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Re: Collectors - 5/17/2006 11:08:25 AM

sweetNsanity

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline

i have learned to be cautious and guard my heart/soul in my quest for a Dominant ... i have had real time experience and sincerely believe in knowing the "man" before i get to know the "Dominant" ... i'm not here to play games ... so ... my question is an honest one

i have had the experience of men who do not tell me that they are married (i know this is a regular occurence for many) ... but who do not seem to be honestly SEEKING a submissive ... they seem to collect MANY submissives ... people whom they chat with INTENSELY at first ... then sort of "fade away" after a few weeks or months ... they eventually claim to be "trapped" in an unsatisfactory marriage ... some hold very responsible positions (which i know to be true) ... have concerns about being "caught" by their employer and spouse ... yet cannot seem to give up this behavior ... it is like a compulsion ... their spouse seems to be the "dominant" one in the marriage ... they tend to suffer from what i can only describe as "low self~esteem" ... they don't sincerely assert their dominance ... more often, they may make polite requests ... they contend that they want to "meet" ... yet something generally comes up that doesn't allow them to do so ...

i am a compassionate person ... i feel for these men ... but i don't understand the behavior ... frankly, if they are concerned about being "caught", they behave in rather ... well ... "stupid" ways ... especially in their disclosure of certain information to women that they REALLY don't know ... women who (if "unbalanced") could do serious harm to their personal lives ... and i have concern for them

has anybody else experienced this?

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RE: Re: Collectors - 5/17/2006 11:11:44 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetNsanity
has anybody else experienced this?

Sure, doms and subs do this all the time. It's a great ego boost. But one can only maintain so much insecurity and drama for so long. Eventually the system breaks down and falls apart.

And then the cycle begins again.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sweetNsanity)

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RE: Re: Collectors - 5/17/2006 11:18:09 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

You make it sound like it happens to you all of the time, perhaps you should look within yourself, instead of looking at the men who are doing it to you? Most submissives can see the red flags long before becoming involved and feeling duped. A good rule of thumb is this, if you can't call them at any time (within reason of course), they are probably hiding something.
Now, dust of your britches and get back on that horse....more carefully this time!

Kevin

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Re: Collectors - 5/17/2006 11:22:08 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I have no clue about the men and can only speak for myself. I have off and on had correspondense with several sub/slave women here on collarme. I am completely honest about the fact that I am currently married, I believe it is in my profile even. I do not consider the fact that I comunicate with several women as a problem for the following reasons. The big one is that I do not believe in cyber relationships other than friendship.I do NOT cyberplay! I find typing sex or BDSM acts just plain rediculous. Only one of these women have I spoke with on the phone and I know where her life is headed and it probably would never be anything other than a long distance friendship because of that. The others I would hope know from reading my profile that for the relationship to progress it will take phone time, and real face time. None of which they seem to be in a hurry to do. Therefor, until I meet someone either thru here (doubtful but who knows) or walking down the street I will continue to be open to new possibilities while maintaining the friendships I have found.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Re: Collectors - 5/17/2006 1:07:00 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

You make it sound like it happens to you all of the time, perhaps you should look within yourself, instead of looking at the men who are doing it to you? Most submissives can see the red flags long before becoming involved and feeling duped. A good rule of thumb is this, if you can't call them at any time (within reason of course), they are probably hiding something.
Now, dust of your britches and get back on that horse....more carefully this time!

Kevin

Great advice!

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Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to fastlane)

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RE: Re: Collectors - 5/17/2006 1:47:00 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear sweetNsanity, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I think "collectors" are gender neutral. I have seen men and women who are dominant who just collect and gather and control submissives/slaves and really don't go anywhere with them.

Sometimes, the collecting is due to popularity, being known and want to be seen with them. Sometimes the collector feels they won't be accepted by the community/lifestyle unless they have at least two or more slaves to claim, even if they may be long distance and scattered about.

Those who don't disclose their marriage, engagement and or girlfriend/boyfriend status to those in contact; should be dismissed immediately regardless of the circumstances. It isn't fair to string people along.

That said, being in the metropolitan area of Washington, DC; we do host many diplomats, judges, politicals, military, government individuals, who really cannot afford being exposed. Other than New York, Washington, DC share with NY a high charged and high profile location. So, here-- the job is a great concern so a good many are discreet and only stay private and away from gatherings, such as Master-slave conferences, Mid-Atlantic Leather events, etc. So, I believe tolerance for such individuals to be careful not to be seen is understood.

I personally disclose my current situation, as being a care giver. It is a fact and an obligation. Although it is not a 'marriage,' I have my hands full. People my age are also becoming care givers as well, so they share the same situations of being in that space between duty to blood and fully enjoying the lifestyle with the limits imposed.

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to sweetNsanity)

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RE: Re: Collectors - 5/17/2006 2:37:53 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetNsanity

i have learned to be cautious and guard my heart/soul in my quest for a Dominant ... i have had real time experience and sincerely believe in knowing the "man" before i get to know the "Dominant" ... i'm not here to play games ... so ... my question is an honest one

i am a compassionate person ... i feel for these men ... but i don't understand the behavior ...

Wish i could give you a hug right now. You are cautious and guarded because your compassionate nature has led you to being hurt...Am I right or wrong? If right...feel for them, you will, but also feel for you.

Life is too darn complicated. Find someone who doesn't lie.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to sweetNsanity)

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