RE: Do you confess? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive



Message

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Do you confess? (7/20/2011 12:06:48 PM)

I did something totally wrong once, I snooped through my then dom's emails online, and then I saw something I was curious about because there was an email about another girl and her saying something about fine she won't be submissive to him or something, and since it was during our relationship and we did not agree to be poly or have him talk to other girls in that way, I naturally wanted to know what that was about, so I tried asking him in a round about way is he talking to other girls, does he fancy other girls as a sub, and he's like what are you talking about, and I'd be coy and deflect and say you know....... and stuff and he's like speak plainly stop pussy footing around, and being vague, and my first instinct was to lie, I wasn't afraid of my dom, I just didn't wanna get in trouble cause I knew I was in the wrong and didn't want the shit storm that would come from being in the wrong. I was young and I was selfish and in the end, being vague and dishonest right off the bat caused more shit storm than simply saying I read your emails with out permission and I saw.............. and I would like to know what ............ is about.


I'm a quite a bit older and my first instinct is to duck and cover when I do something wrong. I don't like being in the wrong, I don't like the ooooooooooooh you screwed up he's gonna be unhaaaaaaaappy oooooooooooooooooooooooooh feeling. And he doesn't make me fear him. Oh shit hide is just my first go to instinct, I am in some ways afraid of being yelled at or disapointing someone, but I've always been that timid in the face of oooh you're in trooooooooooooooouble type situations, it's very nerve wracking butterflies doing flips an cart wheels sensation in my tummy, before I pull myself up by the figurative bootstraps and admit I screwed up.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP


Foxling, if your emotions are telling you to lie, that's a sign that you're afraid of him. Talk to him about this. About the fact that you're obeying out of fear and not out of love. And is this what he wants? Because if it isn't, he needs to make some changes in how he motivates you.




VaguelyCurious -> RE: Do you confess? (7/20/2011 2:10:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Foxling, if your emotions are telling you to lie, that's a sign that you're afraid of him. Talk to him about this. About the fact that you're obeying out of fear and not out of love. And is this what he wants? Because if it isn't, he needs to make some changes in how he motivates you.

Celeste, your propensity to scream 'abuse!' at the slightest (or even completely without) provocation can sometimes be funny. But sometimes it's outright ridiculous. 'Obeying out of fear and not out of love'? Where do you get this shit? Because it's certainly not from what foxling actually said.

---

For me: I am not a big rule-setter. So if someone I am formally d/s with breaks a rule it's a big deal and I want to know about it.

As for wanting D to know: I think we'd all like our partners to be psychic. Well, maybe selectively psychic - just the bits that we'd want them to know. But nobody is like that, and on top of our non-psychic-ness life can get in the way. So we scrape along and things aren't perfect, but relationships are more than worth putting that extra little bit of effort in to compensate for the imperfection, which means things like reminding him of whatever it is you were meant to do right before you tell him that you haven't quite done it yet.

Not perfect. But worth it. :-)



HisPet21 -> RE: Do you confess? (7/20/2011 6:02:22 PM)

quote:

I don't have a lot of "rules". I hate standing rules because they are so binding to both of us. But if she broke a "rule" that would mean she disobeyed. Yes, she would be up-front about it and she'd do so with collar in hand -- fully expecting it was the end of the collar which it would be. For us, there is no way to be disobedient "in a fairly minor way".


Ouch.



BitaTruble -> RE: Do you confess? (7/20/2011 6:15:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: foxling

You break the rules in a fairly minor way - but still, the line has been crossed. Your dominant party hasn't noticed (or it seems that way to you). Do you point it out and tell them? Or assume that if they wanted to chastise you, they would? Where does the line sit (for you) between being obedient/honest/respectful and feeling like perhaps you're pushing a point that they've chosen to ignore, or provoking them?

I'd like to suggest also that I'm not talking about looking for 'funishment', that any consequences of rule breaking are entirely unpleasant for the purposes of this hypothetical situation.

(I did search a bit. Please don't shout too loudly if I'm repeating something asked before!)


Himself has placed exactly one rule on me which is to obey. There is no minor breaking of that one rule and I have never intentionally broken that rule. If I 'did' break that rule it would be because I was ending the M/s relationship and, of course, if he ends our M/s relationship then there will be no more 'obey' or service to his whim. There is no line because for us it's black and white.



LadyPact -> RE: Do you confess? (7/20/2011 6:25:35 PM)

In our dynamic, it's called "full disclosure".  To use the example, if there's been a lack of obedience in some way, clip is required to tell Me about it.  The decision on how I handle the situation isn't up to him. 

Never be sure that a Dominant knows.  They may be concentrating on other things, it's slipped their mind, or their priority is somewhere else at the moment.  We aren't mind readers and what the submissive is focused on might be completely different than what we are focused on.

I will say this.  Screwing up the full disclosure bit will usually result in greater consequences than whatever the original thing was that wasn't brought to My attention.



UberBrat -> RE: Do you confess? (7/21/2011 3:29:55 PM)

I have only broken a rule once.
And immediately after I broke the rule, I felt guilty, and told him straight away.
I was punished, and we moved on.

I don't think whether he would have noticed or not is the point; the point is that I did break a rule, and I therefore deserve whatever the consequences are.



KenRath -> RE: Do you confess? (7/21/2011 6:20:28 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

In our dynamic, it's called "full disclosure".  To use the example, if there's been a lack of obedience in some way, clip is required to tell Me about it.  The decision on how I handle the situation isn't up to him. 

Never be sure that a Dominant knows.  They may be concentrating on other things, it's slipped their mind, or their priority is somewhere else at the moment.  We aren't mind readers and what the submissive is focused on might be completely different than what we are focused on.

I will say this.  Screwing up the full disclosure bit will usually result in greater consequences than whatever the original thing was that wasn't brought to My attention.



This is a great answer and also the opinion I have.



BratAli19 -> RE: Do you confess? (7/21/2011 11:53:53 PM)

Have to say, I come clean, but even if i didnt i would imagine they would know.

i cant function if i dont. if i broke something and i really thought it would upset my dominant enough to make it punishmentable i generally sit there and stew in my guilt and worry til they are around and able to be confessed to.





Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125