how can you tell what a man feels

how can you tell what a man feels (Full Version)

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defiantbadgirl -> how can you tell what a man feels (5/17/2006 12:37:34 PM)
I'm really confused. This guy I've been seeing has repeatedly told me the feelings just aren't there for him, but we have continued to see each other. Finally, I hinted around at ending things and told him I thought the whole thing was just a game to him and I knew he didn't care about me. He was very hurt and upset. His response was something like "I can't believe you think that about me. You think I have continued to see you for 5 months because I don't want to be with you?" I tried being evasive to him once and he insisted on coming over right away. The last time I went to his house, I left before he was ready for me to and when I got home, he messaged me saying he couldn't sleep and said he wanted me to know he enjoyed having me over. It seemed like he was looking for reassurance. Is this the behavior of a guy that doesn't care, is he just saying he doesn't care because he's afraid of getting hurt, or does he have feelings for me and is trying to fight them? I know he's not using me for sex because we've never had sex. Do men ever tell women they don't have feelings when they really do?

kittensmailbox -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/17/2006 12:41:48 PM)
i know this is not BDSM related, however the book, Men are from Mars... Women are Venus, is really one hell of book to better understand the opposite sex...

defiantbadgirl -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/17/2006 12:52:57 PM)
Actually, it is bdsm related. We're both switches.

bklynbbw -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/17/2006 12:55:51 PM)
she meant the book wasnt BDSM related...<smile> and it is a great book.....

Najakcharmer -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/17/2006 1:08:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kittensmailbox i know this is not BDSM related, however the book, Men are from Mars... Women are Venus, is really one hell of book to better understand the opposite sex... I'll second that recommendation. Excellent book.

Sensualips -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/17/2006 1:41:00 PM)
quote: Do men ever tell women they don't have feelings when they really do? Yes. And sometimes they say they have feelings when they don't. And sometimes they don't really know what their feelings are and so they can't express them. Just like women.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/17/2006 1:45:03 PM)
Wait, is this the same guy who doesn't want to have sex until marriage and you were going to play those "chase me" games with to get him more interested in you?

defiantbadgirl -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/17/2006 3:00:42 PM)
Yes, it is the same guy. I played hard to get and his reactions seemed to show he cares, but he likes to say he doesn't for some reason. The other night when he said the feelings just weren't there for him, I finally had enough and hinted around at ending things. I was tired of him saying one thing and his actions saying something else. I actually told him I thought he liked playing games with me to feed his ego and then I said congratulations, you won. He sure did get upset.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/17/2006 4:45:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Yes, it is the same guy. I played hard to get and his reactions seemed to show he cares, but he likes to say he doesn't for some reason. The other night when he said the feelings just weren't there for him, I finally had enough and hinted around at ending things. I was tired of him saying one thing and his actions saying something else. I actually told him I thought he liked playing games with me to feed his ego and then I said congratulations, you won. He sure did get upset. So you played manipulation games, weren't fully open and honest with him, and now you're tired of him seeming to play games and not being fully open and honest with you? If you have to play games to get something started, don't be surprised when the other person keeps playing games as things go along. You should have kept it open and fully honest and just allowed things to go as they would normally to start with. Now you've just got frustrated drama. I say let eachother go and for you to take some time to grow a few more relationship skills. Then go and find someone who really fits you and be open and fully honest with them from the get go.

Dustyn -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/17/2006 5:16:47 PM)
Demmit, Lucky beat me to the punch on this one. chuckling softly - Dustyn

Evanesce -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/17/2006 7:50:48 PM)
quote: Do men ever tell women they don't have feelings when they really do? In a word... Yes. Case in point: my Master, who told me many, many times He did not love me, when His actions said the direct opposite. When words and actions are in opposition, believe the actions. I'm wondering how long it's been since he said he had no feelings for you, and your hinting about ending the relationship. Could be he's had a change of heart. Only he knows for sure.

ArchangelMichael -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/18/2006 12:39:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Evanesce quote: Do men ever tell women they don't have feelings when they really do? In a word... Yes. Case in point: my Master, who told me many, many times He did not love me, when His actions said the direct opposite. When words and actions are in opposition, believe the actions. I'm wondering how long it's been since he said he had no feelings for you, and your hinting about ending the relationship. Could be he's had a change of heart. Only he knows for sure. I disagree because sometimes you can take certain actions as more they are. In my experience, there was a situation a while back where I became best friends with a young girl (18 years old when I met her) in the lifestyle. She was very flirtatious and came on pretty strong to me, but she played that whole "pull you in, push you away" game with me. Her words said, "No, I don't want to date you or be in a D/s relationship with you" but her actions seemed to say otherwise. It seems like it was a combination between me reading too much into her actions and her flirting with me just to get attention. She would constantly say, "You know I love you" and when I'd back off and not talk to her for a while, I'd get phone calls from her saying, "I miss you!" Then things went bad when I expressed interest in really having a D/s relationship. She basically told me to shove it and our friendship went down the tubes. Furthermore, she went around telling everyone I was stalking her when all I wanted to do was talk to her and try to mend our broken friendship. So here was a case where I simply should have trusted her words when she told me she did not want any kind of relationship with me. I never would have pressed her had her actions not seemed to prove otherwise. So I absolutely hate "chase me" games because I often just don't know how to handle them. If a woman likes me, she should just tell me straight up that she likes me and her actions should be consistent with her words. I'm a very honest, open, and straightforward kind of guy. I really want a woman who is that way with me as well.

