/Master as you lay comforted in his arms. I hope that your jadedness is not permanent.

Merc



INSIDEYOURMIND -> RE: even more "jaded" (10/14/2004 2:13:51 PM)

I was also "jaded", between guys posing as men, and women not exactly telling the truth, I was ready to say to hell with it, and give up for a bit, I took one last chance, and this one is a keeper!
My suggestion to you, be cautious, but don't give up, there's gold in them there hills!



perverseangelic -> RE: even more "jaded" (10/14/2004 2:24:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

jaded,
Man O Man, after reading that story I think all these meet on-line sites should be banned, and we should go back to the good old pre-internet days where you met lifestyle people....ummm where is it that we DID meet people?
Merc


While I see the dangers of the internet, I think that would be going to far, even in jest. The world of the net has opened so many more options for many of us.

I have social anxiety disorder. I find it almost impossible to go into a new situation where there will be groups of people. So I would never have been able to brave a munch/local meeting baring...well...exceptional circumstances.

The net has allowed me to become part of a community of those who also do what I do. I can meet one or two people with whom I have already established a raport.

I think, though, my perceptions are tainted in that I don't seek to find a primary partner through the net. I was lucky enough to meet mine in a completely vanilla setting. If I -were- looking, I might have a different outlook.

Still, to imply that the net has somehow cheapned BDSM as a culture/group/movement/wahtever is doing a disservice to those of us who have been able to more truly express ourselves through this medium.



Mercnbeth -> RE: even more "jaded" (10/14/2004 2:47:29 PM)

perverse angel,
I agree, I had hoped that the sarcasm showed better the frustration I was feeling. beth and I met from an on-line ad so cursing it would be cursing our current happiness. The dark, dank, smoky S/m clubs of NYC are only fondly remembered in sepia tinged mental images. It's much better and easier to meet with the internet as a tool.

But with every convenience comes a sacrifice. For the convenience of a cell phone we sacrifice our privacy. For the convenience of micro waved popcorn, we don't have the experience of popping it in a fire place; burned kernels and all! And for the convenience of the internet - EVERYONE believes that all it takes to be a dom is to post an ad declaring you are.



Kinkypupper -> RE: even more "jaded" (10/14/2004 2:48:37 PM)

I have heard horror storys but "sigh" people like that ( i use the word people loosely in his case) Just makes it that much more difficult for the rest of us.
Try to keep in mind that there are also a lot of GOOD storys out here as well.
And that altho the internet and "dating" does have problems its a LOT safer then a blind date or going to some bar. In the past the ONLY way one would meet a "like minded" person is by the intro from a third party or just stumbling across them in daily life. The odds there are a LOT worse.
Its storys like that tht need to be told tho and not kept quiet even tho it makes it harder for others to 'trust" its better to mention it then to keep it quiet. and I am sure you are thankful that it did not turn out worse then it did.



perverseangelic -> RE: even more "jaded" (10/14/2004 3:21:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

perverse angel,
I agree, I had hoped that the sarcasm showed better the frustration I was feeling.


Yeah, the spoken word isn't so great about communicating sarcasm. Sorry for the misread. Obviously, it's a sore spot with me :)

quote:


And for the convenience of the internet - EVERYONE believes that all it takes to be a dom is to post an ad declaring you are.


Point well taken. And agreed with.



happypervert -> RE: even more "jaded" (10/14/2004 4:30:15 PM)

quote:

he went on to tell about the "phychos" he'd met

Don't you hope he tells his next date all about you? Picture it: "I couldn't believe the last psycho I met. I tricked her into into going to my grandmother's place, drank 4 plastic mugs of wine, charmed her by peeing with the door open so she could watch, surprised her by getting naked, and then the bitch said she had to go. Can you believe that?"



aliljaded1 -> RE: even more "jaded" (10/15/2004 5:42:12 AM)

Thanks to E/everyone that took the time to comment . i do believe there are Great P/people out there. im just chalking this one up as a learning experience . Ohh and "happy perv" made me roll. im thinking ill be the uptight one he tells them about .. hehe


warmest regards, jade



subbiejenn -> RE: even more "jaded" (10/15/2004 7:31:40 AM)

Good attitude aliljaded1 !

Not much you can do after the fact except learn from it. Always be careful and don't trust anyone fully. I wish you well and sorry you had to go thru this.

And Happy Perv is hilarious all the time *smiles* He is just so cute!



topcat -> RE: even more "jaded" (10/16/2004 9:08:24 AM)

Midear Ali-

Well- that blows. I am glad you are out of it safe and well, and please- don't get too jaded <s>.

Stay warm,
Lawrence



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