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LadyPact -> RE: Sub-sub couple needs help (7/21/2011 3:10:40 AM)
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Ok........ I went back and read the whole thread. If I repeat anything, I apologize, but there are some things that probably do need to be said twice.
Btw, big kudos to Aileen for her post. For those who don't know, Aileen isn't exactly the type to suggest folks getting out to munch groups. If she's suggesting it, you really want to take it to heart. (Never thought I'd see the day on that one, but I'm kind of happy to read it. [:)]) You're going to learn more there than from Mr Friend Dom who has the most impeccable timing in the universe for getting this good opportunity for himself landing in his lap.
On the doubts about both members of this couple actively being on this thread, I can't say for certain either way. OP, you have to understand that other folks have created profiles in their wife's name and pretended to be her to get some action going. It's the internet and people do that kind of crap all of the time. Add to that the deal that the story has changed at least three times and that's why people are suspicious. Whether you're really both typing or not, there's no proof either way. Avoid that issue by attending munches together.
This next part I'm not saying to be offensive to you. I don't see you as being all that Dominant. You follow other people's lead way too easily. I'm inclined to think that the wife doesn't see you as all that Dominant, either. That probably has to do with the long term depression and areas of life where you either lack control or she perceives you as not being in charge. You might not like it, but that makes sense to Me because if you were in a bad depression for years, the PTSD and depression had to have some control over you. On top of this, and let Me be really clear about this - She specifically envisions you submitting to somebody else. Now, some people can handle the idea of their Dom being in the submissive position, but a lot can't. That's something to think about as far as how she sees you.
Tell you what. You want to be Dominated? Here's a task. Go ask any ten people on this site who have met Me in person if they have ever gotten the impression that I would submit. If before they read this post right here or actually got asked the question, if that mental image ever entered their mind. My husband would laugh at you and My sub would look at you like you were from another planet. (Probably a lot of other folks on the site would, too.)
Also, I don't really see you as being strong enough to handle your wife playing with Mr Friend Dom if it's going to be sexual. Yes, yes, I've heard all about the MMF sex you've enjoyed before. That's different than somebody being sexual with your wife without you being there and I honestly don't think you are ready to handle that. You're not strong enough at this point and you're very afraid. I'll grant you that it is a reasonable fear at this time. She loves you and doesn't want to leave you, but it's going to screw with your head.
In My opinion, all of this at once is probably too much. Her submitting, you submitting, everybody thinking it's about fucking, and all that other noise. You're going sixty miles an hour in twelve different directions and you don't even realize you're in a school zone. All that really needs to happen is for you to meet some other people, learn some simple topping techniques, and see where that takes you. It might even be worth your while to pick up a copy of "When Someone You Love Is Kinky". Try some stuff out. Go to a flogging demo together. See if you guys like rope. If you do those things and you find the kink compatibility just isn't there, then you might want to think about having separate people for S/m play (other than learning opportunities) or you might find that poly for D/s is the right option.
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