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PainObjectForUse -> RE: Intention of submission (7/17/2011 2:02:51 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: coookie
Well if i went REALLY deep and did A LOT of projecting of my own beliefs i would say that submission isn't as selfless as what some people make it out to be. I act a certain way because there is a payoff in the behaviour. I like to serve because it makes me feel good. Now that is not to say that it is fake imo but it certainly isn't the selfless act that some people have in their heads about what submission "should" be.
PERHAPS, and this is a huge perhaps because i would need so much more context to the conversation, that is what the person was trying to portray.
Good point. Submission = Means to an ends. We are both diferent sides of the same coin. Dominant can also become a tool in the submissive's hand.
quote:
ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
Hi Tony,
There is some ridiculous idea from some folks who call themselves dominants (not actual dominants, mind you - just ones who call themselves this) that submissive people should be completely focused on the dominant person. They seem to think that a follower has no personal needs, wants, desires. They think that wanting joy and love and good things is a sign that the person is not actually submissive and is in fact a fake. This is how I read it.
Anyone who wants a HEALTHY person should expect that person to have standards. The people who think the statement you have quoted tend to be people who are substandard (I made a word play. YAY me!)
best wishes,
sunshine
p.s. Welcome to the forums again. I enjoy your posts.
Thank you.- I hope to se more of you here also and let's give it our best. I agree that we are not devoid of personality.
I refuse objectification and yes, substandard, but also people who are somehow compensating for something. I would find it very unhealthy, not to say dangerous, to engage in that kind of relationship.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Kalista07
Tony,
There are so many places I could go with that quote. The reality is though that my take on it is that none of them would go to a positive place. And suffice it to say, I just chose to spend my time and energy focusing on positive things today. This is not meant to offend you in any way, shape, or form.....It's just to say that through out your experiences on the board you will no doubt be bombarded with many negative beliefs, comments, statements and sadly sometimes down right attacks and accusations....
Take what you want and leave the rest is my motto.
Kali
Don't ever be afraid to speak your mind my dear. Yes, I know what you mean. And all I can say is that they can bring all their nastiness to the ring. I tink that uptight people and people who think too highly of themselves to simply be ... funny. Some of them are simply blunt as a personality trait, but deep inside they reveal themselves to be great company.
I prefer to take a direct hit in the stomach than to be deluding myself and have people delude me. Naiveness has a drawing limit.
quote:
ORIGINAL: xssve
Cynicism tends to settle in when you start feeling like an actor, a blank canvas for others to project their fantasies onto, instead of a human being with needs of your own - a dissatisfaction with being confined to a superficial role is common element among married people seeking gratification in BDSM outside the marriage for example.
Exactly.
quote:
ORIGINAL: HannahLynHeather
quote:
" there is always a level of fake in the submissive's intentions! "
I was wondering what people make of this? what would i make of it? that whoever said it knew what the fuck they were talking about. it's basically what coookie said <bitch beat me to it!>. submission does contain a degree of 'fakeness' because while on the surface its about giving, underneath its about taking. the sub doesn't submit to please the dom, he/she does it to fucking please themself. the sub gets her kick by submitting, that's why she submits.
thinking this through a bit, one could say the same fucking thing about dominance too. on the surface its about what the fucking dom wants, but underneath, a good dom knows that the sub has to be getting what they want as well. so while the dom seems to be taking, they are actually giving as well.
its a fucking yin/yang sort of thing, they aren't opposites so much as complimentary aspects of one principle. it's not that the one completes the other, its that they must both be present for either to happen. dominance without submission is fuck all, and vice versa. so submission and dominance are aspects of the same thing, so of course each has bits of the other within it.
and now i think i've gone and fucking confused myself.
Actually you made perfect sense Rocky .Welcome back to the ring.
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