Lashra -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/18/2006 1:16:53 PM)
Well you know I've heard a few Doms/Masters say they can't love their sub/slave because it takes away from the D/s part of the relationship. They want their relationship to be business only and reserve their heart from someone else. It sounds odd but in some cases its true. I personally love my sub [:)] ~Lashra

Dustyn -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/18/2006 9:27:49 PM)
quote: Then things went bad when I expressed interest in really having a D/s relationship. She basically told me to shove it and our friendship went down the tubes. Furthermore, she went around telling everyone I was stalking her when all I wanted to do was talk to her and try to mend our broken friendship. So here was a case where I simply should have trusted her words when she told me she did not want any kind of relationship with me. I never would have pressed her had her actions not seemed to prove otherwise. Been there, done that... have a nice t-shirt as a reminder... chuckling There are definately times that I agree with my mother, bitch that she is... "You sure do have a knack for finding the least stable ones to date." Granted, she said this to me in the hospital shortly after I had one of my combat blades taken out of my side. I might add it was put there by a girl who went into a psyche ward about a month later... Some times, mom DOES know best... LOL - Dustyn

Level -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/20/2006 10:48:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Yes, it is the same guy. I played hard to get and his reactions seemed to show he cares, but he likes to say he doesn't for some reason. The other night when he said the feelings just weren't there for him, I finally had enough and hinted around at ending things. I was tired of him saying one thing and his actions saying something else. I actually told him I thought he liked playing games with me to feed his ego and then I said congratulations, you won. He sure did get upset. So you played manipulation games, weren't fully open and honest with him, and now you're tired of him seeming to play games and not being fully open and honest with you? If you have to play games to get something started, don't be surprised when the other person keeps playing games as things go along. You should have kept it open and fully honest and just allowed things to go as they would normally to start with. Now you've just got frustrated drama. I say let eachother go and for you to take some time to grow a few more relationship skills. Then go and find someone who really fits you and be open and fully honest with them from the get go. I think one or both of you need to grow up. (Not meaning LA)

defiantbadgirl -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/21/2006 5:11:17 PM)
Actually, in the beginning of the relationship, I didn't play games, he did. He was the one telling me he didn't have any feelings for me. He loved messaging me, telling me he was coming over, getting me all excited, and then saying he couldn't make it. I asked him nicely to stop, but he kept on. At that point, I read the book and started playing games back. I hated playing the chase me game because it went against everything I'm about. Thankfully, I didn't have to do it for long. When he told me he was tired of "jumping through hoops," I reminded him of his head games. I told him I thought neither of us should play games, and this time, he actually agreed. Now he wants the openness and honesty as much as I do.........as much as I always have. Now we're both being open and honest with each other and getting along great. I don't lack relationship skills (at least I hope I don't). But sometimes, when a man won't listen, a woman has to take drastic measures.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/22/2006 7:54:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl I hated playing the chase me game because it went against everything I'm about. I call BS on that. You were all gung ho about the "chase me" games. Myself and others STRONGLY warned againt them, and you completely thre them aside and were DELIGHTED the next day when you thought they had done what you wanted them to do. quote: I reminded him of his head games. I told him I thought neither of us should play games, and this time, he actually agreed. Now he wants the openness and honesty as much as I do.........as much as I always have. Now we're both being open and honest with each other and getting along great. That is excellent to hear. Hope you can both follow through on that. quote: I don't lack relationship skills (at least I hope I don't). But sometimes, when a man won't listen, a woman has to take drastic measures. No, she doesn't. When a man won't listen, a woman either states it openly or leaves the man. That's where your relationship skills are failing you. Games don't work long term and if you START playing them, they only lead to more confusion and problems.

dominmd -> RE: how can you tell what a man feels (5/22/2006 9:14:21 PM)
Had the chase me game played on me. Can't say I liked it much. And to this day I will not play them. Men and women need to hear this, the come chase me thing only lasts for so long. After 2 times, it is no longer fun, and I leave and never look back. Here is an example: I asked a girl out the first time: ok numbers first then call then we go out. At least it was supposed to work like that. Date was cancelled last minute. Few days later I ask her out again, no dice, and no returned calls. The next time I see her, she asks me why I have not gotten in touch with her. Ok, try again, this time she says she is not sure. Well to hell with it after that. I went the extra chance and now feel no remorse. Then after 2 months I get an email..........."still wanna date". My reply was, you have had the chance and blew it off, sorry but I'd rather be alone. Men like women can have a hard time putting feelings into words. If mind F*** games were played then the other has no clue as to what the other wants. Here is where these mind games lead to, and it is why I never play them. If you want to know the true answer say it as such. The best remedy I use is "I want the truth, I want it now, and this is not a game, so no BS answer."

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