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RE: What's the point of...? - 5/17/2006 6:18:29 PM

amayos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

You guys are missing something that's fairly obvious from my observations. Men are primarily focused on one goal - sex, or some any form of physical contact. Woman tend to be relationship oriented. Men will accept any relationship to have access to physical contact. Woman will accept, albeit more selectively, physical contact in hopes it will lead to a 'relationship'

I'm not sure anyone is really missing or arguing that point, so much as garnishing it a little more. I feel this discussion extends beyond banal understanding of mating proclivities and puts a finger indirectly upon the integrity of submission as a whole, possibly in both sexes. It is inherently not only a question of the psychology of sex, but the psychology of power, control, reality and who really is driving what in dominant / submissive roles.

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RE: What's the point of...? - 5/17/2006 6:28:23 PM

VvShadowspawnvV

Posts: 218
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Hey! That's what REAL Dommes look like- i've seen the porn!

Seriously- it always make me laugh to see the faux dominatrices dressed like a wet dream... because, of course, they are ultimately there to fulfill the MAN's fantasies... *eyeroll*

becca

(in reply to Proprietrix)

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RE: What's the point of...? - 5/17/2006 7:12:41 PM

CERCKL

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quote:

A multitude of threads that I have read today have lead me to ponder a few things. I don't want to make this a gender or orientation issue and I'm sure there are more than a few on both sides of the fences. But it seems to me that sub men are more likely to look for any warm body and try to mold them into the Dominant woman of their dreams than they are to be patient and wait for the woman that already fits that mold.

Is it patience? Is it selfish? Is is a fetish? Is it...what?

What is the point of trying to mash a square peg into an octagonal hole?

quote:

Yes, I know women do it too, I know Dom/me's all do it as well. My point, and maybe I wasn't clear enough is....

WHY does ANYONE do it?

Miss Tress,
Expectations...few people exist right now, rather they seek, search, create...but aren't here. Instead of recognizing each individual, each situation as a foundation to start from, to be in, they look to see how they can create it into an ideal situation which they have imagined. Everyone brings their own energy to a situation and each interaction can be the point of an unique experience which will continue to flow...instead of interacting within this generalized parameter they find themselves attempting to force each situation into a concrete concept.
I believe everyone has certain things expected from any type of partner and relationship; from play to friends to 'relationship'...in my own case, it is more certain qualities, attributes, actions which I feel are important, not details...

C

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RE: What's the point of...? - 5/18/2006 12:02:35 AM

Vendaval

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When I read this question I immediately had a vision of Eliza Doolittle
in "My Fair Lady" and her transformation from a poor flower seller to
a woman who can pass as a Lady in proper British society.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Fair_Lady

The original version of this story comes from the Roman myth of
Pygmalion and Galatea. A lonely sculpter creates his perfect woman,
from marble and falls passionately in love with the idealized image.
Venus grants his prayers and brings the statue to life.
(Nice jpg of the painting by Jean-Leon Gerome on this link)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pygmalion_%28mythology%29

The other images that come to mind are the the modern day
version of a "weird science" cyborg female. One that is fully functional
sexually and decoratively but never utters a harsh word of criticism.
The there are the geeks who fell for the computer generated woman,
Laura Croft, and the dozens of wide eyed heroines in animae.

If I may hazard a guess as to the motivation, it would be that most men
are goal oriented with their behavior in general and sex in particular. Starting
off with a girlfriend or submissive or Domme gives them raw material
to shape and form into their will and idealized image. Such men forget
that women and living, breathing, thinking, free-willed creatures.

Just one perspective,

Vendaval

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So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

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RE: What's the point of...? - 5/18/2006 12:21:29 AM

ArchangelMichael

Posts: 243
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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

What is the point of trying to mash a square peg into an octagonal hole?

It makes sense if you're Bizarro Superman.

Really, I think too many people get caught up in the fantasies instead of the reality. Also, many people think they can change others. This may be a male thing since men tend to like the fix things. This means people as well. And yes, I speak from personal experience here.

_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

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RE: What's the point of...? - 5/18/2006 1:32:49 AM

CanadianGuy

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I don't doubt that males can submit... I just wonder how many "male submissives" on this site are that way because they think they can get sex by saying that's what they are. For the inexperienced, "submissive" probably sounds easier - just lie there and do as you're told, right?

(in reply to meatcleaver)

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RE: What's the point of...? - 5/18/2006 2:55:37 AM

Level

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Yes, I know women do it too, I know Dom/me's all do it as well. My point, and maybe I wasn't clear enough is....

WHY does ANYONE do it?

Desperation and impatience? It's just a guess.

Celeste

I agree with Celeste. This in no way excuses some of the behaviour we're talking about, but in every human being, there's a desire to feel complete and happy. Whatever constitutes happy for each person is sought, or thought upon, or wished for, and some go about getting that in unhealthy or annoying ways.

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RE: What's the point of...? - 5/18/2006 3:11:50 AM

meatcleaver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ArchangelMichael

Really, I think too many people get caught up in the fantasies instead of the reality.

I think this is a good point. Sex/BDSM, it's dealing in fantasy. When you are in love or infatuated or just when your testosterone level is up, it's difficult to stop projecting what you desire onto the object of your desire. Acting upon desire is just a small step further. It's not a rational situation for the person involved, though it is easy from the outside to be objective and see the inappropriateness of the behaviour.

I do think that if someone is dealing in fantasy and someone responds in kind, they should make allowances. Most people get the message when they are told their behaviour isn't welcome and being insulting or derogatory isn't necessary.

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RE: What's the point of...? - 5/18/2006 3:47:03 AM

UtopianRanger

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quote:

Is it patience? Is it selfish? Is is a fetish? Is it...what?

Trust me...there's never ever a reason to be impatient when there's tons of fine vanilla women out there to play with in the meantime

- R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 5/18/2006 4:11:08 AM >

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"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

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RE: What's the point of...? - 5/18/2006 1:08:54 PM

ArchangelMichael

Posts: 243
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From: New Orleans, LA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

quote:

ORIGINAL: ArchangelMichael

Really, I think too many people get caught up in the fantasies instead of the reality.

I think this is a good point. Sex/BDSM, it's dealing in fantasy. When you are in love or infatuated or just when your testosterone level is up, it's difficult to stop projecting what you desire onto the object of your desire. Acting upon desire is just a small step further. It's not a rational situation for the person involved, though it is easy from the outside to be objective and see the inappropriateness of the behaviour.

I do think that if someone is dealing in fantasy and someone responds in kind, they should make allowances. Most people get the message when they are told their behaviour isn't welcome and being insulting or derogatory isn't necessary.

If someone is actually looking for a relationship and not just sex or play, then I think it's important for them to develop a list of basic standards. That is, what is it that I cannot realistically deal with in a relationship, what things can I tolerate, and what things do I absolutely want? And this can always change over time, but it's a good starting point. It's taken me several relationships to get my standards down. But you also have to be realistic about the standards. If you set your standards too high, then you might not find anyone who fits with you.

I've used the analogy of a puzzle piece before, but that's really a rigid way to look at it. It serves it's point as far as finding a good match or finding the "true" partner for you, but a better analogy would be some sort of puzzle where there are multiple ways to solve it. You can be flexible in the means while still working towards the same goal. The challenge is being flexible enough to bend a bit, but not so much that you compromise too many of your standards just to find someone.

_____________________________

"Open up your mind; Let your fantasies unwind." -The Phantom, Phantom of the Opera

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." -Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge

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RE: What's the point of...? - 5/18/2006 1:12:59 PM

Lashra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

A lot of sub males are wandering about with the belief that Dominant women fit the stereotype they've learned from media portrayal. We are all 6 feet tall and weigh 115. Our hair is at least waist length, and has that jet-black glow, contrasted by our perfectly applied make-up. We spend our days clad in leather and PVC body suits, aggressively humiliating, spanking, queening, and cuckolding them. We are independently wealthy beyond compare, own a mansion, which they will dutifully, yet lightly, clean whilst sissied up in french-maid attire. And we will end each perfect day by locking them in their chastity belt (*after* they have cum and been forced to eat it off our thigh-high boot), and then tucked them into their little cage for the night.

Damn is that what I'm supposed to look like? I guess I better get on that Fatkins diet and start shedding the pounds, I refuse to give up my red hair though

Though I do wear the leather and vinyl while playing, I adore it.

~Lashra

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RE: What's the point of...? - 5/18/2006 3:37:38 PM

MistressImp

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiteRadiance

Oh I agree 110%! You are a hoot! ;D

BUT you forgot, we all have dungeons, and all of our Domme girlfriends (20 or so...) are somewhere in the shadows, carrying whips and smoking cigarettes in long cigarette holders, their lithe bodies sculpted by latex.......

DEMMIT!!! I'm allergic to latex....I'm going to get kicked out of the Dommes R Us club now.

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Life is what you make of it, personally I'm making mine an Amusement Park with all the cool rides.

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RE: What's the point of...? - 5/18/2006 3:39:41 PM

yourMissTress

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No you aren't don't forget about leather, it's more expensive, but if you are allergic to latex it is the only other acceptable material.

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Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

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RE: What's the point of...? - 5/18/2006 6:35:27 PM

ladylexington

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My best guess? Fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of not having needs met.

All those fears makes Dommes look almost harmless. (lol, if they only knew...)

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